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Bit of a meltdown.

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  • #1

    Bit of a meltdown.

    What a year. Highlights include: hospitalized for two weeks with a bad case of crazy-****er-itous.
    Infection in my foot that destroyed most the previous surgery, one ****ing ulcer undid the bone structure, the metal work and landed me in hospital. Now it hurts constantly and the decision to amputate some of it is the best news I’ve had all year.
    The doctors now think I have a more volatile from of bi-polar and attribute my case of crazy-****er-itous to mania. I’m on tablets now that have a chance of inducing mania and the treatment I’ve been getting from I was 21 may well off been making my bi-polar worse.
    The man that raped me when I was 21 has now served his jail sentence and his probationary element and is free, without condition. 8 years should mean 8 years, not 3 and a half. Haven’t clapped eyes on him in years, but last month I seen him a total of three times.
    I now have to leave my nice safe upstairs flat and security door because I cant take the stairs with my foot.
    Over three months ago my husband moved out and now we are jointly applying for a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences
    Sometimes I think im the butt of some universal punk and someone will jump out an say “OMG did you see the **** we put you through? It was so epic!”
    I tell myself it could be worse, but how? How could it be worse?
    I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.
    I have so much good in my life too, and this **** just makes me appreciate what I do have. My son is perfect and my family are very supportive. I have it better than most humans. Its just so relentless and the pain is constant. I think i just need a break.
    Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  • #2
    Amre - you're still here and still posting - so good on you.

    It does seem you've had one hell of a year and for that I's sincerely sorry and I hope that your life will take an upturn soon.

    You have your son and family - concentrate them and ignore the others, they really aren't worth one second of your thoughts at all.

    We're here for you.
    And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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    • #3
      Thanks xxxxx, im holding it together for my son. But next year better be ok or ill run away and join the foreign legion
      Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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      • #4
        no - don't do that - you may forget to come back!
        And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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        • #5
          Hang in there Amre. Sometimes we all need to stop, take a look back and realise how far we have come.
          It's good to hear you focusing on the positives in your life. Ignore the rest.
          Sorry to hear about the divorce. Still, at least it means you'll be free for Johnny Depp....
          Sending you cyber hugs x

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          • #6
            Amre,

            Only just found this thread, so apologies for not posting sooner!

            Man, You've been through it!!

            However,

            In my hour of need, when I was trying to make sense of what had happened, when I asked questions, when I needed answers, when I needed help, when I needed a virtual friend...

            You answered.
            A bit of an angel , offering some insights which helped preserve my sanity.
            As RF said - a Brave post!

            Thank you for what you did - you are a good person so don't ever forget that.
            Rememeber who you are and what you stand for.

            You have touched my life and I will never forget that - Thank you!

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            • #7
              what a nice post -
              And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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              • #8
                Thank you very much everyone.
                I can cope with most things, just not the mental manifestation of depression. Im so frightant that i will lose my mind and go off the deep end again. You have all really helped, I generally don't open my mouth about how im feeling to anyone. Im the one that says sorry when people bump into me on the bus. Its November. This year is almost done.

                Apparently my application was refused by the forgen legion, they don't take women and unless im willing to play out an odd Shakespearean movie plot where i bind my breasts, shave my head and pretend to be a man for the next 5 years im outa luck.

                Have sent word to Johnny. I await his swift reply. Will keep you all posted.
                Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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                • #9
                  blow that for a game of soldiers Amre!

                  You're fine a you are, I think we're all a bit barking one way or another - I know I am!
                  And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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                  • #10
                    Well, if you've bagsied Johnny I'll just have to go with Kiefer Sutherland!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Saffron View Post
                      Well, if you've bagsied Johnny I'll just have to go with Kiefer Sutherland!
                      Really? Kiefer? Ill send him ur way if i see him. In fact, you can have all the gingers! haha!

                      While I'm here ill bag Robert Downey Jr too!
                      Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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                      • #12
                        I'm taking edward scissorhands. You can keep the rest of johnny depp but edward is mine!

                        Sorry to hear your year has been rough but you are still here and that speaks volumes about your strength. As a fellow bipolarist I know it is hell but with the right meds and support you can sometimes get a good tan in hell
                        "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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                        • #13
                          My Sister showd up on my doorstep with a brand new, just outta the box 10 week old Short-haired German Pointer pup! Totally in love and its good that i have something total relying on me
                          Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by friday View Post
                            I'm taking edward scissorhands. You can keep the rest of johnny depp but edward is mine!

                            Sorry to hear your year has been rough but you are still here and that speaks volumes about your strength. As a fellow bipolarist I know it is hell but with the right meds and support you can sometimes get a good tan in hell
                            Yeah you can have scissorhands, and the corps outa corps bride. Take any Burton movie! I want Jack sparrow tho! I think I'll have Chris Eccleston too, ya know, while im claiming total strangers for my dungeon fodder. In for a penny and all that
                            Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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                            • #15
                              nothing like a dog for keeping you grounded Amre!

                              My lass has met Jonny Depp anf he is very nice apparently!
                              And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

                              Comment

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