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  • Six months on...

    It's been six months since my case was dropped and I just wondered how other people have coped and felt at this same stage. It's been a difficult six months. Although I realise I was lucky to get the outcome I wanted in terms of the case against me being dropped, it's still affected me in many different ways. Firstly, I've resigned from my job. I couldn't go back to work due to the humiliation and way my Employers undermined my reputation. Although my employers were supportive to some degree, they didn't handle the situation greatly which exacerbated my distress and affected my relationships with my colleagues. They were unwilling to do anything to address the situation and as I was working in a professional capacity, your reputation is critical.

    I've spent the past six months trying to sort my emotional health out. I'm just finishing counselling which has helped a great deal and enabled me to make some difficult decisions about my future. I've decided I can never go back to working in social work or with the Police following this experience. I despise the way the system has dealt with me. I realise allegations have to be investigated and my employers had to put in safeguarding measures but the way this was done and the lack of sensitivity and judgmental remarks from people like my manager about me needing to be kept away from children due to being a risk has affected my confidence and self esteem. I cannot remain part of an occupation which has treated me in such a negative way. After all, it was only ever an allegation and there was never any truth in the allegation but the way they responded has caused me enormous emotional distress. I've decided to change career and applied to do a masters degree in nutrition and health. Having lost over three stone in weight, I want to help others lose weight and feel this is something positive I can give back to help others. A career in nutrition is also a world away from social work and safeguarding work and a less stressful field of work which will hopefully benefit me in the future.

    I'm still in the process of awaiting outcome of my third complaint against the Police in terms of the way the handled the allegation against me, how long it took and the way they dealt with me. Although the allegation was recognised by the LADO for my employers as being malicious, the Police still refuse to acknowledge this fully even though my accuser is being investigated for fraud and perverting the course of justice. There is s chance it may still show on my enhanced DBS which makes me so angry when I know I have done absolutely nothing wrong and it makes it very difficult to completely draw a line under the whole experience when I may have to disclose it to a future employer.

    I feel psychologically a different person as a result of what's happened and don't trust the Police in any sense and still worry that one day I'll wake up and the nightmare will still be going on. I have a very different view of the criminal justice system compared to before this experience happened and question a lot more things I hear about in the media particularly regarding sexual abuse allegations. It's clear the CPS and the Police only believe people who make these allegations and spend lots of time trying to gather evidence to support the allegations, even when it's clear there is no basis in many of the cases. As a victim of sexual abuse myself, I have questioned through this experience whether to make a complaint against the culprit but I will not be doing that as I have no confidence in the Police whatsoever and have been through a difficult enough time in the past two years and need to take care of myself.

    I'm still finding it difficult to move on from the whole experience and feel it will continue to affect me for quite some time in the future.
    Last edited by slowdown73; 26 March 2016, 06:47 PM.

  • #2
    Hello there, great to see you post again...I think it's important people who are nfa etc stick around to give people like myself (who are still on bail) a little bit of hope & guidance perhaps?

    Its very interesting to read your comments, and its sad to read that you have had to switch careers due to whats happened!

    Happy to read that you seem to have started to get your head around all thats gone on, and been able to move on with your life (even if it is still really raw!!!)

    Good on you for posting, and thank you for sharing your story with us : )

    Keep strong

    Aidy

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    • #3
      Thanks, Andy. I'm always happy to give advice when I can. It's such a horrendous situation to be in and I don't think anyone will realise the true impact until long after the ordeal is over. Switching career was no option for me but I honestly think it's a positive thing because I wasn't happy doing that area of work and felt very stuck and it's given me the kick I needed to change although I wouldn't wish my situation in anyone.

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      • #4
        Yes its given you the kick up the ass you needed, but I agree you wouldn't wish this situation on your worst enemy!
        I think its very brave of you to come back on here personally, and think it would probably just be easier to walk away from here once you have been given a nfa verdict!

        I hope one day you can move on properly with your life, and start to enjoy it a little!!!

        All the best mate : )

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Aidy View Post
          Yes its given you the kick up the ass you needed, but I agree you wouldn't wish this situation on your worst enemy!
          I think its very brave of you to come back on here personally, and think it would probably just be easier to walk away from here once you have been given a nfa verdict!

          I hope one day you can move on properly with your life, and start to enjoy it a little!!!

          All the best mate : )
          You will put all this behind you slowly, take small but positive steps. I wish you luck in your new job, stay positive. There is a future out there for you. Wish you well. Xx

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          • #6
            Thanks for all the supportive comments. This is what makes it worthwhile coming to this forum and giving support and help to others. My situation might be behind me but I know there are so many others who aren't as fortunate. If I can help one person from sharing my own experiences or advice then that helps me to feel a bit better.

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            • #7
              Glad you got the right result but it never should have happened in the first place. You never should have had to defend yourself against something you hadn't done with no evidence against you. You never should have had to endure a torturous wait as you did.

              In our case we've no answer but we're all still together no ss involvement so I guess we could be called lucky but Idk if I'd describe anybody who has been falsely accused as lucky, even if they've been NFA's within days.

              Lying to the police is a crime, the way I see it you had an awful crime committed against you and it could have ruined your life. Take all the time you need huni. Life will get better for you one day your FA won't have won, take it one day at a time.
              Who you become while you are waiting is as important as what you are waiting for -Nicky Gumble

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              • #8
                I couldn't agree more - lying to the police is a criminal offence and no one should have to go through that as an ordeal when they have done nothing wrong. However, unfortunately our system makes it all too easy for people to get away with it. Many police authorities won't prosecute people who make false allegations for fear of stopping genuine people coming forward but this is counter productive because for every false allegation, it stops the Police investigating true crimes and undermines genuine victims. There needs to be a change in policy and attitude by the Police and CPS to stop people being targeted by false allegations.

                In my case, I forwarded a number of letters to the Police which my accuser had sent to my parents prior to making the allegations against me and my father. The letters were from a bogus solicitor saying my parents had been reported to the police for child abuse and were under investigation and needed to hand themselves into the Police. The letters also requested financial compensation and said my parents were going to be sued. I was lucky my parents kept these letters because they nearly destroyed them. What really angers me though is I have recently found out that my accuser was not very forthcoming in terms of meeting with the Police to assist them with their enquires. On several occasions, he delayed or postponed attending meetings until it reached a point where the Police felt it was unfair on myself and my father to allow the case to remain open; particularly in the context that there was no evidence to support the allegations and evidence which actually undermined it. I feel my accuser should be charged with wasting police time at the very least. It infuriates me that he caused the situation and was also in part responsible for it being a very lengthy investigation of 16 months which was an agonising wait for me while he was abroad on holiday enjoying himself.

                The Police have said he is now under investigation for fraud and perverting the course of justice but his local police force and fraud action team have a dispute over who will investigate the matter so it would appear it hasn't progressed at all yet. I still live in hope that justice will be given in due course and he will be prosecuted for putting me and my parents though this horrendous ordeal.

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