Memories

[largactyl1]

Hi, this is the first time I have been on this part of the forum. I am staying at my parent's house (a long way from where I now live). Happened to spend time with a guy I have known for 25 years. Catching up, the name of the man who attacked me was brought up (I was 17). That, added to my friend's heavy local accent took me back to feeling so scared and disgusting and confused...walking home (in the nightie he'd made me wear - his ex-girlfriend's) the next morning and vowing never to think about it again. This attacker was 30 at the time. A year later he murdered a girl of 17 in a local cemetary. I had never even considered going to the police - I guess in the mid 80's nothing would have been done anyway, but if I had - the dead girl could have been an alive girl, a year younger than I am now.
Jen

[RFLH]

You can't think like that. You can't second guess and certainly not blame yourself.

[davet]

there is no way at all are you responsible for this girl, and you should certainly not blame yourself for what he has done. He has caused you enough pain in your life, dont add to it yourself.

[Saffron]

Jen, no-one has a crystal ball. Looking at your life with the benefit of hindsight is all very well, but it's a dangerous thing to do. You can't go around thinking "what if..." because it is very damaging.
The decision you took at the time was just that....a decision you made as a young girl. You are in no way responsible for that man's actions. He chose to rape you, and he chose to murder that girl. You had no way of knowing what he would go on to do and you can't blame yourself. That way madness lies.
Thinking of you

[largactyl1]

Thankyou so much everyone. I'm back home now after a 10 day stay looking after my parent's place. I feel a lot better now, it's sort of faded back to where it was now. I think talking to my friend brought it back so vividly as he and I know the same people, but he never knew what happened with my attacker (no-one did until everything flared up with Tony's false accuser), plus his local accent is so strong and I've not heard that accent for a long time. Thankyou again
Love, Jen x

[RFLH]

Glad to see you're feeling brighter now. Put it back in its box and think of better things.

[Amre]

Is called a trigger when memories like this come out of the blue. Im glad it just came back because of a temporary situation, so its not likely to happen now. Its just one of them things, some people will trigger over sounds and even smells.
As for leaving it behind, you can't truly leave it. But you can file it away, yes its there, but you don't need to think about it.
Have you ever considered telling the police? Don't rule it out as it might give you a certain degree of closure.

You have absolutely nothing to do with the other girl being killed. The what ifs will drive you nuts and its a form of self abuse. What if he had of killed you too? That be someone else's fault? Maybe his mothers fault for having him? Maybe its the people that sold him the weapon he used fault? Maybe its the towns counsels fault for having a graveyard. If there was no grave yard, then he would of had no where to kill her. He's responsible. Its his fault.

[Saffron]

Amre, that's a great post apart from the last line, which is why I have deleted it. I hope you don't think I am being censorious.

Anything can "trigger" a memory. I still get wound up over certain things, even though we are now 8 years on. I have a little curtain in my mind and things that I don't want to think about go behind the curtain. Sometimes the curtains get opened by an external influence, but I manage to pull them shut fairly quickly. As RFLH says, put it back in the box and put a lid on it.