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  • Wanting support and advice

    Hello all

    Thought I’d reach out for a little help and advice.

    To cut a long story short – I met a girl through a dating app. She started the conversation and seemed nice – chatting quite mutually. From the start she was clear, she wasn’t looking for ‘serious commitment’, but I naively interpreted this as dating with a ‘little more.’ We sent a few ‘juicy’ messages but nothing too bad and didn’t exchange any images with each other.

    We arranged to meet for drinks and ended up going out. I met her at hers then we went to the first pub, for food and another pub, which we walked to holding hands. We kissed in the last pub, and she invited me round to hers. We were not drunk, a little merry, but then proceeded consensually to-do ‘the human act.’ She asked me to leave, and I did without a problem. I left and put it down to ‘experience’ and then proceeded to go via the supermarket and then when back home ended up chatting with housemates for a couple of hours then bed.

    In the morning, I was contacted by the police and asked to make myself present at a police station. I did, and unfortunately, an allegation of a sexual nature had been made against me. I was processed and when I saw the duty solicitor he ran through the allegation. Everything other than chatting on a dating app, dinner and drinks had been fabricated. The description made of what had gone on prior, during and post the ‘human act’ was entirely false. Further, there was a significant time delay in the ‘crime happening’ and it being reported to police. I gave my account of events to the solicitor (of very many decade experience) and in his words, “she must have a nut loose” and the case is “wishy-washy.” I gave an exhaustive account to the police who treated me fairly and with respect and was granted bail.

    I have now got some weeks until I return to submit for bail. Upon further conversation with the solicitor, he said he did not think there was enough evidence at this initial stage but have got to ride it out. With regards to many of the claims made they should come out as false in the forensics if it did get that far.

    I wanted to share this to gain some support from people who may have been through a similar experience (unfortunately). I have always treated people kindly and consider perpetrators of true crimes of this nature abhorrent. I’m quite a strong and resilient individual as I nearly died a few of years ago but came through, but this has affected me to my core. I’ve been a bit up and down but am getting a bit level now and have a good support network. Any advice from anyone has we be greatly appreciated

    Prism

  • #2
    It won't last forever...

    Hi and welcome (unfortunately) to the forum, sorry that you had to find us.
    I joined yesterday and the guys here are great, I and my partner have already received great support and valuable advice.
    My advice would be to stay strong and never loose site of the fact that (a) you are not alone to be going through this (b) you won't always feel this way, there will be an end to this horrible "journey" as you have probably noticed there are hundreds here who are currently, or who have been in your shoes. It's great to hear that you also have a strong support network, use them as well as this brilliant forum to draw your strength from.
    No one wishes to have to go through this sh*t but you have found yourself here and will come out the other side a stronger person. Wishing you all the best

    Comment


    • #3
      Sorry you find yourself here ; good that you did at the start rather than further into the process.


      Follow the advice given to others on the site closely eg short answers only to the police , take a solicitor with you if interviewed and do not trust the police....... Most of the police are only after hitting targets and getting promotion etc and are NOT your friends.

      That was our experience ..... We got through although it went to trial and unanimous NG but it's a shallow victory when it shouldn't have reached that state anyway and the toll on health, reputation, friendships and expense is huge.... BUT you can't let these False Accusers win .... So stay strong and fight . Use your support network of family and friends to help you as well as this forum as you will, unfortunately, have emotional ups and downs ....

      Best wishes that you get NFA soon
      Innocentson

      Comment


      • #4
        Hello and welcome to the forum,

        From your account it does seem that you were set up; the situation you have described sounds perfectly ordinary but for some reason she has made this formal allegation which must be followed up.

        You will get great support from the members but there is some general advice in this link:

        http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now
        'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks for the words so far! Without going into too much detail from my detailed account and what the solicitor has reflected back to me, he is confident that there will be insufficient evidence to the case to proceed, but I need to let things run the course and just going to take the next bail hearing as it is. Before the police interview, he did say you have two distinct camps in theses cases -- guilty and not guilty -- and mine is very much not guilty. He said there has been a raft of cases like this lately, but mine is quite clear-cut and that everything was consensual. I have been forthcoming with the police because I have got nothing to hide and that was the recommendation of the solicitor. Further, once the police have all of the items in place and are doing the case making, they will see there are many clear inconsistencies in the claimant's case that will reflect in physical/forensic evidence and my story.

          Feeling good this morning!

          Have a great weekend everyone.

          Prism

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Prism,

            So sorry to hear about your situation. My heart goes out to you as my son was arrested in October 2014, following an accusation of rape. He truly believed it was consensual. Our lives have been turned upside down by this accusation, as we have never had any dealings with the police in the past and consider ourselves to be law abiding citizens.

            The horrible thing is the lack of information. From the moment you are bailed, you receive nothing. We were due to reappear for bail on Thursday this week, and had naively built our hopes up that we would get a NFA (no further action), only to be told on Wednesday (first contact after 3 months) that the police didn't need my son to turn up on Thursday. We had all taken time off work to support him!

            We have no idea what they want him to do next. Even the solicitor couldn't tell us. Therefore it has not 'gone away' and we just have to wait. I believe that it is common for bail to be extended and extended for months. Then, if charged, it can take a year to go to trial!

            It appears to be a horrible, long, drawn out process (I'm only just beginning to realise that myself).

            My advice to my son and to you is to try as much as you can to continue to live your life to the full. I know, easier said than done. we think about it every minute of the day and have problems sleeping. Get support from your closest friends and family, they're so important at times like this.

            Wish I could make it all go away, for all of us

            Take care

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi

              Hope everyone is having a good Sunday and enjoying the snow! I'm not doing too bad but feeling very reflective today. I do have a quick question for anybody that might know.

              With regards to semen, will forensics be able to tell for the presence of semen 'in' or 'on' the claimant and its presence on bed sheets, etc? Also, would they be able to DNA type in case the claimant had slept with anyone else if other stains were present on the sheets? The allegation was made within a few hours to the police, so I'm guessing there should be 'fresh' evidence if you get me...

              Prism

              Comment


              • #8
                Positive outcome!!!!!

                Will keep this short but had some really good news have been released without charge. The police said I was free to go but to keep away from the claimant, which should be pretty easy -- it's a big city. Police didn't really say anything else but just glad all of this is over and can carry on with normality!

                Good luck to everyone else!

                Prism

                Comment


                • #9
                  Congratulations

                  Glad it's all over for you

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    More great news!

                    [I've merged this with your original posting to give continuity]
                    'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Wonderful news

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                      • #12
                        Yes yes and f**kin yes!
                        Brilliant news!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Excellent!!!
                          Give yourself time to "heal" and then enjoy your freedom!

                          YoH

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                          • #14
                            Great news - well done & very best wishes for your future ; try and put this all behind you now
                            etc
                            Innocentson

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                            • #15
                              Cps

                              Did your case get referred to the cps??

                              Congrats on the no charge

                              Comment

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