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Ugh I just wrote a very long post then it froze and I lost it!
Long story short... 10 years ago my exboyfriend raped me. he was abusive mentally and physically for the 2 years we were together and after I finally threw him out he stalked me until i moved and then he would just call and chat to me, general stuff really. one night i was upset when he called and he insisted on coming around, i said no as thought he didn't know where i lived but he turned up and i let him in. we chatted and cuddled, i tried to sleep (was drained from crying) when he raped me.
I did report him but the CPS dropped the case and i spent the next 6 months in a mess, drinking, crying, on sleeping tablets, nightmares etc etc I then met my husband in a new job and we weren't together long when my ex text me on my birthday saying he hoped i was ok and that my son was and happy birthday (he isn't my son's dad). It was like a crushing blow, how dare he. I told my husband (we were a new couple back then).
Anyway I've not seen or heard anything about him until 2 months ago, I saw him at my local garage, he didn't see me (ironically the day after my birthday!). It brought back all the unwanted feelings of low self esteem, poor self worth, neediness, irrational behaviour until I physically took it out on my husband, i threw myself at him screaming and hitting out telling him i hated him. I realised that night I needed to sort my head out once and for all and sought out a rape crisis centre for counselling.
At the moment i'm on the waiting list but the lady offered me emotional support which is really helping. Anyway on father's day I was talking with friends in the village when the worst happened and I realised why I'd seen my ex, he's moved into my village, on my very street. I have spoken through this with my emotional support lady and desperately awaiting counselling.
So far my husband and I have already been and knocked on his door to confront him. I simply said that i'd heard he'd moved here and that i lived here too, to stay away from me etc. He was so shocked, said he didn't know i lived here and just said ok when i said stay away. My husband and I then just walked off.
The reason i am confused is I just don't know how to deal with it, I felt great when i confronted him but now I see him or his van every day as I drive past his house. I feel like I want to actually talk to him, i want him to acknowledge what he did and even show some sort of remorse.
Even though I'd gotten better with dealing with it over the years, well burying it, I still suffered with nightmares or certain things would remind me of him but now it all feels new and current again. I don't know what i expect any of you to say but I guess I thought it'd be good to talk to someone who understood what i am going through.
Long story short... 10 years ago my exboyfriend raped me. he was abusive mentally and physically for the 2 years we were together and after I finally threw him out he stalked me until i moved and then he would just call and chat to me, general stuff really. one night i was upset when he called and he insisted on coming around, i said no as thought he didn't know where i lived but he turned up and i let him in. we chatted and cuddled, i tried to sleep (was drained from crying) when he raped me.
I did report him but the CPS dropped the case and i spent the next 6 months in a mess, drinking, crying, on sleeping tablets, nightmares etc etc I then met my husband in a new job and we weren't together long when my ex text me on my birthday saying he hoped i was ok and that my son was and happy birthday (he isn't my son's dad). It was like a crushing blow, how dare he. I told my husband (we were a new couple back then).
Anyway I've not seen or heard anything about him until 2 months ago, I saw him at my local garage, he didn't see me (ironically the day after my birthday!). It brought back all the unwanted feelings of low self esteem, poor self worth, neediness, irrational behaviour until I physically took it out on my husband, i threw myself at him screaming and hitting out telling him i hated him. I realised that night I needed to sort my head out once and for all and sought out a rape crisis centre for counselling.
At the moment i'm on the waiting list but the lady offered me emotional support which is really helping. Anyway on father's day I was talking with friends in the village when the worst happened and I realised why I'd seen my ex, he's moved into my village, on my very street. I have spoken through this with my emotional support lady and desperately awaiting counselling.
So far my husband and I have already been and knocked on his door to confront him. I simply said that i'd heard he'd moved here and that i lived here too, to stay away from me etc. He was so shocked, said he didn't know i lived here and just said ok when i said stay away. My husband and I then just walked off.
The reason i am confused is I just don't know how to deal with it, I felt great when i confronted him but now I see him or his van every day as I drive past his house. I feel like I want to actually talk to him, i want him to acknowledge what he did and even show some sort of remorse.
Even though I'd gotten better with dealing with it over the years, well burying it, I still suffered with nightmares or certain things would remind me of him but now it all feels new and current again. I don't know what i expect any of you to say but I guess I thought it'd be good to talk to someone who understood what i am going through.
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