Accused of raping my daughter

[Yorkster]

hi bluenikky , welcome to the forum. im sorry you are going through this . my best guess is your ex is ready to move on and does not want you tagging along. i have seen a woman in my family behave this way. when she no longer wanted to be with the father of her child he became public enemy number one. the fact that you have been an attentive and caring father means she has had no good reason to get you out of their lives. this way you are the bad guy and she gets to do whatever she wants . but remember just because she has said these awful things your life is not over. you must fight her lies for your daughters sake and stay strong . listen to the guys on here who know what they are talking about , there support and advice is invaluable x

This is so true ! think about yourself go to the doctors , get counciling and get a good sol .
You are in the best place with coming here without these people I really don't think I would be here their advice is second to none . Look after yourself and keep posting . And so sorry you find yourself in this predicament

[just married]

There is an insane rollercoaster of every emotion conceivable, sometimes all at once.... This is normal. You will have read about it.
It is normal.
It resembles what is now known as bi-polar disorder, but was previously manic depression. It's not. For Falsely Accused, it's normal. As the days and nights go by, you will learn to recognise ok days, as your brain adjusts.... Eventually, you will look back on this, and the pain will fade.

I converted the emotional pain to physical pain with my (fairly) extreme (for me) sport. (walking, then running), over a thousand miles of a beautiful 7.5km riverside route over last summer and autumn.

Your heart will go on beating, and your lungs will go on breathing. The human body is a determined and poweful organism.

Eat, sleep, breathe, exercise. See your GP and ask to be referred for counselling, if you want to talk to someone... it can help loads.
Suicidal thoughts are understandable... Don't give the accuser the satisfaction of adding fuel to their fantasies.

I'm nearly a year since my NFA, and there's a crazy thread here as to whether a FA has been of benefit to your life...... Sometimes, I can almost say, in a way, maybe sometimes, yes.
However, everyone's stories are different and unique. The extreme pain is not.

Hang in there, keep on posting...
write evidence stuff down as you remember it... I eventually had 40 close typed pages assembled defending myself in my very simple story.... distilled down to 2 or 3 bullet-pointed pages of essential dates, times, facts, things that were said, etc. etc...

Eventually for me, it wasn't necessary, but the writing itself can be therapeautic.. cathartic, even.

JM

[Bluenikky68]

Thanks again Yorkster and JM. Think I've frazzled my brain and eyes enough on here for today, so time for a final cuppa and a zopiclone tablet! Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to think again.

[just married]

cuppa does it for me every time, bluenikky

the ladies seem to be all out dancing,
here's a (very manly) hug to tide you over

[Believe]

So sorry to read that you are going through this awful situation. My partner was falsely accused a year ago by a former student (he's a teacher). He was charged last Wednesday after a year of nothing! No requestioning, nothing. The sad truth is that these things take as long time. No one prepares you for that and at first you wake up everyday thinking this is all a huge mistake, a letter will come through the post tomorrow saying it's all over and sorry for putting you through this. Unfortunately these things do happen so the police and cps have to take each case seriously, that letter never came for us.

However, after a while, you will go from thinking 'why me' to accepting that it is happening and although you obviously will wish it wasn't happening, it will become part of you and you'll be able to deal with it. As has been mentioned you will go through every emotion possible until fight mode kicks in and you will become mentally prepared for the worst to happen, even if it doesn't. Which in most cases (especially when someone is innocent) doesn't happen. Remember, knowledge is power and this forum and the people on it will provide you with heaps of that and help to mentally prepare you for whatever may or may not be thrown at you.

Try not to get too bogged down by other peoples stories as every case is different and they can freak you out thinking that what is happening to them could happen to you. Take your own situation by its own merit and live each day as it comes, without speculating about what might or might not happen. Come back here when you have a query and try, whilst your still unsettled to only think about your own case with out comparing to anyone else's. When you feel ready, it will help you to help others by providing advice and knowledge.

Stay strong, look after yourself, even if you don't feel like it. Listen to that little voice in your head telling you that you'll get through this and try to keep all other aspects of your life normal as this will help to preserve your sanity. Stick with the motions of your every day life and have faith that this awful experience has been sent to make you a stronger person.

[lonley place]

from female non dancing me...

[IvorBinWronged]

Omnipotent!

He works nationally (but on not legal aid) but is not a million miles away from you and is highly recommended by members who have used him.

That statement also works for God!

You've only got yourself, who knows he did not do these things (us, who support you along with folks and friends) and this massive deaf brutal machine trying to destroy you.

What I am trying to say is that you WILL be all over the place because that's the natural progression of this type of fight. Maybe if you sellotape a messageof hope to your bathroom mirror to remind you that the anxiety that you are feeling is part of the path leading to winning, maybe it will help. I know that all FA'd have a bad time, but your story is a triple-whammy (more to find holes in says a good solicitor!)

Reading the posts on here, if you get Chris as a shield you'll do alright in this battle.

Good luck!.

[Casehardened]

One of many questions though is about the interview. On Wednesday, before the sol said they caouldn't interview me without an AA, he drafted a prepared statement basically just denying all allegations and said that he would give the police that and I was not to answer any questions. Thinking about it now though, I don't see how the police/ CPS would decide for NFA if I'm not saying anything other than "not true" or offering any kind of 'evidence' to refute dates and other inaccuracies.

Does this mean the sol is no good and just wants it to go to court (i won't be eligible for legal aid so will have to pay privately)? He did say that lots of people would try and encourage me to get a different sol to use, for whatever reasons. Should I stick with him for the interview in April and then look to get a specialist when/ if charged or should I get a special sol now in preparation, or should I stick with him anyway? I've started putting texts and emails together, but if the police don't get given them how can the CPS not just proceed?

The duty sol has taken IMHO absolutely the right course for you; you were in no fit state to give a coherent account so best to say as little as possible which basically is that the allegations are untrue. If you decline to be interviewed on legal advice, no adverse inference should be drawn from this (in theory anyway)

As JM pointed out, the CPS are unlikely to come to any decision until the computer forensics are back and this is unlikely to be until after your reinterview

It's amusing that he said you might be persuaded to change sols; wonder if he reads this forum I would use a medical analogy, the duty is the GP, but if you prove to have a serious condition you need a consultant (and of course a specialist sol may also do rota work as a duty!) The important thing is previous experience in this field and equally that you have a rapport and confidence with him/her.

If on legal aid there are some restrictions on changing solicitors after charge but if paying privately you could change them as often as your suits, (obviously I say this in jest, you need to carefully select the best team at the onset) The downside of paying privately is that you can no longer reclaim your legal costs, whatever happens.

Another thing thats come back to me (sorry, but much of those 24 hours are a blur) is that the sol said my daughter hasn't has a medical exam yet, but would be having one either Feb/ March. I don't understand this at all, surely that would be done instantly?

An immediate medical is only necessary if the allegation is current i.e. if she has alleged that the last time you had raped her was within the previous 14 days of making the report

[Casehardened]

IBW,

Shouldn't really go off-topic but just wanted to say that I just love your latest signature line!

[just married]

extend the off-topic just a tad more... A relative of mine was a copper for ten years nearly 30 yrs ago... His told me once his reason for leaving was 'all the corruption' hmmm..

(Sorry, bn68.)

By the way, I've said it before, but
I had no reason, in my case to suspect that I was in any way badly treated by the police.

However, do heed the advice here from members.

The police are obliged to follow up any allegation.

[Believe]

extend the off-topic just a tad more... A relative of mine was a copper for ten years nearly 30 yrs ago... His told me once his reason for leaving was 'all the corruption' hmmm..

(Sorry, bn68.)

By the way, I've said it before, but
I had no reason, in my case to suspect that I was in any way badly treated by the police.

However, do heed the advice here from members.

The police are obliged to follow up any allegation.

I know a number of police officers who have said the same. And a few ex specials who have said the reason they didn't join up is because they realised that just wouldn't be able to handle having to be corrupt. They subsequently followed other careers in the public sector. Unfortunately it's these types of people (people who care and do their best to help others) who get caught out by these nasty, malicious accusers.

One thing I would say to anyone who has been falsely accused is to never give up on who you are, stay true to yourself and believe that the true people of this world will see you for who you really are. You have to be a certain type of person to work in the police force, someone I certainly wouldn't want to be... Believe in karma x

[Bluenikky68]

Hi again. I cancelled my child support yesterday (paid and increased volutarily since 2006 divorce orders. I just thougt 'sod her' she doing this to me she can have the inconvenience of getting it through the CSA now instead. Is this a mistake? I can I can set the standing order back up today if I need to. Thanks in advance, N

[just married]

Good morning BN.

I'll leave this question for members with more personal experience.
Hope you're doing ok.

JM

[Bluenikky68]

Morning JM!
Only just got up, so not sure of my mood yet, though a bit shakey so maybe betablocker time shortly, lol! Have some family coming to visit today which will either tear me apart or get me through the day. Fingers crossed it'll be the second option.
Probably stupid cancelling the CS payment, but as you say, maybe somebody else will know if wise or not. I just feel so 'impotent' (no pun intended!) that she can do this to me and I can do nothing
Hope you are doing OK? The support on here is helping me so much.
BN

[Bluenikky68]

Can't figure how to edit my last post, but I've re-instated the CS payment for now, as a precaution!