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**welshgirl** · 2 April 2014, 10:17 AM

Originally posted by 1234 View Post

Hi,

I'm hoping someone can help/ offer some advice- and if not i suppose i'm just after somewhere to get some things off my chest.

2 months since the incident happened, and i'm back at college where it all happened. I'm doing things excessively to try and get my mind of whats happened, trying to forget the challenges the future holds. Another voice mail from the police today, they want to give me an update on the case- why do they have to keep saying his name constantly on the phone? It makes me sick, so angry, it makes me not want to carry on anymore.

I know they're going to ask me whether i want to go to court, i know i should- not for me but to protect other people at the college- but i'm not sure i can. The police since the beginning have constantly told me how convincing he is, how upset he is, how upset his family are with the situation. Do they not understand what i'm going through, why do they keep telling me he's so believable? My worry is- i go to court and there's not enough evidence for him to be charged. How can you carry on with life knowing that people think your lying?

There's so many days I just can't see the point in carrying on, what's there to look forward to anymore? I don't think i can go through with the court case but that means he'll be back at college, how can i carry on with life knowing he's somewhere here? The only thing making me carry on with life, is how much my parents have been through already, i couldn't cause them the pain of giving up on life.

Can anyone help me about the court process, or how to deal with the police?
I'd honestly appreciate anything anyone could say to help, only one friend knows whats happened- it's so tough trying to keep it to myself but i dont want to put such a stressful, upsetting situation on my friends at college.

1234, welcome to the forum, but so sorry you had to find us in the first place. I am glad that you are reaching out for some much needed support though. What you have experienced is very traumatic and it's bound to have a massive impact on your life. Please try to look after yourself as difficult as that is I know, 2months ago is still very recent and things must be still quite raw for you

I think one of the most important things to consider after going through such an awful experience is some form of professional counselling. You don't mention in your post, but are you seeing anyone? Your G.P can arrange this or other specialist organisations such as Rape Crisis or your local S.A.R.C. I think a counsellor is best placed to help see you through this horrendous time and help you to deal with all the emotions that will inevitably come with it. I am glad that you have your friend to speak to too, the more support the better.

Only you can decide whether going to court is the right decision for you. It must be an incredibly tough choice to make. The police have given you pretty bad advice by the sound of it. It doesn't matter how convincing the person is, or how upset him and his family are. What an insult frankly!! I would give this no consideration whatsoever, and the truth should out in the end, if you decide to go ahead with it. Only the two of you knows what happened, and if he did something that you did not want him to do, then he deserves to pay for that, simple as.

I stayed silent after I was assaulted aged 17 , no one ever knew. If I could go back and change things then I would. I am 33 now and it makes me angry that someone did that to me. I was in denial about the whole thing, thought that it would go away. Never did though, only realise this now. Would hate for this to take as much of your life as it did mine.

Here listening and caring anytime you need a chat. Please feel free to send me a private message when you are able to. Keep strong x

**myhome** · 2 April 2014, 12:27 PM

Hi 1234 - again welcome to the forum but so sorry to read about what you're going through...
Welshgirl has given you some amazing wise advice and I can't really add to it....except to say that my understanding is that the police are supposed to believe each allegation and investigate thoroughly before they reach any conclusion at all. Keep a note of what they have been saying to you as you may need to use this later if they haven't investigated properly
Keep posting on here and you will get lots of support and advice.......

**Music lady** · 2 April 2014, 06:42 PM

Hi 1234, Welcome to the site, but sorry for the reasons that bring you here.

I agree, Welsh Girl has given you some amazing advice already.

I was r*ped when I was 17. It took me a while to accept what happened. As WG said, after 2 months, it must all still be very raw. I think you're strong and brave for reporting it to the police. I can't believe what the police have said to you either. It's hard enough reporting it, without unhelpful comments like that. It shouldn't matter how convincing they are. I think a counsellor would be able to support you through the court case. As has been said already, it's up to you whether or not you go through with it. Only you know what's best for you. I think if you need to do it to help you heal from this then you should go through with it. I hope you have good offline support. We will support you as much as we can here.

Here if you need me

if ok.

Music Lady

**Faith** · 14 April 2014, 05:59 PM

I can only echo what has already been said.
Well done for having the courage to tell your story on the forum and we will help you as much as we can.

It's a cliche but it's true: You are not alone.

Take Care

**anon26** · 26 June 2014, 09:01 PM

Hi mine happened 6 weeks ago with a stranger and I am getting the constant updates from the police so I identify with you completely.

I feel the same way most of the time and have suicidal thoughts. It will get better. You have good and bad days and eventually more good then bad.

You won't be at college forever and you have done nothing wrong. None of this is your fault.

I feel very alone and imagine you do to but i promise you your not. Hope this helps in a small way as I'm living the same hell as you

I hope you get justice

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