It has taken me 21 years

[Pinkdolphin]

When I was 10 my mum had this friend who said he would teach me to play the guitar. I have a younger brother and sister so he suggested he teach me in my room. The first time he made me take my dress off and he touched me, he also made me touch him, he then told me I mustn't say what he did to me. On another occasion he took me to my brothers bedroom (my room was being decorated) again made me undress, he undid his trousers and pinned me down, it really hurt. Again he told me never to tell as I will be sent away, this terrified me as a year earlier my best friends older sister got raped by the neighbour and as a result my friend and her sister got moved to boarding school.



He did it to me again pinning me down, this time when he was done he pulled a metal ruler out of his pocket and said it was that that he used. I believed him. He moved away shortly after but returned 4 years later to visit his family for Christmas, he came round, I had just had a computer for Christmas and mum made me take him to my room to show him. I was terrified and once up there he apologised for what he did to me and that's when it clicked that he had raped me. I kept it hidden, buried it deep inside me. 7 years ago I met my husband and I told him what happened but told him I wasn't ready to report it. A few years ago a story line on eastenders made me cry for hours so the next day I went to the doctor who got me some counselling but then after a couple of sessions found I couldn't continue as wasn't ready.

Today I feel ready and have contacted the police who are seeing me tomorrow. I'm terrified but I need to report it.

[myhome]

Hi Pinkdolphin and welcome to the forum - though sorry you have had to find us. You have been very strong in writing down your ordeal in such detail - it must have been very emotional for you.
I hope you find the police helpful and sympathetic to you. The process of bringing your abuser to justice could take quite a long time and will be quiye a journey for you. Can you get some support from your nearest Rape Crisis centre/
keep strong - we'll support you all we can....MH

[Pinkdolphin]

I don't know where the closest centre is but will ask the police tomorrow. I know I'm about to start a long journey but its something I need to do

[myhome]

You may be able to find it on the Internet, but the police will definitely know....Good Luck....

[RFLH]

Hi Pinkdolphin and welcome to the forum. There are several other members posting who are going through the same thing as you, so you are not alone in what you are feeling.

Have a look at http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/ and see if there is a place close to you.

You had made a huge first step and I hope that the following ones will help you to heal.

[Pinkdolphin]

Thank you RFLH. I've hidden it so long, I only told my parents about a year ago.

Ps - love the profile pic!

[Pinkdolphin]

I am seeing the police tomorrow. Feeling quite anxious and scared.

[RFLH]

oh well done - its a massive step towards the weight being lifted off you.

I daresay you will feel emotionally drained afterwards - which is only to be expected, so be gentle with yourself, go with the feelings and if you're able to - talk it out. If you feel you can't write it out of your system, that helps.

Remember that the members here are with you in spirit - so you won't be alone. You are being very brave.

[whatsgoingon?]

Well done Pinkdolphin - That's really brave. Let's hope that from now on you can start healing. You may also be saving other vulnerable girls who he comes across.

[Poppies]

Hi pink dolphin firstly I think you are one strong women and I was just wondering how you got on at the police station? X

[Pinkdolphin]

I wrote everything down this morning. This is now being used as evidence. I need to go back on September 4th to do a video statement to use in court. I will be treated as a vulnerable adult because of my depression. The police woman said there should be no bother in tracking him down as his family are still about.

I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

[Poppies]

I bet you do! Well done! It's good news that they can prob trace him. My councellor suggested me report the rape but seems no point after so long and don't even know his name the date it happened or all the details now it would be pointless and think the police would just say what do you want us to do about it now? X

[Pinkdolphin]

If you have a rough idea of date there may if been other rapes around same time and location.

[myhome]

Wow pinkdolphin - that's amazingly strong of you...........
this is a really an emotionally tough time for you, but as a Vulnerable Adult you should be given a lot of support from the police and everyone else involved....make sure you have support for yourself in place for the evenings when you are alone......keep strong.....

[Pinkdolphin]

Thank you all so much. I'm very proud of myself.