Don't know where I belong?

[Trusting~again]

As the title says, I don't know where I belong.

I am trying to heal from what my XH did.

I found out that he had raped a family member The day I found out was the day I left him. I can't go into anymore details...

I started counselling, but I couldn't afford to continue with it.


I don't even know if any of this is making sense.

The thing is, because of what my XH did, I find that I can't fully open up to this new man. I find that I am watching his every move - especially around my family members. I HATE doing that to him. There is no reason what so ever not to trust him - but the 'What If' is there and it's doing my head in.

I trusted my XH and look what happened there?

I want to tell the new man my fears, but what would he think if I told him that I am 'watching' him? Will I ever learn to trust someone again? What would it be like if we decide to have children together if I'm like this with my family members?

[Saffron]

Hello and welcome.

It is a difficult situation you find yourself in. However, I would say that the only way to move forward with this new man is to tell him what happened and how you feel. You don't have to tell him that you are "watching" him: just tell him what happened, and that you find it difficult to trust anyone. After all, your ex-husband betrayed your trust in a terrible way. But that doesn;t mean your new man will do the same. Not all men are rapists, despite what the feminist brigade would have you believe. Most men would be repulsed at the thought of forcing someone to have sex against their will.

Trust is an individual thing, and I can sympathise that your trust has been shaken profoundly. being guarded is not a bad thing, but not all people are bad people. Talk to him and explain why you find it hard to trust.

If you go to your GP, he/she will be able to refer you to free counselling. My GP referred me to the Dove Charity, and I had 6 months worth of weekly sessions for free. You do not necessarily need to pay for counselling.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.