What will the consequences be if i let him stay over :/

[AmandaF]

Thanks fro your support RF- I wasn't aware of the other posts when I wrote that and I do get a bit fed up of always being made to look as though I'm always in the wrong.

Emmapig has to know correctly what his conditions are- I'm sure the OIC would tell her if the boyf doesn't

[Rights Fighter]

Exactly.

I have seen cases where the accused has broken his bail conditions and then been most upset to be remanded into custody.

At the end of the day the choice is his - not the OPs. If the OP says "oh come and stay anyway" she will be putting her child at risk from SS intervention - or - from SS point of view - at risk from him, which could of course end up with the child being put on the at risk register, as I mentioned before, or taken into temporary care.

He risks being remanded into custody, if this is a bail condition.

He risks the OP's child being put into the care of SS either by way of at risk register/ intervention or worse.

It is his decision re bail conditions but should also take responsibility for the fact that his presence overnight could spark off SS intervention..

it is her decision re potential SS intervention.

[Bene]

I stand corrected and once again will refrain from further replies as would not want to contribute to any further arguments.

Sorry Amanda,

I was simply trying to paint the whole picture for you.

[Bene]

Amanda, please do not let Bene stop you posting. You are better than that. You have contributed in a far more positive way to these forums than she has or is likely too.

First of all!! I was not correcting Amanda! I was simply giving her all the facts as she did not read it or see it.
If it come across that way I apologise to her!!

I was in the libarary and the wifi connection sucks!!studying I didn't see her reply till now.
how dare you say that I have not contributed on here!!
Who is being positive now??
You don't know how hard it is for a rape victim to come on here and offer support to someone who has been accused of rape!!! Yet I can still put aside all my feelings and my own personal experiences aside.
And offer-emotional support. Be caring and none judgement.
You may not always agree with what I say and that's fine as I don't agree with yours. But how dare you say that I don't contribute on here!!

Because I do!!!! How many girls have come on here and say they have been raped and and are depressed and suicidal and they are ignored on here. No one replies to most of then.
Where were you to offer them any support?
Regardless of whether it was 1 or 2.
Don't you ever speak to me like that again!!!

[Lilyput]

I'm newish here but i think you both meant well just had different information. Whether raped or falsely accused or a love ones been falsely accused we arw all going through our own hell. Emma i hope you can all be together again one day soon.

[Aidy]

First of all!! I was not correcting Amanda! I was simply giving her all the facts as she did not read it or see it.
If it come across that way I apologise to her!!

I was in the libarary and the wifi connection sucks!!studying I didn't see her reply till now.
how dare you say that I have not contributed on here!!
Who is being positive now??
You don't know how hard it is for a rape victim to come on here and offer support to someone who has been accused of rape!!! Yet I can still put aside all my feelings and my own personal experiences aside.
And offer-emotional support. Be caring and none judgement.
You may not always agree with what I say and that's fine as I don't agree with yours. But how dare you say that I don't contribute on here!!

Because I do!!!! How many girls have come on here and say they have been raped and and are depressed and suicidal and they are ignored on here. No one replies to most of then.
Where were you to offer them any support?
Regardless of whether it was 1 or 2.
Don't you ever speak to me like that again!!!

I personally felt you were a little harshly dealt with earlier, and maybe in hindsight the poster will maybe regret saying you have not offered anything to this forum!

I think anybody can contribute to this forum, and the fact you have been raped, and are offering advice from the other side (if you like) I think you deserve some credit for that!!!

Let's hope we can all get back on track and get back to offering good advice to each other

[Bene]

Who do you think you are to speak about me like that when I was trying to help someone. When I didn't have too. You don't know what I've been through!! I was raped in my first year of uni) I didn't quick no matter how hard it was I still thought everyday. If you went through what I went through at 19. You would not be as understanding and caring as I'm today!!!!
I wasn't trying to cause any arguments early on. Simply trying to help someone else!!

[Bene]

Who do you think you are to speak about me like that when I was trying to help someone. When I didn't have too. You don't know what I've been through!! I was raped in my first year of uni) I didn't quick no matter how hard it was I still thought everyday. If you went through what I went through at 19. You would not be as understanding and caring as I'm today!!!!
I wasn't trying to cause any arguments early on. Simply trying to help someone else!!

[Stayingstrong]

Hi Emmapig.

Welcome to the forum, and I am sorry you have had to find us due to such horrid circumstances.

You and your daughter come first, no matter what.

If he has been told not to stay, then he MUST not stay with you. SS and the police will find out eventually, and it is just not worth it.

You love your daughter, as a mum we love our children and will do anything for them, any time. Least that's they way I feel about my three, and they are now not young children!

It is, as Amanda said, a very hard and difficult road supporting your man, who, you love, and trust, when they have been falsely accused. I know, I have been there.

Stay strong, and think of making arrangements so that YOU could,go and see him, and stay with him, especially if your daughter is with her dad. Maybe RF can confirm if you staying at his place is on with his bail, but that would really need confirming with someone else.

I a, not sure either about you having to make a statement. When my OH was arrested, I was asked at that time if I would make one. My comment, YES, but only if it would help him prove his innocence! They never asked me, or interviewed me.

Take care

[AmandaF]

. When my OH was arrested, I was asked at that time if I would make one. My comment, YES, but only if it would help him prove his innocence! They never asked me, or interviewed me.

Take care[/QUOTE]

I think that says it all stayingstrong

[emmapig]

I just want it to have never happened :/ and why isn't there a time frame for events? like how long will take for SS to contact me .. I feel like I'm being punished - 3 nights and 8 hrs sleep its just cruel ! I'm a victim here I have done absolutely nothing wrong but I'm in absolute turmoil does anyone know of any type of time frame? also when a phone is sent of for forensic analysis how long is that likely to take ? because tbh I know there is stuff on there involving me that is gonna paint him in a very bad light thanks

[AmandaF]

"You don't know what I've been through!"" If you went through what I went through at 19. You would not be as understanding and caring as I'm today!!!! "

@Bene- these are the kind of comments you have made on previous posts that incite me to anger. As I have said before, you have no idea what I, or any other person who posts on this forum have been through in the past. I'm 58 now and I have seen and been through things nobody on this planet ever should. Just because these things are not discussed openly here, it doesn't mean none of us have experience. Please bear this in mind in future.

Emmapig- unfortunately there are no time frames with these cases. I do find it strange that as yet nobody has made contact with you. Forensic analysis can take weeks, months depending on workload. Ours took about 2 weeks but even so, we weren't notified until months later as to the outcome.(There wasn't anything) I felt, and still do, that the police deliberately delayed crucial information We still, after 2 years, have not had our electronics returned.

You sound very anxious about some aspects of this and I wonder if that is why you feel like a victim, with concerns about any further consequences for yourself? (I don't mean that to sound as though you are being selfish). It's a very scarey time and the not knowing makes it worse. Have you had contact with your boyfriend? Can HE give you any information?

[Rights Fighter]

First of all!! I was not correcting Amanda! I was simply giving her all the facts as she did not read it or see it.
If it come across that way I apologise to her!!


how dare you say that I have not contributed on here!!

Who is being positive now??
You don't know how hard it is for a rape victim to come on here and offer support to someone who has been accused of rape!!! Yet I can still put aside all my feelings and my own personal experiences aside.
And offer-emotional support. Be caring and none judgement.

You may not always agree with what I say and that's fine as I don't agree with yours. But how dare you say that I don't contribute on here!!

Because I do!!!! How many girls have come on here and say they have been raped and and are depressed and suicidal and they are ignored on here. No one replies to most of then.
Where were you to offer them any support?
Regardless of whether it was 1 or 2.
Don't you ever speak to me like that again!!!

Whether the OP has an open relationship or not has nothing to do with the "facts" of the case

Several people who have been falsely accused of sexual offences do go in to support those who say they have been raped, or are not quite sure. I have done so in the past.

I did not say you "do not contribute to the forums"

When I was talking to Amanda in my post (not to you) I said:

" You have contributed in a far more positive way to these forums than she has or is likely too".

AmandaF contributes to these - as in FA - forums in a very positive way (she has done so on the rape side too) whereas most of your posts tend to hijack somebody else's thread, usually on these forums (FA) which not only is impolite but you usually go right off topic too and it is difficult to get back.

You have already chased away at least one person whose thread you hijacked as she has not been back since despite attempting to start a new thread.

Yet I can still put aside all my feelings and my own personal experiences aside.
And offer-emotional support. Be caring and none judgement.

Most of the posts you have made, either in your own thread or other peoples, where you've also been busy hijacking them, 99% of the time your feelings and personal experiences are not put aside because you've been arguing with members.

These forums are not run on the premise that all members must answer posts on either side of the forums. They are at liberty to post wherever they like.

Don't you ever speak to me like that again!!!

I wasn't speaking to you. I was speaking to AmandaF.


There are plenty of rape victims/survivors forums online that deal only with that subject. If you haven't joined them already, maybe you should seriously think about that. You will get more support on there, rather than here, not because people on here do not sympathise or even empathise, but you won't get sidetracked by those protesting their innocence, or family members protesting their innocence of those falsely accused.

As AmandaF has said, you have no idea who on these forums (FA) have been subjected to child sex abuse or rape as an adult. You don't know that because we choose not to share that information. It's not something we want to shout from the rooftops.

[Rights Fighter]

Dear Amanda,

Did you bear in mind when you assumed that I was trying to correct you or attack you.
You automatically thought oh there she goes again trying to make me look bad) when that was not my motives or intentions at all. You didn't even give me a chance to explain otherwise. When I tried to apologise to you, because I sincerely felt bad and didn't want to be little you.

Yet you didn't reply to my apology)

But you and rights fighter ganged up on me) and you agreed with the comments she made about me.
And than you thanked her for her support, and making me feel like crab.

We have not always seen eye to eye on here, you and me and most of the time I don't agree with the things you say. Yet when you replied to the rape victim couple of weeks back. I thanked you) and gave you the credit you deserve. Because I usually give you a hard time but I can still acknowledge and appreciate you trying to help a rape victim because I've not seen you on the site do that before.
I can only judge you on what I see on the forum, since I don't know you personally.

However you don't do the same for me!!!!
So please Amanda save the act for others.
don't ever address me again!
Have a great day and god bless.

How do you know what is in Amanda's thoughts?

Where does it say in the forum rules that all members must respond to all apologies?

We have not ganged up on you. We are simply in agreement on the subject. Why should she not agree with me, if that is the way she feels? Who made you the forum police?

Now you admit to "giving her a hard time". Why deliberately set out to do that? Disagreements can be sorted out amicably by way of explanation, not flaming.

She doesn't "do the same for" you because at that point she does not agree with you. These forums are not a place to pretend to agree with another person, just for the sake of it.

Who are you to tell people who they can and cannot address?

Here's an idea. Why don't you start off your own rape victim/survivor forums? That way you can have complete autonomy.

[Stayingstrong]

I just want it to have never happened :/ and why isn't there a time frame for events? like how long will take for SS to contact me .. I feel like I'm being punished - 3 nights and 8 hrs sleep its just cruel ! I'm a victim here I have done absolutely nothing wrong but I'm in absolute turmoil does anyone know of any type of time frame? also when a phone is sent of for forensic analysis how long is that likely to take ? because tbh I know there is stuff on there involving me that is gonna paint him in a very bad light thanks

Dear Emmapig

There isn't a definitive time for any of what is happening to you.

My OH was arrested in February this year - he was bailed twice, with dates being changed that he was unaware of. Third bail which was 22nd October we had a final result

However, two computers and two phones were taken from us when he was arrested, and none of these have so far been returned.

We were advised that "Forensics" were very busy, and it can take a long time to check computers and phones. Maybe different areas are better organised, this was in Dorset.

Not what you want to hear I am sure. But as hard and difficult as it is, you must try and live your life as normally as possible. The initial shock will begin to soften, but I can't tell you when.

Big hug x