I need help

[lawlessone2009]

I always find it sucks when you expect one thing and instead are landed with something else...

If you still got something from it even though it wasn't what you expected then it's a positive.

If you are feeling particularly bad do not feel afraid to attend at A&E, they have specialists on hand to help you. Also, do not be afraid to lean on your doctor, there are times when they can work miracles too.

Everyone on here is here to support you too. It's quiet at the moment but it doesn't mean others are not reading your post it may be that they aren't able to help or are feeling things a little raw themselves at the moment. The sunshine and decent weather also drags a lot of us outside, especially after the long dark winter months where a lot of us lay depressed and exhausted.

We are all here, just not quite in the quantity that normally grace the forum. Responses may take a little time but if you are having issues or need to know something don't think twice about asking. Saying that, you do not need to feel compelled to ask anything or do anything, keep everything at your own pace for there is plenty of time and time is a good thing to let pass by just now.

I wouldn't worry about routines too much either. Keep em in mind and plan things out but nobody should be making any demands of you. You need some time of quietness and relaxation and I hope that you are getting it. If you need someone to give you a break or stop annoying you for whatever reason then tell them, they will understand eventually and in fact it may be their lack of understanding that's making them do whatever it is that may potentially annoy you. The majority of people just do not understand, don't blame them as they simply cannot understand.

Most on here do, though from many differing perspectives. Take everything at your own pace, if the pace is not quick enough then don't shy away from speeding it up where you need too.

[myhome]

Lovely post LL1 - yes - we're all here for you and we'll give you all the support we can...

[Music lady]

Sorry I haven't replied sooner. Sometimes I get over whelmed and need a few days to recover. I haven't been ignoring you your posts though, I'm still here for you. Just sometimes it might take a while for me to respond.

I agree, lovely post LL1.

I'm pleased you found it helpful, even though it wasn't what you expected.

When I have lots of things going round in my head, I find writing it down helps. I also do multiplication in my head as it helps to reset the thought process (so I've been told).

Try and be kind to yourself, don't force anything and take your time.

As has previously been said, we're all here for you.

[myhome]

ML - hon - there is absolutely no need whatsoever for you to apologise for not being here for a little while. You are going through a great deal yourself and yet you still find time and emotional resources to come on here and support members - not least me - which is just amazing. Be kind to yourself - I know that you will help anon whenever you can and the support you will give her will be empathetic and wise....

[anon26]

Thank you again for all of the kind messages and support. It's so sad that anyone should have to go through what we are all experiencing.

I am hopeful that one day I can put this all behind me. I have had a few good days and feeling a bit more positive. A bit of retail theropy seemed to help slightly. Trying to use this to get something postive out of it. I am going back to work tomorrow and going to get my head back into my job as I loved my job before this happened. I am determined to not be a victim and return back to the fun lovable girl I once was. That said I still have so much to deal with. My problem was I was trying to do to much in one go and worrying about things way into the future. This experience does not define me. I will not let him win.

Rambling on as it's easier to clear my head on here. Xxx

[lawlessone2009]

Thank you again for all of the kind messages and support. It's so sad that anyone should have to go through what we are all experiencing.

I am hopeful that one day I can put this all behind me. I have had a few good days and feeling a bit more positive. A bit of retail theropy seemed to help slightly. Trying to use this to get something postive out of it. I am going back to work tomorrow and going to get my head back into my job as I loved my job before this happened. I am determined to not be a victim and return back to the fun lovable girl I once was. That said I still have so much to deal with. My problem was I was trying to do to much in one go and worrying about things way into the future. This experience does not define me. I will not let him win.

Rambling on as it's easier to clear my head on here. Xxx

Hey,

Glad to hear you have had some 'retail therapy'... I always found it to be good at the time until the bills came in later on...

Going back to work tomorrow??? Good god, that's some feat! Well done you!

Take it easy at work and don't go over doing it.

Don't believe for one moment that you are not still the 'fun lovable girl' anymore. Nobody can take that away from you, ever. Make sure you get your space and time and helping hands to ensure that you continue to be 'you'. If necessary make the time. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from and you should not feel that what has happened is for any reason your fault.

Get you ass back to work. You clearly want too.

Watch that retail spending...

Shout at those that should be doing their jobs (therapists etc) to make sure you get the attention you deserve.

Feel entirely free to rant, rave and ramble on here as much and as often as you want. We all do it! If you're having a bad day (or a good one!) then feel completely at ease to share it with us. Don't be afraid to ask questions if things are bothering you, it's odd how someone always seems to have the answer and sometimes how obvious that answer actually can be at times... If you have questions with regards to 'what happens next' then there are those very people on here to give you the answers and the assurances.

If you want to know about the future... Well, unfortunately the crystal ball broke a while ago. The technicians are working on the repairs but there is no definite time for them to be complete. They did however let us all know that the future is what you make it (borrowed from Back to the Future - Film).

[anon26]

On my way to the office by train and am so anxious. Overwhelming feeling of falling in my stomach. Glad I'm driving tomorrow can't deal with ever day. At least I'm doing it I guess ....

[lawlessone2009]

On my way to the office by train and am so anxious. Overwhelming feeling of falling in my stomach. Glad I'm driving tomorrow can't deal with ever day. At least I'm doing it I guess ....

Crikey. Go you!

I can't face getting out of bed most days never mind going to work!

Relax. If you're feeling stressed or anxious do some breathing exercises. Long deep breaths, get the oxygen flowing.

Remember. Nobody is watching you! It's hard to stop the thoughts that the whole world is focused entirely on you but trust me, they're not! People 'look' at you and potentially think 'poor soul must have a lot on her mind' but they don't know what and can only assume. If you catch people looking SMILE and ask them if you can help them, they'll go red and move on to staring at someone else...

If there are people at work asking a million questions it's partly because they are nosey but also because they care. Don't share details as everyone has a habit of sharing them onwards. Some, HR types, normally keep everything to themselves as that's their job! Still, don't feel a need to tell them.

If you're really not feeling up to it don't be afraid to ask for time out. There is more to life than work, work is merely 'part' of life. YOU are the important part, work is so far down the list I am surprised you are bothering just now. Clearly work has an importance to you and I am in awe that you are determined to return. You should be incredibly proud of yourself. Keep that in mind when you are finding things difficult, if you do.

Have a good day at work.

[myhome]

On my way to the office by train and am so anxious. Overwhelming feeling of falling in my stomach. Glad I'm driving tomorrow can't deal with ever day. At least I'm doing it I guess ....

Wow - amazing - well done you - please don't belittle what you have achieved by saying, "At least I am doing it I guess..." like it's nothing much. It is a HUGE first step that you've been made and should be very proud of yourself....

[anon26]

Thank you. Yeah I am determined to be successful always have been and I'm not going to let this stop me no way. Had a tiny cry this morning when I go there then I was ok. Think it was just the train journey that stressed me out so many people.

I'm driving in tomorrow so won't have to deal with the train. It's hard because all of management know and nearly all my team and can tell people are treating me differently but I geuss with time that will change. Just have to show that I'm not weak. Work is such a huge part of my life as have always wanted to prove something to myself and everyone that knows me that I'm good St something and when I'm having a hard time it's the best distraction.

I can't let this person beat me. I've dealt with so much in my life and never let it ruin me I don't see why this should be any different. Granted this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with but I'm hopeful that there is a reason for this and the best is yet to come.

Someone said to me today that people only say everything happens for a reason to make themselves feel better in hard times but I still believe that as if you don't what's the point. I'm a good person and I don't deserve to have a lifetime of suffering.

All about the postive mental attitude has to be.

Thank you for your reassurance it's hard to judge if I'm doing well or not sometimes as can only see things from my perspective and I don't know anyone that has had to go through this ♡ xx

[lawlessone2009]

Everyone around you that knows will be treating you 'differently' as they'll simply not know how to treat you. They'll be judging everything, cautious of comments and appearing weird. Over time it'll settle back to complete normality, you will be defining part of their life experiences. I would imagine that many will be in complete awe of you!

You may also find some work mates becoming closer and better friends. Situations in life always have a weird way of doing that, the least expected things materialise and add to the surprise.

I was going to attempt a random comment/joke aimed at women behind the wheel but thought better of it. I also didn't read your reply until this evening so you may have been on the road at the same time as me and I am still alive! Plus there are many roads in Britain. Safe to say any comment/joke would've been a complete and utter failure. Also, the inner strength you appear to have hints to me that you're not someone that I should direct joking sexist comments towards.

I hope your day today went equally as well as yesterday. Nearly half way through the week!


I would attempt to type more but I am really tired. Keep the chin up, don't be afraid to cry... I cry reasonably often these days, not entirely sure why sometimes. Better out than in, releases tension and frees the mind.

[anon26]

I wouldn't have minded I'm a terrible driver!! Can I ask how long ago it was for you if that's ok to ask? I managed to go to the pub for a soft drink last night to so I think my confidence is getting back up a bit. I worry though about my weight loss everyone has noticed it's quite disgusting I was tiny before now I look ill. Another day in the office it's nice to be back :-).

I'm so tired to we need a holiday :-) xx

[lawlessone2009]

I wouldn't have minded I'm a terrible driver!! Can I ask how long ago it was for you if that's ok to ask? I managed to go to the pub for a soft drink last night to so I think my confidence is getting back up a bit. I worry though about my weight loss everyone has noticed it's quite disgusting I was tiny before now I look ill. Another day in the office it's nice to be back :-).

I'm so tired to we need a holiday :-) xx

I'm from the 'other' side. I suffered from false allegations.

You may have missed my avoidance of assuming that I know anything about the direct devastating impacts that rape has. What happened to me was the destruction of who I was, the systematic and uncaring wrecking of my mental and emotional well being.

I am 'supposed' to be showing as 'Super Moderator' but admin haven't changed my title from 'Senior Member' yet...

I originally viewed your thread when it was in the 'Introductions' section. I moved it from there to 'here' to hopefully attract more support. The forum is reasonably quiet just now so I've been adding what I can, when I can as other members just aren't here to add their support at present. I live in hope that some will pop back soon and give you the focused support that you need. 'Music Lady' has been off and on which has been greatly appreciated by me and no doubt you.

I've replied when I could and marveled at you as you make your efforts to get out there and get on with things. It is something that I completely struggle to do and yet you will most likely regard me as not having suffered the same horrors. You would be completely correct in your thoughts and should smile and be absolutely amazed with yourself for being able to do what it is that you are doing. I've been living my hell for almost 3 years now and although the courts involvement is over it hasn't in any way changed the hell that I am living.

I will 'cease and desist' (stop posting) in your thread if that is what you wish.

I am only able to offer emotional support in many different areas of what you are most likely experiencing. I offer the support to all who need it. The support is generalised with some personal touches as I genuinely do care and hate to see anyone hurting.

As for your 'terrible driver'... Aren't we all.

And... Congratulations on venturing into a pub. I can't remember the last time I was in a pub and don't have any future plans to be in one.

As for weight loss... I have no ideas except asking you to eat and if that is not possible then please ensure you take a good quality multi-vitamin to at least ensure that your body has enough vitamins to at least function.

[myhome]

Hi anon - I so admire at the way you are gradually rebuilding yourself - your self confidence and self esteem - just amazing I can empathize a little with you having been abused when I was 6 and it was only last year I sought help for it (now 57 ).
Like LL1 - I am "on the other side" - ie I have been FA'd and he's right it is a living hell - though different to yours; but unlike him I am one of the few FA'd women there are....(and still awaiting an answer).
We are here to help you as much as we can - for you to talk to, to off load whatever you need to do. As for the weight loss - I wouldn't worry too much unless it doesn't stop. Your appetite will gradually return as the shock begins to lessen. If it doesn't, then maybe talk to you GP or rape crisis centre for advice. You could try taking Complan - which is a food supplement (I can recommend the Chocolate one!!!) which some supermarkets and pharmacies sell...

[anon26]

No you don't have to stop posting if you were falsely accused that's not your fault. Had a bad day yesterday so left work at 3 hoping today will be better but 2.5 full days so far is pretty good going I think :-)