Was it rape?

[Confusedgirl]

Last night a friend of mine who was also my first boyfriend years ago came over even though I told him not to. He came in and started to try to kiss me and I told him I didn't want to do anything with him but he just kept putting his hands down my trousers and pulling them down. No matter how much I said no or tried to hit him off me he just forced himself on me and he was saying he knew I liked him in me. Once he had finished he just laughed and said he knew I liked it rough before leaving. I was just left confused with marks all over me. Is it rape if I've slept with him before, he seemed really convinced I wanted it . So confused and I can't even look in the hallway without being upset, it took me half am hour to get out my car and into the house today because I didn't want to go in the house .

I just want to know was it rape or was it just him losing control ? I know I didn't want it but maybe it's my fault?

[sparks]

Yes it was rape, and I strongly implore you to report it now, you did not invite his attention and he has to be held to account for what he has done, do you have a close friend or family member who could go to the hospital with you.

[Confusedgirl]

I don't want anyone to know I have a 5 year relationship and a son and I don't want it to be ruined. It was my partners best friend. I'll probably just get away for a bit. It was good to be able to talk about it though I haven't got out of bed all day

[RFLH]

it was rape as Sparks has said - it doesn't matter that its your partners best friend, especially as presumably this person will be visiting your home to see him in the future.

Please consider reporting this as one day he may let it slip to your partner what has happened - but by then it will have turned into 'you lead him on and encouraged him to'. Who will your partner believe?

If you still can't face it - please ring Rape Crisis and they will help you through this.

[Confusedgirl]

My partner works away 4 weeks at a time so I don't think he will be coming over to see him and he won't tell my partner as he has a fiancée and a baby too. I don't want to make a fuss, thanks for the advice

[sparks]

What ever you decide, I wish you all the best, but just remember no fault falls on you, you were raped there is no question about that so do not question yourself on that one, if you ever or still want to talk you have people here and we will support you, God bless to you and yours.
Sparks

[Confusedgirl]

Thanks so much, it's really helped . I really thought I was over reacting and maybe it was normal x

[sparks]

Your not over reacting in fact the opposite, just to come on here was an extremely brave step that you should feel proud of, your first and foremost a mother protecting her own, a person who you trusted violated that trust
He is the problem he is the one who should question his self and he is the one who should live with the mental torment he has put on you, the one thing I ask of you is please do not suffer in silence if at any time you need to off load please consider talking to someone, dont bottle it up.

[Dave]

It was rape. No doubt about that.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Last night a friend of mine who was also my first boyfriend years ago came over even though I told him not to. He came in and started to try to kiss me and I told him I didn't want to do anything with him but he just kept putting his hands down my trousers and pulling them down. No matter how much I said no or tried to hit him off me he just forced himself on me and he was saying he knew I liked him in me. Once he had finished he just laughed and said he knew I liked it rough before leaving. I was just left confused with marks all over me. Is it rape if I've slept with him before, he seemed really convinced I wanted it . So confused and I can't even look in the hallway without being upset, it took me half am hour to get out my car and into the house today because I didn't want to go in the house .

I just want to know was it rape or was it just him losing control ? I know I didn't want it but maybe it's my fault?

Hi confusedgirl

I have been in a very similar situation. I was married and had children. My rapist took advantage of a situation when I was staying at his house after a party. I drove home in the middle of the night and it took my about 5 hours to decide whether I would report the incident or not. I did. I also told my husband who stood by me. The man was convicted and I must say, it was the best decision for me to make in that situation.

Maybe this will help you. Take care!

[myhome]

Hi confusedgirl - it was brave of you to come on here and talk about this....

It was rape - you said no + he didn't stop = rape.

Rape is never ever the victim's fault - ever. Please, if you can, heed the advice you have been given and seek help for this for yourself before it takes over your thoughts completely. Specialist rape advice teams are spread throughout the country and your GP should be able to give you the contact numbers for the one nearest to you.... There is nothing to be ashamed of - it wasn't your fault....
Keep strong and come back and ask for more help and support whenever you need to....hugs MH

[Confusedgirl]

Thanks everyone, I've told one if my friends from university and she is going to take self defense classes with me so I feel like I'm doing something to protect myself in the future.

Do the thoughts go away , I know it's only been a day but I find myself just sat in the dark for hours once my sons asleep, crying irrationally every time see the marks. It feels like my home isn't mine anymore . My major thoughts are protecting my son, he was asleep in the living room when it happened only a few feet away and I'm just glad he didn't wake up. As a product of an abusive marriage I know the damage seeing something like that can do. I've got my son sleeping in with me tonight and I've barricaded my bedroom door shut even though its silly. Sorry to keep posting x

[RFLH]

Don't apologise for posting - its what the forum is for.

You have suffered a terrible assault - one that nobody should have to, it won't go away overnight. Which is why we have suggested that you find someone who can properly help you to talk it out. You probably will get flashbacks, this is normal and you won't be able to switch the thoughts off. But none of this is your fault.

I hate to mention this, but you should also get yourself checked out for STI's and a pregnancy test if you need to. Don't take any chances with your health.