Male Rape Help

[Summersun]

My male friend was raped ten years ago, when he was 18, by someone who put a date rape drug into his drink.

He still suffers from the experience and will cry when talking about it. He will suffers from phases of depression and has to take anti-depressants. He finds it hard to cuddle people and doesn't like to be touched sometimes.

It is so sad that he is still suffering after all these years and I wondered if anyone had some good advice or words or encouragement for me to give him. I want to help him to get over this as he is a wonderful person and doesn't deserve to have his life effected by this awful experience.

[diana_holbourn]

I don't know how good this website is, but they've got a list of helplines for male survivors of rape: UK male survivor helplines and support groups.

It might help him to talk to someone there, and they will hopefully be able to help him move on with his life.

[Summersun]

Thanks Diana

He does need to move on with his life. Unfortunately the groups that were listed are not in this area. I am going to try and help him. I will stay positive.

[diana_holbourn]

You said he has phases of epression. Maybe you could help him with those. It's often caused by worrying to excess or rheuminating on past bad events rather than thinking about the future. If his self-esteem and confidence are poor, you may be able to help him build them up again. You say you think he's a "wonderful" person. One thing that just might help is if you think of all the things you like about him, and all the things you know he's achieved in life, and write them down, and then put them on a tape. And then, if you know anyone else who likes him, you could ask them to think of everything they like about him, and everything they've noticed he's achieved in life, and put that on the tape as well. And you could find as many people as you can who could do that. You might have one or two tapes by the end, and then maybe you could give them to him for Christmas and encourage him to listen to them several times a week for a while.

And maybe before then, you could ask him questions designed to get him to tell you about his achievements, and ask him to have a go at imagining what it would be like to do more things like them, or just more of the things he enjoys doing. Imagining/day-dreaming about doing things is far more likely to get a depressed person to decide to do them than just thinking about how it would be nice to do them, because it engages feel-good emotions, so it's more likely to build up the enthusiasm.

It may be that even if you phoned a helpline that wasn't in your area, they could give you the numbers of other helplines that were.

[Summersun]

That's a very good piece of advice. I have infact been buying some self-help books recently for him that explain ways to beat depression and the cause of it. They help people to look at situations positively and to the future rather than the past. I have just bought a good book that has exercises so I will help him to go through those and hopefully they will do something positive.

Your idea of a tape is good. I think I will write down all his good qualities for him instead and maybe get some others to write what they think too as he does have some good friends.

[val lavender]

Hi there [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/heart.gif[/img]

have you tried calling FASO or JGC, they have some contacts who might be able to help

FASO can be contacted on 0870 2416650 any weekday ecening between 18.00 and 00.00 plus they have an email quuestion option on their web page.
JGC can be contacted om 07985 507264 or 078866 17876

Might be worth a try

regards

[diana_holbourn]

Val, this thread was about recovery after a rape, not a false allegation.

[val lavender]

Please accept my sincere apologies and put my error down to tryin to work to fast.

In terms of the problem in question I must admit that I dont have the first clue how it must feel, though the only practical suggestion I have to offer echos the advice already stated, though I would also suggest trying to get in touch with "Tower Mouse" as he is a very clever & condiderate man who may have some constructive advice to offer on the subject

Once again, I apologise for my error


Regards

[Lifer]

We are all individual and for that reason something that works for one does not necessarily work for another and in any case most often amateur psychology can be counter productive.

I don?t know where you are but here are a couple of numbers that are male abuse specific and have counselling services. The first step is to support your friend picking up the phone the rest will follow.

Male Abuse Recovery Service (MARS)
Helpline 01733 311574.

Male Rape Support Association (M.R.S.A.)
Helpline: 07932 898274.
Good luck.

[diana_holbourn]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Lifer &#064; 24th October 2005 &#045; 01&#58;07 PM) Quoted post</div><div class='quotemain'>
and in any case most often amateur psychology can be counter productive.
[/b][/quote]

I&#39;m sure the numbers you provided will be valuable, to people living in the areas they cover at least. But pleas beware of dismissing someone&#39;s own efforts with a wave of the hand and a lack of enquiry into whether it&#39;s worked so far.

[val lavender]

Phsycology is a very speciased field and some of the supposed experts are little more than fraudsters who are out for the money

Look at the Roy Meadows case if you dont beleive me


Regards

[val lavender]

Hi all

I agree with all of the above, and after the phone call I received this morning from "Lifter" I would recommend that the gentleman in question seeks suitable help with his apparent anger management problems.

Also, if he ever makes the same mistake again of talking to my girlfriend like that, when she is doing her very scots best to try to help I will drive down to Hove [Sussex] and try to assist with his frustrations personally, in the nearest convenenient carpark

Pistols or swords?


Regards

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/heart.gif[/img]

[diana_holbourn]

The threads that Lifer started here, along with most of his posts in this thread, have been deleted at his own request.