I don't know what to do?

[Boys don't cry]

Hi.

If you google volunteering you might find something for and near you.
Your trial is in March so you could as well find some temporary jobs especially coming to the Christmas period.
Best of luck anyway.

If you are so scared to lose everything:
First, forget about suicide.
Second ,fight for your innocence.

When I was accused of rape I was left in the street, slept on the floor, on tables ,had a motorbike accident, bought myself a rubbish dongle to go on the internet and a kettle,my table was a carton box, cold dishes (luxury: ), ... I walked two hours a day for months and I managed to survive.

I could have easily lost the most important thing: Life.
Without life you will have nothing.

You are confident for your trial ,so keep faith and keep fighting and you won't lose everything.

[whatsgoingon?]

Thanks for reminding us of this BDC and the courage you found along the way. I suggest you read BDC's threads, B123 .....
It's hard to come to terms that this is happening to you and yet so many people and their supporters have been through it and have successfully come out the other side.
In the end , your life is your own - other people can give you advice and you can heed it or ignore it. But it's my deepest belief that life is a gift, only you can live it and you have to make choices.

[can it get worse]

Hi.

If you google volunteering you might find something for and near you.
Your trial is in March so you could as well find some temporary jobs especially coming to the Christmas period.
Best of luck anyway.

If you are so scared to lose everything:
First, forget about suicide.
Second ,fight for your innocence.

When I was accused of rape I was left in the street, slept on the floor, on tables ,had a motorbike accident, bought myself a rubbish dongle to go on the internet and a kettle,my table was a carton box, cold dishes (luxury: ), ... I walked two hours a day for months and I managed to survive.

I could have easily lost the most important thing: Life.
Without life you will have nothing.

You are confident for your trial ,so keep faith and keep fighting and you won't lose everything.

Hi.

Wow BDC - you really put things into perspective for us. Can't improve on your words to BP123. Please continue to hold your head up (hard - yes) but remember you are innocent and she isn't. Do not let her think she can ruin you.

Bless you - in this terrible time.

[myhome]

Thanks for the replies everyone but I don't know if I forgot to say or if nobody seen it but I am 100% not putting myself in the situation where I am scared of being recognised from the paper or online.

Not sure what you mean by this? Unfortunately the press attend court proceedings and usually report most contentious cases. they don't always include a photo, so you wouldn't be recognised except by name. I don't know how you can avoid giving people your name if you are wanting to do some temporary or voluntary work....

I still have the constant worry in the back of my head of 'how do I tell them what's happening?' and it causes me so much stress.

You don't have to tell them.....

Also its september now, lets say i get a job soon and after interviews my first week of work is october. Less than 6 weeks later I'm in court so I need to secure that date off, lie about it (causing more fear of being found out) attend court and be in the paper the next day and hope nobody at my new job sees it. So thats 5 weeks of finding my feet/making friends to then go court and be ****ting myself that someone I've now made friends with is going to see it and be unsure what to think. Which to me, would be an indirect way of that person saying to me "well you could rape someone" don't you agree?

You could tell them the truth if/when they confront you....

Why on earth would I put myself in that position.

What ARE you going to do for the next 6 months?

It is possible that nobody will see it but even then the trial is in march and I'd have to quit when that comes around and I don't know if earning some money is worth what it will cost me, which is ALOT of stress, worry and fretting which is all I ever seem to do.

Sadly all members on here in your position are going through lots of stress and fretting and worse - many of us are getting through this by keeping as busy and active as possible.

Can anyone give me some links or names of organisations that I could volunteer for? If I could I'd love to just dedicate myself to a charity or somthing 'til this whole thing is over

.
You should have a Volunteer Bureau in your area. We don't know where you are so can't recommend any. You could approach the CAB or have a look in your local town for charity shops or in your local paper - my local paper has several pages of voluntary organisations needing volunteers.

The case is so rediculous there is not one person on earth who when they hear the whole story would believe the 'victim' so theres no way I'd ever look guilty.

If this goes to trial (some are stopped before they get there), then 12 members of the public get to decide and whilst they often get things right (I have witnessed this) very sadly they sometimes get it wrong.....

As I say it's not the trial im scared of, it's losing everything, having nothing, no way of getting anything

See my previous post - it is possible to rebuild but you have to WANT to do it and not just assume you have lost everything and won't be able to do it.

and just being expected to deal with it like it's an every day issue.

This is a really hard one but sadly that is what we are all having to do - to plod it IS an everyday issue and seeing the number of members joining here daily it IS an every day issue - but dealing with it ISN'T. There are lots of people who can help, counsel and give advice - but you have to be open to accepting and using some of that help and advice. it's really really hard but this isn't going to go away and you will have up times and down times. It's horrible and emotionally draining. (I'm on yet another down time and hate it but I'm learning to cope with them but it doesn't make them any less traumatic).
Only YOU can decide how you are going to get through the next 6 months but WE can help and support you as well.
Be strong

[breakingpoint123]

Sorry I don't know how to quote specific parts of peoples posts so I'll try and address them individually.

myhome, I appreciate your replies but I basically gathered from the first half of your reply that I should keep quiet and hope I don't get noticed. However, my name is what will get me noticed I have a very unusual name and if someone joined your work with my first name you'd definitely take notice and then it is just a matter of time. And you say I should tell the truth if/when they confront me. They wont confront me though will they? Do you really think people hear someone who has just started at work is up on a rape charge, would you really go and chat to them, no. They will just gather in their little groups and have discussions or just give me a horrible look. I had it the last place I started (which i have since found out IS the reason i was sacked because a guy who works there knows one of my best friends and was asking him about it and now its common knowledge in there. This is a massive worldwide company too I'd love to have the money to pay a solicitor to really investigate it because they have sacked me over an allegation. but then Im just a little peasant what chance would a nobody have of taking down a big company, easier to just lie down and take the **** gven to you ay) I was there 6 shifts doing fine and my name is what got me sacked. If i was a tom it would be ok but I'm not. I don't even meant to sound so negative but you say I need to want to rebuild my life well I actually don't. I know the things required for a good comfortable life are not attainable by someone like me and after all this am I really meant to think to myself "ahh great can't wait to get back out into the working world and mix with this lovely civilization we have around us" no I wont. and why? These are not good times to live in. It's a constant struggle where I'm constantly watching bad people succeed and good people get nowhere - why do we have to accept it? It's not right.

BDC, fair play to you but all your post really tells me is that you're alot stronger than I am because if I went through all that I'd of given up. It's probably worth mentioning that for a long time before my accusation I did pretty much hate the world and all the current going-ons that you see in the news. There's so many bad things happening everywhere and now I have my own bad thing happening to me I sorta just sit back and think to myself why bother I mean really why? Is life that precious because I can't say I've really experienced anything so great from it at all. All I've really seen from growing up is what a bad state the world is getting into and I just have no burning desire to fight for my place to stay in such a horrible place in the control of people who would let something so bad and so damaging happen to me without giving a ****?

[Casehardened]

Hello BP123,

I can understand your despair and anger but just think about it; are the members of this forum who have tried to make positive and helpful suggestions to you the right people to argue with? After all they are not responsible for the position you now find yourself in and may simply stop replying to you!

[myhome]

There's so many bad things happening everywhere and now I have my own bad thing happening to me I sorta just sit back and think to myself why bother I mean really why? Is life that precious because I can't say I've really experienced anything so great from it at all. All I've really seen from growing up is what a bad state the world is getting into and I just have no burning desire to fight for my place to stay in such a horrible place in the control of people who would let something so bad and so damaging happen to me without giving a ****?

So what are you going to do?

[breakingpoint123]

So what are you going to do?

struggle, but i will carry on!

[Dave]

Son, not going to go on too much but been there, done it AND tried topping myself (which as stated above IS NOT AN OPTION FOR YOU)

Life's sh*t at the moment, but when you get the NG you will not believe the high you will be on, seriously you cannot comprehend the high. From what you say about the FA and witnesses for you the trial is a forgone conclusion, a Not Guilty, but you do have to be physically and mentally fit for the trial it is hard work. So get off your arse and get a job for Christmas, no ifs or buts, no should i or shouldn't i just do it. If its boring/hard work/low paid/dirty etc etc then tough, that's life for a good proportion of the working population. It will bring you so many things, most importantly money to pay the rent, it will keep you busy, you will talk to new people who may become friends, it will get you fit.

B*llux to everyone else, get your self sorted and stop worrying about what others think, get yourself ready for that trial.

Oh and the state of the universe is not your concern so leave the fretting over it to hippies and tree huggers.

[whatsgoingon?]

As hard as it might seem, Dave's spot on - I think you'd be doing yourself a favour by heeding his advice. You need to get your energy back to fight back.
Good luck!

[can it get worse]

struggle, but i will carry on!

Hello,

BP123,

I'm glad you have not deserted us. Yes it is a severe struggle for many of us on here in these horrendous situations. We are all suffering in many different ways and often feel angry with the state of the world. The immense pressure this has on the accused and the family of the accused is unbelievable. Some of us have children which means Social Services get involved. Until you have had children, no-one can really know how it feels to be in this situation. And more often than not the life of the accuser is totally unaffected. This makes it even harder.

Please stay on here. We are here to offer support to you. And we need you to offer care to us. We're all in this stinking mess and who else can we turn to?