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**billykickass** · 9 November 2011, 04:16 PM

Hi mate
I am going through a similar situation so reading my thread might help you a little bit.
But for now im really sorry that you find yourself here as well and i understand the emotions you will be feeling and i wish you the best of luck.

**Roasewalker** · 9 November 2011, 04:45 PM

Hi

Hi,

Thanks for your message.All i am hoping is to get a call with a message the case has been closed.For a men to be accused of rape is a scar for life.I feel sorry for people who have been sent to prison without commiting a crime.Good luck to you .

Thanks

**Saffron** · 10 November 2011, 09:05 AM

Hi Roasewalker
Have you been charged yet, or are you bailed pending further enquiries?
Write down everything you can remember about the alleged incident. Were you out in public with this woman before having sex? Did anyone see you together - someone who can state her behaviour towards you? (eg, flirty, etc).
I am assuming that alcohol was involved - make a list of everything you drank and everything she drank, if you can.
Your wife might find it helpful to join this forum as well. There are many women here who have been in the same situation she is now in.
Others will be along shortly. In the meantime, welcome.

**Roasewalker** · 10 November 2011, 02:50 PM

Hi Saffron ,
Thanks for your advice.
I have not yet been charged, hope that will not happen. At the moment i have been bailed pending further investigation. As few others saw us at work when she came to dance with me.She mention to the police that she told me nothing will happen but that is absolutely not true.If someone had said that to me i would have just walked out.She claims she passed out. As i was not that drunk i have every memory fresh in my mind as i dont think that will ever go out.

**IvorBinWronged** · 10 November 2011, 08:03 PM

Just a point to clarify...

"she claims she passed out but she was moving her body while we were having sex." This really needs clarifying. What exactly was her experience of the situation. What exact words were used by her. I find it disturbing that a human can pass out and still make the movements that give the impression that they are complicit in and consenting to a sexual act. I also find it quiet unbelievable. A sensible deduction would be that no rape took place. Finally and I'm sorry if it "hurts" you, adulterers are part of the problem not the solution. Good luck with your case.

**Amre** · 10 November 2011, 08:33 PM

At least you told your wife. Thats half the battle. You would not believe the amount of people that don't tell there significant others and "hope they wont find out".

What Ivors so eloquently trying to say is that people that commit adultery leave themselves open for these type of accusations. Adultery is not rape by any stretch of the imagination.

IT not very clear what you mean. You did sleep with her yeah? Was it at her house or in the bar. was there cctv? Were you both drunk or just her? What has she said?

**Roasewalker** · 10 November 2011, 08:56 PM

Clearing things up...

Originally posted by IvorBinWronged View Post

"she claims she passed out but she was moving her body while we were having sex." This really needs clarifying. What exactly was her experience of the situation. What exact words were used by her. I find it disturbing that a human can pass out and still make the movements that give the impression that they are complicit in and consenting to a sexual act. I also find it quiet unbelievable. A sensible deduction would be that no rape took place. Finally and I'm sorry if it "hurts" you, adulterers are part of the problem not the solution. Good luck with your case.

Sorry, I wasn't really clear here. What I meant to say was that she claims that she had passed out before any sexual intercourse happened and that I had raped her while she was unconscious. She also claims she made it clear to me before that she didn't want any sex.
Her claims are simply not true because we've been together all evening, laughing, flirting - my and her friends who were at that house party saw us and we joking about us hooking up. We started kissing and ultimately ended up in a room alone together. Once in bed we started kissing again and we had sex which was urged on from both parties! I would never force myself on a woman... the sex didn't last longer than 2-3 minutes though because she started crying all of a sudden. I asked her what's wrong but she didn't reply, just cried. I got really worried and went to get her friend to calm her down and find out what's wrong - her friend after having talked to her then told me she was probably upset because of her boyfriend. I asked her friend if she needed any help but she assured me that she would be fine. Her friend even took my mates number so she could be in touch.
I didn't see her again after that. The next day I asked my friend how she was but he had not heard anything.
I don't think I quite understand what you mean with "hurt" me as I've never tried to justify my adultery - just the fact that I am wrongly accused of raping a woman.
Either way I really appreciate all of your comments so far, it helps a lot to actually speak about this and hear about others who are in a similar situation.

**Kermit** · 11 November 2011, 08:38 PM

This is never going to be a site to join through choice but the advice here is genuinely honest and support 100%.
Until you get a NFA or Charged the only advice i can give you and your wife is try and get on with life, I know thats easier said than done me and kermit have been there! We are still living a nightmare, but now we have CCRC and a new defence team with fresh evidence on board we pray our nightmare ends, before a sentence is complete 10/01/2016
I wont lie to you, the next few weeks or even months are going to be long days and long nights, stick together as a couple and after your nightmare ends , build up the trust again with your wife!

good luck and god bless x Kermits Fiancee

**Roasewalker** · 11 November 2011, 09:18 PM

Originally posted by Kermit View Post

This is never going to be a site to join through choice but the advice here is genuinely honest and support 100%.
Until you get a NFA or Charged the only advice i can give you and your wife is try and get on with life, I know thats easier said than done me and kermit have been there! We are still living a nightmare, but now we have CCRC and a new defence team with fresh evidence on board we pray our nightmare ends, before a sentence is complete 10/01/2016
I wont lie to you, the next few weeks or even months are going to be long days and long nights, stick together as a couple and after your nightmare ends , build up the trust again with your wife!

good luck and god bless x Kermits Fiancee

Thanks for the advice Kermits.
I genuinely think the same as well ,the advice are really honest and helpful.
I am really sorry to read about you and your fiance. I hope there us a light at the end of the tunnel, all we can do is hope. Hope everything goes on well for you.
I do not really know whats happening to my case as i have not heard form the police or solicitors .All i know is they are talking to few of my colleagues who were at the party.
My wife has gone to hear family for couple of days and its just been few hours but feels like days. Time goes really slowly, all i think about is what will be the outcome.Life has ups and downs but i don't think life should go this down that you get accused of something that you have never done.
I will keep you all updated whats happening .Hope all goes well and i get to hear the good news.

**Kermit** · 11 November 2011, 10:14 PM

Loneliness! yes we all understand that and the time on the clock is like being on standstill! I know its hard but try doing even small things that will take your mind away from the situation.

Why do people invent lies that destroy honest people is beyond me! Our accuser was a step daughter from my previous marriage and jealousy was a definate factor but the CPS dont care about that just conviction rates. Our system is unfair !

Do you work? have your employers been supportive? or have you kept quiet till you know the outcome of the police investigation?
Kermit found work an escape, he was self employed with a company and they held his job open while he was on bail before the guilty verdict with no evidence no dna and alot of lies came back.
I truelly hope you do not get charged and the lies are found out .

Hang in there ok Kermits fiancee x

**Roasewalker** · 11 November 2011, 10:23 PM

Hi Again,

I was arrested from my work place. My boss has been a big help, i called him after i came back from the police station and told him i feel awkward to work but he was the one to tell me you have not been found guilty so lets walk in a principle that you are innocent. As my wife is away i am trying to work extra for few days as my other colleagues worked my shifts while i took few days off from work last week. I don't really know what to do? I don't know how you are coping with your situation ,it must have been difficult for you.Hope things will come out good for you.

**Kermit** · 11 November 2011, 10:36 PM

Hi again

Thank you , We will come out good no matter when that is, we are a family strong and know the truth, i cant say its been easy on any of us, its been the worst time of our life and i strongly believe its about time , when its proven to be false that anyone bringing in these horrible accusations has punishment!

Which the police rarely do as its not in the publics interest as they say, well in my oppinion it is in the publics interest to see how the police are only taking one side, false cases are going to court and public money spent.

I know what your wife is feeling as do all the ladies on here, please tell her to use this site as well, as the support i got and still get here is worth more than words can describe, and i know for Kermit it gave him strength in the fact his innocence was believed by others not just family and friends x
take care x

**IvorBinWronged** · 12 November 2011, 01:53 AM

Just to ask...

did your accuser (and the others who thought you two should try "hooking up") know that you were married? Let's not forget that it takes a special kind of lady to agree to taking things further than conversation level with a married man (visa versa too). If so I would take the plain view that she was a predator, preying on a man already under contract. This case is basically she said he said and unless you said something in your interview that could be misconstrued, it will be hard to build a case of substance for rape. A person in your position might do well to listen to what those "friends" of yours actually know about this significant other and her relationship with her boyfriend. Something about this situation does not add up. Good luck.

**Raptorace** · 13 November 2011, 04:50 PM

YouR situation is very familiar to me. I had the same think happen. I would bet she is in a relationship with someone, felt terrible about cheating and used rape as the excuse to her partner. That's exactly what happened to me. Luckily my case was NFAd I hope the same for you. It seems bleak now but you will get through it. Good luck.

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