In Disbeleif.......

[Franticwithworry]

Absolutely, definitely, without doubt.

I cannot believe that they would make him stay away for so long after an NFA either. He should be home immediately. for both of you.

[Lilyput]

Agreed they didn't 'ease' him out the house where was the care for the children then?

[hello88]

He's made contact, he is .... perfectly fine!! (he lost track of time )

he managed to get an apology out through the phone in
between my tears and anger lol

its a bit upsetting that he can't come home immediatly but there apparantly worried about the emotional well-being of my eldest (now they worry????) but two weeks after the 28th, we have one more meeting and social services are then going to 'close the case'.In that time though also they have to do a 'risk assessment'

Its was actually very upsetting, and had to lock myself in the bathroom and cry for about an hour!! It would bring it to 11 months for the girls since daddy was home when he comes back, a few weeks after is the last social worker meeting (hopefully) and so that would be a whole year. I appreciate and understand that it could of easily been alot worse. But when you think that a NFA would mean happy ever after... its not quite... but its the first step.. hopefully.

Although he sounded better after swimming he still upset about yesterdays event but also he is down that its now on his CRB(or DBS whatever its called now), its really bugging him that it is, but i guess we'll just take one step at a time..

thanks for your replies,

will keep you updated and will look for more of those long overdue NFA's

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Franticwithworry]

I'm so glad to hear that he's ok, but sorry that you were put through such worry. I've read often here, and can believe it, that NFA isn't the end but a new beginning.

Do more of what you've been doing so far - a day at a time. I will never understand the logic of ripping a parent away from a child and then introducing them slowly. It's no wonder your poor child has issues.

But onward and upward. A year from now this will be a year in the past - and so on and so on.

[wakingnightmare]

I'm fuming for you!
Ease him back in. None of you wanted him gone in the first place!!!

Eldest is distressed well yes that would be because their family has gone through hell for months. Forced separation has been inflicted on everyone. No explanation. You've been unable to give them a date for Daddy coming home. I could go on and on but I won't lol.

You've all just got to grit your teeth and play their sodding game for another few weeks. You've all done brilliantly to keep the family unit of 5 together even if you do need to stay apart just a bit longer.

[carrot tops]

So pleased he is back in touch and so sorry to hear of the family time you have lost through no fault of your own.

I hope in time this ordeal will become a distant memory for you all but processing all this stuff is hard work. I hope you all get all the help you rightly deserve to move forward.

[hello88]

Just a quick update..

So the date is still set for the 28th.. although a social worker friend is being like 'oh, i'll give them a call, thats wrong, well get him home sooner" but my mind is set on 28th still.. (learnt never to get hopes up lol)

Had a bit of a breakdown the other night, everything got ontop of me and i just let rip at my poor husband on the phone (he really didn't deserve it) i didn't like, blame him but just basically let him know how i felt, then he blamed me (but i already blame myself anyway) next thing i know, i've trashed the room (never done before) broke my daughters fave mug by chucking it and ended up scratching my face fortunatly my kids where sleeping and i think i just built it up all inside and admittedly felt a lot better (but never have been like that before in my life!!) - and in the morning my hubby said sorry.. even though he didn't have anything to be sorry for..(bless him)

i then that night (or should i say morning by the time i finished arguing) had a horrendus nightmare that i was fighting with the neighbour, thought i recorded him admitting he got the accuser to accuse but then after the argument/fight the police came round i discovered the dictaphone didn't record - fortunately i woke up -

then the next day i drove to the junction that leads from the village to the main road and as i was waiting there, i heard sirens and couldn't see where it was coming from, then after it passes infront of me i see that some kind of van (either special investiage unit, or something that didn't look like a normal police van) wissed past along the main road infront of me, on the wrong side of the road (overtaking) i then see it proceed along side the wrong side of the road the other side of a bollard and double lines over ridge on this A road thinking any second a car could come over and it'll be doomed.... then because of that shock, the sirens or something.. i have a panic attack.. just grateful that no one was waiting behind me...

but i saw the neighbour yesterday (him and a mate were trying to fix there car) and i can tell you he has completly lost his cockiness... hood up (in the sunshine) head down, no evil stares... nothing, infact after a couple of second he went into his house lol

so... ups and downs, wrote some 'goals' to focus on, one for the house (clear the garden) and one for each child (i.e, finish maths book, get up reading level, focus on spellings, spend more time reading books sort of thing) to give me something to focus on.. but planning to speak to the local pcso and say even though neighbour did this and that blah blah is it likely to go anywhere, is he likel to be moved/arrested or would i just do months of talking with police/housing and you going up there to speak to him and him just replying with a load of bull and then you come down and remind me not to stare at him, or say that i've being doing blah blah and to stay away from him and stuff... or should i just cut losses and focus on my family and hope that one day the neighbours can't handle living there and put alot more effort into moving?? Also if the police are constantly at his door, the more likely he is to get someone else to make an allegation.. is it worth getting a injunction on him???

Just going to email OIC today to get info about when i can collect computers ect...

So, just my life is still in a bit of limbo but getting there....

[Casehardened]

I'm not sure if I've ever replied to you (but hopefully I did say hello when you first arrived!) but I just wanted to say that I have read all your posts and it's like you've become a friend as we have got to know you so well through your writing

PS your SM is in the post

[Franticwithworry]

Its good to hear you've got goals to focus on. I'm sure that will help even though it's still very stressful while your life gets back to some sort of normal. It's still a slow process, but there are still people here thinking of you and wishing you well for as long as you need.

Your daughter will have a new favourite mug before long and I hope the scratches heal quickly.

[AmandaF]

I haven't been on much recently, between dodgy internet and very little time, but just wanted to say I'm so chuffed that you got the result you all deserve.



I understand that there is so much fall out to deal with but I hope it all works out and that SS don't give you a hard time. You have shown tremendous courage in how you have coped, and all the time you have added valuable support to others on here.

Wishing you all the very very best for the future

[can it get worse]

Hope you are feeling a bit more uplifted after your last post.

And thinking of you all in readiness for his return. I hope is comes earlier than planned.

x

[hello88]

Update

Good news, we are going to hopefully see the police next week who will take 'the next step' (whatever that may be but sounding positive) regarding the neighbour getting someone to make this accusation and asking someone else to make the same accusation.. still no definite that this will get anywhere but more positive than ever been.. when we meet i will show them the evidence and hopefully find out if its strong enough

Bad news... my OH was suppose to be home today and yesterday the family practitioner came round and said that the social worker still hasn't finished the risk assessment! Another 3 WEEKS (that goes past both my daughter birthdays) talk about telling us last minute. The children have seen so much more of OH so they seem very happy anyway, but my daughter (who's birthday is tomorrow) did say to OH "daddy, i thought you was coming home before my birthday" - but i can't complain.. well i can... but i'm not.

so almost there but will keep you updated if justice is served

[hello88]

just thought i'll update you again..... HUBBY IS HOME!!!!

i think the exhaustion of the last 11 months have got to me and i've come down with chest infection, ear infection and stomach bug so he's come straight home and having to look after the kids full time and do all the housework lol.. poor bloke.

We've been feeling a lot better and positive about things but to let anyone who gets a nfa, you have to work hard in not sinking low and work hard in bringing yourself back to 'normal' life. It doenst come automatically.

yet again, thank you for everyones support and i will try my best to come one her to help if i can and most importantly, dish out banana's.

Thank You xxxxxxxxxx

[YearsOfHell]

Fantastic!
I am so happy for you all.
Sorry you're not well but that's to be expected.
Take time to heal emotionally too, I know after NFA it takes a long time to recover.
You'll still have bad days but they get fewer and further between!
We have s much better outlook on life now and I think we approach things differently.
We are much more "life's too short" now so we just go for it, whereas before I was a very cautious person. We enjoy everyday things more because we so very nearly lost it all.
Have fun, be happy. Take back control.
Sending love and hugs.
YoH

[Franticwithworry]

Great news!! I'm not surprised you're not well though. These things take their toll. Be gentle with yourselves and hopefully, before too long, this nightmare will be a distant memory for you.