Devastating news this morning

[kw1981]

Hi and welcome to our forum tho sorry you had to find us.

Does your partner actually know the accuser???? Has he had any form of contact in the past?
Once the shock wears off to a degree where you can function, start to think about any relevant details, timelines, occasions where hey may have met and anyone else who was there.

Can't really say more then that- but there are lots on here who can help and support

Thank you Amanda for the reply. The shock has worn off somewhat today, for us both, and we are now ready to fight off these accusations.

[kw1981]

Hi KW1981,

I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. I'm also a gay man being falsely accused of something that happened a long time ago - 14 years ago when I was 14 years old. It's a fabricated story, motive being money and attention.

You will find yourself also in a dark place while the investigation starts and then continues. I would not have been as strong as I was without the backing and support of my partner who's been my rock through the last year. Timelines will be crucial and of course make sure he's represented at the police station when he is invited in for that "voluntary chat". I found the experience fine, I think I had built it up to be the worst experience of my life, but it was OK and the investigating officer was pleasant.

I paid for a private solicitor to come with me as I felt that I would have better support from a legal perspective as this process was completely new to me, but some members here have had a great duty solicitor and many got that all important NFA.

Wishing you guys all the best as you start on this horrific journey, we are all here to support and help.

AI x

Hi absolute, thank you for your reply. I am genuinely so sorry to hear that you and your partner are also going through this ****. How far into the investigation are the authorities? It is great to hear that you both have each other to support, keep being each other's Rock, stay strong, stand tall and don't let em win or drag you down. Both myself and my partners thoughts are with you both.

[kw1981]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I suppose that one positive you can take is that, if the police were certain that the accusation was true, he would have had an unannounced early morning visit with PC's, mobiles, etc being taken for analysis.

You will get great support from members of the forum but do have a look at this link for general advice:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it is very much appreciated. We were thinking the same thing regarding the police visiting but it seems that they did not have our address and so instead contacted my partners father at his home address for our phone number. My partner does not get along with his father so he didn't have our details so told the police to try my partners sister who checked with us if it was ok to give the phone number which we agreed to. The support on this forum has already been so comforting, thank you once again for being a part of this.

[Staystrong1]

Keep strong

Hi

Glad to see you have found this forum so quickly. You will get invaluable advice from here.
OH case found forum after interviews and it would definitely have helped to have found it before. You have already had good advice and there are experienced people who will be able to offer you invaluable advice here. People are all at different stages in the awful situation of False allegation. Thankfully we are 2 years from the start of a FA and after a trial last year and NG verdict on the other side of it all.It is the most stressful thing in my opinion that can ever happen so be prepared. It is a very worrying time for you at this stage as you dont know yet what FA is. Keep positive and strong.x

[kw1981]

Hi

Glad to see you have found this forum so quickly. You will get invaluable advice from here.
OH case found forum after interviews and it would definitely have helped to have found it before. You have already had good advice and there are experienced people who will be able to offer you invaluable advice here. People are all at different stages in the awful situation of False allegation. Thankfully we are 2 years from the start of a FA and after a trial last year and NG verdict on the other side of it all.It is the most stressful thing in my opinion that can ever happen so be prepared. It is a very worrying time for you at this stage as you dont know yet what FA is. Keep positive and strong.x

Thank you for your kind words of support, they mean a lot. I am so pleased that for you and your partner this ordeal is finally over although I'm sure in many ways the wounds are still healing, such an horrific experience will inevitably leave scars. Try to embrace these scars, they do not represent a dark journey into hell and back but the strength, love, and solidarity you both share. As my partner and myself begin this 'journey' we are determined to stay strong however bumpy the ride may be. Thanks for taking the time to reply once again.

[TBG1]

You're very welcome kw.


I've been thinking this afternoon and wonder if you might consider contacting the 'Officer In The Case'. (OIC) and asking for the interview to be rearranged for "sooner rather than later"?


There are many reasons for my suggestion-not least that you need to know EXACTLY what the heck this is about. Your original post suggests that it's in 'a few weeks' and my fear is that between now & then you will drive yourselves crazy trying to think what it's all about.


There's also the danger of feeling well-prepared in a few weeks time, but being almost over-prepared. Whatever they say, it will come as a rude shock and that's exactly the sort of "look" that your partner should have when the time comes.


I was that shocked to be asked for interview that I insisted that we do it at the earliest possible time.


I won't lie - it's horrible. But your partner has you. And you have him. I had (have) nothing to hide so my wife, all my family, close friends and even my boss know what's going on and I'm humbled by their support.


Warm Wishes


TBG1

[kw1981]

You're very welcome kw.


I've been thinking this afternoon and wonder if you might consider contacting the 'Officer In The Case'. (OIC) and asking for the interview to be rearranged for "sooner rather than later"?


There are many reasons for my suggestion-not least that you need to know EXACTLY what the heck this is about. Your original post suggests that it's in 'a few weeks' and my fear is that between now & then you will drive yourselves crazy trying to think what it's all about.


There's also the danger of feeling well-prepared in a few weeks time, but being almost over-prepared. Whatever they say, it will come as a rude shock and that's exactly the sort of "look" that your partner should have when the time comes.


I was that shocked to be asked for interview that I insisted that we do it at the earliest possible time.


I won't lie - it's horrible. But your partner has you. And you have him. I had (have) nothing to hide so my wife, all my family, close friends and even my boss know what's going on and I'm humbled by their support.


Warm Wishes


TBG1

Hi tgb1, thanks for the suggestion, this is certainly something for us to think about can completely understand where you are coming from with regards to driving ourselves mad in the mean time! The date they arranged for us to attend is the 27th of this month. I have a feeling that they may be reluctant as the police tend to like you to fester a little first. However we have nothing to loose by asking.

[Staystrong1]

Staying strong

Hi

Would echo TBG1 comments and sooner rather than later for IUC however OH when invited for interview the same as TBG1 we brought forward interview. It was for following week and thinking oh we will be able to clear this up it cant be right arranged it for a couple of days later and travelled a few hours to interview. I wouldnt recommend that at all. You need to be prepared but seems strange interview is in a few weeks. Why?? A few weeks that seems very odd.. Same again tell your close family and friends for additional support as we did, you have nothing to hide. Sending positivity to you bothx

[kw1981]

Hi

Would echo TBG1 comments and sooner rather than later for IUC however OH when invited for interview the same as TBG1 we brought forward interview. It was for following week and thinking oh we will be able to clear this up it cant be right arranged it for a couple of days later and travelled a few hours to interview. I wouldnt recommend that at all. You need to be prepared but seems strange interview is in a few weeks. Why?? A few weeks that seems very odd.. Same again tell your close family and friends for additional support as we did, you have nothing to hide. Sending positivity to you bothx

Thank you for your advice and kind words, it means so much. I have no idea why a couple of weeks when she called she arranged this date and time as if you were making a dental appointment! She followed this up by saying she would text us the location of where the station was, postcode etc. It was just so surreal.

[TBG1]

Well, when my OIC first called he wouldn't tell me a thing....I didn't know what, when, where or who.


He didin't even say anything about the nature of the allegation - I certainly didn't expect it to be of a sexual nature. I asked was it last week, last month, last year....? He finally relented and said "It's a bit further back - towards your childhood!" That's all I got pre-interview.


Anyway, I wanted it done NOW....4 days was the best that they could do (what a horrible 4 days that was!).


I won't bore you with the full story, but the allegations were from 30 years ago when I was 12-13 years old from someone I haven't seen since (or even thought existed). I'd (honestly!) spent 4 days wondering if the owner of th corner shop had caught me stealing a mars bar....or the manager of the local cinema for sneaking in to a film. How I wish I were right (not least because I actually did do those two things )


Anyway, my point?....I don't like the idea of you having two weeks worth of the "hell" those 4 short days were for me. The sooner you have the details, the sooner you can start the "process".


LOL - I sound bitter don't I....I don't mean to - it just angers me that you find yourselves in this situation.


Thinking of You Both


TBG1

[kw1981]

Well, when my OIC first called he wouldn't tell me a thing....I didn't know what, when, where or who.


He didin't even say anything about the nature of the allegation - I certainly didn't expect it to be of a sexual nature. I asked was it last week, last month, last year....? He finally relented and said "It's a bit further back - towards your childhood!" That's all I got pre-interview.


Anyway, I wanted it done NOW....4 days was the best that they could do (what a horrible 4 days that was!).


I won't bore you with the full story, but the allegations were from 30 years ago when I was 12-13 years old from someone I haven't seen since (or even thought existed). I'd (honestly!) spent 4 days wondering if the owner of th corner shop had caught me stealing a mars bar....or the manager of the local cinema for sneaking in to a film. How I wish I were right (not least because I actually did do those two things )


Anyway, my point?....I don't like the idea of you having two weeks worth of the "hell" those 4 short days were for me. The sooner you have the details, the sooner you can start the "process".


LOL - I sound bitter don't I....I don't mean to - it just angers me that you find yourselves in this situation.


Thinking of You Both


TBG1

You don't sound bitter at all TBG1 just angered at the injustice of all of this and rightly so. It just seems all so casual, "I'll text you the details" "have you been interviewed by police before" "do you want me to arrange a duty solicitor" unreal! And we don't understand why they invited my partner in, ok so at first they didn't have our address but she asked for that and it was given to her, then she arranged the date and time etc. I am of course pleased that they haven't arrested him but isn't that usually the way it works?

[TBG1]

You don't sound bitter at all TBG1 just angered at the injustice of all of this and rightly so. It just seems all so casual, "I'll text you the details" "have you been interviewed by police before" "do you want me to arrange a duty solicitor" unreal! And we don't understand why they invited my partner in, ok so at first they didn't have our address but she asked for that and it was given to her, then she arranged the date and time etc. I am of course pleased that they haven't arrested him but isn't that usually the way it works?

I thought that "arrest" was the way it worked too.


But it just seems to be that for historic allegations the "invite" is the way to do it .... Arrest is usually so that they can preserve physical evidence & since the allegations are 30 years old in your partner's case, any physical evidence (even if there were any) would no longer exist making arrest unnecessary unless he declined the voluntary interview.


Best Wishes

TBG1

[Staystrong1]

Similar

Very similar to to TBG1post again, wouldnt say anything other than allegation of historic abuse. It was a telephone call Also said just as well you answered phone or we might have had to knock your door in on early morning call. Couldnt beleive it. Just got in from work and having a coffee. Same again bought it forward. But it is important that you get advice prior to tnis interview. The OIC was not helpful in my opionion in anyway she had already decided guilty. The whole ordeal has given me a very negative opinion on Police but in particular these officers who work in so called specialized area of allegations of historic abuse. They do not investigate to prove or disprove as in a normal crime. It is important that you know this from outset. Again keep strong. X

[kw1981]

I thought that "arrest" was the way it worked too.


But it just seems to be that for historic allegations the "invite" is the way to do it .... Arrest is usually so that they can preserve physical evidence & since the allegations are 30 years old in your partner's case, any physical evidence (even if there were any) would no longer exist making arrest unnecessary unless he declined the voluntary interview.


Best Wishes

TBG1

So do you also think this may explain why there has been no visit to remove computers, phones etc? Because it is historical? It's madness that in these cases with no physical evidence things can go so far.

[TBG1]

So do you also think this may explain why there has been no visit to remove computers, phones etc? Because it is historical? It's madness that in these cases with no physical evidence things can go so far.

Oh, absolutely. My first knee-jerk reaction was "take all my electronic devices - laptop, phone, Ipad...even works computers - If you find anything inappropiate on there, I'll walk to jail myself! That proves I couldn't have done these things".


The truth is, they already know that....they're not interested in things that might make you "look" innocent.


Don't get me wrong - I don't think that the Police "are trying to stitch me up"....even after all I've been through I can't bring myself to believe that (I'm not that important am I?). No, I just think they are completely DISinterested in anything that might nullify the False Accuser's (FA) story. Their default position is "What the FA has said is true".


Best Wishes


TBG1