Completely sober, but I can't remember it.

[higgs]

Hi,

I am new on here, and recently need a little bit of help/support and wondering if there's anyone with a similar thing.

I was raped 2 years ago next monday. I found my diary from that time earlier and read it, which is when I realised I have blocked out most of the incident from my memory. Don't get me wrong, I remember the emotion and the terror as if it were yesterday, but not any of the detail.
I thought I had been coping ok with this, I managed to get over the sobbing and empty feeling within 48 hours (which I kind of always knew wasn't healthy, but it worked) but recently it has just come flooding back to me. I can't stop crying, I can't eat, I feel disgusting.

Has anyone had a similar experience, a really delayed reaction I suppose it is? Is it common?

On another note, how have people dealt with the feeling of being 'damaged'? I'm finding it really difficult right now, as though nobody would ever look at me again if they knew - family and friends included. I can't be the only one, surely? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Faith]

Higgs, you can't endure this trauma alone, else you will never be able to start a recovery process. Posting on here has been a brilliant and valuable first step so well done for doing that.

Eventually, my advice will be to open up to someone who you trust implicitely...you expect them to judge you but what happened to you isn't your fault. You need to unburden this.

The next step I'd advise is to seek help from a Rape Crisis team and/or your GP

But one step at a time. We have people here who will understand your experience and be able to offer their perspectives.
Keep coming back

[RFLH]

hi, this is a common response to it - something must have been the trigge for you. Have you got anyone in real life that you can talk to?

Have you told your GP? They should be able to arrange counselling for you, although there is usually a wait - but Faith is right, try one of the Rape Crisis centres, they are very good and will halp you make sense of the emotions that you are going through.

[Saffron]

Hello Higgs and welcome.
You have taken the first step in the right direction, which is acknowledging what happened. Never underestimate the strength it takes simply to do that.
And no, you are not alone in blocking out the trauma and suffering a delayed reaction. Many survivors have done exactly the same thing.
I hope you can take some small comfort from finally having acknowledging what happened. The healing process is slow, but it will march onwards.