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  • Games People Play

    I think this might be interesting. Stayed a week at my parents and dug out some of the books I'd bought as a teenager, one of them being Games People Play by Eric Berne, an American psychologist who published it in 1964 ( www.ericberne.com ) - he was interested in human nature in general, not specifically rape or sexual behaviour so might seem simplistic to those of us with altogether too much knowledge on false accusations. The below extract is, of course, very dated and littered with references that requires the book to be read in it's entirety, but enough phrases ring true. It would be a lot easier if people playing this "game" wore a bell round their neck..! I find it bizarre that this behaviour was so well understood and documented decades ago but completely ignored by the Justice system now. Let me rephrase that, I would have found it bizarre last year, nowadays I'm surprised I'm still surprised!

    Rapo
    Thesis. This is a game played between a man and a woman which might more politely be called, in the milder forms at least, 'Kiss Off' or 'Indignation'. It may be played with varying degrees of intensity.

    1. First-Degree 'Rapo', or 'Kiss Off', is popular at social gatherings and consists essentially of mild flirtation. White signals that she is available and gets her pleasure from the man's pursuit. As soon as he has committed himself, the game is over. If she is polite, she may say quite frankly 'I appreciate your compliments and thank you very much', and move on to the next conquest. If she is less generous, she may simply leave him. A skillful player can make this game last for a long time at a large social gathering by moving around frequently, so that the man has to carry out complicated maneuvers in order to follow her without being too obvious.

    2. In Second-Degree 'Rapo', or 'Indignation', White gets only secondary satisfaction from Black's advances. Her primary gratification codes from rejecting him, so that this game is also colloquially known as 'Buzz Off, Buster'. She leads Black into a much more serious commitment than the mild flirtation of First-Degree 'Rapo' and enjoys watching his discomfiture when she repulses him. Black, of course, is not as helpless as he seems, and may have gone to considerable trouble to get himself involved. Usually he is playing some variation of 'Kick Me'.

    3. Third-Degree 'Rapo' is a vicious game which ends in murder, suicide or the courtroom. Here White leads Black into compromising physical contact and then claims that he has made a criminal assault or has done her irreparable damage. In its most cynical form White may actually allow him to complete the sexual act so that she gets that enjoyment before confronting him. The confrontation may be immediate, as in the illegitimate cry of rape, or it may be long delayed, as in suicide or homicide following a prolonged love affair. If she chooses to play it as a criminal assault, she may have no difficulty in finding mercenary or morbidly interested allies, such as the press, the police, counselors and relatives. Sometimes, however, these outsiders may cynically turn on her, so that she loses the initiative and becomes a tool in their games.

    In some cases outsiders perform a different function. They force the game on an unwilling White because they want to play 'Let's You and Him Fight'. They put her in such a position that in order to save her face or her reputation she has to cry rape. This is particularly apt to happen with girls under the legal age of consent; they may be quite willing to continue a liaison, but because it is discovered or made an issue of, they feel constrained to turn the romance into a game of Third-Degree 'Rapo'.

    In one well-known situation, the wary Joseph refused to be inveigled into a game of 'Rapo', whereupon Potiphar's wife made the classical switch into 'Let's You and Him Fight', an excellent example of the way a hard player reacts to antithesis, and of the dangers that beset people who refuse to play games. These two games are combined in the well-known 'Badger Game', in which the woman seduces Black and then cries rape, at which point her husband takes charge and abuses Black for purposes of blackmail.

    One of the most unfortunate and acute forms of Third-Degree 'Rapo' occurs relatively frequently between homosexual strangers, who in a matter of an hour or so may bring the game to a point of homicide. The cynical and criminal variations of this game contribute a large volume to sensational newspaper copy.

    The childhood prototype of 'Rapo' is the same as that of 'Frigid Woman', in which the little girl induces the boy to humiliate himself or get dirty and then sneers at him, as classically described by Maugham in Of Human Bondage and, as already noted, by Dickens in Great Expectations. This is Second Degree. A harder form, approaching Third Degree, may be played in tough neighborhoods.

    Antithesis. The man's ability to avoid becoming involved in this game or to keep it under control depends of his capacity to distinguish genuine expressions of feeling from moves in the game. If he is thus able to exert social control, he may obtain a great deal of pleasure from the mild flirtations of 'Kiss Off'. On the other hand it is difficult to conceive of a safe antithesis for the Potiphar's Wife maneuver, other than checking out before closing time with no forwarding address. In 1938 this writer met an ageing Joseph in Aleppo who had checked out of Constantinople thirty-two years previously after one of the Sultan's ladies had cornered him during a business visit to the Yildiz harem. He had to abandon his shop, but took time to pick up his hoard of gold francs, and had never returned.

  • #2
    I've got a very old battered paperwork copy of that book. I must dig it out and read it again now you've brought the subject up.
    People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

    PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

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    • #3
      i know how you feel

      going through same situation as you m bro is in prison at the moment and will be sentanced next week , justice system is **** , he has been in 4 11weeks now and its been hell x

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      • #4
        Oh my God, I really feel for you and your family. I remember your posts - the situation was a bit ridiculous, wasn't it? It's RF's area of expertise but what went wrong? The defence or the jury or something else? Surely there's the chance of an appeal? I gather he was found guilty of sexual assault, not rape - is that an indication of how the jury/CPS really felt? Cold comfort...

        I don't want to encourage you to put details if it does harm to your brother's case, by the way. It must be devastating for this to happen on the say-so of one silly girl, but unfortunately you still have to stay strong to support your brother. I'd hazard a guess based on my very limited knowledge and information that the defence team wasn't up to scratch - see about speaking to another solicitor and get the ball rolling asap on building an appeal. Other than that make sure he realises that he can come out the other end stronger and better if he just holds on. And the fact that his family supports and believes him will mean a lot.

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        • #5
          I have an idea I PM'd and invited CSN (and other posters on this forum) to join PAFAA as a matter of course but it seems she did not join us or come back to me in great detail otherwise she would be posting on PAFAA.

          I can only help people if they respond. There are so many people in this situation that I can't chase posters on this forum if they choose not to reply. For instance in the last five days I have undertaken four visits to a prison in the south - all appealing convictions, matters in which I am actively involved. I am now catching up on emails, calls etc. I just do not have the time to keep in touch with/chase people if they show no interest after being invited to join the specialist forum.

          Soz! I am absolutely knackered!!!!
          People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

          PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

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          • #6
            Msg Rights Fighter

            This is CSNs other half - she tells me that she went to the site you mention an got confused when trying to sign up. In her defence she is not the most I.T. literate person you'll ever meet nor is she a particular fan of computers. Why she didn't ask me for help I don't know as I.T. is what I do, I will assist her in signing up to the other site tomorrow.

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            • #7
              Hi CSN's other half!!

              I look forward to seeing you or both of you on the PAFAA forum. Members will come forward to introduce themselves to you once you have posted a short message.
              People Appealing Convictions of Sexual Offences ~http://www.pacso.co.uk

              PAFAA details ~ https://pacso.co.uk/pafaa-people-aga...ions-of-abuse/

              Comment

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