worried, stressed, hurt, upset ans angry

[u-jay]

Hi all,

I need some advice on what to expect next. Basically on 30th November police came to my house at half 3 in the morning to arrest me due to an allegation made by my ex for rape. I was shocked as obviously this did not happen. On the 21st November she emailed me telling me to stop contacting her I did not contact her for about a month so this email she sent was just to get in touch with me, we started to argue a little then she asked to meet me I said no but cause I missed seeing her I agreed she left me her new number.

So we met on the 22nd and just parked up on my old schools car park. We sat in the back and kissed and cuddled things were heating up between us so as she didn't want to go further we stopped I dropped her back home and that was it. Then on the 26 she emailed asking to meet again I asked her why so soon as we only met on the 22 (she has a boyfriend by the way) she was meeting me more times then her boyfriend. so I agreed to meet her on the 27th as I was going into town anyway so thought I would meet her too. We met and we walked round town for about 30mins I bought some new shoes from topman.

We then parked up again same location. She was saying in the emails she wanted a back massage as apparently I gave good massages so we got in the back seats and I started massaging her back she then turned towards me and we started kissing then she told me to carry on with the massage after about 5 mins I told her I wasn't doing anymore so she turned round and we started to kiss again our hands were all over each other we started taking each others clothes off and we had sex because she enjoys pain and rough sex she told me to suck and bite on her boobs I did on one side and this must of left a mark.

Once we were done I dropped her back into town and she went to college I'm 20 and she's 18 by the way. We were together about 10 months and we had a sexual chemistry it was 80% sex in the relationship. That's what happened I told the police this as well when I was interviewed. She gave wrong description of clothing so they took the wrong clothes they took my laptop phone and car. I was released on bail without charge and told not to contact her or her family or boyfriend.

I'm on bail till 14 Jan. They let me have my car back the same day as they said it wouldn't be needed. I rang about my belongings a week later and the officer who interviewed me said it shouldn't be a problem with the clothes, and I don't see any reason why you can't have your laptop and phone as you both are saying the same thing and then she paused and started to stutter, obviously she was not meant to tell me this was she? When they first interviewed me she said that her story was completely different saying that i pushed her into the back seats and put my weight over her but when i ejaculated she was on top of me.

Week after I called again and this time she said you can have the clothes but we holding onto the phone and laptop for evidence. She said I'm on bail till 14 so it could take up to then. Since then I haven't bothered to contact them. The officer one was a women and one was a man who interviewed and they were really friendly towards me having a laugh and joke it was like the minute they saw me they thought to themselves he can't be a rapist. Oh and the sex took place at 1pm so it was broad day light. any help would be much appreciated thanks

[Boys don't cry]

Hi all,
On the 21st November she emailed me telling me to stop contacting her I did not contact her for about a month so this email she sent was just to get in touch with me, we started to argue a little then she asked to meet me I said no but cause I missed seeing her I agreed she left me her new number...


Week after I called again and this time she said you can have the clothes but we holding onto the phone and laptop for evidence. She said I'm on bail till 14 so it could take up to then. Since then I haven't bothered to contact them. The officer one was a women and one was a man who interviewed and they were really friendly towards me having a laugh and joke it was like the minute they saw me they thought to themselves he can't be a rapist.

Hello U-Jay and welcome to the forum.

Did you have a duty solicitor present during your interview?

You wrote that you didn't contact anymore the police regarding your laptop and mobile.
It is the best thing you can do otherwise if you start to do so,they will think you have something to hide.
Your bail date is due the 14th but don't be disappointed if you can't get your belongings back and don't ask for them again.
Most of the times it take months or even longer to retrieve them.

Do you know why your ex suddenly did contact you ,wanted to see you again even though she has a new boyfriend.
Why did you have relations after arguing?

At the moment you should try to find out her motives to claim for rape(maybe revenge?)
Try to write as many details as you can about the development of your story until you were arrested by the police.
Can you get her emails back from someone else's computer.
Print screen them,copy them,keep them safe but don't give them to the police.

The police might have been friendly with you but remember "They are not your friends".
Sometimes they will make you at ease to trick you.

Try to remember everything,write,write,write while it is still fresh in your mind.

[u-jay]

Hello U-Jay and welcome to the forum.

Did you have a duty solicitor present during your interview?

You wrote that you didn't contact anymore the police regarding your laptop and mobile.
It is the best thing you can do otherwise if you start to do so,they will think you have something to hide.
Your bail date is due the 14th but don't be disappointed if you can't get your belongings back and don't ask for them again.
Most of the times it take months or even longer to retrieve them.

Do you know why your ex suddenly did contact you ,wanted to see you again even though she has a new boyfriend.
Why did you have relations after arguing?

At the moment you should try to find out her motives to claim for rape(maybe revenge?)
Try to write as many details as you can about the development of your story until you were arrested by the police.
Can you get her emails back from someone else's computer.
Print screen them,copy them,keep them safe but don't give them to the police.

The police might have been friendly with you but remember "They are not your friends".
Sometimes they will make you at ease to trick you.

Try to remember everything,write,write,write while it is still fresh in your mind.

Hi yes it was a duty solicitor that I had. Regarding my ex all I can think of is she was probably missing me her family didn't want her seeing me again she wanted to be with me but I said no unless her family are happy with it as I didn't want to cause trouble we had sex about 2 months before that when she had a boyfriend so I really don't know why she is saying it was rape this time. I actually loved her that's why I still went back and saw her again and again but as our relationship was 80% sex it could be she was missing sex so she came back to me I just really don't know. I have made notes about the story I will remember it all like it was just yesterday. Liars eventually forget what they said and start changing stories so hers will eventually change. Im afraid the emails are gone I have noway of retrieving them. The biggest evidence would of been the car but they gave it back the same day.

[Boys don't cry]

U-Jay

If this girl missed you so much or something else from you ,I think she wouldn't have claim for rape.
You probably still have some feelings for her but you must forget about them and start to think about your defense.

You are perfectly right about "Liars eventually forget what they said and start changing stories so hers will eventually change",
but in the meantime you must be selfish.

Are you sure you can't retrieve these emails,aren't they in your trash box?

You wrote that the biggest evidence would have been from the car but the police will say exactly the same against you.

You must find out why she did this to you,write everything you can remember of,find some evidence and keep it to yourself.

Keep faith.

[lawlessone2009]

Let's not confuse issues here.

The bare facts are:

You met her under mutual terms.
You went shopping whilst YOU bought shoes.
You returned to your vehicle.
You journeyed to an area of reasonable quiteness/privacy.
You had foreplay/gave a massage.
You had sex.


If you've sat through an interview and given these facts to the Police then you have corroborated the entire scenario to the Police as far as both parties are most likely in agreement (you mentioned the copper let slip...).

The only area that remains open for contest is the one surrounding 'consent'. You're arguing that it was consensual and she is stating that it wasn't.

There is little point in them holding your car to gather 'evidence' unless the accuser has been viciously assaulted or similar (for signs of blood/quantities of blood etc). If you were stating that you never had sex then they would most likely have held the car and carried out forensics on it.

They will hold your phone and computer. They will analyse these and try to build up a picture of 'YOU'. These are personal items and can hold a lot of valuable information especially when it comes to dealing with individuals that the Police might not have a lot of information about. You may get them back in the future once whatever is going to happen, happens.

Whatever the Police are doing at the moment it is worth reading up on similar cases to your own. A court case surrounding the singular issue of consent is definitely not unheard off and indeed many individuals on here have found themselves in exactly the same situation. I am by no means implying that there will be a court case but it is a possibility that needs to be considered.

When you are recalling the incident and potentially writing everything down do so in extreme detail. Get as much information as possible into it as it is amazing what can potentially be missed simply through your mind currently being as it is. Things that may seem stupid or immaterial could be invaluable at a later date.

As for speculating as towards 'reason'. It could be something as simple as jealousy. She may have wanted to be with you desperately and you've 'used' her and left her feeling cheap and unwanted. She may have gotten a new boyfriend to see if it would raise jealousy in you? It really is difficult to ascertain exactly why people do things and my 'two pence' worth is merely to assist you in your own thoughts. I don't know you and I don't know your accuser so I am by no means positioned to judge. You may well have a fair idea as to her reasons.

Regardless of what happens with regards to your present circumstances you will forever after need to be careful towards other women. You are now going to find yourself questioning EVERYTHING when in the company of the opposite sex. You may become shy and withdrawn or angry and repulsive. Be aware that others are able to pick up on these signs! You will then be left to 'act' normal with limited success....... Basically, what I am saying is that mental damage is currently being done inside your head, be aware of it and do not be afraid to seek out help if it becomes over powering.

We're all here to help you in any way that we can. Don't be afraid to ask for help be it on here or in reality (parents/doctor/counsellor). You will most likely find that you are rebailed a few times before you find out if anythings actually going to happen. Use your time wisely and start with writing every single detail on a piece of paper and store it away out of everyones sight, add to it if fresh memories come to mind.

[u-jay]

I have been rebailed twice since then, the girl has withdrawn her statement she emailed me telling me she was going to withdraw it. I did not know this but she had recently gone to the police before she accused me, telling them that I did not leave her alone and she was worried about a sex tape we made, so when I went back last month they re interviewed me and asked questions about the sex tape. Officer was trying to pin it on me by saying I did this and I did that when he wasn't even close to what happened. They were trying to say I was forcing her to have sex with me as I had a hold on her with this sex tape. This was not the case I had kept the sex tape for myself I wouldn't want to show anyone me having sex with a girl. The officer was asking if the girl looks at the camera whilst having sex, I said we we aren't exactly going to wave at the camera whilst having sex. So i have been rebailed again till 11 march. They keep saying it can't go anywhere as the girl has withdrawn her statement but at the same time they are putting me through all this ****. The second time I was rebaioled the officer said the cps will look at the case, the third time I went back the officer said they haven't even sent anything off to the cps and now they said they will check the laptop and phone. I asked them if my bail date could be sooner like the 7th march as I am turning 21 on the 9th and we are having a family party, the officer said if she does it on the 7th there is a chance of rebail again so its on the 11th march instead but I can't see them doing much with 4 extra days

[Casehardened]

They were trying to say I was forcing her to have sex with me as I had a hold on her with this sex tape. This was not the case I had kept the sex tape for myself I wouldn't want to show anyone me having sex with a girl. The officer was asking if the girl looks at the camera whilst having sex, I said we we aren't exactly going to wave at the camera whilst having sex.

If the tape was made without your ex being aware she was being video'd, this is an offence in itself (though obviously considerably less serious than rape attracting possibly a community sentence) and no doubt this is what the officers are trying to establish.

As she is/was your partner I guess the taping was consensual, so if you are interviewed again it will be best to hold back on the smart answers and come up with some confirmation she was agreeable to being video'd.

[stressed out]

hello

good luck for the 11th march and hopefully you will hear a good news that case not going ahead. it will be a NFA
i am going back for my bail on 13th march. so fingers crossed.

[lawlessone2009]

You're far too young to be going through this hell!

Let's keep everything crossed that it is all over on the 11th.

If she's withdrawn the statement then the Police will be looking at why etc... If you get 'No Further Action' then I would seriously pursue 'No Crime' to put added pressure on the Police to charge your accuser with making a false allegation. It'll do you little good as you've already been damaged by the situation but it may stop your accuser from attempting to maliciously destroy other peoples lives in the future. What she has done is very serious and has lasting consequences even if she has decided to withdraw statements and forget about things... The tax money is spent and the mental anguish inflicted...

[myhome]

Fingers crossed police will see sense and throw this out on 11th ....