Not guilty verdict!

[carrot tops]

I think the problem is there are so many damaged girls out there who will tell lies and just don't have a conscience. I knew my daughter was like that, sadly she always had been. It's a possibility that her brain hasn't properly developed and the abuse and neglect in her history before she came yo us coupled with information from social services that she may have been sexually abused meant that she was a ticking time bomb in a family setting. That in itself is tough to cope with

However, when what you assume are intelligent justice orientated people in the police and CPS get involved you think surely now they will see the truth. You also think social services will be caring and supportive instead of devoid of compassion and common sense. I held on to the notion of continuous review and worked on my sons case to prove his innocence, truly believing it would be dropped before trial. I am still gobsmacked that it wasn't.

I have never broken the law and you expect that if that is the case you're safe. Daughter could have come after me, but she didn't. However she did say as a family we knew what son was doing to her but we decided to ignore it. I am surprised the CPS didn't charge me with something over that.

In my 50s my beliefs about the police, CPS and Social Services are that they are dangerous. It is painful living with this level of distrust.However I am in a much better place emotionally than I was. The thing that really helped me was writing my feelings down and exercise and a few close friends I have confided in. I do think there needs to be some very specific counselling for victims of false allegations and their families . This should be free and details should be given when the not guilty verdict is made. Maybe if the police, justice service and lying social services had to pay something towards it they would be deterred from their shoddy practices?

Anyway, off to deep breathe and get my heart rate down now. Wishing you all the best in the next part of this journey.

[mickw]

Hi mummabear,

I really don't know what the answer is. In my mind I know I should try and forget it and get on with my life, and not let them win. In the beginning I was eaten up with a desire for revenge. I started going through all the case files looking for something I could use against them. I realized I was just clutching at straws and now try to get my life back on track. The memories are fading but, I still wake up some nights and lie there thinking about the whole ordeal. Hopefully it will get better with time.

Mick

[carrot tops]

Your case is far more extreme than mine mickw but I really don't believe what either of us had been through we can just forget and move on. I think doing that just makes the emotional trauma which is likely to come out in a destructive way at some stage.

Another thing I found that helps is finding a song that I can relate my feelings to and to almost play it to death to purge my feelings. I am at the stage where if I fall apart for a while that's ok because the world can function well enough without me for a while.

I have put my feelings "out there " anonymously and that helps a great deal as I can see my progress and there haven't been negative consequences from doing so. I find staying with my feelings and totally experiencing the pain is the only way I can ultimately heal. There are aspects of what I've been through that do not eat me up inside anymore. I have left behind the awful guilt that I didn't protect my birth children from this.

[mickw]

Looking back on all this I see my wives face when I was arrested in Bulgaria and it breaks my heart. My wife tells me our little dog spent days sat at the top of our drive staring at the gate waiting for me to come home. When my wife joined me in the UK to await my trial he was looked after by neighbours. My heart sinks to think what must have been going through his little head. Now I am home he never leaves my side. If only Humans were as faithful as my little dog. Had it not been for my Military training, and the Love and support of my Wife and Family and not least that little dog of mine. It could have all ended badly with suicidal thoughts often entering my mind. Now it's over I treasure every moment.

Mick

[mummabear]

Hi mummabear,

I really don't know what the answer is. In my mind I know I should try and forget it and get on with my life, and not let them win. In the beginning I was eaten up with a desire for revenge. I started going through all the case files looking for something I could use against them. I realized I was just clutching at straws and now try to get my life back on track. The memories are fading but, I still wake up some nights and lie there thinking about the whole ordeal. Hopefully it will get better with time.

Mick

Hey Mick
Yes, I hear you. They say that it’s like sipping poison and expecting the other person to die. But it’s tough that these liars can get away with it scot-free In our case, this damaged girl has accused other men, including a serving police officer who was arrested and charged. It is so very wrong and the law needs to change.
I hope you heal and that this doesn’t mess up the rest of your life.

[Pond31]

Hi Mike

I do hear what you say about looking through the paperwork. I thought my FA had lied to the police and provided them proof of it but it seems that the police took their own decision to arrest me for something the FA reported as consensual. The OIC promised me a letter to explain their reasoning and said it was posted last Monday but of course it has yet to arrive. I decided to keep fighting not because of me but to stop this happening to the next guy down the line. I will follow every legal route but once that is done I shall move on.

Pond31

[carrot tops]

If it were just down to me I would be challenging police, social services and the justice system. I would be writing to MPs, would consider going to the press, whatever it took to get complete justice.

However,the whole ordeal,just as the mother of the falsely accused has been the hardest battle of my life and I really feel my son as the primary victim in this would need to instigate action.

I still feel a lot of people believe no woman or girl would lie about such things and #metoo seems to mean men's lived are immediately negatively affected before any investigation takes place. I do not doubt that historic abuse happens but it seems to be a mighty big bandwagon that anyone can hitch a ride on.

[Pond31]

If it were just down to me I would be challenging police, social services and the justice system. I would be writing to MPs, would consider going to the press, whatever it took to get complete justice.

However,the whole ordeal,just as the mother of the falsely accused has been the hardest battle of my life and I really feel my son as the primary victim in this would need to instigate action.

I still feel a lot of people believe no woman or girl would lie about such things and #metoo seems to mean men's lived are immediately negatively affected before any investigation takes place. I do not doubt that historic abuse happens but it seems to be a mighty big bandwagon that anyone can hitch a ride on.

Hi Carrot Top

As the victim of 2 False allegations, I am extremely angry at how the system is designed. How #believe means that every accuser is believed when the police know that a percentage are liars, 2 to 10% depending on what report you read. It is amazing to read all the stories in America about women making the allegations and men loosing their careers, family etc even before any investigation is done but once it is done so many are found to be false.

If my FA had admitted she was lying then I would have walked away but she continues to repeat the allegations so I can't. There should be a law stating that once a case is NFA'd or the accused is found not guilty that it is illegal for the FA to repeat the allegations.

Pond31

[Franticwithworry]

Carrot tops, while it would need to be your son who instigated any action in relation to his own case, there's nothing stopping you as a supporter of change in the legal system taking action and getting involved on a more general basis. There are conferences being held in various parts of the country by various organisations on a regular basis. If you can, get involved. To be honest, I believe that it will take a lot of shouting from those who support the falsely accused as well as those so accused themselves if anything is to change.

There is nothing stopping you contacting your MP to ask what their stance is on disclosure issues for example and holding them to account for what they are actually doing or not doing to help their constituents fight for the changes needed to repair our system. They will rarely help with individual cases but pinning them down on issues like cuts to legal aid, the state of courts and prisons, disclosure issues, biased investigations etc is possible if you are determined enough and change will come if there are enough of us taking up MP's time. They live in a bubble and collectively, we could burst it. Or at least we could try. :-)

[carrot tops]

Yes, contacting my MP is something I could do.

[mummabear]

Hello mummabear. I'm so glad that you found help and support on the forum - and got the correct result in the end. Lurkers are of course very welcome, but thank you so very much for actually posting your son's verdict. Good news is such a boost for those still living this nightmare.

Carrot tops is right - it can take quite some time to recover from an ordeal like this so please, you, your son and family, continue to be gentle with yourselves in the coming weeks and months. Some people find the verdict quite an anticlimax and not quite the end of things in the way they had hoped. Not everyone, but be aware that we are still her if you need continued support.

One favour to ask - would you let us know the names and firms of your son's legal team if you are willing to recommend them? We have a special thread for that and it would be good if they could be included here. Put them in this thread and I'll see they get added to the recommendation thread if you like.

Congratulations to you all. It's a marathon task to deal with a trial and you must all be exhausted. I hope you can find some time to celebrate, even if only quietly.

Here are the customary bananas -

Hi again franticwithworry. Where can I post the details of our solicitor? I would like to stay anonymous on here so could I maybe privately message you and then you post them on my behalf? He was such a wonderful solicitor that I would like other people to have access to him. Thank you.

[Pond31]

Hi All

I have spoken to a number of MLA's and local politicians myself. They don't want to go anywhere near us with a barge poll. They seem to be very uneducated about the matter or care only about #believe #metoo as this is more trandy.

I would be interested in starting a charity/support group for those falsely accused. This website an others do great work but we need a public voice for those falsely accused so we can have our say on how the police and law handle allegations. I think we would start the group, certain people would volunteer to be spokepersons but the membership would be private.

Pond31

[Franticwithworry]

Hi again franticwithworry. Where can I post the details of our solicitor? I would like to stay anonymous on here so could I maybe privately message you and then you post them on my behalf? He was such a wonderful solicitor that I would like other people to have access to him. Thank you.

Yes, of course. PM me the details you want posted and I will post them for you. Don't forget that solicitors and barristers work quite a wide area so it will be difficult for anyone to identify you simply based on the location of their office. :-)