Trial approaching very fast......

[anxious]

What felt like months before the trial was due to begin has suddenly crept up.
Alot has come out of the woodwork since my last post and it has made me very nervous about the trial.

I still believe my husbands innocence and I am still supporting him.

I am finding it hard to cope with the built up angst inside...... i am on anti depressants- but it's still so hard.

One thing i will be taking away from this experience is to never expect the truth to come out - i think that there is three sides to every story and the trial will not hold any answers - just people who are trying to sell you a plausible excuse as to the possible events.

Reading all the different accounts and advice on here helps - being the wife of the accused is hard - as much as life carries on leading up to the trial and after. work, Children all have to carry on with a brave face - when sometimes all you would like to do is shut the door on it all.

It seems that all that we can do has been done and its now bracing myself to sit with anyone in the public gallery - watching my husband be accused of such a awful offence and face people i have not had to so far.... i am planning on keeping head held high and keeping on top of my feelings - my feelings have to be dealt with in private away from the public eye, my husband and my children.

Any body else who can offer advice in this situation - would love to hear from you.

Many Thanks

[RFLH]

Hi Anxious, I'm sure that most wives/partners here know exactly how you are feeling. I always feel so sorry for the children involved too, they rarely have someone or somewhere that they can unload their worries.

You have it pegged right, hold your heads high, try not to show any emotion - save that until later and then vent.

I hope that the truth comes out and that the jury can see it.

[Saffron]

Oh Anxious, I really feel for you.
You are right in that there is not a great deal you can do at this stage. Just be there for him and hold your head high.

At R's trial the accuser had her best mate and her boyfriend there as well as a support officer. The best mate was very disruptive throughout, shouting out, exclaiming, shaking her head in disbelief, nodding furiously in agreement....not once was she told to be quiet! R had a load of supporters - me, my Dad, his parents, his brother, his sister in law, his sister-in-law's sister (a serving police officer, who was in uniform!) and my best friend. We just sat very still and respectfully, but in hindsight this was probably a mistake.

The jury will be swayed by emotion, no matter what the judge tells them about "putting emotion aside". I wish I had behaved like the accuser's friend did - loudly challenging everything I didn't believe, nodding my head at what I agreed with, shaking it furiously at the things that were outright lies....but I didn't. There is a fine line in doing these kinds of things, and the last thing you want is to end up charged with contempt of court. I had never been in a court before, and my understanding was that one has to behave calmly and politely.

One small tip - the public gallery where we were (Birmingham CC) was quite small. On the second day we made sure that at least 2 of us were sitting on each row of seats. That way her 3 supporters were not able to sit together. They didn't return for the verdict.

Chin up. You are doing so well. Let me know the date so that I can make sure I am sending you positive vibes at the right time.

[Kermit]

We all with you Anxious

Hi We all are with you, I no when Kermit's trial took place the public gallery was full of supporters for him, no one from the liars side attended for the trial or when they verdict was given.
If there are friends or family from the other side, hold your head high but Please take someone with you for moral support for you as well as your husband x
Thoughts with you always x

[psychotic]

my thoughts are with you

i don't have a wife or kids but i do have a single mom and sister who i love very much, i will support you and ur husband spiritually to fight to the bitter end =)

[anxious]

Thank you all for your support!

Thank you all for your words of wisdom-
it's awful to think of anyone else in this situation so to help others from your own experiences is really heart warming. I will do my best what ever the outcome of the trial to stay on the forum and return the favour and try and be there for others in their time of need.
Saffron, I fully understand with what you are saying in that u always thought the court was always a place you "behaved" and have taken your advice on what the jury sees. Have been to court quite a few times in this and the fear of god foes through me- however when you look around and listen to some of the stories ofthe people also waiting in line to attend court- you realise how many scroats there are and everone is due a defence..... And if you dont play the game like the others of huffing and puffing and what not, you are disadvantaged. Unfortunately I was bought up well by my parents so this is out of character for me but I definately will try and be seen/heard by the jury- making my thoughts vocal.
This has still more or less been kept quiet by my husband and I find it hard to talk about so we have told enough people to drum up a masive support system.
My mother in law and myself will be in attendance and a close friend if she can get the time off.
Am proud of my husband for supporting his innocense throughout -even if it possibly means a longer sentence and he will not have quality time with his children in the home for longer..........
Does anyone know if things turn for the worse if children can enter the prison for a visit? Not sure about my feelings around this and it makes me anxious.
I think that watching that strangeways program on Monday has openedmy eyes a little as to the life of a prisoner - I take it hubby would be cat a - wi all the murderers ...... Ooooh that puts fear in me too!!
Trial starts Monday. Am hoping there is no media intrest as my oldest starts senior school this year and it's not fair to her!!!!
Got my head into a book so not sleeping is ok- mind like a washing machine- stomach too! It feels almost a relief for this to be immenant, the year in wait has been hard on us all. Fingers crossed eh !!!!!!!!!!

[Saffron]

Try not to be too scared of a Cat A Prison. Your hubby would not necessarily be in a Cat A. Usually they are sent to the closest prison to the court where sentencing is held - in our case it was Belmarsh. This put the fear of God into me - I had always heard it referred to as "notorious" and "one of the toughest". R started his sentence there - Cat A and completed it at Elmley - a Cat B...ironically he felt much safer in the Cat A prison as security was so tight. There were no drugs, no threats or intimidation. The only time he was really scared was when the other inmates thought he was a police officer (because of his suit!) At the Cat B prison he felt far more exposed and vulnerable and drugs and other contraband were readily available. Yes, he was in there with some real scum but he just kept his head down and stayed out of the way of any trouble makers.

With regard to taking the children - well, every one of Her Majesty's Hotels has different rules. Luckily R's sentence was short - 12 months and he was out in 6 - so I didn't take our son on visits. If he had been in any longer I probably would have.

If your husband gets a long sentence, most prisons will hold Family Days, where you can spend a whole day with the inmate and some will even allow you to walk outside. His visiting rights wil depend greatly on his demeanour and behaviour while he is inside. Have a look at the thread LS created called "What to expect in prison - some ins and outs" which is stickied at the top of the FA forum. I would also recommend taking a "Nasty Bag" to the final day of the trial, just in case.

But this is a worst-case scenario and it may not come to that. I will be thinking of you on Monday. If you feel up to it, please keep us updated on how it is going. I pray God that the jury sees sense xx

[Kermit]

Children Visits

I hope you dont need this advice and you get justice but just incase like Saffron said prepare a "Nasty Bag" socks boxers wash soap hair gel toothpaste ect. I hated getting that bag ready but its best to be prepared.

My Daughter is 15yld and is not allowed to visit Kermit until she is 16. She does write to him and emails him using a emailaprisoner and he does get her letters, however phone calls are different, He is only allowed to call those on his allowed list and they must be over 18, but when he calls i chat 1st then she does say hello and say what she is doing then hands the phone back to me and that is allowed, but different prisons have different rules.

Once our daughter is 16yld she will be allowed to visit with me and also go on the family days that are held every last sunday of the month.She asked to visit afew months ago and social services and the RSPCC blocked it and thats when we found out the rules on childrens ages visiting anyone accused of the crime Kermit was.

Take care always
kermits Fiancee

[66dw99]

I think that watching that strangeways program on Monday has openedmy eyes a little as to the life of a prisoner - I take it hubby would be cat a - wi all the murderers ...... Ooooh that puts fear in me too!!

If the worse happens, it's unlikely that he would be Cat A. That category is generally reserved for the high profile, high risk inmates, ones who are a threat to the public and at risk of escape.

He would be placed on a VP wing with inmates who are convicted of similar offences. At Strangeways, E wing is the VP wing and is known to be the best wing. Yes there are scum bags in there, child murders and rapists but I found if you didn't know what people were in there for then you could quite easily get on with them.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your hubby.

[Kermit]

I had so many fears once the guilty verdict came in about prison life, what would happen to my Kermit, where is he going, will he be ok, all kinds went through my mind!
He is on a VP wing and Cat B prison although its local and he is staying there whilst appeal is still being looked at.Should appeal not go in his favour and we have to look at another defence team to present his case in a different way, he will only be sent to a Cat B prison where there is a VP wing. From what i have read prisons with A/B status they are still seperated by wings , please check with others on here as i may be wrong.
Try not to worry to much right now and do your best to focus on Trial, we all pray your Husband will not get the guilt verdict but the right one and return home with you!

take care always
Kermits Fiancee

[Saffron]

I think that the reason Mrs K's daughter is not allowed to visit Kermit is because the complainant in his case was (technically) a child. As the complainant in Anxious's hubby's case is an adult the rules regarding children's visits may be different.

Try not to think too much about prison. Yes, take a Nasty Bag to the final day of the trial, although if the worst comes to the worst and he gets a Guilty verdict sentencing may well be postponed pending psychiatric reports. He might not be remanded immediately. (R was allowed to come home between verdict and sentencing).

In the meantime, hold on to the fact that he has not been convicted yet. Thinking of you xx

[xxlettyxx]

HI HUN,
only a month ago I was in your shoes. As far as court goes, like someone else said you have a lot more people supporting you than you realise. It is the not the place you imagine(I built up lots of images in my mind) Looking back now I realise I sat next and rubbed shoulders with the accusers and yes, I held my head high , even though I was breaking inside,I think everyone deals with things in their own way.There is no right or wrong. I personally have bottled a lot up over 18 month and have tried to be there for evryone.
Dont let them beat you whatever the outcome. I sit here and cry but I would hate to think they had won. As long as we still love each other and by God it takes a very special kind of love to get through this, but you just keep on in there. As they say it all comes out in the wash. Will read through your threads and if I can be of any use to you and yours, you are more than welcome.
as for the bag . that was how I originally came to this site. Think prisons vary. I got him a load of toiletries and yet he had to buy all new. the same with money- someone said take £100 in- but he had it all took off him. Dont worry about clothing because they give them enough to get by.but until you can visit.
take care

[66dw99]

IFrom what i have read prisons with A/B status they are still seperated by wings , please check with others on here as i may be wrong.

Not necessarily, sex offenders with Cat A status will still go on the VP wing. I was in a cell next door to a Cat A prisoner and if you had met him down the pub you would have thought he was a nice guy. He was a Cat A because his trial was very high profile, plus he was a martial arts expert too.

Anxious tell hubby that if it comes to the worse and he ends up in prison then don't ask what people are in for, even if someone tries to tell him, he should say I don't want to know. You obviously know what people are on that wing for but knowing specifics would drive you mad, some of the things are gruesome. When I got out on bail I found out that my cell mate had been in there for child murder, he had filmed himself on his phone physically abusing the child. Now imagine if I'd known that when I was sharing a cell with him ??

[Saffron]

People can be on the VP wing for a variety of different reasons, not just because they have been convicted of a sex offence.
Most people are there for their own protection. It could be that the nature of their offence would make them a target for other inmates. Some are there because they are related to police officers, MPs, judges, lawyers, celebrities - and some because they are policemen/MPs/judges/lawyers/celebrities. Others are there because they are emotionally fragile and could not cope with life on the Main. And finally some are there because they have got into debt on The Main and therefore need protection.

One of the guys R was in with was there because he was a serial burglar and had borrowed too much from people on the Main. He was serving a 4 year sentence for breaking into a shed and stealing some tools. He had been out of prison for less than a week when he did this. He couldn't cope with life outside prison - he was totally institutionalised.

So not everyone on the VP wing is a child molester/rapist/murderer.

[goldfish]

Hi Anxious

I also wish you and your husband all the best next week and hope things go in your husband's favour. It's not long ago that I was in a similar position so can understand the thoughts and feelings that you are having, it's a terrible situation to be in. You have done great to keep things together for the past year, I'm sure your husband could not have coped without your support.

My biggest worry was my children and how they were coping so can appreciate your concerns about your daughter. We tried to keep things as normal as possible for them and be as open as we could about what was happening depending on their age. I still worry about them and how all this has affected them though.

You have good family support and it's nice to see others on this forum who have been through similar situations offer their advice and thoughts. You are not alone, no matter what the outcome will be. Stay strong.