me2

[flash250]

Hello all.

My story sounds similar to others.
Over 1 year ago I broke up with my abusive boyfriend.
I think I was raped more than once.

one time he asked me if I wanted unprotected sex.
I started to say no. He told me to shhh and had sex with me anyway.
He assulted me in my badroom 1 time by forcing his tongue down me throat.
He was rough . touching my chest. He scared me. I cried and said he scared me. He was false. He didnt understand why I was upset.

Said I did not need to be scared. He then watched a naughty we got from the shop. I asked him to turn it off. He did not. Made me go out the room while he satisfied himself.

I am still recovering from this relationship.

what do you think??

[Unregistered]

As a law student, and a survivor of rape myself, I think the following may help. Your ex raped you. This is a fact. You did not give consent to unprotected sex and you even expressly declared this. Whether you felt scared and did not struggle or you screamed throughout is irrelevant. The fact is that when asked for your consent, you did not give it. It is also irrelevant that this was your boyfriend and you had had sex before. This is the legal position in case you wish to report it, however I understand the difficulties involved here. The incident with the movie is more complex, however this could be classified as sexual harassment as you did not consent to such behaviour. I was raped by my ex on numerous occassions. I did not report this because I was too scared of him, and I am aware of the appalling conviction rate in such circumstances. However, I am having counselling which is helping tremendously, and I would advise that you seek a similar type of support. The trauma will stay with you a long time, however the goal is to accept it and move on. I am now in a stable relationship and although I have difficulties with sexual intimacy, I am beginning to deal with things better. You may find that you also experience similar difficulties, however you must remember that it is your decision when you have sex and you deserve to be loved and respected; something which your ex failed to do. Do not ever feel like what happened was your fault. You can get through this if you acknowledge that it will not just get better overnight. I wish you all the best.

[Unregistered]

abuse/rape

Thanks for the response.
I have struggled to accept what happened to me.
I suppose i was in some sort of denial as I was in a relationship.
there are 2 things going on. Type 1: getting over normal relationship breakdown. Type 2: Abusive relationship. Now I realise why it is taking so long to get over.

There were many other situations i was in with ex. eg He was trying to be intimate in his room, house. he always used to pin me down and a play ressle. He thought it was funny, that he was stronger than me. I gave a nervous laughter. i just remember trying to get away from him, falling off the bed, runnnig towards the door, I felt him scrach my boob. When I shouted at him. He blamed it on me saying something along the lines of: its your fault for trying to get away.

I knew something was wrong, I never thought it was abuse. I know no matter what I tried to do to make things right, he would snap or get angry for no reason. When I wanted sex, he didnt or made excuses. When he wanted sex he pressurised me into giving in.

Right from the start he was very sexual with me. I dont remember a time when he wasnt. I regret this now. When I started dating him I was a nieve virgin. I was never brought up with knowledge about serious relationships, sex or anything like that. I have learnt the hard way.

I find it difficult trusting people, most of the ppl I called friends, i found to be on my exs side. My 2 best friends; 1 I fell out with, the other admitted to lying to avoid hurting me and think we will soon stop being friends for various reasons. I have 2/3 genuine friends. Others i lost because of ex. Think he has said nasty things about me.

I did not realise what he was like before. No I have been on this and a few message boards I realise what he is really like and will keep my distance from him. Its hard emotionally letting go of everything and friends I have known for years.

I feel like leaving home in a few months or moving away. I lived in the same place all my life, everyone else growing or moving themselves. Now I am a changed person, I feel lost, maybe I have outgrown the city I live in.
I am scared of being alone, change and moving away from everything I know. Especially after the way I was treated, and knowing there are more ppl like that out there.

I survived, I know I will be able to spot others with similar traights.
Also scared as some start of nice and turn nasty/show true colours later on.

Anyone else have a simialr story??
I watched the fictional rape trial this week and I got scared. The story sounded like me, as I was held down by my ex in jest. I watched the jury, they had me convinced she was lying. When I saw the footage afterwards. That hurt me. I realise there are rapists who were freed for similar reasons. In this program they looked at the situation and not the evidence. I also felt emotional cos I realised that could be me and the man/ex got off free. I felt sorry for the victim.

I hope I dont go through a trial like that or suffer abuse again.
Yeah I am afraid of being alone with a man, even male friend.
I am taking other friendships/relationships slow as I have trust issues.
Also want to make sure what his intentions are before taking it further.
I understand it does not matter if I struggled or not.
In my relationship; at times I did, others I was scared or did not have the chance. When i did, it made things worse.

I keep telling myself it could have been worse. I dont ahave to lie to gain friends etc. I am going to phone a helpline for survivers abuse and go to councelling. Thanks for your reply.

Any other responses would be great 2.
Thanks. flash

[bellygoddess]

hi

hi,i also watched the rape trial programme and it scared me too,the things the jury said about her,and what rape was ect were so ignorant.I was raped myself,and dont think that anyone who has not been through it could ever understand.I really feel for you...