Helping my 14 year deal with a false accusation of rape

[o my god]

this is only to true, the quote from the police is we will believe you! so what about the falsely accused will you believe them?

[tiger mum]

Maybe not everyone shares my sense of humour, but its a bit rusty at the moment .....

Hi - sorry for any offense caused by my satirical rant against the police who have been instructed to BELIEVE everything a false accuser tells them on face value then investigate every avenue to find some evidence to back it up. My rant was at the police and the system in general - I was referencing the famous white haired DJ, the Care Home system in Ireland and the Catholic Priests who were clearly involved with long term systematic sex offenses. As it is becoming apparent that the police were complicit in ignoring reports of abuse or covering up for those in positions of influence, my rant was a stab at an institution which HAS allowed this to go unchecked and is now under orders to believe the accuser, then look for evidence she/he is telling the truth before using any common sense or making an unbiased assessment of the facts before destroying innocent lives.

To quote myself - "So over the years police ignored the calls for help from kids in care, or in hospital, or at sunday school because their sick abusers were deemed to be famous or powerful." Does not mean I think that anyone in power who is accused of abuse is guilty, it just means I think the pendulum has swung too far the opposite way and the innocent are being persecuted too readily. I'm taking advice from Kevin Webster's barrister to ensure he hasn't got pearls of wisdom to share which may avoid my son going to trial - i.e. if he were involved earlier could he have done anything to stop the police prosecution in its tracks? For anyone with a poor view of Barristers he has emailed me some advice, (free of charge) - they don't all want the court gravy train to keep chugging!!! (That comment was meant to be funny and I do not mean to offend any barristers reading this - I know they are overworked, underpaid and very nice people )

[Casehardened]

My son's solicitor provided some really good notes re what the process is post interview/arrest etc. - should I post them online? Might help people understand what to expect....

Yes sounds good, if you could think of an appropriate title and collate them, the 'Useful Information' section is probably the best place to post them; they then won't get lost in the back pages of threads.

[o my god]

hi tm that's what this site is for having agood rant and know you are not the only one goin though this hell

[tiger mum]

Thanks - but not sure how supportive I'm being. Feel like I'm getting far more than I'm giving. Just ranting on really - I worry everyone is getting fed up with it - at least the audience on here aren't compelled to log on. Even my son and I keep saying "change the record" to each other - (I don't think he knows what a record is though). Time usually flies for me but January 2014 has chugged along a 2 miles a hour. We thought with all the kids being so young the police might have jollied things along. Got parents evening this week - can't see us going along to rub shoulders with the lying little cow and her parents! This site is scary - but at least it makes you realise you're not alone and to be thankful for what you do have - like a son in his own bed every night not in some cell! Also I'd rather have my beautiful, wise falsely accused boy than a stupid, scheming half wit for a daughter. Yeah the police should be scared, very scared ..... ha ha. My son's solicitor provided some really good notes re what the process is post interview/arrest etc. - should I post them online? Might help people understand what to expect....

[Casehardened]

Hi TM,

I just wanted to thank you (on your own thread) for the invaluable support you are giving to other members on the forum.

Reading your posts it seems that you have accelerated from 0 > 100% in no time at all in your understanding of the issues surrounding false and malicious accusations and (to introduce some levity into a very serious situation) I do feel a little bit sorry for the police who are dealing with the investigation into the accusation into your son; I bet they dread your phone calls

[Dave]

After all these years and the hurt I suffered at the hands and warped mind of a silly girl, I would be lying if I said I hadn't had thoughts of revenge. All thoughs times I thought about violent revenge Ive lost count but at the end of the day it is easy to seek revenge but its hard to forgive. I have done just that forgive them for what they have done, everyone has to answer for what they have done at some point either call it God, Karma, Fate ect, the one thing I have learned is that all things are met with the same response. as for the girl who accused me she wasn't believed by anyone and even her own mother defended me and in her statement told the police her daughter was lying. since then her parents have split up and she is forever known now by the people of the town I live in as a lying, crazy ***** and her life is going no-were. Karma or God, basically long story short. What goes around comes around in the end
So why seek physical revenge on them when at the end of it all their own lies will come back to haunt them.

Fair point, well made and glad you have come through this but forgive, never ever ever, not in a million years.

[DeamonsRun]

Re- help and support tiger mum

Thank you very much for your kind words.
since what happened to me and the breakdown I had after, I have sought to help others and give advice where I can.
After all the best advice comes from thoughs who have been in that situation.
Since the accusation against me I had real difficulty with relationships and still do to this day but I hope with all the support your son is getting this wont be the case for him.
At the time I wasn't given any outside support or treatment for what I was going through (PTSD) would better describe it.
I only seek to help others so that they don't have to suffer my fate and every time I'm reminded of what happened to me spears me further to change the way the system works.
In that I mean custodial sentences for thoughs who wrongfully and knowingly accuse a man of Rape.
I believe that only with this we could get on the road to preventing more cases like your sons and build a future that if a girl does think about crying wolf and destroying someones life that they will think several times and hopefully wont knowing the consequences that they will pay for it at the cost of their own freedom by being sent to prison.
I hope that if you ever need any advice or further support you can feel happy to msg me.
Best of luck and remember the truth will out.

[tiger mum]

Thanks for your kind words and support - it really does help coming on here because its a way to "rant" without scaring your kids - the very people you need to support! I'm quite good at dealing with negative experience and moving on. But one things which has come out of this, I've told my son about my own teenage trauma. I'd not talked about it until now because I saw no purpose to it and I felt it would have raked up old emotions and it may have been difficult for him to hear and understand. Telling him now has meant he knows I know how scared he is - I'm not imagining his fear - I'm remembering it. When they wanted to arrest him we were called to the same police station I was 26 years ago. I swear it was the same blummin interview room they used! His dad KNEW this and said he'd rather not come down and he thought I would be able to handle it okay - actually that was exactly his attitude when I was 17 and he was 23! As my son really didn't want him there and he wanted me in with him as "the appropriate adult" we thought it best to leave him out of it as things were stressful enough without sitting waiting looking at him for 6 hours! Wild horses wouldn't have dragged me from my son's side that awful day - but the memory of what a useless bloke his dad is will scar him more than the police tried to do. To be fair my whole family were pretty useless when I was 17 - and they're being pretty useless now - as is my son's dad. But his brother, my partner and my son's friends have been absolutely brill. So have some of his teachers (the one's he respects) and his fantastic solicitor has been a total rock. When we picked him up from the station he told us we won't understand everything, and some of what will happen to my son will be unfair and make him mad, but he told us he showed us he was an expert, he was experienced, and ALL he had on his agenda was my son. Every bit of advice we would get would be in HIS best interests, he was client and our battle was now his. Can't say fairer than that can you?

[DeamonsRun]

re- dave, how about love

After all these years and the hurt I suffered at the hands and warped mind of a silly girl, I would be lying if I said I hadn't had thoughts of revenge. All thoughs times I thought about violent revenge Ive lost count but at the end of the day it is easy to seek revenge but its hard to forgive. I have done just that forgive them for what they have done, everyone has to answer for what they have done at some point either call it God, Karma, Fate ect, the one thing I have learned is that all things are met with the same response. as for the girl who accused me she wasn't believed by anyone and even her own mother defended me and in her statement told the police her daughter was lying. since then her parents have split up and she is forever known now by the people of the town I live in as a lying, crazy ***** and her life is going no-were. Karma or God, basically long story short. What goes around comes around in the end
So why seek physical revenge on them when at the end of it all their own lies will come back to haunt them.

[lawlessone2009]

Thats ok easy to do when eyes are half closed lol

I do it with my eyes wide open!

[lawlessone2009]

Tiger Mum...

Reading your recent replies.

You're probably the most suited out of just about all of us on here to stand up and fight this nonsense. Your experiences seem to be so wide reaching and so professionally built upon that I see a massive battle in the not too distant future for those attempting to impress themselves upon you and your family.

You seen to have such deep seated 'fight' within you that I believe you guys will succeed and potentially implement some form of change somewhere in the system.

As for the LEA and there 'move the problem' attitude. They should be bloody ashamed of themselves. What utterly diabolical and disgraceful behaviour!


As for you mentioning troubles in the past. Maybe it all happened to build you into what you are today, to face this threat against your family and win. Everything happens for a reason and you can now safely put any issues in the past down to preparation for the future. You either learn and build on your experiences or you continue to make the mistakes, clearly you've built on yours, learned from them and are now in a position to us that knowledge for the greater good of what's important to you.

Those that don't fight, lose. My case may be over but I'm still in a battle, at the beginning of it to be honest. Slowly moving through the system hoping that at some point I can hit pay dirt and force through change. Restore some balance to an out of control system.

[DeamonsRun]

re-no worries

Huge apologies - I misread where he wrote "10 years this month"..... as "10 months" ....tired tired.....

Thats ok easy to do when eyes are half closed lol

[myhome]

He said 10 years.(

Huge apologies - I misread where he wrote "10 years this month"..... as "10 months" ....tired tired.....

[DeamonsRun]

re- 10 years

This is rather a sweeping statement - surely better to say that "this event may be with him for the rest of his life." ?
10 months on is not the rest of your life - it is a short but incredibly painful part of it. Hopefully now you are getting appropriate support from your CMHT, the sadness, damage and hurt will gradually fade to a point where it is manageable but not overwhelming and you are able to rebuild your life again.

Its been ten Years since the false accusation against me not ten months.
I have had treatment for mild bipolar disorder and am doing very well now.
But like I said something as horrible as this is a huge affect on your life, and that not saying it will be a part of who you are for the rest of your life would be nonsense.
It has shaped the person I have become today and I can still remember the whole event in my mind. I am a better and stronger person now for it as I'm sure most would agree that being able to overcome something like this and then Mild Bipolar Disorder, it gives you a mental strength stronger than most.
I will always remember what happened I know that will never go away but all I can do now in life is think to myself that if I have been able to overcome these things, I can deal with anything.