Falsely accused need advice and someone to talk to

[Wilts]

Well this is just like my case, with kids involved. It started when i assualted my partner and was arrested. She alleges I raped her analy 3 months previously. I wont go through the complete story as it is covered on my first thread. It has truely been the worst few weeks of my life and looks set to roll on for a few months. I am bailed until 5/9/13. My daughters bithday on tuesday and looks like I wont be seeing her as SS say she istnt ready yet. I have lost my whole life, my partner, my kids, my job, my home and life style. Suicide attempt last week almost worked (sleeeping tablets) luckily family caught me in time. Stupid of me I know but lostnall will to carry on. Got help from Doc now so feeling a bit better.
It looks like you will get lucky here and she has seen sence. You should get off lightly for the assault but the damage between you and your wife may be too much to heal, also how do you trust someone that can put a man through this?

Hope it works out for you keep in touch.

http://http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/moo...r-3-months-ago

[Pudsey]

Shared horror

Thankyou for your reply Wilts, funny how something soo personal can be used against anyone and with very little "Actual evidence"!

I was charged and dealt with for my assult last year, given I gave full co-operation and pleaded guilty at first possible chance I recieved 100% credit and it should have made my sentance a little lighter.... that said however, My first ever charge (Other than driving offences) and with the 100% credit I was given a 2 year supervision order (A step down from a custodial sentance).

I am on "bail pending further investigations" my phone and laptop have been seized (Beyond me as to why), My wife said she had signed a statement saying she wished to take "no further action", After a quick call to my solicitor, I find myself yet again at the mercy of 'Plod'!


Although my wife has signed the statement I still may face charges should Plod and CPS see enough cause / evidence to pursue a conviction.... I felt failed before but now I feel like the victim and the one who has been violated.

I hope that you see that ending your own life is no longer an option (Never a bright one, OR one i would ever say is worth thinking about) But all that will come from attempting that is pain... For your family, your Children and your friends.

But the main thing You need to remember if you ever feel that way again...... Without you, Who is there to help others like you? Like the others here?

Stay strong Wilts....

I am here, so are many others

I wish you well and hope that you can remain positive and strong for yourself and for those of us who you shine on.

All the best

Pudsey

[Wilts]

Pudsey, I am deeply touched by your reply, and your words resinate through me. I feel I am at a turning point but could go down hill without any warning. I have things in place like support from parents and friends. Also GP has been fantastic. You are right there is a lot of support on here. I am learning everyday and hope in some small way I can contribute. i will keep posting as it gives us strength in number. Take care

[myhome]

You mentioned your wife has BPD, which used to go by a different name, one that others might be more familiar with, Multiple Personality Disorder. Now my understanding of the disease could be outdated, but i'm sure you know about it better than the rest of us.

Sorry BL but you're a bit muddled here - BPD - Bi-polar Disorder did indeed have a different and more familiar name as Pudsey said, it used to be called Manic-Depression. This mental ill health is characterised by huge swings of mood from very high elation to extreme lows of depression. This is not "Multiple Personality Disorder - and is nothing like that illness - which is now known as......."Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD),[1] is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person's behaviour, and is accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness. " http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissoci...ntity_disorder

That being said, with her having BPD, you should be well aware that she could very well go back to saying you did rape her at a moments notice?

This is not a characteristic of BPD; it seems more like a characteristic of any FA'er

If the charges have nothing to do with BPD, and our instead simply done of her own will in order to either A. screw you over, B. help win more during the divorce, or C. Gain custody, well then that's even worse.

The allegations are very very unlikely to have anything to do with BPD - but much more likely A. B. and C.

You need to stay away from her, in order to avoid more charges. By all means still talk to her on the phone and through facebook and so forth (recording everything, and thinking carefully about what you say.)

If bail conditions say, "No contact," then that means "No contact AT ALL" so any contact by whatever means will be against the bail conditions and therefore incur legal consequences of violating bail conditions.

in the end though, you should probably start seeing other people (and I seriously wouldn't mention the charges) because you can do better.

It impossible to judge why people make these allegations and what has been going on in the relationship (or the lady's head) leading up to this incident. Horrific though it is, it doesn't necessarily mean that Pudsey's relationship is over - especially as he has said he still loves his wife. Many people have the capacity to forgive and put things in the past and rebuild relationships (my fiancé had an affair but I still married him - though 6 months later than planned). If Pudsey still loves his wife and would like to be able to rebuild their marriage after this, then that is his and his wife's choice - no-one else's.

She charged you with rape, and even beyond that, you two were already living separately beforehand. I think its safe to say your marriage isnt going so well anyhow, and only an absolute pathetically desperate loser would take a woman back at this stage. You ARE NOT a desperate loser. So don't think like one.

This is more than a tad over the top and not a little insulting.

You should ask for a list of SPECIFIC people you are not allowed to talk to

Very good advice

But please for the love of god, don't continue this dangerous relationship with your wife.

Again this is not your decision, BL. it is a decision for Pudsey and his wife and anyone they want to ask for help and advice - such as Relate...

If you go back to her, your setting yourself up to fail.

How do you know??????????????

to deal with hostile people that may confront you about the charges, I would put extra emphasis on her mental illness, it will def help cast some shadows on her accusations, and although the common fold dont like to believe women sometimes make this stuff up, they are more willing to believe someone with Multiple Personality Disorder would make a lie like that up.

Speechless now....it is an urban myth that most people with mental ill health are vindictive, lying, dangerous people who are out of touch with reality . They most certainly are not (I should know - not only do I work in the field of Mental Health, I have a mental ill health condition too - brought on by the FA against me). The previous Government started an excellent initiative called "Time to Change" http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/. It's prime aim is to reduce the stigma and ignorance regarding mental ill health and to make it an ok thing to talk about. Several high profile people such as Stephen Fry (who has BPD) and Alastair Campbell have joined the campaign and have spoken openly about their lives in the hope that the "common fold" become educated about this very misunderstood area of health and bring people's thinking out of the dark ages. 1 in 4 people have had, or will have had a mental ill health condition in their life time....most of us lead ordinary, happy(ish) productive lives making a valuable contribution to their family, their community and their work place.........

No jury in the world would believe her.

How on Earth can you give someone this potentially false hope??????////

[Wilts]

I understand exactly how and why Pudsey feels like he does.
Problem is you miss the life you had not the live you will have if get back with your wife. He blames a mental disorder for his wifes action and i blame a 3rd party for my partners actions. We both simply cant except they have done this.

[Wilts]

Thanks izzy i have contacted admin to assist.

[is there justice?]

.... I have lost my whole life, my partner, my kids, my job, my home and life style. Suicide attempt last week almost worked (sleeeping tablets) luckily family caught me in time. Stupid of me I know but lostnall will to carry on. Got help from Doc now so feeling a bit better.
....[/URL]

Oh Wilts

[Wilts]

Thank ITJ I needed those hugs. Got to get myself together.

[is there justice?]

Thank ITJ I needed those hugs. Got to get myself together.

Well, you know all the things I could have written because you are an intelligent, reasonable man. It's just at the moment that your pain is greater than your coping resources. After all, who on earth knows how to cope with all this, it's too alien and it's a taboo topic. That's why this site is literally a lifeline.

Keep reading, talking, expressing your fears and you will develop an ability to cope, maybe not brilliantly but enough. Imagine if Erin hadn't have dug as deep as he did. I cried reading some of his posts, he was in such a dark place but now .... brilliant.

The best thing you have is knowing it is a false allegation and that whatever happens, you are innocent. No-one can take that from you. Ever.
Write to your children even if you can't send the letters because one day you will be able to give them and they will get a lot from reading them.

When you get to the end of every day, and night, you've learned a bit more about coping. You can't run a marathon without developing some strength and stamina

[Wilts]

Thanks so much ITJ, I have printed your words and have now put them in my diary.

[Pudsey]

Tomorrow maybe the beginning of the end

Wll as i mentioned my wife has said she signed a NFA statement, 9am tomorrow i will be on the phone to my solicitor. If this is the case and there has been a retraction or withdrawal I want to see what options are left.


Be no means am I anything near to what i have been accused of, however patience when under the microscope is not one of my strong points!


I want to thank you all for the support you have shown me (A complete stranger) and to say I truely am grateful for the support you have given.

I wil continue to post for as long as my ordeal runs... Maybe then I will be able to offer something back to those still experiencing theirs.

THANK YOU ALL

[Wilts]

Keep us updated Pudsey, I really do hope you get this sorted asap. You have gained alot of support from this forum but you certainly given it all back and more. God bless you.

[myhome]

Hi Pudsey - wondering how you got on with your solicitor to-day? Good news I hope........

[Pudsey]

Want the ground to open and take me

I spoke to my solicitor, Who spoke to the OIC. Apparently even tho my wife retracted her accusation, the police are still building a case to put to the CPS How? Without her statement there isnt any evidence.


Feeling at a new low today

[Casehardened]

I spoke to my solicitor, Who spoke to the OIC. Apparently even tho my wife retracted her accusation, the police are still building a case to put to the CPS How? Without her statement there isnt any evidence.


Feeling at a new low today

The police may well push the case through to the CPS to cover their backs but it is unlikely that the CPS will take it to court if your wife is unwilling to appear in court to be cross-examined on her statement; after all what inference would the jury draw from this!