son falsely accused of rape and now charged

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Sorry, was confused. Please ignore (stress...) Sorry once again...

[whatsgoingon?]

(Thanks for this CH.... I was just preparing my answers - much more long-winded than you of course!)

Hello mumneedinghelp, welcome to the forum. I was in the state you're in now this time last year, so I fully sympathise with how you must be feeling right now.
Excellent replies from CH.... I would just add (in case you haven't already been told) to ensure that your solicitor is fully competent in dealing with these cases. Don't assume the duty sol is (if that's who's defending your son). I cannot stress enough just how important it is to have the right team defending your son.

It's probable that your son's bail conditions state he mustn't get in touch with the alleged victim or members of his family. As her relatives have shown themselves to be violent, I wouldn't let any of your family have any communication with any of them even if they instigate it. Report any further agressions to property etc and certainly make a note of it, taking pictures if relevant.

As far as DNA goes..... unsure. Sperm can stay in the body for several days. You hear of DNA being traced years after an incident.

Take care

[myhome]

Oh dear, I was hoping Myhome would answer, but I'll have a go:

Hi CH - wish I could have but apart from being interrogated in November 2012 I have not had any other contact with the legal side of the cr*p that is everyone's lives on here at the mo. I'm ok at the emotional and mental health support bit though.....

[Casehardened]

I'm ok at the emotional and mental health support bit though.....

You're not just ok, you're brilliant at this, as are all the ladies on here!

[myhome]

You're not just ok, you're brilliant at this, as are all the ladies on here!

mwaaahhhh xx

[mumneedinghelp]

I just spent half an hour typing comments and they have disappeared!!

[Casehardened]

I just spent half an hour typing comments and they have disappeared!!

Been there, done it etc

You were unlucky as there is now an auto-save function (a yellow sign popping up in the text box) on the system but to be 100% save you could compose in Word & cut'n'paste.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

@ lonley place: your inbox is full.... :-(

[lonley place]

Sorry Emptied now x

[mumneedinghelp]

Finally everyone has gone to bed and I can retype what I intended to post earlier when I lost it all. I took so long to type it that when I came to post it I had to log in again and then it disappeared so from now on if I am going to write a lot I will use word and copy and paste.
Thanks to everyone who has posted replies. They have been very helpful and it is nice to know there are people out there I can talk to.

Apart from when we bought our house we have never had any dealings with solicitors and prior to my son being charged we just had a letter from the duty solicitor confirming his next bail date and to get in touch if we needed further assistance. I had read that until someone is charged then there is not much that can be done so we did nothing. When he was charged I was in a state of shock and the easiest option was to stay with the duty solicitor. My son is comfortable with him knowing that he was there when he was arrested and he has dealt with FA cases before and won and he is sorting out legal aid so at this stage we are happy enough. The only downside is that he is not from the town where we live, as the alleged rape happened in another town, so we have more travelling to do but we are used to it after reporting for bail in another town. After attending 3 bail appointments the police officer made the comment that he didn’t know why my son had to keep going there as normally it would be done by letter if the accused wasn’t local. Any ideas?

I have read a lot of posts where people can’t sleep, are on anti-depressants or feeling suicidal or are generally finding it hard to cope and it has made me wonder if our family is odd because on the whole we are fine and getting on with life as normal. My son and I shed a few tears when he was first arrested and I shed a lot when he was charged and when I am by myself I am always thinking about it but otherwise you wouldn’t know anything was wrong.
My son and I are both outgoing and like to talk so we have both told friends what is happening and everyone is very supportive. They can’t do much at the moment but it is a comfort to know they are there if we need them. I am surprised how well my son is coping because he is emotional like me. Just before each bail date he got a bit moody but he says he actually feels better now he has been charged because he knows what is happening and he doesn’t have to report for bail every month. He is determined to carry on as normal which includes having female company and he has a new girlfriend who is very supportive.

My husband on the other hand is normally very quiet. He hasn’t talked much about the accusation and he hasn’t told his friends or family because he is not very close to any of them. The main thing is that I know he is 100% behind our son and will do anything to help him. The only problem is that he is outspoken if he thinks he or a family member is being treated unfairly and for this reason he will not be able to attend Crown Court because he will stand up and want to have his say as he did at the Magistrates Court when it looked liked our son was going to get remanded in custody. He was told to sit down and keep quiet so he left the courtroom. In the end it was ok and our son got bail but my husband has agreed not to go to Crown Court because he knows he will not be able to keep quiet.

I am going to bed now . Thanks again everyone.

[sparks]

Some of us deal with things much better then others, for myself The whole thing plus other factors have took their toll on my health, its fantastic your Son has you supporting him, your Solicitor being out of the area is ok, I had to find one from a different county because of the choices in my area.

[is there justice?]

Sounds like you have a formidable inner strength but make sure you aren't bottling things up too much. I'm on a learning curve with the process. Our sol is talking to us by phone or Skype 2 or 3 times a week but the first week it was daily, because of the shock I think.

[Cabins_2011]

Hi Mumneedinghelp

Sorry to read your story and as you have quite rightly said, there are alot of people on here who have been/are going through the exact same thing.

It was interesting to read "I have read a lot of posts where people can’t sleep, are on anti-depressants or feeling suicidal or are generally finding it hard to cope and it has made me wonder if our family is odd because on the whole we are fine and getting on with life as normal"

There is nothing wrong with this at all. I was originally arrested last year just two weeks after my daughter was born, so the strain was absolutely huge, but in our case, it really helped as we had something to focus on, and until I was officially charged (after 3mth bail) it was only then that the realisation had sunk in that this was very real. And thats when the fight started.

Most people on here will recommend to look (where possible) for a solicitor who specialises in FA cases. I only found this forum after having attended court to plea, so I contacted a solicitor when I was arrested and was lucky to get an absolute first class barrister assigned to my case, who specifically works on defence cases. I was on legal aid I might add.

Now the charge has been made it really is time to get as much as possible ready for the defence. My wife and I were constantly doing this and we didnt stop searching and thinking about it all the way to trial. Some of the evidence was key for us, and it made the efforts we put in totally worth it. After a week long trial this year I was found NG, but even now, we are still regularly talking about it all, to say that it has left a permanent mark is the understatement, I am not sure it will ever truly go away.

Keep focused and good luck to your son through this awful process

[whatsgoingon?]

Well done for not succombing to fear and anxiety Mumneedinghelp, it can gnaw away at you, sap your energy and makes things so much harder. We are all different though, sometimes I was OK, sometimes terrified. My son said he was OK so long as we didn't speak about it. We had to at times, and as the trial approached we agreed to speak about it at set times only.
It's wonderful to have the sort of relashionship with one's children where they will confide in you and you are there for them - some youngsters face this on their own because they daren't speak to their parents about it. Well done to you and his dad - keep up the good work.

After a week long trial this year I was found NG, but even now, we are still regularly talking about it all, to say that it has left a permanent mark is the understatement, I am not sure it will ever truly go away.

My hubby and I are just the same, I've noticed that it's made a dent in my sense of humour, but I'm sure it'll come back. As for my son, just after being found NG he was offered a professional position he couldn't refuse which keeps him ultra busy, he's the happiest I've seen him for a long time!
Hope your little one is just gorgeous and you and your wife (who has been brilliant too) are enjoying every moment.

[myhome]

Hi - it's great that you can all get on as though nothing is going on - but beware of supressed emotions - especially anger and tension - because they can't stay bottled up for ever and have to be released at some stage and the effects of that are rather like a volcano or pressure cooker going off....keep strong