Where’s the nfa???!!!

[Caught red handed]

I have been looking at this site for months now and it is incredible at the sheer number of people that experience false accusations when in every article it is constantly referred to as “extremely rare.” Just crunch the numbers... 2% is given at the very lowest end of any study (malicious allegations- not mistaken identity or 3rd party intervention etc), and, for example, in march 2016-2017 there were 41,186 recorded rapes. That’s a minimum of 823 people whose lives have been irreparably damaged from the most conservative of studies. If you start including the other non-malicious (yet still just as damaging) reports then it’s closer to 10%. That’s over 4000 people. Extremely rare? It doesn’t add up. Stereotypes are damaging but to use to media to spread propaganda to say that false accusations are so rare that they barely exist is to disservice everyone that has gone through this devastating process.

10 months ago an allegation of rape was made against my husband. Cut a long story short, I caught him with my close friend, kissing downstairs on the sofa. There has been an issue with drugs in our relationship but never have the two of them hung out and not done drugs. Yes I was trusting. Yes, I was naive but what I saw was consensual kissing and she was not completely ****ed (I should know, i’ve done a lot myself over the years. No excuse being naive then, eh?)

Thing is, I know her so well. She and I were very close. And that’s how I know why she did it and I know her thought process behind it. Basically because of mutual friends she was taking offensive action in case her boyfriend found out. I’m so hurt. They made a bad decision that night and unfortunately that means that we can’t be can’t be friends any more. But I was her only friend. (She destroys all her relationships) Myself and her boyfriend (on very rocky ground... a kiss would definitely finish their relationship) were the only two people there for her (strained family abroad, no other friends) Without me she only has one support left- the boyfriend with one foot out the door. She didn’t report the “rape” for 2 weeks. Only after she got paranoid that other people knew did she send me a text saying “now that people know that complicates things and so my side needs to come out” and she went to the police the very next day.

I thought that this would be cut and dry. She’s lying. I saw it! But I watched with interest complicated- fun night go so wrong thread, which was also cut and dry, and the nfa decision was given after a few months. So my question is...

Where’s the nfa?
Do they not believe me?

We also did not co operate and hand our phones over because of the potential drug content they would find. Husband gave a no comment interview.

This is driving us both nuts but you’re damn right I’ll stand up in court against her. Not because I’ve been with him for over 15 years, not because I’m hurt at her actions but because it’s not right. I have all the compassion in the world but when you deliberately do something to severely harm others to cover up a small infraction, then you are the most disgusting and lowly person on Earth. We live in a society and develop moral standings for the betterment of everyone. (Thou shall not kill etc). If you actively try to tear it down then at best you are a menace, at worse you are downright dangerous. But all we can do is learn from our mistakes. My mistake was her.

[Casehardened]

Hello and a belated welcome to the forum now that you have formally introduced yourself

Sorry to read about your situation but pleased that you feel strong enough to support your husband through this.

You wonder why the nfa is taking so long: as we often say the 'difficult' cases i.e. where there no clear-cut indications one way or another, continually get pushed to the back of the box and, to be brutally honest, your husband did himself no favours by making a no-comment interview (unless this was on the specific advice of his solicitor!)

Just a couple of queries to help members to offer useful advice: did your (ex) friend allege the rape took place on the occasion when you caught them kissing and have you made a formal statement to the police?

[Caught red handed]

Thank you for your reply. Sorry I was on a bit of a rant yesterday. I find it comes in waves and my emotions are all over the place and the accusation isn’t even against me- I shudder to think what I would feel if my butt was on the hot seat. So my condolences to everyone in this position.

In answer to your questions...

She and my husband had taken some drugs that night. She alleges that I caught him raping her then I threw her out. I was asleep upstairs, woke up, and got paranoid that something was going on because it was silent. I crept downstairs and I saw my husband flying off my friend, both fully clothed but her dress hitched up but knickers perfectly positioned. They both looked guilty as hell. I told her to get out and she collected all her bits (with ease of location eg phone charger and stuff) left and sent me a sorry message (which I stupidly deleted on WhatsApp and cannot be recovered) about 15 minutes later. (The grammar and punctuation was perfect) She asserts that she was so drugged up that she was unable to consent. Therefore it was rape. But because of mutual friends knowing her boyfriend, she would have been terrified that he would find out. 2 weeks later after she spoke to her ex she was convinced that he knew. She sent me a text saying that she didn’t consent and now people know, it is important to get her side out now as well. The following day she went to the police.

To me it’s cut and dry. But I’m interested in how it sounds to other people. Her character would be torn to bits in court though. She’s done a lot of vindictive things to a lot of other people and cannot maintain any sort of relationship long term. I’m convinced she has a mental disorder and I even told her earlier that night to go get some professional help!!!

Sorry it’s ended up being another long one! And yes I’ve made a statement.

[Franticwithworry]

Welcome Caught red handed. Don't fret about ranting or long posts, this is just the place for them. Just be careful about saying anything that will identify you or your accuser as this is a public forum, so you don't know who else is reading and it's an offence to identify an accuser - as I'm sure you know. Unfortunately, to everyone falsely accused and their supporters, it is cut and dried because we know the truth. To others looking in, it isn't always all it appears and it's a long and drawn out process to get to the truth of it. In the vast majority of cases, the correct decision is reached, so have confidence but don't get complacent.

Make sure your husband has good and experienced legal representation, don't rely on the fact that her character will be investigated or allowed to be demonstrated in court, (though if it gets that far she will probably show herself in her true colours anyway), and settle in for the long haul. As casehardened said, cases like this often seem to get put on the back burner because no-one seems to want to investigate properly or make a decision about what to do.

Hang in there - and hang on to the anger. It can be used constructively and it sounds as though you've been very constructive so far.

Keep looking in here too. There's lots of support here as and when you need it.

[Caught red handed]

Hi there. It’s been a year since FA went to the police and we are still waiting for a charging decision from cps. I know that these decisions can take a long time but I thought we would know by now. My question to those that have been through this process is how long did you have to wait for a charging decision? I appreciate that each case is unique but I just wanted to see if we are on the upper end of the scale. (And hopefully should hear something soon). Is the news delivered by registered post for both good or bad news, or through a phone call etc? Fingers crossed we’ll know soon. Thanks.

[confusedme]

Hi there. It’s been a year since FA went to the police and we are still waiting for a charging decision from cps. I know that these decisions can take a long time but I thought we would know by now. My question to those that have been through this process is how long did you have to wait for a charging decision? I appreciate that each case is unique but I just wanted to see if we are on the upper end of the scale. (And hopefully should hear something soon). Is the news delivered by registered post for both good or bad news, or through a phone call etc? Fingers crossed we’ll know soon. Thanks.

Hi and question as you haven't mentioned it. Have you a solicitor as they should be pushing this for. Its a letter a understand though I was due t attend police stn today and now via my solicitor i am told I d not need to staggered by how the police operate to be honest.

[Franticwithworry]

You say that the investigation has been going on for a year, but do you know how long it has been with CPS? They can take a number of months in top of the however-long it has taken the police to conduct their inquiry.

[Caught red handed]

We have chased the solicitor up a few times last week but there’s been no reply. Strange. Perhaps on holiday? She’s usually quite quick. Now that you mention it, the detective did phone in February saying that cps wanted our phones and social media accounts (which, on advice, we declined) but it just seemed like a formal exercise to show the police were being thorough (cps have given the police new guidelines as per data collection due to all the blunders made over Christmas time.) So actually, once it returns to cps then does the waiting time reset? In which case it’s only been 5 months? Really playing on our minds... just seems to be dragging on and on.

[confusedme]

We have chased the solicitor up a few times last week but there’s been no reply. Strange. Perhaps on holiday? She’s usually quite quick. Now that you mention it, the detective did phone in February saying that cps wanted our phones and social media accounts (which, on advice, we declined) but it just seemed like a formal exercise to show the police were being thorough (cps have given the police new guidelines as per data collection due to all the blunders made over Christmas time.) So actually, once it returns to cps then does the waiting time reset? In which case it’s only been 5 months? Really playing on our minds... just seems to be dragging on and on.

I think your case has been extremely long and will no doubt just peter out.
Having read all your thread at least I understand your profile name