going through hell on earth and struggling falsely accused of rape and assault .. struggling to stay strong

[havokuk]

Hi all

Over the last few days I have been reading each post and comments and my love and sympathy goes out to everyone who is experiencing this. I am sadly part of this too, just over a year ago before I met my now Fiancé I had a period where I was exploring BDSM in what I thought was a safe good way. I met this woman who was mature and professional knew her own mind and had previous experience so felt we could explore together. We meet up twice during our time together first time she rented a room and we had some rough but totally consensual fun (this is all really embarrassing to explain but info is needed for this to make sense ) then we met for one more time and this time I booked a room and paid for it and same again. We spoke for ages directly after and days after I was not aware of anything. Then about 3 months later I got an e-mail from the police telling me to come for a voluntary interview. I was at work at the time and my panic was in hyper drive I have never been in trouble or done anything.

I will never forget walking into the police station having no idea who or what was going on, sitting in the room and the solicitor (using free legal aid) coming in and explaining what they wanted to question me about. I felt in total shock as I had just come back from burying my Granddad the day before and was already emotional vulnerable at this point. I was told that she had gone to A&E to check things are ok and told them that she was raped and physically assaulted she then gave the exact day and time. She didn’t make any charges or anything but due to the nurse’s duty of care they had to forward the information onto the police. They traced my info on the hotel booking and that’s how they got my info from.

I was advised to give no comment interview as no one had made a complaint against so anything I gave them would be extra info they don’t have. It tore me apart being in that room being asked the most horrible questions and wanting to scream how I could never do such a thing but having to just say no comment. I still have not recovered from that day even though was November last year.

It was left as still under investigation and will be contacted with the results. After 3 months I contacted the DC responsible and asked if any progress was made but was told she had changed roles and the case has been handed to someone else. Now nearly a year on I get an e-mail from the police saying they want to talk to me regarding the interview. I have no idea what to expect they didn’t say was another interview or anything so called the solicitors that represented me last time and they said would be same as last time. Which upset me two fold, 1) because last time the person was upfront and said what was going to happen and they a legal representative would be available this time it’s just come in to talk to us so feel like a bit deceptive. 2) I’m so scared about going back into this place and relieving that experience again.

The people that know me and my partner are doing all they can to support me but I feel like I’m lost that in a bad horrible person and that in not strong enough to go through this anymore and be in that room again. The only contact I’ve had with this woman since was on the day I was asked to go to interview I messaged all the people I could think it could be and asked if they had said something. She came back to me saying no nothing to do with her so don’t know if she just said this in passing to cover her own embarrassment when being checked by nurses and has forgotten about it and left me to pick up the pieces or something more manipulative going on.

[Pond31]

Hi all

Over the last few days I have been reading each post and comments and my love and sympathy goes out to everyone who is experiencing this. I am sadly part of this too, just over a year ago before I met my now Fiancé I had a period where I was exploring BDSM in what I thought was a safe good way. I met this woman who was mature and professional knew her own mind and had previous experience so felt we could explore together. We meet up twice during our time together first time she rented a room and we had some rough but totally consensual fun (this is all really embarrassing to explain but info is needed for this to make sense ) then we met for one more time and this time I booked a room and paid for it and same again. We spoke for ages directly after and days after I was not aware of anything. Then about 3 months later I got an e-mail from the police telling me to come for a voluntary interview. I was at work at the time and my panic was in hyper drive I have never been in trouble or done anything.

I will never forget walking into the police station having no idea who or what was going on, sitting in the room and the solicitor (using free legal aid) coming in and explaining what they wanted to question me about. I felt in total shock as I had just come back from burying my Granddad the day before and was already emotional vulnerable at this point. I was told that she had gone to A&E to check things are ok and told them that she was raped and physically assaulted she then gave the exact day and time. She didn’t make any charges or anything but due to the nurse’s duty of care they had to forward the information onto the police. They traced my info on the hotel booking and that’s how they got my info from.

I was advised to give no comment interview as no one had made a complaint against so anything I gave them would be extra info they don’t have. It tore me apart being in that room being asked the most horrible questions and wanting to scream how I could never do such a thing but having to just say no comment. I still have not recovered from that day even though was November last year.

It was left as still under investigation and will be contacted with the results. After 3 months I contacted the DC responsible and asked if any progress was made but was told she had changed roles and the case has been handed to someone else. Now nearly a year on I get an e-mail from the police saying they want to talk to me regarding the interview. I have no idea what to expect they didn’t say was another interview or anything so called the solicitors that represented me last time and they said would be same as last time. Which upset me two fold, 1) because last time the person was upfront and said what was going to happen and they a legal representative would be available this time it’s just come in to talk to us so feel like a bit deceptive. 2) I’m so scared about going back into this place and relieving that experience again.

The people that know me and my partner are doing all they can to support me but I feel like I’m lost that in a bad horrible person and that in not strong enough to go through this anymore and be in that room again. The only contact I’ve had with this woman since was on the day I was asked to go to interview I messaged all the people I could think it could be and asked if they had said something. She came back to me saying no nothing to do with her so don’t know if she just said this in passing to cover her own embarrassment when being checked by nurses and has forgotten about it and left me to pick up the pieces or something more manipulative going on.

Hi Havokuk

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this stress. It appears from your post that you have some support which is good. My advice is if the woman has not gone to the police herself and has not reported you then DO NOT GO TO AN INTERVIEW as there most likely is no case as yet. Seek legal advice and get your solicitor to ask them what they want to talk about. You do not have to attend the police station if they they are only fishing and there is no active case. If there is a case you would have to speak to the police at least for an "interview under caution" then bring a specialised solicitor with you not just someone who does general criminal cases. If there is no active case the police will attempt to get you to say something to incriminate yourself so no contact with them at all. Ask the police to send any questions they have to your solicitor as you will not be answering any of them yourself, don't take calls from them and if you do answer the phone to them redirect them to your solicitor.

I would suspect that the woman may have been embarrassed about saying to the nurse that she was experimenting with BDSM and inventing the rape as a excuse. Keep all your records of any contact between yourself and the woman, texts, Facebook messages, Whatsapp and data from whatever site you met her on if any etc. If she had a profile on a site looking for sexual partners and it is still there take screen grabs of it. Look for evidence that points to her being a willing partner. Writing down what you can remember about the two nights. Don't contact her or answer contact from her.

Hopefully it will not go that far if the woman did not open a case herself, she may simply refuse to co-operate with the police then it will end.

Pond31

[havokuk]

Hi Pond31

Thank for your kind words of support. Helps knowing that others are feeling the same and have experience of this too as can feel a very lonely time in your life.

I havent had any dealings with the police so very shocked by how things work and how things arent what they seems.

E.g i still am unsure if you have to attend a voluntary interview as it seems fron my reading that its set up to be a trap to get people to come forwards and go to the police because they feel safe under the idea of it being a chat or its opptional then they have you. How can somthing be voluntary if u have to attend and if it states you can leave but you do we will arrest you and do it that way.

Matt

[Pond31]

Hi Pond31

Thank for your kind words of support. Helps knowing that others are feeling the same and have experience of this too as can feel a very lonely time in your life.

I havent had any dealings with the police so very shocked by how things work and how things arent what they seems.

E.g i still am unsure if you have to attend a voluntary interview as it seems fron my reading that its set up to be a trap to get people to come forwards and go to the police because they feel safe under the idea of it being a chat or its opptional then they have you. How can somthing be voluntary if u have to attend and if it states you can leave but you do we will arrest you and do it that way.

Matt

Hi Matt

Under the Police and Criminal Evidence Act the police should only use "arrest" as the last resort, something they tend to forget this. To arrest someone they have to be two things 1) A belief you have committed a crime or about too 2) A necessity to arrest you. 1 is cover when the FA makes their accusation but part 2 is a sticky wicket for them. There is a list under PACE of when there may be "necessity" for arrest. There two of which are general used in rape and sexual assault cases. These two are usually the need to either

to protect a child or other vulnerable person from the person in question;

OR

to allow the prompt and effective investigation of the offence or of the conduct of the person in question;

As it appears in your case that neither may apply here the OIC is doing the right thing and asking you to attend for an interview on a voluntary basis. They may not be able to arrest you if you agree to co-operate with them. The police tend to forget that it is not their job to seek evidence for conviction but simply to gather evidence and go where it takes them. If it points to conviction or not is a CPS decision.

So YES

trap.jpg

My advice is speak to your solicitor. Get them to find if an FA has made a statement or if the police are acting just on the nurse's report. If there is no FA then don't go to the interview unless advised by your SPECIALIST solicitor. If you answer any questions then you may actually give the police ammunition to use against you. So if there is no FA and if there is nothing for them to investigate then the case will die on the vine. You could go to the station and do a "no comment" interview because you can learn things from the questions the police ask you but again follow your solicitors instructions.

If you do do a "no comment" interview my advice is to say "on the the advice of my solicitor I will be making no comment" as an answer to every question, as tagging on the "on the advice of my solicitor" bit makes it look like you are not avoiding things but are actually just doing what you are told.

Pond31

[havokuk]

Hi Pond31


Hope you dont mind me keep asking these questions but finding your help very helpful and easing my anxiety

I got the email on monday asking me to come into speak about my previous interview and come for the appointment as stated in my first post. I have since responded
to the email if this is another interview under caution and got reply stating today that yes this is and they will let me know what she proposes to do on monday at the interview.

My question is can they ask me back for another interview even if they have no further develops or the fact that they want to speak to me again me somthing has happened?

My mind is hoping that because the change in person dealing with my case she just wants to speak to me to see if she agrees with the previous DC or not but thats a hope and my mind goes to all other situations and negative thoughts.

Matt

[Pond31]

Hi Pond31


Hope you dont mind me keep asking these questions but finding your help very helpful and easing my anxiety

I got the email on monday asking me to come into speak about my previous interview and come for the appointment as stated in my first post. I have since responded
to the email if this is another interview under caution and got reply stating today that yes this is and they will let me know what she proposes to do on monday at the interview.

My question is can they ask me back for another interview even if they have no further develops or the fact that they want to speak to me again me somthing has happened?

My mind is hoping that because the change in person dealing with my case she just wants to speak to me to see if she agrees with the previous DC or not but thats a hope and my mind goes to all other situations and negative thoughts.

Matt

Hi havokuk

All interviews with the police are interviews under caution because they have to warning you that anything you say might be used against you in court otherwise it could be rejected. It sounds like they want to talk to you about something new or something they forgot to ask about during the first interview. They are NOT ALLOWED to ask the same question again, so any second interview will be new or additional questions even if the DC has changed.

Are you bringing a specialist solicitor with you??? If you have yet to find one then I suggest you contact the DC and tell them that you cannot attend the interview until you find one at which point the solicitor will contact them and arrange a time and date. Yes you can say NO to attending an interview if you have a good reason. in my case two constables turn up at my door and asked me to come to go to the police station with them to respond to a false accusation of harassing my FA. I told them NO and gave them my solicitors number and said they can arrange an interview with them, which they did. The interview happen three weeks later when everyone concern was free and I was well armed to defend myself, legally I mean.

Your solicitor would need a copy of the first interview and be given the time to review it so they can make sure the police are not asking the same questions again. This would normally take sometime, therefor the interview may be put off for weeks.

If you ask the new DC if they have new questions and they say NO, then you can point out that the interview is a waste of time, as you will not be answer questions already asked. The DC would know this so I suspect that she has new questions to ask. The police do sometimes forget to ask you about things.

Anyway please look after yourself at this stressful time and I hope you seek support if needs be.

Pond31

[havokuk]

Thanks for your support

I have a solicitor coming with me for tomorrow mornin they are criminal law specialists.

Me and my partner are falling apart but trying to too worry too much.

All i think about is the email and the wording that she put " i will tell you what i propose to do"so somthing going to happen .... so scared

[Pond31]

Thanks for your support

I have a solicitor coming with me for tomorrow mornin they are criminal law specialists.

Me and my partner are falling apart but trying to too worry too much.

All i think about is the email and the wording that she put " i will tell you what i propose to do"so somthing going to happen .... so scared

Hi Havokuk

I hope it goes well for you this morning. The come down after the stress of an interview can be really hard so take care off yourself.

Pond31

[havokuk]

I was arrested and released without charge but under investigation still. The person falsely accusing me has made a video statement. The charges are very serious. I am struggling to even function as a human at the moment it’s day 2 after interview. I was told it would be months before hear anything as if they sent it to the CPS today would be at least 12 weeks but they not there yet

I don’t know how I’m going to keep myself alive me and my partner just got engaged we were looking to the future now nothing scares me more than my future. Feel like been told u have 1 year to live so now rather than planning a future it’s about saving every touch every hug in case I get put into prison for a long time and I lose her

[carrot tops]

So sorry to hear how tough this is for you and I understand that the waiting totally gnaws away at you and each day can feel like an ordeal just to get through.

I would encourage you to use this forum to vent as often as you need, but to console yourself with the thought that the truth will become clear. At the moment you just don't know the time frame for that. You have not been charged and even if it does get to that point it doesn't mean you will be found guilty.

In the meantime cases of people being falsely accused are hitting the press more and more. Even if the police and CPS seem to take things far further than common sense would expect that doesn't mean that the jury system and a good defence barrister can't secure a correct verdict.

Try mindfulness, exercise, writing down or talking your feelings out. Try to plan things you can enjoy with your partner.

The nature of these sorts of allegations are that they isolate you but you will not be the only one who has gone through this. As much as you can try to focus on the positives in your life each day. Each day is a day less of this ordeal .

Wishing you you all the best and hang on in there.

[lifeonhold]

Hi havokuk

I’m sorry to hear about this, I’m under investigation due to being excused of sexual
Assault. I know yours is bit more severe.

What helps me to get by is going for runs and doing good deeds like giving to charity/homeless and picking up litter and helping friends and family if they need help with diy or moving ect.

I know it’s fresh for you but still there’s always a strong chance you won’t get charged and you can live your life again.
Remember your a good person also!!

[havokuk]

mental update with no actual updates of investigation

Hi all

Its been 5 months now since I last posted on here, still heard nothing would like to think the old saying of no news is good news but with all reading I've done it just seems another area where cuts have made processes almost grind to a hault so things take an age to get anywhere.

I have officially been forced out of my job because of this, I work in the health sector and I wasn't truthful about what happened with them as I have been diagnosed with PTSD from the day was arrested and the following days I made a few bad choices about what I told my employer and to be fair I would do the same if I was them.

Will be good for me to get a new job and start a fresh as been on suspension since September.

My mental health has been all over the place been on anti depressants stop and now back on them been to councilling and done mindfulness etc. But suicide thoughts haunt me everyday but staying strong.

The one thing I find that helps me is focus on the total inconsistences' of her story. I would go into detail but don't want to bore everyone as may seem like I'm just trying to convince myself things will be ok which in a way I am.

Going through this makes you appreciate what really matters in this world. I can rebuilt a career money can be won earned and just as quickly lost, but what hurts the most is the constant fear that " system" that is now in motion will keep on grinding away at you until nothing is left of what you were before. I think every one on this forum can be seen as a tight group who have felt and gone through this not many people this world can understand and that bond even if just one on here will keep us all fighting.

[havokuk]

NFA cant wait for my Banana

Hi all

I never thought this day would come being kept in purgatory since 2017 and worst time of my life since sept 2018 when was arrested.
Finally today got a call from solicitors and then police to confirm I have been NFA'ed. Its a purely numbing feeling as its been a big part of my life for so long its been hard for it not to define me.

I have dreamt being able to write this post for so long just wanted to say to people who have just found themselves in this world which I never knew existed until I was forced into it like many of us. That there is an end, to this for all the mothers, wives, partners of people going through this he will say stupid things, do stupid things just tell him that you believe in him as a person and he has a kind soul. As sometimes that is all it takes as I now believe that while rape is the worst thing a man can do to a woman, lying about rape is the worst thing a woman can do to a man.

I wish everyone on this site all the luck and love in the world and to keep fighting for the truth, as they can hide from it for only so long before the truth comes for them and their lies will be dissected and exposed.

I can now let my healing begin, I am getting married this year we are saving for a house and wanting to start a family I will never get legal justice for me but I can go on to live a happy and forfilled life while she continues down her dark path that is my justice.

[Pond31]

Hi all

I never thought this day would come being kept in purgatory since 2017 and worst time of my life since sept 2018 when was arrested.
Finally today got a call from solicitors and then police to confirm I have been NFA'ed. Its a purely numbing feeling as its been a big part of my life for so long its been hard for it not to define me.

I have dreamt being able to write this post for so long just wanted to say to people who have just found themselves in this world which I never knew existed until I was forced into it like many of us. That there is an end, to this for all the mothers, wives, partners of people going through this he will say stupid things, do stupid things just tell him that you believe in him as a person and he has a kind soul. As sometimes that is all it takes as I now believe that while rape is the worst thing a man can do to a woman, lying about rape is the worst thing a woman can do to a man.

I wish everyone on this site all the luck and love in the world and to keep fighting for the truth, as they can hide from it for only so long before the truth comes for them and their lies will be dissected and exposed.

I can now let my healing begin, I am getting married this year we are saving for a house and wanting to start a family I will never get legal justice for me but I can go on to live a happy and forfilled life while she continues down her dark path that is my justice.

Hi Havokuk

Congrats on your success, now is the time to work on moving own. Here are you

Look after your mental health over the next while.

Take Care
Pond31

[Casehardened]

Thank you for this very positive post, considering the purgatory you have been through, and of course your positivity will help you recover from this experience (but be prepared to never completely forget!)

Always pleased to dock the banana boat for a NFA