Worlds Falling Apart!

[JustMe1991]

Where do i even start... I'll keep this very brief. 5days ago i was standing in front of a CID been accused of rape. Im an innocent man! never been in trouble in my life with the police. Why do i feel guilty even though i know im not!

Since i was questioned at the police station I've not eaten properly, can't sleep, im worried about my family, my 2yr old son...losing him from my life! Friends, and employment!

Social services will be involved according to the police. so i have to tell my son's mother. Which, i hope she does believe me to be innocent.

I'm Really suicidal! My solicitor said could be months or years before charged or appearance in court! and I'm like this after 5days.

How can i find the strength to get through even though my name will be dragged through the mud when my name is Hopefully cleared!

Help and advice is really appreciated right now!

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum though, as always, sorry that you needed to find us,

Members who have passed through this forum will emphasize with your feelings, though the fact that so few are currently active now points to the fact that most have experienced a satisfactory outcome to their cases and have resumed a normal life of sorts (although they will probably never forget the part of the experience that you are presently going through!)

You might like to have a look at this link which may answer some of your worries:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Franticwithworry]

Hello JustMe1991.

Like Casehardened I'm sorry that you've had to find us but hope you find in these threads and responses some comfort.

First let me tell you that you are in one of the darkest places at the moment, where the shock is greatest and the disbelief that this is happening to you most disruptive to your mental and emotional equilibrium. Solicitors have to tell you the worst case scenarios and be absolutely realistic in managing your expectations, so please understand that 'months or years' for this to be resolved, while a possibility, are the upper end of the spectrum. Some people get things resolved in weeks, most people get things resolved in months and a very few find things running into years. the absolute vast majority, don't find themselves in a court room, even though charges may be brought and a trial arranged. MOST of the time, false allegations are seen for what they are. It's the false allegations that are rife, not the wrongful convictions though even one of those is too many. The do happen, there's no pretending that they don't, and far too many of them, but they are not the automatic conclusion of your situation. Feeling guilty when you are not is normal too. Many spend ages agonising over 'could they? did they? are they capable? etc etc'. All these thoughts are normal in this situation.

That said, the first few weeks are the worst of all this as your mind and body try to adjust to the shock. It will get easier to manage. It WILL.

Please talk to your doctor if the suicidal feelings continue. They affect many of those accused, so they are not a sign of weakness or anything, they are a reasonable reaction to an unreasonable situation.

I hope your child's mother supports you - if SS get involved, there is help and support here for you both if you need it. Managing their expectations can be a bit of a minefield, but I'm guessing that your accusation relates to an adult not a child so that may make a difference in how they approach you and your family. As I said, there is help and support here for you in every aspect of what you are going through at the moment.

Unfortunately, not a lot will happen while the police wheels grind slowly, and some forces work quicker than others. Hang in there. We're here if/when you need us. In the meantime, write down everything you can remember about the incident complained about, add to it as necessary, confide in someone in real life if you can, several someones even, and keep yourself busy so you don't dwell on things any more than you absolutely have to.

[Pond31]

Hi Justme1991

You have come to the right place and luckily had replies from two off our best warriors. You have started down what can be a hard and difficult road. Please read the advice here as it will help you so much, as it helped me. Stay strong.

Pond31

[Peter1975]

Welcome to the forum Justme, although I too am sorry that you find yourself here, the posts above and a search of our pages, going back more than a decade will hopefully provide some reassurance.

You are not the first and neither sadly will you be the last to be falsely accused.

There are literally thousands of people that have walked the path you find yourself on and as frantic says, they didn't find themselves in court.My advice is not to worry about that right now and take each stage if and when it comes.

While each case turns on it's own merits, statistically at least, there is little chance that you will be charged, although there may be an indeterminable and almost unbearable wait for a decision. Don't listen to anyone on the internet that says the police simply believe all accusers because the 80% of cases that are never charged prove they usually don't.

Work closely with your solicitor, don't bother them too much but if you think of anything that you might have forgotten to mention at interview then send them an email and remember they are probably up to their neck in it with other cases.

Write everything down, save any messages, emails, facebook convos that could be relevant etc. It can be worth stalking and taking screenshots of an accusers social media if at all possible, you never know what may help down the line.

It's not recommended that you speak to police yourself at all but if you feel you want an update from them, speak to the officer in the case (OIC) try not to bother them more than once a month, be polite and recognise that they are just doing a job. They are more likely to respond to you if you approach them the right way.

Local support is always recommended but someone will be available to listen here if you need us.

You are going to get through this. I promise.

[JustMe1991]

Thank you

Thank you everyone with there helpful words its been a horrible week of emotions. But i told my sons mother the other day and she believes me when i say im innocent. Which is a major release off my shoulders! i just need to focus on other things till something happens.

Thanks again. Will keep updated as i progress.

[Franticwithworry]

I’m so pleased that you have your son’s mother’s support. Support like that is priceless. Hang in there. We are here if you need us. :-)

[JustMe1991]

Can't help It!

Past few weeks I've tryed to keep busy going to work seeing my son as much as i can. I'm constantly reminded by this horrible part of my life which i want over soo badly I can't help but think they are going to take her side no matter what i say!

My emotions are a total mess up and down all the time! I'm not sure how anyone deals with this! i thought i was a strong willed man but this is tearing me apart. Im trying my up most hardest to be strong for my son but im seriously struggling 😭

[Peter1975]

Past few weeks I've tryed to keep busy going to work seeing my son as much as i can. I'm constantly reminded by this horrible part of my life which i want over soo badly I can't help but think they are going to take her side no matter what i say!

My emotions are a total mess up and down all the time! I'm not sure how anyone deals with this! i thought i was a strong willed man but this is tearing me apart. Im trying my up most hardest to be strong for my son but im seriously struggling 

Hang in there

You are going to be ok.

FASO offer some support over the phone on weekday evenings:

http://www.false-allegations.org.uk/

The samaritans are always there to listen if you need to talk. = 116 123

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-ca...act-samaritan/

Most of these cases do not end up in court and half of those that do end with an acquittal. There is lots of hope for you to hang on to .

Keep cool.

[ppm]

Its tough, the feelings of helplessness. The feeling of not wanting to go on. Will people believe you? I have a lot of **** thrown at me

Where do i even start... I'll keep this very brief. 5days ago i was standing in front of a CID been accused of rape. Im an innocent man! never been in trouble in my life with the police. Why do i feel guilty even though i know im not!

Since i was questioned at the police station I've not eaten properly, can't sleep, im worried about my family, my 2yr old son...losing him from my life! Friends, and employment!

Social services will be involved according to the police. so i have to tell my son's mother. Which, i hope she does believe me to be innocent.

I'm Really suicidal! My solicitor said could be months or years before charged or appearance in court! and I'm like this after 5days.

How can i find the strength to get through even though my name will be dragged through the mud when my name is Hopefully cleared!

Help and advice is really appreciated right now!

I am going through the same feeling, I have been accused of hurting my daughter, something that I'd never do. I have feeling of hopelessness helplessness know that I am innocent but people all people wont see it that way. Go and talk with people and keep strong. I hope that the truth will finally come out but I am destroyed and mine seems to be oncoming and never will it be sorted. I must live with my taint. You look after yourself and hopefully light at the end of the tunnel.

[Peter1975]

I am going through the same feeling, I have been accused of hurting my daughter, something that I'd never do. I have feeling of hopelessness helplessness know that I am innocent but people all people wont see it that way. Go and talk with people and keep strong. I hope that the truth will finally come out but I am destroyed and mine seems to be oncoming and never will it be sorted. I must live with my taint. You look after yourself and hopefully light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm sorry that you find yourself here PPM but please be assured that those that seek help and advice early in their cases are most oftenly successful.

You are obviously in some distress, if you need someone to talk to then please see the link to FASO in my post above. The samaritans can always be relied upon to listen to you if you are feeling low.

Each case is different and a good legal team that communicates with their client can be both essential and the best friend you can have.

Keeping things in perspective can be difficult but it is essential.

Not every allegation is believed, in fact, far from it. The innocent have a lot of hope to hold on to generally speaking.

The irish law system is not something I can even begin to advise on but I can tell you that I know of a number of fathers that say they were wrongly accused who have been aquitted.

Please do not give up hope

[ppm]

Thank you Peter1975 for reply to my post. I have been told that I have to accept that I did something that I didn't do, the professional who did not even get my side of the story. I fought and fought and followed some dodgy legal advice if I was being honest. If I had stopped looking for access and just went away then maybe then I could get on and move on but I am not that person. I would rather go down crashing and burning and fighting to the last breathe. Saying that I have thoughts of ending it as the tunnel is dark and neverending. I was a good dad and what is being thrown at me is totally untrue. I been told that my exe is vemon and only more will come at me. UNREAL, why does bad things happen to good people.

Thank you for getting back and the advice help and chatting even online helps. Thanks Perter1975

I'm sorry that you find yourself here PPM but please be assured that those that seek help and advice early in their cases are most oftenly successful.

You are obviously in some distress, if you need someone to talk to then please see the link to FASO in my post above. The samaritans can always be relied upon to listen to you if you are feeling low.

Each case is different and a good legal team that communicates with their client can be both essential and the best friend you can have.

Keeping things in perspective can be difficult but it is essential.

Not every allegation is believed, in fact, far from it. The innocent have a lot of hope to hold on to generally speaking.

The irish law system is not something I can even begin to advise on but I can tell you that I know of a number of fathers that say they were wrongly accused who have been aquitted.

Please do not give up hope

[Peter1975]

Thank you Peter1975 for reply to my post. I have been told that I have to accept that I did something that I didn't do, the professional who did not even get my side of the story. I fought and fought and followed some dodgy legal advice if I was being honest. If I had stopped looking for access and just went away then maybe then I could get on and move on but I am not that person. I would rather go down crashing and burning and fighting to the last breathe. Saying that I have thoughts of ending it as the tunnel is dark and neverending. I was a good dad and what is being thrown at me is totally untrue. I been told that my exe is vemon and only more will come at me. UNREAL, why does bad things happen to good people.

Thank you for getting back and the advice help and chatting even online helps. Thanks Perter1975

Keep cool PPM,

Being wrongly accused throws up many injustices and very sadly, the truth does not always win but you know the truth and I hope that helps sustain you through some trying times. Don't give up.

Apologies for not mentioning this before but if you search for "families need fathers" or "fathers 4 justice" you may find some local support and practical advice.

I'm sorry I can't be more help.

[JustMe1991]

Just a thought

Hey guys, I've been going thinking over events of my situation and there a few things that i forgot to mention in my voluntary interview.

If my case gets to court and i mention said information in court does this change the strength of my statement?

[CountryBumpkin]

Hey guys, I've been going thinking over events of my situation and there a few things that i forgot to mention in my voluntary interview.

If my case gets to court and i mention said information in court does this change the strength of my statement?

I would send an email to your solicitor and let them decide if they should inform the OIC. It’s normal to remember things the longer you think about it so just make a list of things that come back to you and send them over to your solicitor.