My son has been accused of rape!

[Mattie52]

You will be fine. It will be a hard time but distract yourself. You are a Mum, I am a Mum. He needs you strong now just like when he was a little lad - and you can do that (if I can, anyone can). Once a week, I surprise him by taking him out for a pint (and a fag - we've both taken up the occasional fag habit to take our minds off stuff) and an honest chat - it starts and ends at the pub - he doesn't find it easy to open up. However your son needs to cope - go with it. I literally slept downstairs with my son on the settee because I didn't want to leave him alone.
You are not alone - there are many of us for whom this is totally surreal and yet - real. You will be OK.

Ah 2tea2 thank you for responding - I like the sound of a pint and a fag (I had given up but am now chain smoking!) I totally get the surreal yet real bit - I wake every morning and then think OMG we are still in the middle of this vile mess! He is not doing well - it's not even a week yet and so I think he is still in shock! Think we need some stronger meds though as I am really fearful that he will end it! I am trying to make him realise that being in the newspapers etc is not going to be as big a deal as it seems but of course easy for me to say! I also totally get the little lad thing - he just needs to be held. Thank you and am sure you will both be ok too.

[Mattie52]

As parents we are biased, but I know him too well (our sons are of a similar age) and like your son his behaviour was normal before the police arrested him. It is so very hard to keep things normal and I must admit I do my crying behind closed doors, the calmer I appear the better my son seems to cope, I think he feels so bad for the way this has upset the family. The first few times I went shopping I was just like you and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Things do improve! It's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I try to get to sleep, but you do get to learn to live with it, even though it is always there hoovering in the background. I have only just joined this forum but have been reading it for a while and found it a great source of advice and comfort. I now feel better prepared for whatever may happen next. Stay strong, things will get better.

I really appreciate your words Soanxious - is your son managing to talk to other people about it besides you? My son has gone from being a very outgoing chatty chap to someone I barely recognise and that is bothering me.(again it just might be the shock!). Just trying to take it one step at a time - surely life won't always be like this!!! Am glad you feel better prepared and once again thank you! Much appreciated.

[2tea2]

Yes Mattie - days are normal and yet completely not normal at the same time. Just remind him you love him (even if he hates it, as mine does) and look after yourself.x

[Mattie52]

Yes Mattie - days are normal and yet completely not normal at the same time. Just remind him you love him (even if he hates it, as mine does) and look after yourself.x

Thank you I will do and you too - what a godsend this place is!!x

[Soanxious]

I really appreciate your words Soanxious - is your son managing to talk to other people about it besides you? My son has gone from being a very outgoing chatty chap to someone I barely recognise and that is bothering me.(again it just might be the shock!). Just trying to take it one step at a time - surely life won't always be like this!!! Am glad you feel better prepared and once again thank you! Much appreciated.

So understand what 2tea2 says about days being normal but at the same time not normal, the wait is awful but you have no choice, as parents somehow we manage to stay strong for our sons who have done nothing wrong. Your son may talk more when the shock has worn off a bit, mine still bottles things up, although he has one friend he has confided in. Following advice I saw on this forum I did get him to write a timeline of everything that happened that night whilst every detail was still fresh in his mind. It maybe a good idea to get your son to do the same, as it maybe useful later on.

[AmandaF]

Forgot that point- yes get him to put a timeline together- sometimes the shock of it all does leave you a bit debilitated.

No doubt he's processing what's going on too- all you can do is hold his hand and be ready to listen.
Heartfelt sympathy

[innocentson]

Hi
So sad to see another mum and son going through this nightmare. Fortunately for us it's over In that my son was proved NG at court in December last year. I sincerely hope your sons case doesn't get that far & you get an NfA soon.

Be prepared for a long haul though, just in case. Get a good solicitor ready (many recommendations on this site ) and barrister. Do everything you can to collect evidence to support your defence, timeline, tests and messages pre & post date, Facebook info on her & nearer time for court ; character refs for your son from family, friends, associates etc etc. hopefully you won't need it ! But it will give you something to focus on during the helpless stage your in. My son found it useful, gave him a purpose and he felt like he was getting some control on his day to day emotions. He also joined a gym (as did I) and it did help with sleep. Most of all ; just keep reminding him how much his family, friends love him and they know the truth , that hes innocent.

You need to keep strong for him as hell mostly be worried about the effect on you and family rather than him.

Good luck ; use this forum for support - kept me sane through our year long ordeal .
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