My 16 year old is accusing her step dad of rape

[dandare]

Hi Dandare

Sorry to hear what you've been going through. You wrote

It's not against the law to give a 16 year old alcohol at home or on private premises in Scotland so you weren't breaking the law.

Thats what i thought, dont understand then why my husband was charged with this then, or why the social work are being so nasty by telling me i was irresponsible for allowing this. Thanks for clearing that up Izzy

[breakmyheart]

booze

Hi BMH

You are so right, as my mum has said 'she has made her bed now let her lie in it'!!! I can confirm that she had 2/3 very weak drinks that night and i also know for sure she drinks quite a lot with friends, i always told her to be very careful of what she was doing but like most parents know if you tell them not to do something they do it behind your back anyway. But according to social work i was stupid to even allow this, but i really didn't think this would come back and bite my ass but i suppose i didn't think my daughter could be so cruel either but i know when this all ends nothing will happen to her anyway so its no skin off her nose anyway....Why does the law allow this i really think people who make false allegations should be charged!!! Thanks for your support x

I would like to add to what izzy says that I suspect the law on drinking applies to England as well.

A typical bully tactic that ss take upon themselves to scare people when half the time it would be laughed out of a court. In consideration that they work closely with the oic who divulges bail conditions and other privacy matters it is so often a bloody disgrace that these power crazy freaks are getting away with this type of inaccuracies. Of course all so many are scared beyond belief of having their children taken away that they do not challenge them, and if we were brave enough to oppose the wrong they would be full up with complaints to investigate. I so hope in time especially with so much that ss has failed to comply to that they will be answerable for their failings and can be easily challenged without the fears that we all go through.
The times I have heard that they threaten to take kids away unless you agree to do this or that sickens me,, its a form of blackmail and totally against the law!!!

If ss recognise abuse etc upon visit then they have the power of removal instantly, beyond that they have to take you to magistrate court where you have your objections etc heard and is determined by the judge .

I hope more people read my comments as we have been victims of them throughout our ordeal and I believe too many sufferers have not got the courage or strength left to explore how you can fight back.

regards b.m.h

[sparks]

The SS will use and twist what ever they can to justify their actions, they accused me of being obstructive and evasive because I could not recall dates from 13 yes ago, they have also indicated to my wife that if she were to end our marriage it would assist in the removal of our children from the at risk register, the fact I am in another country seams to have no bearing, write down everything these people say to you, make no mistake they will lie, and when it comes to a court of law who do you think the judge will believe.

Sparks

[cantgiveup]

What an end to a day, my husband phoned his lawyer to go over everything and to confirm what she had said, unfortunately my sister in law had picked it up wrong and had my husband convinced, what has happened is the bail has been dropped and the PF had not done the paper work and want more investigating done from the police so nothing has really changed apart from a day wasted sitting outside a court room. I do apologise for the miss info but i couldn't be there as i had our daughter, but he did have his family there for moral support. I am keeping a note of everything, SW will no longer talk in front of my family or friends so i have been advised to write down everything said while she is here as this is well within my rights, but then again i thought having a friend sitting with me was as well but according to the social worker she will not discuss anything in front of anyone!! Is that right??

Hi Dandare,

I am in Scotland too...it sounds like charge wise you are in the same position as we are. It seems to make no sense to me.
My partner was arrested, detained over the weekend, and due to appear in court on the Monday. He was taken to court kept in a holding room, then policeman and lawyer told him he was free to go but had bail conditions and had to return in 4 weeks (he did not actually appear in front of the fiscal)
He attended court four weeks later. There was a couple of hours of hanging around then his lawyer told him he was free to go, bail conditions dropped. Again he did not appear in front of fiscal. No date to reappear. So now we wait. His lawyer has advised that sometimes after 6 months ( we are nearly at that point) they review cases and something may happen then, but other than that there is nothing he can tell us. Supposedly there is to be further investigation. However nothing has been done as yet (it wasn't in the first place either!) no witnesses who saw us that night have been interviewed. There can be no further evidence to be found, in fact the longer that things are left the less there is, potential witnesses will have forgotten etc.

It seems bonkers to me. But if I am being positive, the fact bail conditions are dropped must mean they have serious doubts / lack of evidence, surely if there was a true believe my partner was a rapist then bail conditions would be in place and dates set for further hearings. Or maybe that is naive of me.

Hope it does not drag on too long for you.

Regarding SW, we have managed to avoid SW contact so far, although I have contacted the childrens school to ensure there is no behavior changes, contacted Family Law Scotland and Parentline for advice. Their advice was very good, it also means that should SW become involved I can show I have considered my children and sought advise where I could. Unfortunately with SW you have no choice but to work with them, and try and evidence to them that your children are your priority, but that does not alter your beliefs. (I have also read somewhere that if your partner has no bail conditions and no formal charge, legally the only way SW can remove your children from your care is through court, which obviously they are reluctant to do - not sure if this is fact though)

Not sure how helpful any of this is to you Dandare, but I am thinking of you and take care.

CGU XX

[dandare]

I would like to add to what izzy says that I suspect the law on drinking applies to England as well.

A typical bully tactic that ss take upon themselves to scare people when half the time it would be laughed out of a court. In consideration that they work closely with the oic who divulges bail conditions and other privacy matters it is so often a bloody disgrace that these power crazy freaks are getting away with this type of inaccuracies. Of course all so many are scared beyond belief of having their children taken away that they do not challenge them, and if we were brave enough to oppose the wrong they would be full up with complaints to investigate. I so hope in time especially with so much that ss has failed to comply to that they will be answerable for their failings and can be easily challenged without the fears that we all go through.
The times I have heard that they threaten to take kids away unless you agree to do this or that sickens me,, its a form of blackmail and totally against the law!!!

If ss recognise abuse etc upon visit then they have the power of removal instantly, beyond that they have to take you to magistrate court where you have your objections etc heard and is determined by the judge .

I hope more people read my comments as we have been victims of them throughout our ordeal and I believe too many sufferers have not got the courage or strength left to explore how you can fight back.



regards b.m.h

Hi bmh

Sorry if im being silly but what is oic? As im relatively new to this i need told Each day i feel stronger and i will be fighting this treatment from ss as soon as the police have finished their investigation and prove my husbands innocence. I have even thought about going to the media to expose such treatment as i know this is completely wrong and any complaints will go unheard within ss.....yeah that is fighting talk!!! I have proved to ss that my children are my main priority and they have recognised this but still want to play mind games and twist my thinking which i know is wrong. I am so glad i studied social care because it gave me the understanding to know what the correct behaviour from a social worker is accepted, they really have made so many screw up's it is unbelieveable and i will not go unheard but i know i have to bide my time just now. I will look into the correct way to fight back and so my voice will be heard !!!

[frightened spouse]

Hi DD

OIC is officer in charge or sometimes IO investigating officer. The alcohol matter is totally ridiculous, can you imagine if every household where a teenager has a couple of drinks was under scrutiny, social services would be over run. They are just playing nasty games even the most well intentioned, common place actions can be twisted by them to imply "Grooming." Stay strong and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself.

[dandare]

Hi Dandare,

I am in Scotland too...it sounds like charge wise you are in the same position as we are. It seems to make no sense to me.
My partner was arrested, detained over the weekend, and due to appear in court on the Monday. He was taken to court kept in a holding room, then policeman and lawyer told him he was free to go but had bail conditions and had to return in 4 weeks (he did not actually appear in front of the fiscal)
He attended court four weeks later. There was a couple of hours of hanging around then his lawyer told him he was free to go, bail conditions dropped. Again he did not appear in front of fiscal. No date to reappear. So now we wait. His lawyer has advised that sometimes after 6 months ( we are nearly at that point) they review cases and something may happen then, but other than that there is nothing he can tell us. Supposedly there is to be further investigation. However nothing has been done as yet (it wasn't in the first place either!) no witnesses who saw us that night have been interviewed. There can be no further evidence to be found, in fact the longer that things are left the less there is, potential witnesses will have forgotten etc.

It seems bonkers to me. But if I am being positive, the fact bail conditions are dropped must mean they have serious doubts / lack of evidence, surely if there was a true believe my partner was a rapist then bail conditions would be in place and dates set for further hearings. Or maybe that is naive of me.

Hope it does not drag on too long for you.

Regarding SW, we have managed to avoid SW contact so far, although I have contacted the childrens school to ensure there is no behavior changes, contacted Family Law Scotland and Parentline for advice. Their advice was very good, it also means that should SW become involved I can show I have considered my children and sought advise where I could. Unfortunately with SW you have no choice but to work with them, and try and evidence to them that your children are your priority, but that does not alter your beliefs. (I have also read somewhere that if your partner has no bail conditions and no formal charge, legally the only way SW can remove your children from your care is through court, which obviously they are reluctant to do - not sure if this is fact though)

Not sure how helpful any of this is to you Dandare, but I am thinking of you and take care.

CGU XX

Hi CGU

Yes the ss has pointed out to me many times that i dont have a choice but to work with them, even if the police drop the case or my husband is found NG.
Which must show it was all lies but were still being punished. Thanks it is very helpful and i will contact FLS and PL as i think it may be of help to us too. I dont know how bad things would be if i didn't have the insight and support i get from this forum. xx

[dandare]

Hi DD

OIC is officer in charge or sometimes IO investigating officer. The alcohol matter is totally ridiculous, can you imagine if every household where a teenager has a couple of drinks was under scrutiny, social services would be over run. They are just playing nasty games even the most well intentioned, common place actions can be twisted by them to imply "Grooming." Stay strong and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself.

Ahh thats it lol x Yeah i know, i have friends with teenagers all that allow their kids to have a few drinks, think with my situation they are a bit more in reserve now. Im bewildered as to the treatment from ss and didn't see it before this situation, now i know why they are hated so much!! I will FS dont know where this daily strength comes from but you all have a hand in it and i am grateful xx

[dandare]

The SS will use and twist what ever they can to justify their actions, they accused me of being obstructive and evasive because I could not recall dates from 13 yes ago, they have also indicated to my wife that if she were to end our marriage it would assist in the removal of our children from the at risk register, the fact I am in another country seams to have no bearing, write down everything these people say to you, make no mistake they will lie, and when it comes to a court of law who do you think the judge will believe.

Sparks

Hi Sparks

Oh i so see this now, i am nervous at the fact i have been ask to write question down i would like to ask my husband but i have none but i know it will be seen as obstructive and not working with them! I will write everything down, and they have blatantly lied and twisted things so i am very on guard. But i will not be bullied by them. Thanks Sparks

[dandare]

Still in the same position

Hi Guys, i've not been on line for a while due to my mum being very ill (she has terminal cancer) but thought i would come on to share the up to date happenings.
Really not much has changed, my husband is still waiting to hear what's going to happen although he is now allowed to see the kids under my supervision that's been from February. I was called in to the PF 9 weeks ago to go over some things and was told it would be 4-5 weeks at the very latest till my husband either received a letter or his Lawyer was informed of what would happen next....we are still waiting!!
I had the officer dealing with the case contact me 3 weeks ago to ask if my daughter could get her belongings, i asked why this was a police matter and the officer told my my daughter was scared of confrontation so it was arranged through her that my daughter would come the week after, i said that everything would be left out side my property and in fact i would be out, so no reason for my daughter to accuse me of bullying her.
When i arrived home i noticed she had let herself into my property and removed things after speaking to a neighbour she had accually brought 3 men with her all which had been in my property, i contacted the police to report this i was told by the officer i spoke to that they would need to contact the officer that dealt with the previous case and she would be in touch...im still waiting!!! It would seen that my daughter can do anything and the police just allow it. I hope everyone is doing well on the forum, it has been a rock when needed xx

[Faith]

Sorry to hear that the wait goes on for you, and also I am terribly sorry about your mother, it must be an extraordinarily difficult time for you.

It is atrocious that your daughter was allowed to bring three strangers into your home without your consent and it is further proof that these things really are very one sided. Grossly unfair, but stay strong and I hope that you get some positive developments soon.

Take Care.

[dandare]

Sorry to hear that the wait goes on for you, and also I am terribly sorry about your mother, it must be an extraordinarily difficult time for you.

It is atrocious that your daughter was allowed to bring three strangers into your home without your consent and it is further proof that these things really are very one sided. Grossly unfair, but stay strong and I hope that you get some positive developments soon.

Take Care.

Hi Faith

I knew it would be a long road, having a few hours today i decided to have a look to see how others where getting on in similar circumstances, i suppose on a positive note they dont seem in any hurry to do anything and every time the PF has been contacted the case has not been looked at yet but with my mums illness progressing and having mentioned to the PF that we would like this to come to an end so my mums can see that her family is fine (she has kept going as if she needs to be here for her family and even shocked the docs by surviving this long, but it is so so sad that this is how she will live her final days, she is very angry at my daughter so much so she has cut communication with her) . Oh ive known that through-out this situation that my daughter has been seen as a victim no matter even that her lies can be seen. As soon as there are some development is will be on here as reading others stories have helped me so much xx

[is there justice?]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. You have so much on your plate.

The FA gets all the sympathy and support whilst no-one considers the effect on the falsely accused.

Stay strong xx