Just need to talk and not feel alone

[blodyn2013]

My dad was arrested on 20/09/13. He attended the police station voluntailry. They went to my mums and dads house, entered it and spoke with my mum, they had coffee but just said to my mum they needed to talk with my dad. My mum phoned my dad and he phoned the police, they told him my niece ( his grandaughter had accused him of sexually abuseing her between the ages of 5 - 10 ( shes now 14 ). They asked him if he was free to go to the police station, they said if not he could attened on the Saturday. He atteneded that day.

Anyway my mum phoned me in a state and I went and met my dad and went to the police atation with him. The police woman took him in a side room and I went outside. After a while he came out, he said he was arrested and questioned, they asked him if he ever changed her nappy, ever cuddled her, read her bed time stories etc. of course he said yes, because he did. He was questioned for 20 mins. She has said my dad made her peform oral sex and stroked her. That is all the police said. My dad did not have a solicitor present and it was just him and the female police officer in the room while he was questioned.

He has been bailed till the 25/10 and my parents are totally destroyed by this. My sister and niece have always lied and made up stories. It was an in family joke about what a liar my sister was. I know that my sister has accused parents where she works ( at a school ) of sexual abuse against their own children before as well as neighbours.

They have not taken my parents computers or anything and only a week before she made this accusation, in school to a teacher, afetr she had been pulled out of assembly, who then called social services.

My sister caught my niece 2 years ago making up false profiles on a site called interested in men. she was chatting to men pretending to be older and from another area. My dad informed the police woman of this and the police woman asked if my sister still had the computer it was done on, my dad did not know.

When he was relesed on bail the only condition was that he did not contact my niece.

My other sister has not spoken to my sister and her family because of the lies and trouble they have caused over the years.

My sister and niece just seem to be getting on with their lives, still on facebook, twitter etc as if nothing has happened and yet me and my other sister and parents are devestated. It is the most traumatic thing to ever happen to me, god knows what my dad must feel like.

My sister has not contacted me since this.

[blodyn2013]

Sorry I did not finish one of my sentances.

Just a week before this my niece had been at my mums and dads, as she was every month. Sometimes she would stay for a week or just the weekend. She said that it happened between the ages of 5 - 10 and only stopped when my mum and dad moved house. But my mum and dad moved when she was 12.

Just need to know what the police procedure is. Does it make a difference thay have not taken my parents computer etc....

Thanks in advance x

[whatsgoingon?]

Welcome to the forum, blodyn though I'm sorry you find yourself on here - what a nightmare .

First of all, take a look under Useful Information - there are a number of very informative threads especially this one : http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now.

Your Dad really should of had a solicitor present, presumably he thought it was something resembling a hoax and as he had nothing to hide that he'd no need to. Mistake number 1. If ever he's asked to go to the station and make another statement or 'have a chat' he's strongly advised to have one present. There is a list of specialist solicitors under 'Useful Information' - it would be worth contacting one now just in case. I assume that he was given a copy of his statement? 20 minutes interview is extremely brief by most standards.

You say your sister is a renown fibber ..... I would make a list of all the fibbs she's told in the past who to, and the motives behind her lies. If it's common knowledge within your family, there are probably people outside your family circle who also know this. The more people who can testify to that effect the better.

Under 'Useful information' , there's a thread for taking screen-shots.... anything that comes up on your sister's or your niece's FB page that refers to the accusation or testifies to their true character should be saved and kept on a USB key. Likewise, your Dad should safeguard the contents of his computer and mobile phone and keep a copy in a safe place just in case they do confiscate them.

Has your Dad ever had messages from your sister or niece reproaching him anything or asking for money? What do you think the motive is of the accusation?

You're already doing the best thing you possibly can for your Dad and that is supporting him and coming on here for information and advice. The whole process can be very long and drawn out with numerous re-bails, or it can be quite short as is the case for one recent member. It's hell and the initial shock is horrendous. Keep supporting your Dad and make sure you all have some time out when you can relax and think of something else.

Good luck

[blodyn2013]

Thanks for replying whatsgoingon.

My dad was not given a copy of his statement. He was not told of any specific instances etc and was just there 20mins.

My sister and her family have always been money orientated. She took my late grandmother for thousands of pounds and we have all given her money. I have even paid for the children's school uniforms in the past.

My niece as I said has always told lies. I had a call from my sister once to pick her up from School ( the same one she worked at) and when I collected her she was crying I asked her what was wrong and she told me the teacher had been hitting her, I immediately knew this was a lie and thought I would make her tell the truth, I said to her " that's not nice, are you sure because the teacher could get in a lot of trouble for doing that to you" she was adamant the teacher had hit her and was even willing to go to the police about it! She was 7 years old! The truth was that she had bitten another child and had caused such a scene that they sent her home! My sister though did not tell me this.

2 years ago my sister hit and nearly killed a man on his motorcycle and all she could think of was claiming money from him for the distress it had caused her and her daughter! We as a family were disgusted and told her so she decided to drop it.

I think, yet again. My niece has got herself in trouble and when she was pulled out of school assembly she said these horrendous things to take the heat off herself, she has heard her mother saying and throwing around these sorts of accusations about people all the time and never facing consequences for her lies that she thinks it does not matter.

Thanks for the link I have now contacted one of the solicitors on this forum.

Do the police ever take into account what the family think? The accusations my niece has made have all taken place at my mums and dad's house but no one has questioned any of us, asked about our dad etc, he had 3 girls and never ever once have I ever felt uncomfortable around my dad. They have provided everything and gone above and beyond for my sister and her children.

[Casehardened]

Hi,

As WGO so rightly says your dad must take this accusation seriously and have the specialist solicitor lined up just in case.

However to give you some hope, from having been an uncannily similar situation, I can see several positives.

If the police were convinced the accusation were true, they would have made a 'dawn raid' and seized your dad's computer to check for an 'interest'; furthermore you and your sisters would have been questioned to ascertain if there was an offending pattern (as there usually is with genuine offenders)

Also his interview with just one officer seems informal, was the interview recorded?

I am wondering if your sister/niece have made previous allegations to the police about others which have been subsequently disproved and this is why the one against your dad is being treated in a fairly sensitive manner?

[blodyn2013]

Hi casehardened

My dad's interview was recorded.

We have all said we wondered if they have made these sorts of allegations before. As I said I know of 2 instances where my sister has accused other parents of sexually abusing their own children. How far she has taken these allegations I'm not sure, but after the one where she told me the girl she looked after at school she knew she was been sexually abused ( she spoke about it at great length in front of her daughter) she left that job and got another one in anther school.

My niece also said to my sister that me and my partner had done things in front of her, when I confronted her in front of my sister my sister just laughed it off, I was very upset by this.

We use to say my sister had Munchausen by proxy syndrome because she was always taking my niece to A&E and the doctors, as well as going herself. she allowed my niece to wear nappies till she was 7, and kept insisting there was something wrong with her, god how I wish we would of done something about their behaviour before . My other sister refused to allow them to have anything with her family 2 years ago. If only we would of done the same!

[can it get worse]

Hi, So sorry to hear about the situation for your dad. It is totally devastating. However, it seems you have plenty of examples which would discredit your sister and niece. Please be careful with what you post on here as it is open to the general public.

The shock of this seems too much to bear some days but you will adjust eventually. As you have been advised earlier, make a note of all these things. Do not offer them to the police unless in agreement with your dad's solicitor.

Try to stay strong...

[frightened spouse]

Hi

Sorry to hear what you are going through. The thing that stuck out for me in what you have said so far is that your Dad;s only bail conditions are no contact with the niece rather than no unsupervised contact with persons under 16. This appears to be quite unusual when any alleged offence against a minor is being investigated. Hopefully this is an indication that the police are questioning the credibility of the complainant.

Hopw this is soon resolved for your family

Best wishes

FS

[blodyn2013]

Hi FS

Thanks for responding. When my dad was released and telling us what had happened he said that when he was at the desk with the female PC and custody Sgt, the Sgt asked the female what bail conditions and she initially said none but then my dad said she told him " oh well you better put not to contact the witness xxxxxxx "

Thanks to everyone for your support, it helps to have someone outside of the family saying things that u had thought.

I will keep you all posted on any further developments .

[blodyn2013]

Thought I would update. My dad had a call from someone at the solicitors to say that he spoke with the police and my dad will be re-bailed for 2 weeks when he attends tomorrow. This is the first news we have had in 5 weeks from anybody. The solicitor had asked if the police had re questioned him etc but they have not.

After this news my family feel like we did on the first day. Why would they re-bail?

[whatsgoingon?]

Re-bailing is very usual and regularly happens several times. My son was re-bailed several times over the course of 6 -7 months - for some it's a lot longer.

The fact your Dad's been re-bailed for a further 2 weeks is interesting, though - it could indicate that they're expecting to have completed their enquiries by then.
The approach to bail-dates are notoriously hard, as are re-bails. You just want it all to be over, don't you?

Try and have some good times together where you mutually agree to exclude the issue. Encourage family outings, laughs, walks , cinema, board games. Also have times when you can get away from it all with your own circle of friends.

Take care.

[blodyn2013]

Thanks whatsgoingon

We attended the police station an hour ago and my dad was in there 2 mins. The re bail paper work says that its gone to the public prosecution ( sorry I cant remember the exact term ) and he is to return in 2 weeks. No other info was given and he was not asked any questions.

I cant understand how after a 20 min interview with my dad 5 weeks ago, where no specific questions were asked, just general " have you ever changed her nappy", "did you ever cuddle her" that it can go to the CPS for a decision? We know there is no evidence because it did not happen, and they have not taken any stuff away like my dads computer etc?

Does anybody think this is a good sign or not?

Thanks again for all your help. This forum has been a such a great help x

[Rights Fighter]

Rebails happen when the police do not have enough evidence (and are actively seeking some!) or are following another line of enquiry. It is nothing at all unusual. Easy for me to say I know, but please don't worry about rebails. it really is par for course.

Please keep posting.

[blodyn2013]

Hi everyone

Thought I would update.

My dad was to answer bail today but the police contacted the solicitor and told them he no longer needs to attend and they are allowing the bail to lapse. Not entirely sure what that means but the solicitor has said it means its over. They did say if they ever need to question him again he will have to be re arrested? What does lapse bail mean?

Thanks

[Casehardened]

Hi,

It's about as good news as he's going to get though hopefully he will also get a letter to confirm the phone call.

Basically it means that the CPS have decided not to proceed with the case though the letter will say something along the lines of 'there is not sufficient evidence' which is hardly the same as saying it was a false accusation!

The bit about re-arrest again is a bit vague but what it means in practice is that if someone else makes a similar accusation against him in the future then this allegation is also likely to be dusted off and proceeded with in conjunction.

Have said all of this do please accept the obligatory bananas for the NFA on his behalf