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[jittery]

hi

I agree with you Amanda, I always find your comments inspirational and motivating. There is clearly two sides the victims of Rape and the victims of being falsely accused.....let's all support each other where we can...both ordeals are terrible and difficult.

Turn all that pain into positive power

That's precisely what I was trying to say. Don't think I'm trying to take sides here, because I'm not. I said that both sides of the victim coin if you will should show mutual respect for each other's experiences; and I stand by that.

What I do think; and what seldom seems to happen on this forum, is that we should start to offer more support for victims of rape when they first post on this site. How often do we see victims of rape posting on this site and nobody ever answers them? This I think is wrong; and I think it would be to this forum's credit if we changed that.

I know it won't be easy; and I don't judge anyone who doesn't wish to comment. Most people's experiences have been worse than mine, in fact, if I'm honest virtually everyone has had a worse time than me.

When I first visited this forum, RF and CH were almost single-handedly holding the fort for everybody who came on it. The flavour has changed now, a lot of people are offering each other support and it's heart warming to see.

The point I am trying to make is that I would like to see us take this a step further and offer support to the victims of rape who post here too.

[Bene]

If you want mutual respect and support, you should give it.

To tell those suffering injustice that they will recover is wrong- any kind of injustice from either side of the situation. I think you will find people were trying to be supportive but to talk about hanging and then tell a terrified parent that their son will get over it and is not a real victim is hardly being supportive.

It's like me saying "It's ok- you'll get over it " when I know all too well you won't, to a greater or lesser degree.

That said , the women I know who have been subjected to this kind of devastating attack, the ones who just purely relied on friends and family to get them through end up being "survivors" not "victims". Now that really is sad.

With all due respect Amanda, you never replied to the girls initial post to offer any sort of supportive or even a kind words to the girl. Or any rape " victim" on the forum room. In regards to hangings. With regards to the hangings, you have ranted on the fourm room your frustration and anger before so I think you should have been a little bit more understanding. She has every right to feel the way she does just like you and me. Only 1 person tried to help her) no one was trying to understand where she's coming from. As on the fourm room on the whole you largely only hear one perspective, the people who have been fasely accused and mostly no one wants to hear what victims go through. Hence the few replies victims post gets.

So it's not okay for me or anyone else to say to someone who has been fasely accused who will get over it" even if you solely relied on your family and friends for supportive. But it's okay for you to make the comment you just made?

Please tell me this it's been nearly 2 years since my attack and I've still not been able as you so kindly put it made the transition from victim to survivor. I've not recovered.

I want to say that there is this big myth on this fourm room that rape victim we get it easy, we get all this great support.
I do agree there is support out there, but I still feel very much alone. I get counselling once a week) than I get to return home and see the sight where I was raped everyday. I've lost friends because they didn't believe me. When I told one family member what happened the first thing she said was what where you wearing, how did you behave, perhaps you was flirting. That's the reaction most victims probably get. You are judged! Unless you where dragged in the bushes and beaten black and blue. You early ever get sympathy! You will always get I'm sorry!! But will sorry do? For me i haven't slept in about 2 years) to add on to that) the police decide not to prosecute my rapist due to as they put it lack of evidence. But it's on about wining with the cps) they don't care about justice or giving victims a voice!! So I'm damn angry!! And I want to kill someone preferably him!! But if I go out and touch him, I'll be the one prosecuted and convicted not my attacker me!! This is the cruel reality so many of us go through!! So if I want to write all rapist should be hanged if that's how I feel at the moment than I will!! Who are you to tell me that's wrong.

You will never understand what I go through and vice versa, but if someone who has been fasely accused came to me for help I would offer my support and encouragement where i could I would. That poor girl came on here in need of support and out of all the views her post got, only 1 person bothered to say anything remotely supportive or encouraging. Shame on every single one of you that didn't bother to say anything at all!!! Just like you do to so many others!!

[AmandaF]

Bene- how do you know ??

WE come on here as anonymous entities, no one knows anything about us other than what we choose do disclose on here.

If you truly knew my background you yourself might even be shocked.
let me put it this way- a few years ago I was on a coffee break with a colleague who went on a rant about all disabled children should be killed at birth if not before and women who gave birth to them were simply selfish.

A woman at a nearby table got up and walked out, seemingly having herself devoted a great part of her life to her disabled child.

The point I am making is you cannot simply make derogatory comments as you simply have no idea as to the full picture., also some of the comments were not directed at rape victims.
I wouldn't dream of telling anyone that they will get over it no matter what their ordeal was.

I remember you once asking that wasn't your side of the story enough? If that were the case, and rapists were all hanged, nobody would be NFA'd or found not guilty and there would be a huge pile of dead innocents

[Casehardened]

So it's not okay for me or anyone else to say to someone who has been fasely accused who will get over it" even if you solely relied on your family and friends for supportive. But it's okay for you to make the comment you just made?


I want to say that there is this big myth on this fourm room that rape victim we get it easy, we get all this great support.
I do agree there is support out there, but I still feel very much alone. I get counselling once a week

That poor girl came on here in need of support and out of all the views her post got, only 1 person bothered to say anything remotely supportive or encouraging. Shame on every single one of you that didn't bother to say anything at all!!!

Hi Bene,

I wonder if you are making the common mistake that this forum is like your counselling sessions; i.e. 'victims' can expect to come here for (funded?) support.

AFAIK none of our members are professional counsellors but ordinary folk who have happened along via an internet search engine; some lurk and some post; note the figures at the bottom:

Members 2,806 Active Members 316

I believe that 'active' means that they have logged on recently rather than posted and I suspect that there are fewer than 50 members who play an active part in the forum (i.e. posting messages of support); what the others are here for I can only surmise.....

Therefore any support offered comes from personal experience and so is usually directed to someone in the same position. This is why I have not attempted to offer support to yourself or Rosemary; what do I know of your feelings or needs?

I would expect you and Rosemary to offer support to each other and this seems to be lacking somewhat; both of you have launched verbal attacks on the principle of this forum rather than entered into the spirit of it which is mutual support for each other.

[jittery]

hi

With all due respect Amanda, you never replied to the girls initial post to offer any sort of supportive or even a kind words to the girl. Or any rape " victim" on the forum room. In regards to hangings. With regards to the hangings, you have ranted on the fourm room your frustration and anger before so I think you should have been a little bit more understanding. She has every right to feel the way she does just like you and me. Only 1 person tried to help her) no one was trying to understand where she's coming from. As on the fourm room on the whole you largely only hear one perspective, the people who have been fasely accused and mostly no one wants to hear what victims go through. Hence the few replies victims post gets.

So it's not okay for me or anyone else to say to someone who has been fasely accused who will get over it" even if you solely relied on your family and friends for supportive. But it's okay for you to make the comment you just made?

Please tell me this it's been nearly 2 years since my attack and I've still not been able as you so kindly put it made the transition from victim to survivor. I've not recovered.

I want to say that there is this big myth on this fourm room that rape victim we get it easy, we get all this great support.
I do agree there is support out there, but I still feel very much alone. I get counselling once a week) than I get to return home and see the sight where I was raped everyday. I've lost friends because they didn't believe me. When I told one family member what happened the first thing she said was what where you wearing, how did you behave, perhaps you was flirting. That's the reaction most victims probably get. You are judged! Unless you where dragged in the bushes and beaten black and blue. You early ever get sympathy! You will always get I'm sorry!! But will sorry do? For me i haven't slept in about 2 years) to add on to that) the police decide not to prosecute my rapist due to as they put it lack of evidence. But it's on about wining with the cps) they don't care about justice or giving victims a voice!! So I'm damn angry!! And I want to kill someone preferably him!! But if I go out and touch him, I'll be the one prosecuted and convicted not my attacker me!! This is the cruel reality so many of us go through!! So if I want to write all rapist should be hanged if that's how I feel at the moment than I will!! Who are you to tell me that's wrong.

You will never understand what I go through and vice versa, but if someone who has been fasely accused came to me for help I would offer my support and encouragement where i could I would. That poor girl came on here in need of support and out of all the views her post got, only 1 person bothered to say anything remotely supportive or encouraging. Shame on every single one of you that didn't bother to say anything at all!!! Just like you do to so many others!!

Come on hun, it's not fair to talk to Amanda like this. I know the pair of you don't exactly see eye to eye.

Having read all the posts here, I think that people have tried to be kind to Rosemay (her liberal comments concerning rapists fate aside) but it all seems to have become horribly blurred. It is a tad inflammatory to suggest that the death penalty should be brought back, although in the 1750's the punishment for rape was hanging, I think we'd all like to hope we've moved on as a society since then.

You realised straight away that your opening post should have gone onto Rosemay's first post and that's what's caused the problem here, it's come across that we're trying to fan the embers to get a fire going, which wasn't our intention.

We've posted in the wrong section, I'm just as guilty because I didn't make the connection either, I'm friends with both of you on facebook a, I'd like to remain so and I'd like this to stop please- you don't want to see a grown man cry surely?

[jittery]

hi

Bene- how do you know ??

WE come on here as anonymous entities, no one knows anything about us other than what we choose do disclose on here.

If you truly knew my background you yourself might even be shocked.
let me put it this way- a few years ago I was on a coffee break with a colleague who went on a rant about all disabled children should be killed at birth if not before and women who gave birth to them were simply selfish.

A woman at a nearby table got up and walked out, seemingly having herself devoted a great part of her life to her disabled child.

The point I am making is you cannot simply make derogatory comments as you simply have no idea as to the full picture., also some of the comments were not directed at rape victims.
I wouldn't dream of telling anyone that they will get over it no matter what their ordeal was.

I remember you once asking that wasn't your side of the story enough? If that were the case, and rapists were all hanged, nobody would be NFA'd or found not guilty and there would be a huge pile of dead innocents

Hi hun, the problem is Bene and myself have posted on this thread by mistake and it's coming across as though we're playing devil's advocate by fanning the flames, which wasn't our intention. We meant to post on the first thread that Rosemay posted.

I thought something was wrong last night but I hadn't realised what we'd done. What I'm trying to do is to get people to post on the threads of rape victims who post here because I think they should have more support that's all.

[AmandaF]

You know, I don't recall ever seeing any falsely accused calling for their accusers to be hanged.

I have to disagree here- it doesn't matter where you post, if you make inflammatory comments it immediately becomes confrontational.

[jittery]

hi

You know, I don't recall ever seeing any falsely accused calling for their accusers to be hanged.

I have to disagree here- it doesn't matter where you post, if you make inflammatory comments it immediately becomes confrontational.

What is there to disagree about? I agree with you. Of course inflammatory comments cause confrontation; and that's what I'm trying to steer this away from. I'm not supporting inflammatory comments- they are negative and counter productive.

From the off I have merely suggested that my belief is that we should offer more support for victims of rape when they post on this forum and that both victims of false accusations and rape victims should have mutual respect for each other and their experiences.

I can't see why you think I am condoning or advocating anything else?

[jittery]

hi CH

Hi Bene,

I wonder if you are making the common mistake that this forum is like your counselling sessions; i.e. 'victims' can expect to come here for (funded?) support.

AFAIK none of our members are professional counsellors but ordinary folk who have happened along via an internet search engine; some lurk and some post; note the figures at the bottom:

Members 2,806 Active Members 316

I believe that 'active' means that they have logged on recently rather than posted and I suspect that there are fewer than 50 members who play an active part in the forum (i.e. posting messages of support); what the others are here for I can only surmise.....

Therefore any support offered comes from personal experience and so is usually directed to someone in the same position. This is why I have not attempted to offer support to yourself or Rosemary; what do I know of your feelings or needs?

I would expect you and Rosemary to offer support to each other and this seems to be lacking somewhat; both of you have launched verbal attacks on the principle of this forum rather than entered into the spirit of it which is mutual support for each other.

Come on CH, stop hiding your light under a bushel. I've seen you post on one or two threads where victims of rape have come to this forum and as I recall your comments were as usual both constructive and supportive. As a human being you, along with others I could mention seem to know instinctively what to say and how to offer support and you do it very well.

[innocentson]

Come on CH, stop hiding your light under a bushel. I've seen you post on one or two threads where victims of rape have come to this forum and as I recall your comments were as usual both constructive and supportive. As a human being you, along with others I could mention seem to know instinctively what to say and how to offer support and you do it very well.

I'm so sad to see this thread is ongoing & although I felt very hurt (possibly over sensitive because of current situation) I consciously withdrew below the parapet.

However I feel the sentiment of mutual support and respect should be the joint aim of all of us in pain (whether a victim of rape OR false accusations ). So please accept my apologies everyone for my clumsy efforts earlier on in this thread and for any offence I may have contributed to. It was definitely not intentional.

And finally to Mia , the original post person. I sincerely hope you have found support from counsellors as well as family & friends. God bless you x
Innocent son

[AmandaF]

I'm not sure why you feel the need to apologize.

If you go back to the original post, it is written in a very sensitive heartfelt manner,. I know I'll get criticized- again- for saying this but the way things are written have some bearing on how people react.

The only thing I feel sorry about is the OP got forgotten in the ensuing arguments.

Yes I totally agree that we should be supporting anyone who has been the victim of injustice, however that may have occurred. If we read the emotions we all express they are very similar. I know we all have a right to be angry, but it should not be expressed in such a manner that others are left feeling hurt or insulted

[innocentson]

I'm not sure why you feel the need to apologize.

If you go back to the original post, it is written in a very sensitive heartfelt manner,. I know I'll get criticized- again- for saying this but the way things are written have some bearing on how people react.

The only thing I feel sorry about is the OP got forgotten in the ensuing arguments.

Yes I totally agree that we should be supporting anyone who has been the victim of injustice, however that may have occurred. If we read the emotions we all express they are very similar. I know we all have a right to be angry, but it should not be expressed in such a manner that others are left feeling hurt or insulted

Hi Amanda
I always appreciate your sentiments but thought I should try, as a participant in the thread to, to help resolve any mis understanding, I may unwittingly have added to.

Main hope was to try help draw a line under this as conscious it may be distraction from the real focus of helping us all through ; what we all know is the worst experiences of our lives.

I'm really really struggling at the moment; so scared of trial and it's possible ramifications - so will duck out od sight for a while now until I feel stronger. In the interim please all keep up the positive work if fighting injustice . X

[Rights Fighter]

Sorry to see that this has caused you to leave for a while.

Maybe it's time to think about whether have "both sides of the fence" on these forums is a good idea. This is not the first time a complainant has been spoiling for a fight when people who are suffering from FAs attempt to come in and support them, and that then is misinterpreted.

[AmandaF]

I've thought that for a while too RF- I also tend to hold back from commenting on those still awaiting trial as it becomes more obvious that although I was acquitted, my OH wasn't and I don't want to add to people's despondency. I wonder then whether we should have yet another kind of subdivision somehow?

There seem to be more people joining us recently, an indication of the sad and sorry state of affairs we are all having to endure.

[Rights Fighter]

We rarely have fights on PAFAA!