Wife has falsely accused me of rape

[Hol]

Finally a little bit of good news.........

Children's services have sorted out supervised access to the children!!!!

Starting Monday then twice a week there after, its at a local family's centre so I don't quiet know what to expect. Apparently they will be watching me and taking notes but I don't care I have nothing to hide.

I cant wait, I miss them so so much!

Roll on Monday..........

Well done browndown. Keep climbing that hill, you'll soon be on the top
Hol

[Boys don't cry]

I'm glad for you it happened so quickly Browndown.

From the programs I watched and my experience: centers are different.

Enjoy your time with them and I hope it will come soon for the other fathers in your situation.

[myhome]

Hey browndown - that's really great news Hope you really enjoy these visits....

[browndown77]

Finally a little bit of good news.........

Children's services have sorted out supervised access to the children!!!!

Starting Monday then twice a week there after, its at a local family's centre so I don't quiet know what to expect. Apparently they will be watching me and taking notes but I don't care I have nothing to hide.

I cant wait, I miss them so so much!

Roll on Monday..........

[browndown77]

Thanks Boys don't cry

You have given me quiet a bit to think about........

Is it a bit early to start thinking about getting a specialist FA's solicitor/Barrister as I am still on pre charge bail and don't even know yet if I will actually be charged.

The Solicitor I have at the moment represented me at the initial police interview, he is the Criminal solicitor for a small rural practice and seems to be competent but obviously not a specialist in this area.

any views on this would be appreciated.......

[Boys don't cry]

Hello and welcome to the forum Browndown.

You wouldn't have written that you met your wife 20 years ago I would have thought that we met the same person.
You have been already wise to have a solicitor present during your first interview.
Motives to claim for rape can be financial,custody for children,revenge for you knowing she had an affair,divorce,...

My wife was or is the same,when I met her she was already with someone she blamed for something I won't mention.
She had a child from another previous relationship and she used to blame him (the father) for being violent.
Me ,who she nearly send to jail or if she was lucky somewhere above.
Now I know and read that some people are called narcissistic perverts and she is definitely one of them.
They attract you in a way you feel sorry for them,they use you and then...

As Hol said and you are now aware of this:you must find the motives and if possible any relevant information (evidence)that you never raped her and you were not the man she described to the police.

Casehardened is also right to say that if you can prove there was no domestic violence between you two,it will make a dent in her rape accusation.

I wouldn't use the fact that she told the psy she tried or did to put some "medicine" in your food as this element could turn against you.

Do not trust and share anything with the police.

You must try to find evidence that you were not abusive towards her.(Text messages,emails,voicemails,...).
Keep a diary with you (night and day as sometimes you will remember important information).

Copy and keep all this in a safe place that the police won't put their hands on.
Only trust a good solicitor and yourself.

[Hol]

Again thanks for all the advice and support……

A lot of the advice on here seems to concentrates on finding out a motive for the false allegations, this is something I have been thinking very hard about over the last few days……

It is hard to come to terms with the idea that maybe she is using this as a means to get me out of her life, especially when we had been getting on so well in the last few weeks since I moved out.

However, she had an affair last summer with a work college even disappearing to a hotel for two days and I know she has been in contact with him over the last few months and that she has told him I have been abusive to her.

Which got me thinking that this is a very similar scenario to when I met her 20 years ago. She was engaged to a mate of mine but wasn’t happy in the relationship, she told me that he was abusive and controlling and didn’t treat her very well and also that the guy that they shared a house with had sexually assaulted her. After she told me this I helped her “get away” and my parents gave her a room in there house, the rest they say is history………

any views on this?

Hi browndown77
I know you think that were all looking for a motive, but the fact is, this is what your sol/barrister will be looking for. I am only guessing, but it sounds like there could be some truth in what she is saying, BUT in her past? Sometimes things have a way of being blamed on another person later in life. Or maybe she wants you out of her life because of this other man she's seeing? You may now be in the way.
This is guess work. It's you who will know more about her and I suppose I shouldn't really be surmising.
Hope this helps a little.
Hol.

[browndown77]

Again thanks for all the advice and support……

A lot of the advice on here seems to concentrates on finding out a motive for the false allegations, this is something I have been thinking very hard about over the last few days……

It is hard to come to terms with the idea that maybe she is using this as a means to get me out of her life, especially when we had been getting on so well in the last few weeks since I moved out.

However, she had an affair last summer with a work college even disappearing to a hotel for two days and I know she has been in contact with him over the last few months and that she has told him I have been abusive to her.

Which got me thinking that this is a very similar scenario to when I met her 20 years ago. She was engaged to a mate of mine but wasn’t happy in the relationship, she told me that he was abusive and controlling and didn’t treat her very well and also that the guy that they shared a house with had sexually assaulted her. After she told me this I helped her “get away” and my parents gave her a room in there house, the rest they say is history………

any views on this?

[lonley place]

Hi Welcome browndown. I can't add anything to the excellent advice you have already been given, but
just wanted to add my support. LP

[Hol]

Thanks for the support everyone, I really need it at this time………

casehardened………when I say moved out I was spending most of my time at work and staying and sleeping at the other address, however I was going to my home every evening, having tea with the family then spending a few hours with the kids before leaving. I was also going back home every other weekend to look after the kids while she went to work. This seemed to be working very well and she seemed happy with the arrangement, there was no actual relationship between myself and my wife but we were getting on very well and she was contacting me most days to ask to meet for lunch or breakfast. Which just adds to the confusion over why she has done this.

One of the things that I am so very confused about is the vagueness of the accusation “multiple times over the last 20 years” it’s so non specific! We must of has sex thousands of times over the time we have been together so how many of those times is she saying I raped her??

The police made no mansion during the interview about dates or times only that one time it happened in the bathroom, most of the interview was about domestic abuse, how I have treated her, general things like not letting her go out or have any friends, these things I can prove are not true, plus a lot of other things she told the police I can prove are lies.

if I get the evidence to disprove the domestic abuse side of things will that help me defend the rape allegations?

Hi browndown77
Any evidence will help you and the more she is found out in a lie the better it is for you.
Your on the right track. Keep focust and remember what I said about not contacting her. Sounds to me she has rushed to tell so many things that she will soon trip over herself. You take your time and get it right and truth will shine through.
Hol

[Casehardened]

The police made no mansion during the interview about dates or times only that one time it happened in the bathroom, most of the interview was about domestic abuse, how I have treated her, general things like not letting her go out or have any friends, these things I can prove are not true, plus a lot of other things she told the police I can prove are lies.

if I get the evidence to disprove the domestic abuse side of things will that help me defend the rape allegations?

You are no doubt aware that the current hot potatoes for the police are domestic violence and historic sexual abuse so this questioning is nothing personal; they are just trying to fulfil targets (I suspect they would dearly like to kick this one into touch but daren't)

They will certainly have asked your wife to name specific incidents and dates but of course just as it all blurs into the past for you, so it will for her and she will have been very vague in her responses (perhaps you didn't often make love in the bathroom so this occasion stood out in her memory!)

If you successfully show in interview that the alleged DV is untrue, I think they would then just move on to the rape allegations so best to keep your powder dry and, if it should prove necessary, mount a successful defence in court on the DV allegations; this would then cast doubt on the rape allegations.

The police won't make a decision on how to proceed but they will put the 'evidence' to the CPS; in fact nothing is in dispute except the matter of consent, so it will come down to who they think will come across as the most credible witness to a potential jury.

Trying to take an impartial view as a potential jury member from what you have just told us, I would be saddened by the breakdown of a long relationship, but would not convict of rape (I would wonder why the allegations had not been raised sometime previously in the 20 years!)

[browndown77]

Thanks for the support everyone, I really need it at this time………

casehardened………when I say moved out I was spending most of my time at work and staying and sleeping at the other address, however I was going to my home every evening, having tea with the family then spending a few hours with the kids before leaving. I was also going back home every other weekend to look after the kids while she went to work. This seemed to be working very well and she seemed happy with the arrangement, there was no actual relationship between myself and my wife but we were getting on very well and she was contacting me most days to ask to meet for lunch or breakfast. Which just adds to the confusion over why she has done this.

One of the things that I am so very confused about is the vagueness of the accusation “multiple times over the last 20 years” it’s so non specific! We must of has sex thousands of times over the time we have been together so how many of those times is she saying I raped her??

The police made no mansion during the interview about dates or times only that one time it happened in the bathroom, most of the interview was about domestic abuse, how I have treated her, general things like not letting her go out or have any friends, these things I can prove are not true, plus a lot of other things she told the police I can prove are lies.

if I get the evidence to disprove the domestic abuse side of things will that help me defend the rape allegations?

[Hol]

I have been arrested for the rape of my wife and bailed pending further enquiries………

My wife and I have had marital problems for some time which culminated in me being forced to move out of our home 3 weeks ago, she gave me little choice in this matter as she was ready to take the kids to a refuse god knows where, however if I moved out she would stay. I agreed as I didn’t want to risk not being able to see the kids. She has had mental health problems for some time and had told her therapist that I have been abusive to her, mentally physically and sexually, none of these allegations are true! and none of them had been reported to the police or taken any further until now.

Police turned up at our house early last week to arrest my wife, apparently she had told her therapist at a resent session that she had put some sleeping pills in my dinner! so they arrested her on suspicion of administering a nocuous substance, however after speaking to me about the incident I told them that I honestly didn’t believe it had actually happened as she had lied about so many other things in the past. The police then took a statement from me, de-arrested her and seemed happy to drop the matter. The police said they would stay with her for a wile as I had to go to work, when I returned to the house a couple of hours later my wife had gone! thinking they had arrested her again I didn’t know what to do so I panicked and went to my teenage daughters school and picked her up before driving straight to the local police station to find out what was going on.

I was seen by a detective who told me my wife had made some very serious allegations about me and they were taking a statement from her. I was also told that my daughter would be removed from my car and I could not pick my son up from school and to go to the address that I had moved to and wait for a phone call from them. The police called me later that day and informed me that my wife had given a statement accusing me of domestic violence and sexual assault and they were taking her and the children to a place of safety and that if I voluntarily attended the police station the next morning I could give my side of the story.

By this time I was in total shock! when I got home I contacted a solicitor and arranged for him to meet me at the police station the next morning. I hardly slept that night not knowing what was going to happen to me the next day, however nothing could of prepared me for what did happen.

On arrival at the police station I was met by a detective and told that I was being arrested for the Rape of my wife both vaginal and anal on multiple occasions over the last 20 years, I could not believe what I was hearing!! I was then taken to custody, processed and then interviewed for about half an hour, strangely most of the question were about domestic abuse allegations and not the actual rapes. What they were saying was complete fabrication and just a bunch of lies. I was advised by my solicitor not to say anything so just answered no comment to all the questions even though I was so tempted to put my side of the story.

After the interview I was bailed pending further enquiries and have bail conditions that I can not return to the marital home and only see my children during supervised access, which child services are trying to set up hopefully next week. God I miss them so much! my life is in tatters and I have nothing except some clothes and my car. Meanwhile she is back in our beautiful house with the kids living like nothings happened! its so unfair.

These rape allegations are horrendous and everything she said is totally untrue, so what the hell do I do now?.........

Hi and welcome to your future friends, who will guide you through your times.
Firstly as all allegations are different, we are all suffering in the same way. (Read my story) you have found us at the start, so you will know more as time goes on, of what to do.
Make sure your happy with your solicitor (sol) if not change ASAP. Their are some on the site which may be very helpful. DO NOT talk to the police as anyone here will tell you, because as if now, they will want to win their case. Always ask for your sol to be present.
You have a lot of time to deal with this, as it does tend to drag on for a while. In this time gather all evidence, (sounds silly) but she will be will be telling them times and places and it's hard when your a couple.
You will be left in the dark, feeling like nobody wants to know your side, but trust me your time will come and by then your sol will have put you in touch with a barrister who will then give you a crash course on how to defend yourself. My hubby's fight was on and off for four years ens two separate allegations between two nieces. Not as straight forward as yours. Yours won't be half as long.
Keep your friends and family close, you will need them for support and don't do anything stupid, ie contacts. Were here for you. It will be a struggle but hey, stick to the truth and the rest will crumble.
Lots of luck and hugs and remember your talking to people who understand and welcome you with open arms.
Hol

[Casehardened]

Hello and and can I echo Myhome's welcome,

What unfortunate circumstances; it seems to me as an outsider that your wife wants to end the relationship and is casting around for various stratagems (apologies for being so blunt but, as you will doubtless be advised, in defending a false accusation, establishing a motive is key)

I note from your post that you had agreed to move out, but it seems that you were back there when she was arrested; do you think the latest accusation was another [obviously successful re. bail conditions] attempt to get you out?

My wife and I have had marital problems for some time which culminated in me being forced to move out of our home 3 weeks ago, she gave me little choice in this matter as she was ready to take the kids to a refuse god knows where, however if I moved out she would stay. I agreed as I didn’t want to risk not being able to see the kids.

Police turned up at our house early last week to arrest my wife,

The police then took a statement from me, de-arrested her and seemed happy to drop the matter. The police said they would stay with her for a wile as I had to go to work, when I returned to the house a couple of hours later my wife had gone!

Sadly there is nothing you can do now except wait for the process to work through the system and for the CPS to come to a decision. I think in this instance I agree with your solicitor's advice of a no-comment interview, the accusations are so comprehensive and wide-ranging that it would be impossible to respond and discount each one, much better to let your wife's statement hang herself, so to speak.

If you had posted a couple of years ago I would have said that this case will go nowhere but I listened to Keir Starmer last week with some foreboding, and I think you must take the accusation seriously.

As mentioned motive is key, but the testimony of mutual friends who will confirm that (until recently) you had a loving relationship would be good. It is tempting to rely on the sleeping pill incident but this could be easily twisted around.

Most of all, it is important that you cope with this shock and, sorry to say, many members are/have been in a similar situation so will be able to offer coping stratagems, and as Myhome says, do keep posting and reading.

[myhome]

Hi and welcome to the forum though sorry youhad to find us... There is a wealth of information support and advice on here and follks will be along soon to help you...In the meantime, read lots of the other threads and stickies on here and you will begin to find out a lot more. Keep posting and keep strong and be prepared for an horrendout rollercoaster of emotions.....