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  • Unbelievable!

    Hi everyone, I am new here and actually came across this site a while ago but was still somewhat reluctant (and scared) to ask for your opinions/advice. I have read through so many of the threads and am just hoping things will turn out for the best. There are some details I cannot disclose as I am scared that someone will come across this by using a keyword search. I am frightened to death to be quite honest. But, I will do my best to explain as far as possible. Please excuse my somewhat "strange" choice of words at times, but this really is on purpose!

    The man I have been together with for the last 8.5 years, who is not the biological father of my son, has allegedly been accused of having raped my son in 2009 in an EU country other than the one where I live, which is also not the UK (although I am a British citizen -my husband is not). My son now lives in the UK after fleeing from his biological father and wife, after having spent a short while in a psych. unit.

    I was "warned" by a certain person (who works in this field and does exaggerate) the night before I had to make a statement to the police that the alleged abuser was my husband. I was also informed that my son had made a full and detailed statement. Up to this point in time, I thought that any statement made would be against my son’s father’s wife based on the disclosure my sons had made up till then. The police advised me otherwise (detail I cannot disclose) and decided that there was no reason whatsoever to even get a statement from my husband.
    The alleged "statement" took place mid-December, my police interview mid-January and nothing has happened ever since.

    Laws and procedures differ from country to country, and in this case, 3 countries are involved in the matter. Yet do you think that it is normal for everything to take so long or for nothing to happen?
    Although it was a difficult decision for me, due to my son's background and due to the fact that my husband can't even kill a fly (and would even undergo a lie detector test). I am standing by my husband. Thus, my parents have now turned their backs on me, having not even taken the time of day to confront me or my husband. I have also been "advised" by said person not to contact my other kids or other certain named persons.

    Please help!

  • #2
    Hi and welcome to the forum,

    Firstly, well done for standing by your husband. Anyone who is/has been in his position will agree that the support of wife/partner is unbelievably helpful in enduring the process.

    I understand your caution in not wanting to put too many details in your thread, as your rightly say anyone can read the threads so it is important not to put any identifying information.

    Have a look at this post: http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now it may answer some of your concerns, but basically if there is not clear-cut evidence that your husband is guilty of the allegation, an investigation will (and should!) be fairly thorough and so take time.

    PS if your husband is under investigation elsewhere than the UK, the above information may not be relevant as most members only have experience of the UK system; however many members are in exactly your situation and so will be able to offer emotional support.
    'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

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    • #3
      Hi casehardened
      Thank you for replying and thank you for the link which I had already read some time ago.
      Of course, I did confront my husband at the time I was "warned" and actually the person mentioned in my previous post seriously wanted me to call the police here and get him arrested for fear of my life - which is absolutely ridiculous. As you can see, I am still alive and kicking!

      I am just so horrified that this is actually happening to him. It's really getting at him and we feel that at the moment, there's absolutely nothing we can do against it. The fact that the person mentioned and my parents are telling people not to contact me (close friends, family members, acquaintances) is branding my husband for something he did not do. Luckily his parents believe him. And I do of course, too.

      Bye for now.

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      • #4
        Hi don'tbelieveit! Welcome to the forum but sorry you had to find us... As you've read a lot of threads on here already you will know that FA's are becoming more and more common and sadly are tearing families apart. You wil gets lots of emotional support and advice on here, even if the legal side is a bit different to the country you are in.
        In answer to your question - does it all take such a long time - yes - though not always. People on here have had NFA in 6 weeks. Others have gone to court after 2 years and got Not Guilty. I'm 4 and 1/2 months in and apart from being interrogated by the police in November, nothing else has happened.
        Keep strong and keep posting.....
        "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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        • #5
          Hi myhome

          Thanks for your reply. The thing is, as far as I am aware, all there is is the suspicion of rape (information from police here). The police here see no reason to follow up based on the was they received the information. The only information I receive is from the "said" person. She tells me this, she tells me that. Having known my parents for so long, I cannot believe that my father at least would not confront me. No way! He would have saif from his own mouth that he wants nothing to do with me or my husband. He gest info from said person, I get info from said person. Am advised by said person (not police, CPS or even court) to not contact such and such person. Does she have the right to do so? Both of us - my hub and - I want to hit out at the whole world! Why is this happening to him, to us? He's the most harmless person I have ever known and my parents loved him dearly. I think there is some false play going on along the line. I also know that there is not even a s-met from my son!!

          Grateful for all advice!

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          • #6
            I really would like to PM some of you guys for advice as I am at my wits end and there is so much info that I cannot disclose here as the "said" person is very good at googling... Can anybody help?
            Thanks in advance!!!

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            • #7
              Depends what you need advice for. I am not very good on the legal side, but I have buckets of tea and sympathy at my disposal!

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              • #8
                Hi Saffron

                Thanks for replying. I was beginning to think nobody was reading my posts or maybe, cos of who is involved, didn't want to... Am simply so gutted by this and have some suspicions which I obviously do not wish to post in public....

                Tea would be great, too...

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                • #9
                  DontBelieveit, if there are things you do not wish to post in public, you have my permission to send me a PM and I will try and help
                  "Be sure your sin will find you out"

                  Numbers 32:23

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                  • #10
                    Thank you Faith, that is so kind of you. I really appreciate it!

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                    • #11
                      Hi Don'tbeliveit

                      I have not been a member long enough to send or receive PM's, but when I have been your welcolm to contact me direct for a chat......

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                      • #12
                        Hi Don'tbelieveit... it's sounds like a real mess. I think it would be nice to hear it all from the horses' mouth though (eg the police) rather than 'said person' who seems to be enjoying the control she seems to be having on all of you and maybe a good stir in the bargain. Is there any way of you finding out what's really going on?

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                        • #13
                          Yes, it is a real mess. I was actually considering contacting the police today to try at least to find out what's happening. But are they oliged to give me any info? Hte police here have told me one thing - when I was interviewed, and "said person" told me another. Am completely confused...

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                          • #14
                            Hi Dontbelieveit

                            Well I know for certain my FA and her witnesses are lying.

                            My revenge is simply going to be the trial process.

                            The whole cost of the investigation, gathering evidence, the costs for all the hearings so far and the trial will be in excess of £100,000 by my conservative estimate.

                            This is not to mention wasting time and tarnishing other people who may be genuine rape victims.

                            It will be interesting how it all pans out when they give evidence. If it becomes clear they have all lied and tampered with evidence then they are looking at very grave charges of perverting the course of justice/perjury which will carry a definite lengthy period in jail.

                            So it is not just my neck on the line in all of this. No doubt they are all worried as well as they will have to get up and lie and hope that they all stick to the same story and dont 'break' on the witness stand.

                            SJ

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