Any Coping tips? please....a.nd my story

[isi]

I am having a hard time coping with 'life' at the moment and I feel like I am about to crack up and completely loose sight of who I am, where I am going in life and what I want from life...

I have posted a thread recently about my recent experience but that is just the start of a history of things that I have been through. I have two children to two different people.

The father of my first child was a pimp and put me to work at the age of 15, I was continuously beaten and everything that goes with that kind of work (I still find it too painful to go into detail about what happened - somehow typing the words makes it real again). It was that bad that sometimes I thought 'this is it, this is the moment I die' and I did not care at that point in my life, I actually wanted to die. This went on for years. Then I got some courage that I mustered up from - well I don't know where but I got the strength to fight and leave him. I suffered from flashbacks for years, depression, distrust, insomnia, mood swings, drug abuse etc....

Then I pushed myself on in life and got an education and it was not easy being at college and uni with many people that had gone through a more natural process of growing up, they had had gap years, holidays, worked in jobs while I had been in hell!, then I met the father of my second child... who was nice at first, then after a few years when I was pregnant he took what he wanted when he wanted even when I said no and tried to grab him off me. I had come such a long way in life and I could not let another man try and control me the way he was trying to control me, by being manipulative and putting me down and blaming me for everything that happened - like getting pregnant. We split up when I was pregnant and I never wanted to have sex with him again but he still found a way to get to me with false promises that he would look after the child but then took advantage of my stupidity and trust.... and after that time I reported him to the police because I wanted them to help me, I wanted someone else to know that I did not want to be treated like that anymore.... I wanted help.

but the hardest part for me has been understanding that I 'do' have the right to say 'NO' and not feel guilty about it than just to give in because it will make my life easier. I do have the right to say what happens to my body and what doesn't.... just typing this makes me feel closer to healing the inbuilt scars because I have always blamed myself for what has happened in my life! I have been seeing a councellor since I reported him and it really helps to offload. I am finding it hard as reporting him brings back everything I have been trying to forget, trying to store away and it hurts, I am hurting at the moment and I am so overwhelmed by the way that I feel. I am starting to think that I need to confront my past and I need to confront what has happened to help myself get some normality and control over my life, but my life feels so out of control at the moment.

The court case is in march and I am so scared. I can't sleep at night, I feel miserable, I have only been in my new job for 8 wks and already had 6days off because I have caught every cold going due to stress. And now I am worried I will get sacked from time off work. My SOIT officer has informed my employer that the court case is coming up and briefly of the nature of the court case as I could not face tellling her. I briefly spoke to her about her conversation with my SOIT officer and I said I did not really want to talk about it and just want to be treated as normal - even though I don't feel normal!

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope? I have warm baths at night, I try and relax with breathing but it does not seem to help.

can I also ask another question? I feel like I need justice and after reporting my recent experience I feel like I need to tell the police everything but I am scared, do I tell the police about my ex 'pimp' and what he did to me? Have I left it too long to report him? I was 15 then, I am 27 now. I feel like what my recent ex partner did was nothing compared to what my first ex did even though what he did was still wrong. I feel that it is unjust to report one and not the other, its just I am really scared. This was a man who I thought would kill me and still would if anything like this got out. I don't know what to do. will the police believe me? they have been great so far.

I am so scared of sitting in court in front of a jury. what if they don't believe me? I will feel shattered, torn apart. This feels like too much to cope with and have to look after two children all by myself and work full time.....

Please please please... any suggestions?

[Unregistered]

For some reason no-one has replied. That's unfortunately because this site is more geared up for people who state they have been wrongly accused.

For coping tips; first place is go and see your doctor. Provision of mental health support on the NHS is (slowly) improving but is patchy. Next place to try is looking for a local rape crisis centre (if you search on google in your area you might find one). They will also provide counselling free of charge and might be able to help you through the process.

The third thing is try somewhere like aftersilence.org. I got told about this site (daftmoo) from someone else on here because she was concerned rape victims were going unsupported here.

Mods, please post this even though it's not complementary to your forum because the person here needs help.

[isi]

Thank you so much....... after scilence has been so much more welcoming than here!

I really appreciate your post....

I do find it strange that there has not been any more replies as there have been over 100 views.... but anyway, I suppose my story is not an everyday story and I suppose people don't/wouldnt know how to reply to a post like that.....

But if someone does know how long you can leave a crime before it is reported such as forced prostitution from the age of 15 - 18, I would really appreciate it! Some justice needs to be done in this world thats for sure....

As I am findin out too many rapists are walking free.... and thats why men are in a Safe position when it comes to unwanted sex... they just take it anyway because noone is going to know or say any different.......

[frankgallagherwasere]

Poor ISI your world really is in absolute turmoil.

Many rapist walk free, its a lot harder when no evidence is available and therefore the accusation is based on words alone. It is true Im afraid because the accusation is probably accurate and not predetermind lies and slander full of exaggerations and full of motives and vengence.

I hate to say this but as the system stands its easier to falsely accuse and get convictions than a true victim is to gain justice. Its all about being believed and perception and since much of the background is ignored by ones own defence the jury are left ignorant of many of the facts. Whilst in true cases its wooly at best and often muddled due to them being under trauma and not saying anything other than what they actually remember if anything sometimes.

I know from experience one can be convicted on everything else BUT the accusations and one could even say they (accusations and charges) were ignored in court and missed, certainly not challenged.

But this depends on the Officers interviewing, some will advise you on what and how to say it before making a statement and prod you during it some get accusations from nothing by putting words into peoples mouths - some are simply told out right what to say before and then told to find others who will do similar - this is known as Police Trawling and more common than people realise. I was a victim of this as one of their friends and actual accusers told us out right what the Police were doing and what the mother and her daughter had planned with their freindly officer.