Triple Whammy, sunk into depression and suicidal thoughts...

[ImScared]

This is gonna be a bit of a long one, sorry.

Let me begin by saying, I'm 15 years old. At the time of arrest I was 14 and 2 of 3 alleged attacks occured when I was just 13 years old! ****ing bull****, right?

Anyway, in January - May 2018, I was in an informal relationship with a girl, let's call her R. She had a close friend, who i'll call H, who I was also somewhat attracted to (though I don't see how I ever was attracted to either at this point). One night about 4 or 5 days before my 14th birthday, I invited R and H to a friends house to spend the night. I had two friends with me there as well (Call them 1 and 2). We were in 2's house the whole night. The girls were drunk and I was holding back their hair while they were sick, being the sober friend etc. The night was a bit boring but after that night R sent me a message suggesting birthday sex, which I declined, and then we continued our 'relationship' until approx May that year.

In July, I heard through some other friends, that I had supposedly forced my penis into R's mouth, and forced H to give me a hand job. I never put my penis near her mouth, nor did I receive said hand job.

Very quickly I began to receive what were almost threats, but not quite, from R. She would tell me that she had a group of criminal friends who had supposedly somehow found out about what I had allegedly done and they had come from London to try to kill me or atleast put me in hospital. I never got evidence of this, but for some reason I believed it. This brings the 3rd alledation about (bear in mind, R and H had not gone to the police at this point).

In September 2018, the threats began to seriously ramp up in volume and intensity, and it was suggested to me by R (who was pretending to be my friend and be on my side) to run away from my city and from my family so I would be safe. Again I have no idea why I believed her, I just did.

Being a 14 year old at the time, I had no source of income. In order to run away I would need money, so I sold my PlayStation to buy enough weed that I could sell to turn £100 Into no more than £500 so I could run away. In the process of selling the weed, one night in December last year (2018) I went to a friend's house, call her F, to sell her a 30 bag of weed.

Similar story as before, but I hear 2 or 3 weeks later in the start of January that I supposedly pulled my penis out in front of her, and masturbated myself. Never happened.

Following this, on the 17th of January 2019, I was told by my head teacher at school that the police were on their way to school. I didn't really know why, but I stayed and waited. I expected them to be asking me a few questions there and it would be dealt with quickly. Instead, I was arrested in front of my classmates on suspicion of: rape, 2 counts of Sexual Assault and distribution of a Class B drug.

I was driven to the station, where my mum was called in crying. When I went to hug her she pushed me away and told me she "can't trust you anymore". I was held in a cell for 10 hours before being interviewed at 10pm, with a disinterested duty solicitor who gave me very little advice at all.

Since then, I have developed anxiety, depression and become suicidal. I know I'm not guilty and I didn't do **** but sometimes it feels like it would just be better to confess and have it over and done with. I've lost all of my friends, many of which I've known since I was 2 or 3. It seems like every day I hear new stories of things I've allegedly done, even to girls I've never even met. I've gotten more than a handful of death threats, some by legal adults - 19 or 20 year olds, who are friends with F.

I'm lonely all the time, have no one to make friends with because word travels fast around a small city, and I'm addicted to weed.

Its been 11 months since I was arrested and I just want it all to be over. What if I get convicted, put on the register? I wanted to work for the FBI or CIA, but I undoubtedly won't be able to if I have any sort of criminal record.

Someone please please help.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I read your post yesterday but I'm afraid I was initially reluctant to reply, mainly because of the drugs angle, something which doesn't often come up on here apart from accusers sometimes also being users.

However as you've taken the time to open up to us I will try to respond although it will be in a series of bullet points (as I'm more practical than empathetic) which may help you to work out a solution.

We assume that all members are truthful; after all what is the point of coming on an anonymous support forum and not telling the truth?

You have told us that you have dealt and used cannabis and also been falsely accused of various sexual acts and have subsequently been arrested and interviewed over these allegations. Presumably you were released 'under investigation' rather than bailed? If so you are now waiting to hear the outcome of the police investigation.

You have admitted in your post that the drug allegations are true but the sexual allegations are false; did you also say this in the interview or did you deny all the allegations?

We always advise on the forum that the truth usually prevails and lies will be outed; I'm worried that if you denied the drug allegations and these can be proved it will cast doubt on your denial of the sexual allegations.

My gut feeling is that in view of your age and this being a first offence (?) that matters won't go any further in regard to the sexual allegations, presuming that the girls who made the allegations are of similar age to you or older. I know nothing about drugs so can't form an opinion how seriously the allegations of dealing are viewed by the justice system and what will happen there.

I am more worried about your personal circumstances and how you are coping; you don't need me to tell you that the answer isn't in drug use; this is a slippery slope. I can only hope that you have been reconciled with your mum and are living at home with her support. At your age it would be helpful to develop an interest or hobby to get you involved in a new circle of friends and away from the previous crowd.

Finally, another useful bit of advice from the forum, don't confess to anything that didn't happen, this is not a solution. On the other hand owning up to the drug dealing *may* lead to a referral to an agency that will help with addiction, again because of your age rather than a more robust outcome (but once again I'm not qualified to be able to confirm this; it's a pity the duty solicitor didn't advise you at the time)

[Franticwithworry]

Hello ImScared. Like Casehardened, I needed a bit of time to think about your post before I responded.

I can't really add anything to his excellent advice, but one thing that struck me is that you say you want to work for the FBI or CIA. This tells me two things - that you are in the USA and that you absolutely need to get your situation sorted and back on track in terms of being addicted to any substance of any kind. It's difficult for anyone here to advise you as what will happen in your situation will depend on which state you are in as much as anything else and the law is very different in the USA from the UK and this is a UK-based site.

One thing is clear - you need a new set of friends and help with your addiction. I, too, hope that you are reconciled with your Mum and can make a new start.

Best wishes.