dirty

[Rights Fighter]

Having worked with those who claim to be falsely accused of sexual abuse (many are telling the truth and some are not) I have to say that some partners of the genuinely falsely accused have actually been victims of sexual abuse as a child and/or as an adult.

However, in the same way - when somebody first contacts me to say that they are or have been falsely accused of some sort of sexual offence - I do not automatically believe them. it takes me some time to sort the "wheat from the chaff".

In the same way - I come across some people claiming to have been raped/sexually abused, and again I do not automatically believe each and every one.

Not everybody tells the truth about every thing.

Having had my own experiences of certain things in life which I will not go into on this public forum, I am in a position to weigh up certain claims, from both those who protest their innocence of allegations of sexual offences and those who say (or think) that they have been sexually abused.

I work for a solicitor in criminal defence and I get to see paperwork which includes important evidence that the jury did not get to see/hear for one reason or another.

Yes I agree that being raped is a physical sometimes violent act of control against the will of the victim. I can also see that being falsely accused of such a crime can have the same sort of reactions in people in that some will kill themselves rather than go to prison for something so heinous.

I have seen the families/wives/partners of completely innocent men go to pieces when their men have gone to prison and labelled for life as a pervert, when they have been falsely accused of a crime that has never happened. I have heard nightmare accounts of physical, sexual and mental abuse some of these (innocent) guys are subjected to while they are in prison.

Mental torture can cause physical pain. Pain is pain. The pain is equal. It is not a competition.

The two sides can co-exist on the same forum providing there is equal respect for both sides. I know that the two "sides" can co-exist because of my own experiences. I have been on both sides of this mucky coin.

[frankgallagherwasere]

Yes RF you put everything in a nutshell, the only think I would add is that some of us who are accused take the accusations of the actions physically, it makes us physically sick that who were once friends could actually believe we could do such things to them, or anyone else for that matter. The other things of stigma means little to me after all who is to know, however the damage to our lives current and future is almost total, we dont live anymore we exist in body only, our sole having been destroyed and ripped apart.

ISI is right in many ways, I see absolutely no reason why victims of either rape and false allegations shouldnt share, however this has to be in the context of the individuals involved.

We both have a common goal and that is for the justice system to deliver justice against the criminals, unfortunately this is easier said than done.

[isi]

It seems that coexisting is a matter of opinion and choice and I think people should have the freedom to make that choice and not have it forced on them.


I dont see what the problem is and why falsley accused can't see that someone who has beed raped may not want to hear/read from falsley accused, as they have not been raped... and they are mainly men who are falsley accused. So maybe it is not just an issue of the person beng falsley accused but also that they are male. A lethal combination for a rape victim.

Maybe the accused should not take it so personally that a rape victim may not want to have a mixed forum, its about respecting peoples wishes and feelings and attending to their needs. Rape victims equally may just not want to talk to someone who has not been raped as they need some kind of kinship, someone who can really relate. And not all rape victims feel as strongly about it as me and would be quite happy to have a mixed forum - but a line needs to be drawn and choices should be offered for both parties. I am not saying total segregation as it is healthy to help each other but sometimes it is not at all appropriate.

As for the f.accused partners, and the abuse they have suffered in the past well, my heart goes out to them and I understand the pain of what they have been through and have had to deal with in life - But I did not understand the link/make the connection between coexsisting forums and partners on f.asccused?I know that partners post here for help and support and I understand that being put in that situation can drag up memories from the past abuse as their current situation is all about abuse. But falsley accused and rape is different and if anyone should even try and understand that is those particular partners, it is a matter of understanding - some will some wont. But if they do remember the abuse and remember the hurt they will also know that they needed a safe place to go!

Saying that things are the same is like saying a broken arm compared to a broken leg is the same or a left leg and a right leg is the same -yes they are both legs but anatomically/physiologically different. Or everyone who has a stroke is the same when in actual fact strokes affect people in many different way. Its the same with rape vicitims and f.accused - each case is different and should be treated in accordance.

I think r.f you are right about its not a competition but I have to strongly dissagree with that statment that it is 'equal', pain is not just pain and everone's pain is different.

It would be perfect if there was total respect when posting on the other forums but some people will always find it hard to put their story aside and be neutral with a person especially someone posting for the first time. which is why I think it would be good if there was some safe forum for each. One of the forums does state that it is for those who have been raped recently or in the past so maybe it should also say for those people only.

r.f. I admire your work and commitment and am genuinly sorry to read that you understand both sides of the coin so well. You seem to be able to coexsist and I understand that is your choice.

I think because of your work you are probably a bit more synical as you have seen and heard so much

I tend to believe first and then get to the nitty gritty as to wether a person is genuine or not.... maybe you could give me some tips but then a gain I think that is just my nature.

[frankgallagherwasere]

We are all only human beings and males don't count !!

Hi there ISI and good to see your keeping your spirits up and chin out, stand up be proud. You right its not easy to share and I dont believe past experience of justice nor accusations/crimes/victims etc has a right lot to do with talking and being understanding, its about being human.

Can men give advice on other men? That like trying to mix a cake and not knowing what the differences are in the different flours, except after some knowledge of the subject - or knowing specifically who on is talking about.

There are many kind gentle men out there who would do anything for anyone, there are also animals amoungst us, the secret - telling em apart. Ofcourse the animal is the one your most likely to meet in the local pub the gentleman in Church on Sunday or at the Wine Circle. Also the good are those least likely to make the advance, it would happen by natural means, the animals would well try their luck !!

Stay Strong..............

[Rights Fighter]

I don't think that I am necessarily cynical - however I am a realist.

Those of us on one side or the other, or on both, who can or wish to co-exist on the mixed forum can do so here.

Nobody is forcing or suggesting that posters on one side have to agree or commiserate with the other side. Sometimes that will happen. However, if posters do not want to post on "the opposite side" forum/threads then there is no expectation for them to do so.

Live and let live was what I was suggesting.

[isi]

Sorry RF - I need not mean that in a bad way! realist maybe more of a practical word....

Yes live and let live! I know that noone is forcing anyone to coexsits, but I do know that survivors may come here for support and may not expect some of the responses they may get from someone on the other side of the fence - so - to - speak.

Anyway - it would just be nice to have that 'safe' place if a person feels they need it.

[frankgallagherwasere]

If one cant feel safe here with others who have been falsely accused I cant imagine one would feel safe anywhere. For if the victims of the crimes wont speak out those allegedly accused criminals will I assure you.

I would go as far as to say we are more vocal than anyone as our attitude to the real sexual criminals is worse than even the general publics perception as they are the ones responsible for creating this madness in the first place.

The same goes for being inside, the true innocent ones are those who spit kick and punch the guilty (sometimes far worse), who ignore and also torment them they are not invited onto the pool tables and sit on their own desks in the workshops. This might sound wrong but then you have to first be put into that position to understand how it feels and the pressures your under living under the same roof as them. There is nowhere to run and hide nowhere to escape and noone to turn too, and no one to help them !! No matter what size they are, as the numbers against them are significant.

Who are guilty - those who have Enhanced Status (minus those with appeal numbers). So before you start asking how do we know who is who its so obvious as it is the guilty who get the privileges not the innocent or those who maintain theirs !! Take deals? Well thats something the idiots have to live with as it can and will be classed as being guilty.

Exception is if one goes to Doncaster or another private prison where all inmates get enhanced or if one sometimes does ETS as this can please your PO, after all its all about money and you have done your bit for them and its your reward in return. This is mens only, all females are entitled to Enhanced status and its all crimes not just specific ones all those who maintain innocence find their path to enhanced being blocked.