Helping my 14 year deal with a false accusation of rape

[Dave]

OK if you don't fancy Karma, how about good old fashioned revenge?, but be careful

[tiger mum]

Ha ha - I'm doing a lot of work for an Indian owned company at the moment and they are dealing with a senior level betrayal of trust and I'm helping them sort it out. They are Hindus and their very wise, very old senior guy keeps saying the same thing. Obviously its work and he doesn't know of my personal troubles with my son and I don't subscribe to any doctrine as religious divides seem to cause more trouble than "believing" causes good - but it is funny. The problem is when Karma strikes these nutters down - who gets to rub their hands with glee? The falsely accused? Their families? The true victims of rape who don't get the resources which are redirected? Maybe the tax payer who funds their support but insists the accused families pay for the support of their loved ones from post tax earnings? I'd like to be on the "Karma Panel" please. I'd be really good at it.

[Dave]

Karma will get them, don't let the anger eat you up.

Stay strong.

[tiger mum]

I think what my son and I are thinking is - if we let this girl, the police and the legal system beat us then they've won. We have tried to move schools, at one point the LEA insisted he go to a PRU for delinquent kids who can function in mainstream schools so his accuser and him didn't have to be in the same environment. We had to fight this absurd solution to a problem which we did not instigate - who said innocent 'til proven guilty? 8 weeks down the line since this happened on the down side we have lost out on a Christmas and a two birthday celebrations. My son's relationship with his Dad has come under a lot of pressure as he realises what a small minded, judgemental txxxxr he can be. On the up side - we realise how strong our relationship is when its truly tested, he totally respects his great mates who have stuck by him, he has learnt that mad girls are exactly that - mad!, my sons have realised that they don't always have to be best mates but they are brothers and under pressure their problems are shared. I agree what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - but when you are strong to start with you just want a simple life without this ****. This won't break us, but the financial cost, the lost sleep, the missed 5 weeks of schooling and the damned injustice of it all makes me so angry. Angry is a negative emotion but I'm losing the focus to turn it around and "learn" from this - when do the lying idiots learn anything?

[tiger mum]

He said 10 years. I do empathise - I thinks that's why I'm scared. I was wrongly accused and convicted of a crime when I was 17 - not a sex crime but something very serious. I had a meltdown at 30! I'm 44 now and have 'succeeded' with career & raising good kids etc. But there have been bleak times - before counselling and after. I agree you do need to talk about it. At the moment my son is just a kid knocked side ways. He's never bothered much with girls as he thinks at 13/14 they are all boring and daft. A while ago he asked why the popular pretty ones who chased the boys were so stupid and the plain ones who worked hard so nice? I told him all would become clear in time and not to bother with girls til he had worked it out. Girls in his year send topless pics to boys in his older brother's year and try and entice them to alcohol fuelled parties! This rape accusation was just waiting to happen - unfortunately we copped for it.

[myhome]

Sad to say this event will be with him for the rest of his life.
It is 10 years this month since I was falsely accused and I still suffer from the effects of it.

This is rather a sweeping statement - surely better to say that "this event may be with him for the rest of his life." ?
10 months on is not the rest of your life - it is a short but incredibly painful part of it. Hopefully now you are getting appropriate support from your CMHT, the sadness, damage and hurt will gradually fade to a point where it is manageable but not overwhelming and you are able to rebuild your life again.

[DeamonsRun]

re- your son SmokieJo

DeamonsRun this is what i worry about for my 17 year old god knows how he will ever trust anyone we got an nfa a few days before xmas but still i worry so much about him bumping in to her how he will move on etc x

Sad to say this event will be with him for the rest of his life.
It is 10 years this month since I was falsely accused and I still suffer from the effects of it.
I haven't been in one relationship since were my mind hasn't always thought (what if) and that has had huge effects on me.
You tend not to dwell on it by berrying it deep in the back of your mind and just hope no-one ever brings it up.
I wasn't given the help (Therapy) during or after the event and after time its effect started to show, it was only when I had a complete breakdown of my social and personal life did the doctors or CMHT actually listen.
It is sad that it had to get to that point and I would hope no-one else has to go through what I did, In a way it was suffering in silence.
All I can say is keep a close eye on you son for any changes in behavior/attitude and just talk to him but listen to everything he has to say even if it seems small to you, it could mean a huge dill to him.

[smokiejo]

After being on the receiving end of an allegation of Rape, I can tell everyone that even years down the line I still suffer from it. The main area it affects my life is with Relationships, I havnt been in a single relationship since were I havnt thought to myself (What If)... Sadly the knock-on effects of such an allegation are huge and will last for years. Even being found innocent doesn't fully help, yes you obviously have the initial joy that its all over and that you have won, but with time the effects of the Trauma start to show.
You can never fully recover from such an allegation it will be with you for the rest of your life...
It has so many knock-on effects in your life that it could almost be described as Torture.
I just hope that one day I can be in a relationship were I don't have that (What If) feeling running through my head any more.

DeamonsRun this is what i worry about for my 17 year old god knows how he will ever trust anyone we got an nfa a few days before xmas but still i worry so much about him bumping in to her how he will move on etc x

[lawlessone2009]

Hi - now I'm worried. Will he have a record even if he wasn't arrested? The police rang me and asked me to take him to the station so they could arrest him, but my son's solicitor persuaded them that wasn't necessary as we volunteered his DNA. Also his solicitor wouldn't let them take fingerprints as the police couldn't explain why they wanted them - ie. they didn't have anything they wanted to check them against. We are hoping the CPS will tell us NFA - but I must admit part of me wants this girl's lies exposed! When we were leaving the station my son's solicitor said hopefully that will be the end of it and I won't see you again - if you do get a NFA make sure they destroy his DNA - insist they do this. I was hoping that this means he has no record. If this is not the case would this matter come up on a CRB check? He's too young to have any career plans which this might make a difference to - he did want to be a police lawyer - he's changed his mind recently ..........

There will always be a record somewhere.

Everything gets filed.

I am a little questioning of the CRB/eCRB. Others have the direct knowledge and can advise on it. There will always be a 'record' though which is in a different sense from the record you are thinking about.

It's easy to panic about his future. I wouldn't start the panic until you know what the Police/CPS are going to do. Obviously if others can advise in better detail than me (which won't be hard) then you will be able to slot the information away and act on it when the time comes.

Hope you guys are holding up and continuing onwards.

[tiger mum]

Hi - now I'm worried. Will he have a record even if he wasn't arrested? The police rang me and asked me to take him to the station so they could arrest him, but my son's solicitor persuaded them that wasn't necessary as we volunteered his DNA. Also his solicitor wouldn't let them take fingerprints as the police couldn't explain why they wanted them - ie. they didn't have anything they wanted to check them against. We are hoping the CPS will tell us NFA - but I must admit part of me wants this girl's lies exposed! When we were leaving the station my son's solicitor said hopefully that will be the end of it and I won't see you again - if you do get a NFA make sure they destroy his DNA - insist they do this. I was hoping that this means he has no record. If this is not the case would this matter come up on a CRB check? He's too young to have any career plans which this might make a difference to - he did want to be a police lawyer - he's changed his mind recently ..........

[DeamonsRun]

re-party reply

It's the kids who were at the party who they are going to go back to to do video interviews - the accuser has already given hers. They were in a room at a party.

Thats a good thing then.
Obviously the police are searching every were trying to find something against your son but failing at every hurdle.
The fact the girl says it took place at a party helps you even more.
The fact is ( if she was being raped she would scream and make a lot of noise its natural instinct when being attacked to try and summon help).
also why didn't she report it straight away, after leaving the party?. These are all questions the police have to get an answer to and if it is as you say and that everyone is saying she is lying and that they are all on your sons side, well it will only be a matter of time before the truth becomes clear to The police.
In this case your son will be discharged with a (No further action) against him. sadly this only means they are not pursuing the case due to insufficient evidence, the only way to get an innocent is to go to court.
But what the police wont tell you is they will keep him on record for 6 years after this. You can request for this to be removed which your solicitor will know how to do.

[tiger mum]

It's the kids who were at the party who they are going to go back to to do video interviews - the accuser has already given hers. They were in a room at a party.

[DeamonsRun]

[QUOTE=DeamonsRun;46228]The Police are having to do an investigation, which means looking at every possible aspect of the case.
As for the girl being interviewed on camera could mean one of two things.
Either they are preparing for a case, which would mean Charging your son with the offense and taking it to court. it would first be heard by a magistrates, which would then pass it onto Crown court. obviously this is the last thing you would ever want to happen and seems very unlikely with the amount of evidence against her.
Or they could be interviewing her and recording it because when they find that this girl is lying about this accusation it could be used in your case against her as evidence.
All I can say is hold your heads High and remember (The Truth will out).
May I ask were the girl has said the alleged offense took place and what she said they were doing before the incident occurred ?

[DeamonsRun]

Re- Tiger Mum

The Police are having to do an investigation, which means looking at every possible aspect of the case.
As for the girl being interviewed on camera could mean one of two things.
Either they are preparing for a case, which would mean Charging your son with the offense and taking it to court. it would first be heard by a magistrates, which would then pass it onto Crown court. obviously this is the last thing you would ever want to happen and seems very unlikely with the amount of evidence against her.
Or they could be interviewing her and recording it because when they find that this girl is lying about this accusation it could be used in your case against her as evidence.
All I can say is hold your heads High and remember (The Truth will out).
May I ask were the girl has said the alleged offense took place?

[tiger mum]

Another sleepless night worrying about all this. Reading the posts of the other mums of teenagers really helped - but made me realise all this is not a "one off" with my son which makes me worry more. It seems with less reason the police arrested a child in the early hours! And I thought being given 2 hours of an arrest was ridiculous - I suppose I should be thankful for small mercies. Also I realise its not so bad re the girl and the girl's friends - apparently she's a bit of a fantasist drama queen (as is her mother - my friend used to work with her) and the girl doesn't have a lot of friends. My son has many friends and the support given to him in their peer group far outstrips this girl's support. Also as he answered "no comment" he has not incriminated anyone - when obviously she has by setting the school, the parents and the police loose to question all the kids on what they were up to. She was up to the most - admitting sex acts, multiple partners over the weekend, drink and drugs. So sad as this was his first party/encounter with girls in this type of setting. Unfortunately he's a 6ft Justin Beiber look alike - whereas he used to find the attention of girls flattering - he now is running for the hills and thinks he may become a monk! I'm sure he will recover and find a wonderful first girl friend in time - his brother has a proper best friend/girl friend as his first relationship and they're great role models for him. You think you're on track and doing okay - then wham!