Boyfriend falsely accused.

[Trying]

Hi

My partner was accused a little over a week ago. This was done by a woman he was seeing previously to me but after his ex (mother of his child)
The police attended our address and had a chat and invited him for a voluntary interview which he has this evening.
I’m not one to discredit women’s claims for rape etc however when it’s so close to home and the information doesn’t add up it’s hard not to. She is saying it happened when she was drunk however he said he never touched her. This was apparently back in March however she messaged his ex partner in June (shortly after he got into a relationship with me) telling her what he had apparently done however she said it happened in May. This caused her to delay his access with their child and it went to court where carcass said nothing had been reported to the police. In October he got access to his daughter. Fast forward 4 week later and this accusation has been made. It seems every time we get somewhere something else bites the bum. It doesn’t help that I am pregnant and my emotions and hormones are everywhere.
He says he feels broken and is constantly upset. He keeps reading news articles of those wrongly convicteD. I’m trying to support him and think positive but I have no idea how he is feeling ..can anyone give me advice on how to better support him as I’m trying but I don’t feel like I’m doing enough

[Franticwithworry]

Hello Trying. Welcome to the site though I'm so sorry you need us. Your experience sounds all too familiar.

As your partner's voluntary interview is this evening I hope you pop back in here and see my response before then.

You don't say if your partner is going to be accompanied by a solicitor, but I cannot impress upon you enough to encourage him to find specialist legal representation for the interview, and to rearrange the appointment if necessary. He can go to the police station at HIS convenience, not that of the police. Police station advice is always legally aided so you needn't worry about the cost. He needs a specialist in false sexual allegations because they are a minefield to deal with on your own. Regardless of what they might say, the police don't want 'a cosy little chat to clear up a few details', they are not your partner's friend and he really does need to have an expert with him.

There's a link here for recommended solicitors if it helps - but tell him not to be afraid to tell the police that he won't come in today and wants to rearrange the date for one when he has found a solicitor to accompany him. http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

Please also to get him to write down every little thing he can remember about his relationship with this woman and the incident in question. Every little detail because a solicitor can decide what's important
Please, get him to ring round a few solicitors if he can to find someone who is a specialist in false accusations and he feels comfortable with.
and what's not rather than him.

What you describe in terms of panic thoughts for both of you are perfectly normal at this point, but they will subside. What he is doing at the moment is catastrophising - imagining the worst case scenario - but reassure him that the statistics are in his favour. Most of these cases never see the inside of a court room and are NFA'd (No Further Action) by the police or the CPS. These kinds of accusations are far more common than most people think and the authorities are beginning, I think, to wake up to the idea that some women have another agenda when it comes to making accusations, there being lots of reasons.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, though you are right that hormones may make life a bit more difficult for you right now. I'm sure your partner does feel broken; personally, I think that a false accusation of sexual misconduct is the worst thing that a woman can do to a man, calling his whole being into question, and I say that as a woman.

Unfortunately, these situations can take quite a few months to resolve. The chances are that the police will take a statement from your partner and just get on with their 'investigation' while he waits and waits. Fortunately, the initial shock will wear off after a time and will get more bearable. Please encourage him to go to his GP for some help and support if it doesn't and the same advice goes for you too.

It's very important that he doesn't contact the woman who has accused him. If his daughter's mother continues to refuse access, that may all have to be on hold until this is resolved, and Social Services will likely get involved, but don't worry about that for the next little while. Take one step at a time and get finding a solicitor and this interview over with first.

Please reassure your partner that he is not alone in this and that there are many men suffering in the same way. There is moral support here on the forum and advice in terms comparing experiences, but that is why I'm strongly recommending he gets a real-life solicitor. None of us on this site are qualified to give proper legal advice. The interview is the next hurdle in this and after that, the best thing you can both do is get on with life as normally as possible. You have a new baby to look forward to!! If you think it would help, get him to come on here and look for all the posts with bananas on them.

Hang in there.

[Trying]

Thank you for your quick response.
He does have legal representation however I’m not sure they specialise within this field. It has been arranged by himself.
He is a very organised person and has made a note of every encounter with said woman. Including reasons for why it is a false allegation. I think a lot of this is brought on through the not knowing of when she is saying the alleged assault took place and when she reported it. Whilst I know that cps and the decision of taking it to court can take some time. does anyone know how roughly the police have to question the ‘suspect’ after an allegation has been made?
It seems strange it has come 4 weeks after him being allowed contact with his child and feels like a ploy to ruin his life and seemingly our relationship.
I’m just hoping the police and cps see her for what she is.

In the meantime I’ll take your advice and get appointment booked at the gp and just try and be as supportive as I can.

Thanks again.

[Franticwithworry]

I'm glad to hear that he's so organised, that he has legal representation and that he's taken notes already

As a sidenote, if, in the end, he needs a solicitor in the future for this and doesn't want to stay with the solicitor he's chosen for tonight, he can. There isn't a timescale for questioning a suspect after a complaint. Often it's a few weeks but it can be longer - or shorter. Hopefully, he will get a bit more information from the police at his interview in terms of what exactly her complaint is and when it's supposed to have taken place.

Unfortunately, complaints often come hot on the heels of other decisions relating to children and it may well be that this is a ploy to put a spanner in the works regarding contact with his daughter. As you say, it's to be hoped that they police see through this sooner rather than later if that's what's going on. (I'd be suspicious of this in your shoes too.)

Looking after your mental health is essential. You know your partner best and some men don't want to talk about it all and others do. All you can really do at this point is let him take the lead on that. It's dreadful thing to happen for both of you. Don't forget that if you find your GP less than helpful - though I'm not suggesting you will - you can see another in the practice and you don't have to tell them all the details of why you are stressed and distressed, if you don't want to, only what you feel you can manage.

I'm sure this will be a particularly stressful evening for you both, but I hope that at the end of it you have some more useful information from the solicitor, a better idea of the process and what to expect next, and some peace of mind in terms of what this complaint is actually all about.

I'll be thinking of you both.

[TerrifiedinScotland]

Hi Trying

How did tonight go? Thinking of you