Can't cope anymore

[wanttoendit]

Hi, I've been lurking here for a couple of years since I was initially accused at the start of 2018.

What to even say. I'm a trans woman, I met a girl in a gay club, we went back to hers and had completely consensual sex. We were both drunk. Half way through she said "be right back", got up and left the room. 10 minutes later I'm being accosted by her friends and police being called. I was in shock, hyperventilating and got a random nose bleed, absolutely no idea what was going on. Got arrested, spent the next 12(?) hours in a cell and gave an interview with solicitor by my side. It was the day before my birthday.

Apparently she didn't know I was trans, but she even said in her statement she "felt a bulge" BEFORE anything sexual even occurred and she certainly didn't say "no" or "stop" otherwise I ... would have stopped. She said she "froze", but she seemed fine to me, and I wasn't aggressive or threatening in any way. I have friends who were raped and I've been there for them through their struggle. I KNOW how devastating rape is. This is someone not communicating their discomfort for reasons completely unrelated to me.

I spent the past year in therapy processing the trauma that has happened to me in my life - emotional abuse mainly. We discussed this case at length and my therapist agreed that it's just not logical.
I was told by my solicitor a few weeks ago that I was being charged. I really thought it would go away as two years had passed and even the OIC was surprised. First hearing is this Friday, and I don't know whether to go or kill myself.

I'm just not coping. It's surreal and horrible and nightmarish. The worst is that my story is "juicy" because I'm trans and the press will immediately jump on it. My life is really over. I spent the past 6+ months business planning and putting so much work and effort and money in so I can afford my transition. I've had to close it now. My life goal of moving abroad and pursuing acting + music is over before it started. Tell me what I did to deserve this?

Not sure what I'm asking for, I don't think anyone can help anymore, just want my voice to be heard.

[Peter1975]

Hi Wanttoendit, and welcome to DM.

I'm really sorry to hear about what you have been going through and that you have been charged.

I'm pleased that you have someone to talk to and as you have been lurking here, you will hopefully have taken the standard advice of writing down your version of events, adding details as you remember them. Details can be important.

Please don't despair or abandon all future plans. I promise that you can get through this, even if you don't feel like it some days. Keep talking to your therapist and remember the samaritans are always there to listen if you feel like harming yourself.

Go to the hearing! Work closely and honestly with your solicitors.

Assuming you're in England/Wales, the first hearing will be at the magistrates and this is literally nothing to worry about, you'll be out of there in about 5 minutes - but there may be a lot of waiting around. Your solicitor will meet you there and explain what happens.

If you can get a friend or family member to go with you for support please do.

Depending on the charges, the magistrates may or may not be able to take a plea from you and may decide that the case can only be heard in a crown court which will mean a further short hearing in roughly 2-3 weeks.

The solicitors and magistrates will do most of the talking, you will only have to confirm your name and perhaps indicate a plea.

Keep posting for support. Remember you are not alone.

[wanttoendit]

Thanks Peter. I've decided to go, albeit reluctantly.

Could they decide there and then not to take it any further? Not getting my hopes up or anything but it's good to know about every possible outcome and I always tend to think the worst. As far as my solicitor has told me, there will be a separate hearing for a plea. It's just all very confusing.

[Peter1975]

No, the magistrates hearing is simply an administrative exercise, no evidence is discussed, only the charges and whether the mags can hear the case.

Officially this is known as a plea before venue and mode of trial hearing if you want to google.

The following hearing at the Crown ( assuming it is going to crown) is known as a plea and trial preparation hearing (PTPH) where a plea will be taken and rough dates will be set for the disclosure process and the trial itself - which is likely to be several months away.

Go along with your notes and make use of your time with your legal team, write down any questions you have so you don't forget to ask them.

The 4 stage disclosure of evidence process begins at the PTPH stage, the Crown must first serve on the defence all of the evidence on which it is to rely and also unused materials that may assist the defence or undermine the prosecution after which, a defence case statement will be prepared by your Sol or barrister which will outline your defence but also request further unused materials that haven't already been served. ( stage 3 is the pros responding to these requests and stage 4 is getting a judge to rule on contested disclosure requests if necessary )

It is at the second stage that the CPS should first review the case and their duty is to continually review the evidence and whether in their view, there remains a realistic prospect of conviction.

A few cases are dropped early on but its more usual for the CPS to decide to offer no evidence closer to trial. This may be because they have only just got around to properly considering the defence case or it may be that the complainant has decided to stop cooperating as a witness ( One of the most common reasons for trials not going ahead )

So the short answer is: You should prepare for the trial going ahead but there is hope that it won't and there is also lots of hope that you will be found not guilty.

This is an unusual case and it would seem to me that it is going to be the crowns case that you deliberately deceived her which negated her consent while the defence will be that you believed there was tacit understanding because of the "bulge" and perhaps she was willing or curious to be begin with but changed her mind, perhaps fearing embarrassment.

I find it rather shocking that they are prosecuting this to be honest and I've seen the CPS make some terrible decisions. Hopefully they will reconsider this but it won't be just yet.

Hang in there

[wanttoendit]

The outrageous thing is, she actually said in her interview that she was consenting until she "froze in fear" the moment she found out that I was trans. This is before any penetration. It's literally in the police report. She claims I then forced her to give me oral, which is bullcrap, and that she was crying, which is bullcrap.

She's not even claiming to have said "no" or verbally communicated in any way. There's no forensic evidence, no injuries. About 6 witness statements from people (her friends) who were there, every one of them purposely misgendering me. None of them witnessed the actual event / sex nor did they mention me crying and in shock although there is CCTV evidence of it.

So, I'm literally being charged for... being trans.

How has it gotten this far? This is full-on discrimination, is it not?

[Peter1975]

I know how you must be feeling W but please try and put those feelings to one side, they will do you no good.

You are not being charged for being trans - The events the accuser has alleged would be a crime if they were true. You have a different account which is equal to hers in the eyes of the law and you will be consistent because you are telling the truth.

It is common knowledge that rape victims do sometimes "freeze" and there are many examples and stories available for false accusers to use as blueprints.

The law does not require consent to be verbally given or retracted, consent can be tacit and inferred from what is happening at the time.

Even if the complainant has withdrawn consent in her mind, if you can demonstrate your reasonable belief that she was still consenting, because she was still reciprocating or there was no change in her mood or she has willingly started to give you oral sex, you have committed no crime.

Hang in there.