is this normal?

[Unregistered]

i was raped wen i was 13 by a close family friend...ever since then i have bin promiscious. to me now sex means nothing and il sleep wit sum1 even if i only jus met them.i no it makes me look like a slut but i jus cant seem 2 help it.wen im ina relationship i dnt cheat but wen im single i sleep wit ne 1 hoo takes a bit o interest.i'm 19 now un have slept wit ovet 50 people.i hate being like this but ina weird way i jus wan them 2 hold me un feel close 2 sum1 even if it is 4 15 mins....has ne1 else encountered tha same thing or is it jus me?

[diana_holbourn]

It must have been very upsetting being raped by someone who seemed to be a close family friend.
There's a thread on here that's a little bit similar in one or two ways and you might find some of the things in it helpful: http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/showthread.php?t=394

[bellygoddess]

hi

i really feel for you,it sounds like maybe you grew up associating being raped with someone who u at one time trusted,ie the family friend.So they not only abused your trust in them,but committed a horiffic crime against you.I dont think you sound like a slut at all,you have a need to feel cared for and find that need met by sex with strangers.I understand what thats like.I was raped when i was 19,and repressed it at the time,as i was previously a virgin,and didnt realise it was rape.I went on to have a relationship with my rapist,who was very charming and manipulative.I uncovered the memories of what happened 4 months ago in counselling for another issue,and realised id been raped.I felt guilty as when i was seeing him i wanted and enjoyed violent sex with him,because i was very depressed at the time,and have no self esteem or confidence,and the sex made me feel better at the time from the depression.so i think that there is no 'normal' way to behave sexually with men.What does worry me is that you are vulnerable to be exploited by the men u have sex with,so be careful of that.Im not trying to tell u what to do,but now i am more aware myself of what men can be like,i would hopefully not put myself at risk.Do u find it hard to relate to men after your rape? I find it hard knowing how to relate to them,as i don trust them easily,but as im gay,it isnt so much or a problem.If u ever want to chat on msn,my id is bellydancersex@yahoo.com (dont ask y!)

[MGR]

Although I went through a period of not respecting myself and being quite promiscuous, I didn't recognise it till many years later. I had a counsellor for a while and she used to tell me this was very common (and still I missed it!) I thought I was coping well, getting on with my life but it's just another way of kicking yourself. So yes it's common but it doesn't mean it's doing you any good.

You're in control of your life, there are always other things you can do, go out with female friends for some girly nights, maybe try and get the affection you're missing from men from platonic female friends for a while? Counselling works for some people, personally I found it a bit hit and miss but when you're at a really low point, it can pull you out.

I can easily say to you that you're worth so much more than this, you're worth someone falling in love with you for you, it's true but you need to believe that.

[HugsKisses&&BestWishes]

i kno this doesnt help you but i was raped a couple of month ago by my bf at the time it made me feel so week lyk the only person who could help me was causing the pain and i know your case is a bit diferent but i was woundering if you could give me any advice on how to help me start getting over it all

[Unregistered]

Promiscuity is a way of dealing with what happened, I was the same after I had been raped twice, I was determined to have sex with as many people as possible to prove to myself that sex could be normal that it wasnt just about rape. But I didnt seem to get any pleasure from the sex and each time I had sex I would have flashbacks. It just hit me one day that I was proving nothing that I neither cared about the men I was sleeping with nor them me, I just wanted to have control over my life again. Deal with what happend to you however you can but dont hurt yourself in the process as what happened was not your fault.