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**Casehardened** · 8 June 2018, 08:15 PM

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I guess you need to sit down and have a virtual chat with someone who has been through it but though many have walked your path most do move on from the forum once their ordeal comes to a close (and this of course is how it should be and gives some cause for optimism!)

This is by way of an explanation for you not getting any replies as yet but this link might give you some idea of the process:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

**Caught red handed** · 8 June 2018, 11:41 PM

Hi. I can’t answer a lot of your questions but I can understand where you’re coming from. My husband was accused of rape by my “friend” last July and we are still waiting for a charging decision. I say the words like “we” a lot to him. It’s psychological but I think it helps him to know that I’m there for him. Of course you don’t know exactly what pressure and stress he will be under (which will be immense) but you will go through the rollercoaster of emotions with him. And sharing that provides at least some comfort. (for my husband anyway). It’s a big shock to the system so he may still be processing it. It’s so important that you are his support now. You both will probably loop through feelings of sheer disbelief, anger, doubt and acceptance, but depending on secondary ramifications (eg losing job, friends etc) then these feelings become more manageable and less extreme. (Although if my husband is charged then no doubt the fire will be ignited!) It’s a long slog. Don’t expect anything to happen any time soon. Make sure he has a solicitor and just let him know that you’re with him all the way. He needs people to back him right now and probably feels extremely weak and vulnerable. You need to be his strength. That’s the only thing you can do for him right now.

**Franticwithworry** · 10 June 2018, 11:42 AM

I'm so sorry that you have had to find us here. It's dreadful for you both. It's good advice that you've had so far.

Unfortunately, it's likely that social Services will become involved and then it will be come your task to demonstrate to them that you can protect the children and put them first in terms of maintaining their safety. If your husband has been accused in regards to an adult, it sometimes makes a bit of a difference as to how the SS approach the situation so come back for more advice and support if you need to.

As for supporting your husband, when you've encouraged him once or twice to talk to you about things, the best you can do is leave him to it and let him deal with it in his own way. Burying his head in the sand is a common reaction. He really could do with having a chat with a specialist solicitor so that an expert can give you some idea of the process and time scales. It does vary a bit from police force to police force. If he won't do that there's nothing stopping you from making the call(s) on the quiet yourself so that at least get some professional advice. Most solicitors will have that kind of chat without charging you anything.

It is, unfortunately, often a long process, and when you get your electronics back means little. There's lots of advice on here about writing down the details of what happened if there was an 'event' and making sure relevant messages, if there are any, don't get lost. Both of you need to look after your mental health but it is a fact that most of these cases that are false are recognised for what they are and go nowhere. It's not a guarantee or a reason to be complacent, but it might give you some hope. The first few weeks after an accusation like this will find both of you in shock. It's hard to keep going but you will get through it. Come back here as often as you need to for support. You're not alone by any stretch of the imagination.

for you all.

**Pinkmoo** · 11 June 2018, 04:46 AM

Hello thanks for your replies, they have all been helpful, I’ve tried to reply a few times but I am struggling to get the words out as i still can’t believe this is our reality. He seems ok atm, he has full trust everyone will know she’s lieing and he reckons police are being nice and they know the truth but I don’t hold the same opinion, I’ve tried to word carefully that they are investigating so maybe are acting nice on purpose. II don’t want to ruin his positive thinking I just want him to be wary of them. He has spoken to a solicitor but I’m not sure what’s fully been said as he gives me snippets of info hear and there. It is an adult that has accused him so I’m hoping social services don’t get too involved as they really scare me - not that we should be scared but we shouldn’t be in this situation either so I just don’t know anymore.

I have to stop here now as my post keeps turning into a massive rant which I have to keep deleting. But thank you for your replies.

Caught red handed -I hope this positively ends for you soon, I can’t belive people are left this long living with this fear. It’s Heartbreaking.

**Caught red handed** · 11 June 2018, 06:47 AM

Also, just to clarify my position... we have young children at home too and SS have not been involved. I’m sure it’s more of a case by case basis but they may not come out if FA was an adult.

**OEN34** · 4 July 2018, 09:24 AM

I haven't read all the posts on here, but what I can say is that being falsely accused of rape and/or sexual assault can lead you to being denied access to your children.

One of the false accusations I have against me was that I allegedly sexually assaulted my ex girlfriend in front of my two children (they weren't her children; they were from my ex wife). The Police notified Child Services (which took 6 months), who then contacted the mother of my children to disclose what happened. My ex wife - who despises me already and has done for years since me leaving her) then informed both children's schools of the situation and stressed that I am not allowed access to my children.

To make matters even worse, once my ex wife got disclosure on the FA's about me, she told the Child Services she was raped and sexually assualted repeatedly by over 8 years too! She jumped on the bandwagon.

Anyway, in short, yes, it can happen and I haven't seen my children in 7 months now.

**Pinkmoo** · 13 September 2018, 09:59 PM

3 months later

Firstly sorry OEN34 I’ve just seen your reply hope things get better for you soon.

So it’s been just over 3 months since this thing started and today my partner got called saying they want a second interview. He didn’t have a solicitor for the first one so now needs to find one (we did call for some guidance but I think it’s was just a random one on the internet) so we need to find a good solicitor, we aren’t the richest of families so this is worrying him, we also aren’t on any benefits so don’t think we would get any help.

I was wondering is a second interview just somthing they do? Or are they taking this further?

Thank you

**Franticwithworry** · 14 September 2018, 01:00 AM

I'm sorry to hear that things are ongoing for you and your husband has the stress of a second interview. It isn't a matter of course, but they can only interview again if they have new information that they want to ask about and they aren't supposed to ask about things that were already covered at the first interview. They are also supposed to 'disclose' what they want to ask about ahead of time, but some police officers are more forthcoming in that regard than others. Even so, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are wanting or ready to take things further at this stage.

Your husband definitely needs a solicitor for this, but it's the same as the first interview, so far as I know in that he is entitled to be represented so legal aid is available for the interview if nothing else. It's essential that you get a lawyer with experience in these kinds of accusations, so please don't just pick someone at random. There is a sticky thread here with recommendations - here's a link -

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

If you can, get your husband to call several and get a 'feel' for the person he chooses. It's important he has confidence in the person who will be advising him in something as serious as this, and they will also be able to give accurate information about how you might qualify for legal aid. Don't make any assumptions about that either. Better to apply and be refused than not to apply but be eligible.

You are right to very, very sceptical of the actions and motives of the police, but if your husband is still not willing to take notice of you in that regard, I'm sure that a good solicitor will have something to say on the issue and will help him be more realistic and understanding of their agendas. They are NOT his friends.

**Pinkmoo** · 14 September 2018, 08:52 AM

Thank you Franticwithworry I will have a look at that thread and take some notes down.

He didn’t say if they mentioned what they wanted to talk about but he does just give me snippets of inofomation (I hear the most when he’s in conversations with other people) He did mention yesturtday that he thinks maybe the police were trying to get him to say things, so I said not to trust them and he agreed. He just is too trusting and only sees the good in people.

How do I go about looking for legal aid, do I apply first or do we need to have a solicitor first?
How long should we wait to sort a interview ? He said he’s not rushing to sort it but I’m worried if this would come across he’s guilty? Sorry for all the questions I just don’t know where else to ask.

Thank you

**Pond31** · 14 September 2018, 10:44 AM

Originally posted by Pinkmoo View Post

Thank you Franticwithworry I will have a look at that thread and take some notes down.

He didn’t say if they mentioned what they wanted to talk about but he does just give me snippets of inofomation (I hear the most when he’s in conversations with other people) He did mention yesturtday that he thinks maybe the police were trying to get him to say things, so I said not to trust them and he agreed. He just is too trusting and only sees the good in people.

How do I go about looking for legal aid, do I apply first or do we need to have a solicitor first?
How long should we wait to sort a interview ? He said he’s not rushing to sort it but I’m worried if this would come across he’s guilty? Sorry for all the questions I just don’t know where else to ask.

Thank you

Hi Pinkmoo

The solicitor you deal with will help you apply for legal aid as they do want to get paid. They asked me for national insurance number etc. I believe any work done inside the police station is free, so attending the interview with your partner will not cost him anything. Any time you visit your solicitor at their office or speak to them on the phone could be charged. If you are worried about money you have to remember that investing in a good solicitor is worth it. I paid £120/hour for mine and the peace of mind she gave me was worth it a hundred times over.

The second interview is usually an interview to allow your partner to respond to the Achieving Best Evidence (ABE) interview done with the FA. This is an in-depth interview designed to allow the FA to tell their story in a more detailed than happens in most initial FA statements. As Casharden said they will ask new questions that have risen from the ABE but are not allowed to ask the same ones. Sometimes the police may start to suspect during the ABE that the FA is actually lying as FA's often make fanciful claims during this interview in attempt to bolster their claims. My FA2 destroyed her case during the ABE as she made odd claims that came across as either being lies or delusions. Unfortunately the police still had to continue with the case.

Your are correct to say that the police are not your partners friend. Do not speak to them before the interview or after. Direct them to your solicitor once you have one. I brought a drink to my interview and before answering any question paused an took a sip. This made sure I did not blurt something out. If he gets a good solicitor then they will stop him from going on to much or talking about irrelevant matters.

I hope it goes well for you and your partner.

Pond31

**Pinkmoo** · 14 September 2018, 01:54 PM

Thanks pond31

I know what you mean the money is deffo worth it to get a good solicitor it’s just getting the money, we have a little bit of savings but only a small amont, so frustrating that we will have to use our money on this instead of what it was intended for.

Do you know what normally happens after a 2nd interview? Is it a case of waiting round for months again or will they tell him what’s happening?

I have noted down some solicitors from the recommended thread and will help my partner get in contact with them, will also pass on the advice of taking a drink so he can have a think before he answers any questions. Is there any other advice for an interview I should pass on to him?

Thankyo so much for you help

**Pond31** · 14 September 2018, 02:29 PM

Originally posted by Pinkmoo View Post

Thanks pond31

I know what you mean the money is deffo worth it to get a good solicitor it’s just getting the money, we have a little bit of savings but only a small amont, so frustrating that we will have to use our money on this instead of what it was intended for.

Do you know what normally happens after a 2nd interview? Is it a case of waiting round for months again or will they tell him what’s happening?

I have noted down some solicitors from the recommended thread and will help my partner get in contact with them, will also pass on the advice of taking a drink so he can have a think before he answers any questions. Is there any other advice for an interview I should pass on to him?

Thankyo so much for you help

Hi Pinkmoo

The second interview is usually designed to allow the accused to respond to what the FA said in their Achieving Best Evidence ABE interview. At the ABE the FA is questioned in more detail about what they alleged happened. The police then take that information and form questions to ask the accused. Sometimes the ABE is good for the accused as the FA decides to embellish their story causing it to crack. The more the FA says the more holes will appear in their story. The police do sometimes actually notice this happening.

You should take advice from your specialist solicitor on how to approach the interview, sometimes it may be a "no comment" interview or in my case I was open and answered all questions. Once this interview is complete the police will take what your partner and the FA have said and look for evidence supporting what was said. That includes speaking to witnesses, looking at telephone, facebook and other records. This takes a very very long time. The police all say they are over worked. So you may find that things go very slowly 12 months or more is the norm. In my case FA1 it was 322 days for the police investigation and 9 months for the prosecutor to come to a decision not to charge.

The police will not tell you a thing off their own bat but you can phone them and ask. You may become very frustrated with delays but think months rather than days for things to be done. I contacted the OIC every few weeks just to remind them I was about. I am actually about to call them again in a few minutes even after my case is over. If you speak to the police be polite be professional but don't be a push over.

Pond31

**Pinkmoo** · 4 October 2018, 10:58 AM

So my partner has had his 2nd interview and still hasn’t really told me anything, he would rather forget it which is typical of him. Just a few new questions he said. And they gonna call him back when all evidence is back

She is accusing him of rape but nothing sexual happened between them at all. Not even a kiss. Now will evidence prove nothing happened and she’s lieing or can they still go ahead charging him with no eveidence?

Feel like packing the car up and leaving the country but then he will look guilty. Just don’t know what to do. How many more times do they question before making a choice to charge or not charge or is it different with each case?

Also he never asked solicitor about payment? Does he pay for the time spent at police station? If so will we just get it posted out?

Sorry for all the questions. Just don’t know who else i can ask and my mind won’t shut up about this whole thing!

**Pond31** · 4 October 2018, 11:22 AM

Originally posted by Pinkmoo View Post

So my partner has had his 2nd interview and still hasn’t really told me anything, he would rather forget it which is typical of him. Just a few new questions he said. And they gonna call him back when all evidence is back

She is accusing him of rape but nothing sexual happened between them at all. Not even a kiss. Now will evidence prove nothing happened and she’s lieing or can they still go ahead charging him with no eveidence?

Feel like packing the car up and leaving the country but then he will look guilty. Just don’t know what to do. How many more times do they question before making a choice to charge or not charge or is it different with each case?

Also he never asked solicitor about payment? Does he pay for the time spent at police station? If so will we just get it posted out?

Sorry for all the questions. Just don’t know who else i can ask and my mind won’t shut up about this whole thing!

Hi Pinkmoo

The police don't tell the accused anything, they only ask question and arrest if needed. They will not speak to him again unless they have new questions to ask. The police normally do not charge they gather the evidence, create a file and then send it to the CPS. The CPS look at the evidence and see if there is enough to charge and then the police charge. The police however can arrest if they feel it is necessary under PACE. The percentage of accusations that actually reach court is very small indeed and when it is "he said she said" case with no supporting evidence either side then it is hard for a case to pass the evidentairy test.

Please DO NOT SAY YOU ARE LEAVING THE COUNTRY EVEN AS A JOKE TO ANYONE. this is because if you do the police can arrest your partner, take his passport and even keep them on remand if they think they are going to run off. Absconding is very serious indeed.

You do not pay for time the solicitor spends with you partner at the police station as it is normally covered by legal aid. However if you speak to them at their offices you can be charged for that.

from my experience the police do not prioritise cases they don't think they are going to win, so don't be surprised if things drank on for sometime.

Pond31

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