False allegations of Rape/Sexual assault during divorce/relationship break up.

[Reg]

Hi,

Just wondering, has anyone on this forum experienced false accusations of Rape / Sexual assault during a messy divorce or relationship break up? I didn't realise it's quite common and apparently in legal circles is referred to as "The Silver Bullet ". I've got excellent legal representation and have gathered quite a bit of evidence to defend myself ie witnesses, phone traffic,email,text messages etc. Was warned some time ago that this would probably happen and really regret not having taken steps to protect myself. I realise the gravity of the situation and although I'm outwardly calm, I'm really angry and can't believe that someone could literally destroy another persons life without a care. Anyway, too late for regrets and have to deal with it.

Would really appreciate advice/feeedback from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Thank you

[Peter1975]

Hi Reg,

Yes, this is a common tactic in family court disputes, also known as the nuclear option and increasingly common since FC legal aid was cut completely in 2012, except in cases where sexual abuse or DV is alleged. ( The legal aid, sentencing and punishment of offenders act 2012 - LASPO )

If you search our archives you will find many cases here but we are not the busiest of forums and you may find more support with groups such as families need fathers, fathers 4 justice, PAFAA, FASO and accused.me.uk

[Reg]

Hi Reg,

Yes, this is a common tactic in family court disputes, also known as the nuclear option and increasingly common since FC legal aid was cut completely in 2012, except in cases where sexual abuse or DV is alleged. ( The legal aid, sentencing and punishment of offenders act 2012 - LASPO )

If you search our archives you will find many cases here but we are not the busiest of forums and you may find more support with groups such as families need fathers, fathers 4 justice, PAFAA, FASO and accused.me.uk

Hi Peter,

Really appreciate you taking the time out to respond to my post. I know it's a cliche but it literally is a living nightmare.

Thank you,

Reg

[AJ123]

MR

Gents,

I'm in the same boat. I've tried to end up my relationship with wife few of weeks ago. I wrote her a letter (nothing nasty, just pointing out main areas to discuss ie children, house etc) as we didn't talk too much. Week after giving her letter, we had argument over financial situation in the future when I move out. After that event we went to bed and fall asleep. During the night to help resolve arguments we had sex. Following morning I left to work as usual, but never came back home as I was arrested. Spend a night in custody and since then at my mate couch. Didn't see children for over 2 weeks now. She testified that we had sex without her consent. No violence, no marks, absolutely nothing. Just her word against mine.
I obviously admitted that we had sex during night, but no rape.

Police refused my request to change conditions about seeing children. Now waiting for potential outcome next week. I really hope I will get answer next week.

In the meantime I have found out from our friends that my wife said that she was scared that I would try to take the kids away from her.

What outcome should I expect, am I going find out next week or it will get extended etc.

Please advise.
Devastated father and husband.

[Peter1975]

I'm sorry that you find yourself in your present situation AJ123 but hopefully we can provide some support and point you in the right direction.

I'm afraid that no one can give you a definite answer to your question, sometimes cases are disposed of quickly but I have to warn you, the majority of cases take months. You need to take some legal advice as there is no reason at all why you should not see your daughters.. this situation must be confusing and upsetting for them and you should argue from that point of view. Parents generally have less rights to contact with their children than children have right to contact with both of their parents. You can cite a previous good relationship that is suffering as a reason. Take legal advice here.

Standard and good advice is to write everything down in a timeline which will help anyone picking up the facts of your case.

Be honest with yourself and your legal team. Being verbally abusive during a breakup is understandable to most people and doesn't make you a rapist. There may have been times that you said or did something you regret. A little humility and honesty can go a long way. The truth and whole truth is on your side.

The vast majority of these cases will not end in criminal charges, one of our posters in a similar situation recently posted to say that the CPS were to take no further action ( NFA ) and I would bet that your case will be another.

Keep cool.

[AJ123]

Thanks Peter.

In the meantime my request to change bail conditions was rejected by Police and now also by court. Reason: my wife testified that I was abusive for many years.

I have one more week to original bail conditions finish and have to come back to custody to find out potential outcome.

Through our mutual friends I have found out that my wife trying to get me contact with children, it was mentioned in the court today, but they weren't interested.

My wife's original statements must be strong for them refusing my contact with children. I obviously cannot go back to home, etc. How long they can investigate the case when I have nowhere to go, all my staff left at home, and most importantly I cannot see children?

I think my last hope is to my wife change her mind and retract accusations. From our friend I've found that she is devastated and "possibly" regrets what she did.

Xmas is coming and looks like I won't be able to see them. Nightmare.

[Peter1975]

I fail to see why you should not have contact with your children unless you have been accused of abusing them but it would seem that you must wait until next week to see if the police will extend your bail conditions, dispose of the case with either no further action ( NFA ), charge, or release under investigation (RUI )

Very sadly, if the courts saw no reason to vary your conditions to at least allow some supervised contact I cannot see social services wanting to get involved with child contact at least until bail conditions have been lifted.

I should remind you that even if your bail conditions are lifted, you can still be accused of harassment, stalking, making threats etc and it is extremely important that you do not try to contact your ex for any reason at all.

All I can recommend is taking some legal advice and going through them in an effort to keep in contact with your children.

As in my post above, there are organisations such as fathers 4 justice, families need fathers, separateddads.co.uk which may be of more help but I should warn about "Mckenzie friends", some of which are good ( I've heard ) but some are definitely not. They often charge exorbitant rates of £50 per hour and upward despite being unqualified, unregulated and uninsured. The phrase "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing " should always be applied to forums such as this one and others, there are many great supportive and knowledgeable people in these groups but there are always one or two that like to think they know everything. Beware.

Anyway, hang in there. Hopefully you will have some better news next week.

[AJ123]

Thanks again Peter.

I'm not aware what exactly my wife testified, but I really don't believe she would be capable of suggesting that I ever hurt any of our children.

One more question. You might think I'm paranoid now, but would it be possible that my phone is being tracked/listened to?

I have recently noticed whilst using Bluetooth in my car, rather than display number I'm ringing it shows different number (not mine either). I think it coincidently happening for last few weeks.

I'm not crazy yet

[Peter1975]

It's possible that your children are viewed as witnesses to this alleged "abuse" and so the police would want to prevent you from possible witness interference. Your solicitor will know better than I.

There is an old joke, "just because you are paranoid it doesn't mean they are not out to get you" !

I have a vague idea that there is (illegal) tracking software available but someone would need access to your unlocked phone for at least 10 minutes to install it so it's highly unlikely.

Even if someone was tracking you, what will they learn?

It is often advised that the accused turn on their GPS and track their own movements so they can prove their whereabouts in case further false allegations of stalking or intimidation are made.

Your ex would not be the first to regret getting intrusive authorities involved, whether true or not, allegations of this nature are always fully investigated these days and social services could take a dim view of her parenting skills if she has allowed the children to witness this "abuse" over a period of years. Allowing a child to witness such things is often seen as a "failure to protect" - not to mention that the children could then be subject to child in need or child protection plans.

Anyway, hang in there and see what happens when you answer your bail next week. Keep cool.

[AJ123]

Hi Peter.

Thanks again.

Solicitor have confirmed what you mentioned that children are treated as witnesses of abusive behaviour.

I don't know if it's possible but if police or social worker would question my 9yr old, I hope he would be able to confirm that it was his dad cooking him dinner, doing homework, staying at home whilst mum was somewhere else with her friends etc

The same with neighbours, work etc. I never broke the law, never been accused of anything, my wife never rang police about any of things she accuses me now.

So far I've not seen my children for over 3 weeks, still no access to home, but found new place to rent and moved in last night (Friday 13th )

My meeting in custody meant to be tomorrow, now its been moved to Friday (additional 5 days). I don't know if that means anything, is it good or bad. They could have extended bail conditions for further 3 months but just moved a date for further 5 days within original bail conditions period.

Monday, I will be ringing social worker who deals with children, to get my risk assessment done. What I should be saying? Should I make some statements about my wife parental skills or better not, because then we may both loose contact with children. What is is involve with the risk assessment, is it just to follow anything they say to get them on my side to get my children back?

The worst thing is today's date is 14/12. Next week Friday is 20/12. So it's very unlikely anything will get done until beginning of January.

Thanks again.

[Peter1975]

Hi Peter.

Thanks again.

Solicitor have confirmed what you mentioned that children are treated as witnesses of abusive behaviour.

I don't know if it's possible but if police or social worker would question my 9yr old, I hope he would be able to confirm that it was his dad cooking him dinner, doing homework, staying at home whilst mum was somewhere else with her friends etc

The same with neighbours, work etc. I never broke the law, never been accused of anything, my wife never rang police about any of things she accuses me now.

So far I've not seen my children for over 3 weeks, still no access to home, but found new place to rent and moved in last night (Friday 13th )

My meeting in custody meant to be tomorrow, now its been moved to Friday (additional 5 days). I don't know if that means anything, is it good or bad. They could have extended bail conditions for further 3 months but just moved a date for further 5 days within original bail conditions period.

Monday, I will be ringing social worker who deals with children, to get my risk assessment done. What I should be saying? Should I make some statements about my wife parental skills or better not, because then we may both loose contact with children. What is is involve with the risk assessment, is it just to follow anything they say to get them on my side to get my children back?

The worst thing is today's date is 14/12. Next week Friday is 20/12. So it's very unlikely anything will get done until beginning of January.

Thanks again.

There are strict and restrictive rules about questioning children, designed to prevent words being put in their mouths. In a police setting, these come under the heading of "achieving best evidence" (ABE) if you want to look them up. I think SS and CAFCASS work in much the same way. You are in a much better position to guess how these rules might apply to your case but guessing what a 9 year old may have said or been allowed to say is perhaps not the best use of your time. You will likely find out in due course.

Bear in mind what is and is not relevant and pertinent. The fact that you made dinner while the ex went out is hardly relevant to a nine year old being witness to parents arguing, shouting, swearing or throwing things but it becomes more relevant if the ex has accused you of not allowing her to go out or if she was going out on a regular basis whilst claiming otherwise.

Make yourself aware of genuine cases of domestic abuse and the relatively new offences of coercive and controlling behaviour. Authorities have to take these things seriously and there are some very sad examples of when they were not.

In cases of domestic violence (DV) it is extremely common for abused partners to not report multiple incidents and when they eventually do, they retract their statements and appear as witnesses for the defence after they have made up and accepted promises from violent partners , claiming that they were just angry at the time of making a report and they really did just walk into a door. In other words, the fact that your ex has made no prior official complaint carries little weight in the eyes of the law. People do suffer in silence, for the sake of their kids, because they are financially dependent and so on.

Even in genuine cases of abuse, neighbours may just want to keep themselves to themselves, they may never hear anything because their televisions are on loud. They may not want to get involved or they may never have actually witnessed anything significant. The police may not bother to interview them unless your ex has claimed she ran into the street screaming or knocked on their door.

There is nothing either good or bad in the police extending your bail by a week but on the whole, I would agree that it is better than them extending by 3 months and hopefully shows they are working toward a timely resolution.

As for the risk assessment - I'm pretty sure that the interview is not really about whether the allegations are true or not but if and how the children are being prioritised and protected. Be honest and certainly deny allegations that are not true but is the ex a really bad mother or does she dote on them in her own way? Do you have genuine concerns or is this tit for tat mud slinging? Bear in mind that everything you say now will be recorded and possibly used against you in the future. SS and family courts generally ( or at least should ) begin with the view that contact with both parents is the most healthy option and in your case I would say that expressing a strong desire to protect your children above all else is far more important than scoring points.

As this is a risk assessment, they are unlikely to offer any advised actions at this stage but you may well be asked if you would accept some supervised contact and while this is not ideal, it would at least protect you from any suggestion that you have been trying to quiz or coach the children and it won't be forever.

THe short answer; the kids always come first.

[AJ123]

Hi All,

Unfortunately not much happened since December. Still I haven't see children, its over 2 months now.

No decision made, next date to review case is in February.

I only had so far criminal law solicitor, now Im looking to get a family law as well. I've seen social worker, had risk assessment done with verbal confirmation to grant me supervised contact with children. Few hours after meeting my solicitors rang me to advise that the same social worker apparently is against it or at least this is version of OIC.

I cannot deal with it anymore, hence I will get family law solicitor to help me with children matters.
I really don't understand why it takes so long if:
my wife asks OIC to grant me access (true or not, at least that's what she says to our mutual friends)
2 positive meetings with SW and verbal recommendation to grant me access

I understand my case is still reviewed and no charges been made, but I was expecting slightly more from my solicitors.

Can I change my criminal law solicitor now? They obviously spend some time to see me (twice in 2 months), spoke to them over the phone several times etc So obviously they have incurred some expenses. I've not paid anything yet for their services, which is currently covered by legal aid I believe. Let me add they were representing me on the night when I was arrested. They were offered me by the police as a duty solicitors.

If I was going to change them now, do they just transfer all information they have so far and pass it on to new solicitor?
Is it smart to do so at this stage?
Would I have to cover their expanses?
Would legal aid transfer to new solicitor?
I've been told that in case of going to court and winning it all my expanses will be reimbursed whilst using duty solicitor. If I was going to use privately chosen by me it would be just some % of expanses. Obviously most important is to find good solicitor who wins this case, but at the same time I haven't got much money to spend, hence I would need family or loans to cover it.
Is there any other pros and cons in duty solicitor vs private solicitor?

Thanks again.

[Reg]

False allegations of Rape/Sexual assault during divorce/relationship break up

Hi AJ123,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation and just seeing your post now. Understand exactly what you're going through. The allegation in itself is horrendous but dragging young children into it is truly awful. Your situation is almost identical to mine.The only difference in my case being that there was no sexual contact whatsoever and the allegation is a fabrication. It's the worst allegation a woman can make about a man and is the ultimate weapon in a divorce case. You are getting very good advice from Peter as he knows what he's talking about. You need to employ an experienced criminal lawyer. Be very careful who you discuss your case with,save emails,text messages, WhatsApp Messages between you and your wife and back them up. You may find very useful information that could assist your Solicitor. Do not be tempted to contact your wife even if she attempts to contact you. You mentioned your wife talking to mutual friends? It's understandable that they probably don't want to get involved but they need to stand up and be counted. A detailed written statement from your friend (s) could be vital in proving your innocence. Ask you friends to make detailed written notes including date,time and the nature of their conversations with your wife. Bring this this to the attention of your solicitor. I hope you get a positive result and you get to see your children very soon.

Best of Luck.

[Casehardened]

If you are reliant on legal aid then your solicitors can claim for attending your interview and for formulating a defence for you after (if!) you are charged, anything else is not chargeable. I don't believe it is possible to combine legal aid and paid work so you probably won't be able to ask them to undertake anything else (though of course they may continue to offer you 'free' advice, though this simply means that another client is paying for their time!)

As to changing your solicitor before charge, again unless you are willing and able to pay privately, they will not be able to spend a great deal of time on your case. As to whether you should, my personal view would be to wait to see what happens, though there are contrary views on the forum to the effect that a proactive firm may fend off a charge.

There is no harm in checking to see if your current firm have experience in defending false allegations and a good starting point would be to see if their name features in the list of member's recommendations:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

If your present solicitors don't appear to have prior form in defending false allegations then you may find a firm in the thread who would be happy to undertake your defence on a legal aid basis if you are charged.

Apologies for not knowing about family law (but I suspect this won't be covered by legal aid!)

[Peter1975]

CH offers good advice as always.

Your duty solicitors got paid about £170 for advice and assistance at the police station and it would seem they have been giving you their time for free ever since - although it's possible they may have gotten a bit more LA money if representing you to vary bail conditions.

There is certainly no harm in seeking out the opinion of other criminal solicitors and deciding for yourself on the merits of having them or your current sols make representations on your behalf but it's likely you will have to pay, leaving less money available for family sols..

There is no legal aid for family solicitors in your situation as far as I'm aware - but they would know better than I - I think RF put a couple of recommendations in the thread CH linked above.

It would seem maybe the OIC is not too keen on contact given your son's position as a witness but it wouldn't be the first time I've heard of a SW saying one thing and then writing something else in their reports either.

Some people advise recording all calls and meetings with SS/police/Cafcass - and I can see the merit in it.

Try to keep your cool with the frustrating process.