Very new to this....

[myhome]

lawlessone2009;34774].

Try not to dwell on the horror stories too much. I did the same in the beginning and it did me no favours. Everyone does it of course and it is extremely difficult to try and sooth out or provide remedies.

I've done this to the extent where I'm thinking I'm going to have to sell my home to pay for the defence - and I haven't even been charged with anything yet......

Your world falls apart Everything plays on the mind, everyday situations change... Over sensitization takes over. Add in the stress and uncertainty along with the feeling of powerlessness and it's a recipe for disaster.
It's all normal though.

Yes- that's all happened though no disaster - in fact on the positive side I no longer self-harm as when this is all over I don't want lasting scars to remind me.


Try to slow things down. You're in this for a while, sadly, so take your time. Relax a little and have some time out. Try and allocate an hour or two a day where you will read and read and read to your hearts content about the situation and the possibilities, pop on here, ask your questions at the end of it and then turn it all off. Watch TV, go for a walk, go to the gym, visit friends, do something else.

Thanks for this advice -I'm trying to keep on with my hobbies and using EFT when unwanted thoughts invade.

[Casehardened]

He's been traced to the other side of the world but they don't know which part of that country.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but as there is some alleged joint enterprise I suspect the CPS will want to see the transcript of an interview with your ex before deciding what to do, this meaning that you may have this hanging over your head for some time yet.

Different folks have different coping mechanisms, I found it helped a bit to get away, but the thoughts are never far away. Depending on what relationship there was/is with your accuser, working up anger against them may help, and planning a potential defence will give you a focus.

[myhome]

I know this isn't what you want to hear but as there is some alleged joint enterprise I suspect the CPS will want to see the transcript of an interview with your ex before deciding what to do, this meaning that you may have this hanging over your head for some time yet.

My solicitor has told me that my ex will be able to refuse to go voluntarily to a police interview in that country with no repercussions (it is a Commonwealth one), and that the police here will have to bring him back. They haven't even found him yet... I didn't even have to leave my own county to give my statement - (and I was only informed of it by letter). Does this mean extradition proceedings will have to start if he refuses to leave? How long does that all take? It all seems unbelievable for a set of false allegations.

[Casehardened]

I can't really second guess what action the police and CPS will take, except that in the interests of justice a statement should be obtained from your ex; he could provide an explanation and alibi for the accusations.

If your ex can't or won't be found then I imagine the allegations against him and the joint allegations will be disregarded and the CPS will apply the 'realistic prospect of conviction' rule to the allegations against yourself in deciding whether to take any further action.

[Rights Fighter]

People can be extradited......

[myhome]

I can't really second guess what action the police and CPS will take, except that in the interests of justice a statement should be obtained from your ex; he could provide an explanation and alibi for the accusations.

If your ex can't or won't be found then I imagine the allegations against him and the joint allegations will be disregarded and the CPS will apply the 'realistic prospect of conviction' rule to the allegations against yourself in deciding whether to take any further action.

Surely he doesn't need an alibi or explanation for the accusations as none of them ever took place, either by me or him or both of us - or do you mean that he will have to refute them as I have already?
If he isn't found, then what does "realistic prospect of conviction" rule mean?
And as they found me but not him, surely it can't be right legally that I "carry the can" for both of us? So if he can't be found that's the end of it for him?????????

[myhome]

People can be extradited......

OMG - how long could this take given that they can't even find him???

[Casehardened]

Surely he doesn't need an alibi or explanation for the accusations as none of them ever took place, either by me or him or both of us - or do you mean that he will have to refute them as I have already?

The CPS will make a decision as how to proceed based on the interviews/statements from all parties concerned. I'm sure you will appreciate that it wouldn't be right to make a decision based only on the evidence from the accuser. You wouldn't be able to make a statement on his behalf; this would be hearsay and not admissible (unless it benefited the prosecution)

If he isn't found, then what does "realistic prospect of conviction" rule mean?

Have a read through the guidelines, this will give you some idea.

http://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/c.../codetest.html

And as they found me but not him, surely it can't be right legally that I "carry the can" for both of us? So if he can't be found that's the end of it for him?????????

Not necessarily, I know of a recent case where the accused skipped abroad and was tried and convicted in his absence; the sentence being implemented when he eventually returned (I'm not of course implying that your ex has done this!)

(I've had to write this extra line as the system doesn't recognise that my reply is inside the quote)

[myhome]

suicide is not an option. It seems like the easiest thing to do but it isn't.

why not?????????

[Izzy]

I think that once the initial shock wears slightly off, you do keep going over everything in your head myhome.
You try and cover every eventuality and can drive yourself mad with it all, because you are second guessing everything and nothing is clear.
As already mentioned, it's all too easy to dwell on the horror stories - I did it when I first joined and it did me no good.
If you find it's affecting you, maybe you would be better to step back from the forum for a week or so

Your GP would be a help, if you are finding it all too much.

[lawlessone2009]

why not?????????

Because if you do that then this thread no longer gets updated and we're all left wondering what ever happened to you...


On a serious note, DON'T.

It seems an easy thing to consider but it is not an easy thing to do. Plenty of us on this forum have been exactly where you are and we're all still here. It's an immediate reaction to the situation and dies down over time. You can fight back against the system and win, the truth will only out if you're around to make sure it gets out!

[myhome]

[QUOTE=lawlessone2009;34810

On a serious note, DON'T.

It seems an easy thing to consider but it is not an easy thing to do. Plenty of us on this forum have been exactly where you are and we're all still here. It's an immediate reaction to the situation and dies down over time. You can fight back against the system and win, the truth will only out if you're around to make sure it gets out!

[/QUOTE]

That was the blackest night I've experienced. I even phoned friends to ensure they'd take the dogs for me, then wrote the note...spoke to the Out of Hours Community Mental Health Team duty CPN who has assured me that he will get the CMHT to contact me on Monday and ensure I see a replacement CPN if mine is not back from sick leave.... so I'm still here and have burned the note, looked into my dogs' eyes and know I couldn't do it to them.... Thank you for your support everyone....

[Rights Fighter]

MyHome said:

I've done this to the extent where I'm thinking I'm going to have to sell my home to pay for the defence - and I haven't even been charged with anything yet......

What makes you think you wll have to sell your own home to pay for a defence? You might be eligible for public funding.

http://www.justice.gov.uk/legal-aid/...ity-calculator

You may have to contirube towards it but I doubt you would have to sell your house.

However, as you've not yet been charged let's not go down that route just yet.

[So angry and hurt]

So hurt and angry

Message to myhome ;
BREATHE ................... you are in a safe place on this site, there are many people around you who know something about how you are feeling and we all feel for you! I think as with anything that is a shock and dreadful, your mind will keep taking you to a dark fearful place, but in time your Coping mechanism will kick in and hopefully then you can start to work on how to help yourself ,psychically , emotionally and practically. This will all take time which is what you have plenty of ,so, make the most of it ,use the time to find help and maybe do some voluntary work so you have others around you, spend time with people you love and trust and maybe write a diary ,because you will get stronger and as you do you will be able to help others in some way.
You know that you are innocent and who knows the reasons why people do the things they do but we all hold onto the hope that justice will be done ( even if it does take forever! )
Take care for now

[billykickass]

That is really great advice and i cant really add anymore, except i understand your emotions as i have been through them as well! You have to stay strong, the situation sucks but your life is NOT over so have some fun and take stock of the good times, things will get better i promise you.