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Falsely accused of sexual assault by my wife

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  • Falsely accused of sexual assault by my wife

    In march last year my wife of 12 years told me she was gay we have 4 kids 1 of which is my stepchild we tried to work things out between march and April but because she admitted to me she had met some one I lost all trust in her .

    This did cause a lot of arguments admittedly mainly me because she used to disappear and turn her phone off ,hide her phone when texting .in the years we was together I never abused her or my kids they are my life she had whatever she wanted and never asked for anything and hand on heart I still do love her . She has changed from been a beautiful blonde in to a what can only be described as gothic rebel hairs black/ purple wears black clothes doc Martin boots ,nose pierced and tattoos .

    I refused to leave my kids and basically told her that she was the one who wanted to change her lifestyle she did leave on a couple of occasions but I asked her back as I said I still care for my wife things where getting worse so in August this year I went to see the c.a.b who told me to see a solicitor about residency of the kids that was at 10 in the morning got home and was talking to her . Told her if she was going to leave I wouldn't stop her and that I had an appointment that afternoon for residency of the kids . She said she was going to her sisters at 10.45 that night knock on the door police they arrested me for threats to kill and sexual assault kept me in cells overnight and interviewed me next evening .the threats to kill was supposedly me saying I was going to kill us all .

    A few days prior during a telephone conversation she said she wanted to leave the home fresh start I told her I would take us all as in move home and the sexual assault comes from when we was still sleeping in same bed (march to beginning of may ) and we was trying to make a go of thing we did try to be intimate then one night she told me never to do that again I was gutted and she started to sleep downstairs . When I saw her statement she had told the police that in march she told me marriage was over ( never mentioned her sexuality ) told them she started to sleep down stairs in march and that I was abusive throughout the relationship she even has her sister and brother inlaw as witnesses saying I was a control freak and all there statements are more or less identical I have since been charged by the police with sexual assult and harrasment by text/phone calls and sent to crown court for a 3 day trial .

    i have a preliminary hearing in February and the trial is in April . I'm not even allowed contact with my kids because social services say I'm a risk to them because I refuse to admit I have. Done wrong and have had a section 47 done and now have to have a risk assessment done . All because I have had a couple of panic attacks . They have told me to see a psychiatrist who even says that I'm suffering from mild depression due to not seeing my kids and what my wife has done to me yet the social services still say I'm at fault . The worst part about all this is I miss my family so much and try to detach myself from the feelings I've got for my wife .after all it is her that wanted to change her lifestyle not me or the kids and all I did was try save my marriage .my main worry is I can prove a lot of what she has said is lies I'm just worried what this will do to my kids tbh I hope she gets charged with perjury maybe then I will get my kids and home back .

    I really could do with some one to talk to about this who is /has gone through similar as there doesn't seem to be any kind of help groups out there for this type of thing thanks for reading.
    Last edited by Faith; 6 January 2013, 06:09 PM. Reason: Ease of reading
    No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

  • #2
    Welcome Yorkster
    Let's see if we can help you

    From what you say, your wife's motives are very clear and the timing of her allegation quite transparantely suggests it was a reflex to the threats of a residency battle.
    Now that you have been charged, have you got a solicitor involved. You may be tempted to use the same solicitor who is dealing with your family law issues but it is advisable to go with a solicitor who specifically deals with false allegations of abuse. Take a look at our reccommended solicitors thread or post up your county (nothing more detailed) and we may be able to point you in the direction of a known solicitor.

    You will undoubtedly be going through some heavy emotions so I am glad you have sought medical advice. Obviously the hardest aspect will be not being allowed to see your children. Try not to feel too hopeless by the stance of social services, it is very normal for them to act this way...and their burden of proof is much less...they only have to feel as if there COULD be a risk, which of course, with this allegation then there could.

    Is there evidence for the harassment through phone calls? Is this aspect of the allegation false too?
    "Be sure your sin will find you out"

    Numbers 32:23

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you for the fast reply what my wife doesn't realise is I have all text messages between us from we'll over 12 months also she says I was controlling I even have own members of her family willing to stand in court and tell them what I was like as a husband and dad . I even bumped in to my son and her new girlfriend in the local supermarket over Xmas (now that was a kick in the teeth) strange how the social services know nothing about her . My wife even tried to get me arrested for breach of bail over it as her brother went for me with a metal bar and I reported him to police as I have an harassment order out against him . Since August they have done all they can to try get me to break my bail. From messages about me not been able to see my kids to texting my sister to say the kids smashed there presents I sent them . I do religiously keep a note of everything that has happened and the police log numbers too . I do have a separate solicitor from my family one and also have a barrister again thanks for the fast reply
      No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

      Comment


      • #4
        It sounds as if you are doing the right things.
        I am sure you know this, but keep everything you gather between you and your solicitor...do not hand it to police.
        I am sorry that it has got this far but court will be your chance to rip these lies apart.
        Keep coming back if you have further questions or need support
        "Be sure your sin will find you out"

        Numbers 32:23

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Faith View Post
          It sounds as if you are doing the right things.
          I am sure you know this, but keep everything you gather between you and your solicitor...do not hand it to police.
          I am sorry that it has got this far but court will be your chance to rip these lies apart.
          Keep coming back if you have further questions or need support
          Thank you so much and I will be a regular on this site now I have found you . All my texts are with my solicitor along with screen shots of things they have sent me just waiting for the courts to release the paper work prior to the preliminary hearing in February thank you for your speedy reply
          No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

          Comment


          • #6
            Ensure your solicitor obtains the 'unused bundle'
            "Be sure your sin will find you out"

            Numbers 32:23

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi Yorkster
              Welcome to the forum - you will get lots of help and advice on here which will invaluable to you
              myhome
              "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Faith View Post
                Ensure your solicitor obtains the 'unused bundle'
                Unused ?? What's that
                No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

                Comment


                • #9
                  When police pass the evidence to the CPS they can select evidence they dont want to pass forward (ie as it may not help their case) This is placed in the unused bundle which isnt always automatically given to the solicitor, but you have every right to have as it may well contain evidence that might help your case.
                  "Be sure your sin will find you out"

                  Numbers 32:23

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Faith View Post
                    When police pass the evidence to the CPS they can select evidence they dont want to pass forward (ie as it may not help their case) This is placed in the unused bundle which isnt always automatically given to the solicitor, but you have every right to have as it may well contain evidence that might help your case.
                    Better make sure he gets that then thank you so much
                    No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      So hurt and angry

                      Good luck with your fight ,it must be so very hard when the ones you love betray you in this way , I'm sure a jury will see her motives,if it gets that far,it seems to me that an awful lot of these cases are thrown out shortly before trial,it's so easy to say but please try to keep things in perspective,you know the truth so stay strong and focused and don't give in .
                      There will always be somebody here to talk to when you are at a low point.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thank you so much for the advice . I rang the solicitors today and requested they get the unused bundle .also asked them to try move things forward as my preliminary hearing is on 8th feb and I haven't yet met with my barrister thanks again
                        No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Yorkster

                          Welcome to the forum.

                          Faith is absolutely right when he wrote :

                          Originally posted by Faith View Post
                          From what you say, your wife's motives are very clear and the timing of her allegation quite transparantely suggests it was a reflex to the threats of a residency battle.

                          And I am afraid you "pressed the wrong button" when you told your wife that you had an appointment that afternoon for residency of the kids.

                          The good news are:

                          You have all these messages,please keep a copy of them.
                          I am not sure if this phone is still in your possession but always keep a copy,
                          You might be able to print them or copy and paste them into Word.

                          You may use the fact that your wife was having an affair (don't worry about the genre) for your defense in order to win the divorce and the children custody.
                          Forget about her and I am sorry to read about your children but I know you will fight for them.

                          Some of us have been through similar experiences and you will find genuine support in this website.
                          Last edited by Boys don't cry; 7 January 2013, 05:22 PM.
                          Non,je ne regrette rien.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I do still have the phone and I transferred all the messages to my laptop and printed copies off I also found a website for men married to lesbians that I joined in early march and was posting on there .I have printed off my posts too as they should be of use for me with the contents I was posting about tell a different story as to what she told the police in August she has applied for divorce and put me down as unreasonable behaviour but I do intend to contest it if she wants divorce she needs to tell the truth thanks for the replys and support think its time the government started to read these posts and take note !!!!!
                            No need for revenge. Just sit back and wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Excellent advice so far Yorkster.
                              I can't add anything. Apart from a WELCOME of course

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