husband falsely accused of historic sexual assault by step daughter

[frightened spouse]

At least it prevents them from getting the FA to change their statement but if they did their job properly in the first place, it would save hundreds of thousands of pounds of tax payers' money.

Iam a bit worried that emails I sent the copper may have given the FA chance to do this. Apart from the allegations being totally false, there was no opportunity for my husband to be alone in the house with my daughter as I was always there. The story she has told the police is ridiculous and also very vague so difficult to refute.

Feels like I'm climbing mount everest everyday at the moment trying to keep the house going and the kids happy all on my own.

[Boys don't cry]

Well...Don't worry too much.

It is true the FA can change her statements several times but it will be harder for her to stick to a single
version if it goes to court.

Take care and the kitten is so cute.

[frightened spouse]

Hi All

Had a crappy day today, the phone forensics called and said they had, had a good result retrieving texts from my phone but when I viewed them the significant ones were not there. Cost lots of money, really disappointed. Phoned the network people to ask about getting mobile records they stated that the police would be able to get them, well that's really useful

Then to top it all I got a call from a very senior policeman in my local area (not investigating force) stating that the PC that failed to log a theft from my house 2 years ago had been sacked, and that he wanted me to know they were working in the interests of all victims !!! I thanked him for letting me know through gritted teeth.

[myhome]

Hi FS - very frustrating that the significant texts are missing but hopefully there will be sufficient other evidence to cast doubt on the allegations.....

[breakmyheart]

frustrations

Hi All

Had a crappy day today, the phone forensics called and said they had, had a good result retrieving texts from my phone but when I viewed them the significant ones were not there. Cost lots of money, really disappointed. Phoned the network people to ask about getting mobile records they stated that the police would be able to get them, well that's really useful

Then to top it all I got a call from a very senior policeman in my local area (not investigating force) stating that the PC that failed to log a theft from my house 2 years ago had been sacked, and that he wanted me to know they were working in the interests of all victims !!! I thanked him for letting me know through gritted teeth.

Hi f.s

My wife is fully understanding your frustrations and this sounds all too familiar that brings one to that point of anger , and yet we crumble at the feet of the police or ss in total fear of protecting our loved ones because we just don't no what could be thrown at us next. Mention our own children and they no a mother will do anything to protect them. So difficult for you being in this position and yet you want to fight for your husbands innocence and seems like nobody wants to listen to your facts and truth behind it all. We really know how bad things are for you and like many we are here for you in these tougher times.

I cannot comment on individual case circumstances and their outcomes but I can say that we were in such similar circumstances with our case and my wife battled through the frustrations and eventually the cps gave me the nfa WHICH WE PRAY THAT WILL COME TO YOU AS WELL.

You are a fighter and you stand by your knowledge and belief in your husbands innocence, and you must never let go of the feeling in your gut that eventually someone will see reality of the truth and your words will be read and the right decision be made sooner than later.
Your arms will be open to have him safe and where he belongs .

Keep well and strong , he needs you more than ever

Kindest regards b.m.h

[frightened spouse]

Thank you for your generous and kind words they are a real comfort as I am so isolated with all of this. If you had told me a year ago that I would have been able to cope for 3 months on my own with the children under this kind of pressure I wouldn't have believed it but we find the strength from somewhere.

I know I am not alone in having problems with parents as I have read Don't Believe it's posts, but it is still deeply saddening. I have never had a strong relationship with my Mum, but a number of years ago we became estranged as her reaction to the diagnosis of my daughter's disability was to cut off from us. She had never been a hands on grand parent, more a twice a year visit grandma but this dwindled to nothing. I wrote to her telling her how disappointed I was at the lack of support and care and probably told her a few home truths she didn't want to hear, so I hadn't had any contact for a number of years until recently.

When the FA broke I decided to get in touch as she has some knowledge of her grand daughter's behaviour and our circumstances when the "assaults" were supposed to have occurred. At first she was very sympathetic and stated that my husband "had done too well" when she saw our house and that had inevitably increased the FA and her father's resentment towards us. She visited for one day then went away on a cruise, but stated it was too expensive to keep in touch by email on the ship. Her attitude is if something happened to her tomorrow I wouldn't be there for her ! Which is true as I am basically house bound looking after my disabled daughter.

I am really scared how I will cope if this does go to trial, as it will mean leaving my children for a week as the area in which the case would be heard is many hundreds of miles away, I just don't know how we will manage as I'm even having to wait for the children to go back to school to enable me to visit the dentist. The people who are supporting us are all some geographical distance away and either work full time or are elderly and infirm so it all just feels impossible. I know I shouldn't be rushing ahead guessing the outcome of the CPS decision but it is hard not to.

Sorry to go on but the pressure seems to increase with every passing day.

[cantgiveup]

Hi FS,

Sounds like you are having a pretty hellish time The lack of control is the hardest part to deal with for sure, the best advice I can offer is to look after yourself husband and children the best you can and in any way that you can, and do not be afraid to ask for help. I am isolated too, and between work and children things like the dentist become a massive logistic battle to organise.

I know you have SS involvement with your daughter, have you ever asked for any possibility of respite care (I understand this may not be something you want to consider) There is an agency here in Scotland called Homestart (not sure of equivalent in England) who have volunteers, usually mums, who come to your home to offer support, even if it is to make you a cup of tea and insist you sit down for five minutes. They will also come along with you on things like dentist trips to help with the children while you attend. Maybe something like this is worth considering.

It is so difficult and I know myself that throughout this I have just wanted to lock myself in the house with my children to protect myself and them from anything and everything. I have felt that this way no one can harm them or I wont be upset by others reactions to this awful situation I am in. Unfortunately it doesn't work too well. eventually you have to let people in and get back out and about. As time passes it becomes easier to bear and the awful feeling of limbo becomes part of life and while it doesn't go away, the feeling of dread and fear does subside a little (most days at least)

Unfortunately there is nothing really we can do in this time but try our best to keep ourselves well and strong, look after those who are most important to us, sod everyone else and believe in the hope that sense will prevail.

Take care of yourself, because you will be no good to your lovely children if you yourself become ill. Ask your GP for help if you feel you need too, my work place referred me for counselling and while it is not something I wanted to do, I went along and it gives me an hour a week to analyse, rant and concentrate on my own feelings, much as I don't like admitting it, it is probably helping!!

Feel free to PM me if you want to, a friendly ear is sometimes good too. Everyone here can understand what you are going through and I know for me that support is invaluable.

Take care.
CGU xxx

[Boys don't cry]

Such a lovely post Cantgiveup

[worriedgirl]

hi, FS
I really feel for you. You are having such a tough time but you must have amazing strength to have coped so far. CGU mentioned Homestart I just wanted to say that they have the same in England. I have a homestart lady come round once a week for a couple of hours I have found the support really good someone to talk to who wont judge you and she's brilliant with my children. I really hope things get better for you and your family soon .
WG

[frightened spouse]

Thank you so much for your replies and advice, it is a real comfort. I had a slightly better day yesterday by slotting into "this isn't really happening, it's all nonsense" mode which allows me to get on with other things rather than that feeling of being paralysed by fear where I achieve very little. I have spent a lot of time collating information should it be needed so I think I can allow myself the luxury of slipping into unreality for a while.

Best wishes to all

Frightened Spouse

[myhome]

I had a slightly better day yesterday by slotting into "this isn't really happening, it's all nonsense" mode which allows me to get on with other things rather than that feeling of being paralysed by fear where I achieve very little.

Hi FS - it's good that you have been able to do this. The swings from positivity to negative fear and almost paralysis continue unabated - sometimes you think what you are at the mo - it's ridiculous and will never go anywhere; other times you think this will go to a guilty verdict.........
It's difficult to cope with except to recognise this will happen and to remember in the down times that you WILL go back up again.....keep strong....MH

[cantgiveup]

Really glad you had a slightly better day good days, bad day, one day at a time....myhome, I like the point to try and remember during the bad days that you will pick up again

BDC - aw shuck, thanks!

CGU xx

[breakmyheart]

chin up

Thank you so much for your replies and advice, it is a real comfort. I had a slightly better day yesterday by slotting into "this isn't really happening, it's all nonsense" mode which allows me to get on with other things rather than that feeling of being paralysed by fear where I achieve very little. I have spent a lot of time collating information should it be needed so I think I can allow myself the luxury of slipping into unreality for a while.

Best wishes to all

Frightened Spouse

Hi fs

So pleased that you have found a moment to break away from hell, and may it continue as long as you can . The stress and strain is quite unbelievable and rarely do you have a rest from it.
Gathering case details is never a waste of time (even if a nfa is around the corner )we all have done this in preparation for a fight if needed.
It is bad enough calming your children and yet you find more energy to carry on , looking towards the bigger picture of happy families and never to let go of the love that you obviousely have amongst yourselves.

Yes I have put a lighter note on this today and yet we no what you face.

Fingers crossed and our prayers as usual for you b.m.h

[frightened spouse]

Had a terrible day yesterday as the phone forensics company returned my husband's phone with no data and didn't even have the courtesy to inform us why, very unhelpful. I am not a very techie person at the best of times but it has been left to me to contact the phone company about pass codes to access the data and I really feel out of my depth, all the jargon goes right over my head ! Haven't a clue what I'm asking them about. But determined not to give up.

Husband was on the ceiling , he was so frustrated, I kept pointing out that as he hadn't been charged there was no urgency and that he may not be charged ( fingers crossed ) but didn't really get through to him as he is feeling very negative.

Mixed feelings about the children returning to school next week. Before I found this site I never realised how long these matters drag on for so I had assumed there would be some resolution by the end of the summer holidays. I confided in a friend that I occasionally meet for coffee today and she was astonished at the length of time we are meant to struggle on in limbo.

I am very fortunate that I am very anonymous at one of the schools attended by my children so it is not a concern but at another school it is a completely different story. For a couple of years I had employed on a private basis a number of members of staff to help me in the home with my disabled daughter at very attractive rates of pay, I literally had staff queuing up offering to work. When the storm that is FA broke, I had hoped that they would be able to facilitate supervised visits during the week to enable my children to see their Dad, the social worker was more than happy with this.

However they all refused and walked out on me. Just goes to show you can't buy loyalty. I hate having to go into that school building and face people that let us down , but I think they are more uncomfortable than me knowing how badly they have behaved. One girl was so embarrassed she tried to climb into a stationery cupboard when she saw me enter the classroom.

Even the headteacher has turned into an ostrich and prefers scribbled notes as a form of communication rather than phonecalls or face to face conversations and they call themselves professionals ! Having said that one of the nurses that oversees my daughter's care has been fantastic she comes out to see me every few weeks to see how we are coping.

To Can't Give Up, Babygal, worriedgirl and all the other Mum's doing the school run next week, hold your heads up high and be strong sending and virtual hugs

[is there justice?]

Fs

Sorry you are finding it o difficult right now. You certainly find out a lot about the nature of people when you are in this situation. Gossips will never change but everyone knows who they are and what they are.
The phone thing is very frustrating but I can't help sorry.
I hope you both rally a bit over the weekend. You know the truth and that will never change.