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Falsely accused!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To start with, I have been falsely accused of rape. I promise you all from the depths of my soul that I did not rape the girl in question.
This is how it all unfolded,
I happened to know this girl through a good male friend(X) of mine. The girl was very friendly with me and so was I. In no time we shared a very good rapport and discussed a lot of things including very personal things, family issues, likes, dislikes, sexual preferences, interests etc. All this happened over a duration of three months over phone, email, IM, Facebook and we had never met in person as we hailed from different cities. We were flirting with each other, spending long hours talking on the phone, texting each other etc. She was equally friendly with my friend(X) and we formed a good trio. My friend X and she visited each other a couple of times. They were also seeing each other, or she had become his girlfriend, or despite just becoming his girlfriend she was also interested in me – the dynamics weren’t really clear. She kept flirting with me and asked me to visit her couple of times but I could not owing to my busy schedule as I was undergoing an important academic program.
One fine evening she surprises me by telling she is coming to see me for a day. I was excited and being our first meet I decided to gift her with something. After lot of deliberation decided to gift her with lin-ger-ie – something that signifies how close a rapport we shared. She did arrive in the morning and we planned for a really fun day. We were really close that day talking about everything (including X) and shared how much we missed each other because of living in different cities. We got pretty intimate that day and started kissing and smooching each other. I gave her the gift and she accepted with a naughty smile. We spent the rest of the day going out, shopping, eating, watching movies and shared intimate moments whenever we got emotional and shared private moments at every opportunity we had. After watching a movie late night we head home. She had come having decided to stay at my place that night before leaving the next day. It was her idea we get drunk that night at my place.[Yes, that’s true – she also does drugs, weed and cigs etc which I asked her to get away with].
We get drunk that night, were pretty intimate, cuddling and caressing each other and finally end up of having sex. When i asked her about protection she did not mind doing without it but asked me to be careful and withdraw in time to avoid pregnancy. Totally consensual, absolutely no resistance, with she taking the lead in many positions (I was a virgin, she wasn't). After having sex she felt like throwing up probably because of the street-food that we had that evening which might have got mixed with the drinks. I assist her to the wash room where she pukes and I help her in cleaning up. Then, we sleep together; I wake up early as she had to catch her train to Aberdeen (her city) back. I try waking her up and she’s too tired because of her travel the previous night and all the roaming and the day-out yesterday. She tells she wants to sleep for some more time, miss the train, spend another day with me and then leave the next day. However, I tell she go as she had her accountancy exams soon and also a pre booked, non cancellable ticket to Aberdeen and that we can meet soon again for her brother’s birthday in a couple of days or after she is done with her exams. After she is convinced, she reluctantly gets up and starts to get ready to leave. Everything was fine.
She confirms from me whether I had been careful to avoid pregnancy, I tell her, “I had taken care of, however, I am not too sure”.[Although I am very confident she would not have got pregnant as we hardly had penetrative sex]. Then she tells me she was in one of her most fertile periods and since I wasn’t too sure she said she would have to take precautionary pills before evening. She also tells me she is exactly in a similar state in which she was in before when she had sex with other partners (referring to my friend(X) and her previous boyfriend) where her partner was not sure if he had taken care to withdraw in time to avoid pregnancy.
Although she was not too worried about it as a pill by the evening would take care of everything.
We head to the train station and there when the train was just about to depart she hugs me and smooches me very passionately in front of everybody. We text each other and everything was fine for a day or two. After which she stops talking to me suddenly for no reason. I was a bit disturbed emotionally as she stopped talking to me but recovered from it. She was fine and continued talking well with her other friends including my friend(X). I asked updates from my friend(X) about her for a few days and then later stopped bothering. When she wasn’t interested in me even I am not interested in her is what I thought. However, I believed things would get normal with time.
I later get to know that my friend(X) and she were in a committed relation ship and nearly two and a half months later of that incident out of guilt or for being truthful in that relationship or whatever tells him that we had a sexual encounter, she did not consent, I got her drunk and had sex with her. She was obviously lying probably because she regretted our sexual encounter, for cheating on him or to cover up our consensual encounter. For the two months she would have been in a dilemma and finally decides to tell him before he comes to know of it from me as we were good friends. I did not tell him about our sexual encounter or the gift I gave her (instead told him I gifted her some perfume which both of us had mutually agreed upon to tell him in case he asks what I had gifted her on our first meeting) and hence he might have felt betrayed. Had I distanced myself from him after our encounter probably this would have never come to the fore. So, nearly three months after that incident one day my friend(X) confronts me in a fit of anger saying how I could do that to his girlfriend and what I had done amounts to RAPE!!!. He refuses to believe it happened in the heat of the moment keeping in mind the gift and her story that i got her drunk. All hell broke loose and I really began wondering if what I had done was rape. I know for sure that it was very consensual sex that we did.
He demanded an apology to her and that I never be seen to them again. Threatens to file charges but doesn’t and it’s highly unlikely they would now. However, I wish they file charges as I am quite confident that i can prove my innocence and come out clean. It’s been nearly a year and a half since then. Absolutely no contact with them. I have lost my self esteem and confidence. I am ruining my job, academics and personal life.
How do I deal with this situation? Help me get over this incident and move on in life.
I do not want to take the blame for something that I had not done.
I know the moral considerations of what I had done but, I had not committed any crime as she was also very willing and consenting and it happened in the heat of the moment. I wonder how she is bearing the guilt of falsely accusing a guy who she was such good friends with and having had such consensual sex with rape.
This is how it all unfolded,
I happened to know this girl through a good male friend(X) of mine. The girl was very friendly with me and so was I. In no time we shared a very good rapport and discussed a lot of things including very personal things, family issues, likes, dislikes, sexual preferences, interests etc. All this happened over a duration of three months over phone, email, IM, Facebook and we had never met in person as we hailed from different cities. We were flirting with each other, spending long hours talking on the phone, texting each other etc. She was equally friendly with my friend(X) and we formed a good trio. My friend X and she visited each other a couple of times. They were also seeing each other, or she had become his girlfriend, or despite just becoming his girlfriend she was also interested in me – the dynamics weren’t really clear. She kept flirting with me and asked me to visit her couple of times but I could not owing to my busy schedule as I was undergoing an important academic program.
One fine evening she surprises me by telling she is coming to see me for a day. I was excited and being our first meet I decided to gift her with something. After lot of deliberation decided to gift her with lin-ger-ie – something that signifies how close a rapport we shared. She did arrive in the morning and we planned for a really fun day. We were really close that day talking about everything (including X) and shared how much we missed each other because of living in different cities. We got pretty intimate that day and started kissing and smooching each other. I gave her the gift and she accepted with a naughty smile. We spent the rest of the day going out, shopping, eating, watching movies and shared intimate moments whenever we got emotional and shared private moments at every opportunity we had. After watching a movie late night we head home. She had come having decided to stay at my place that night before leaving the next day. It was her idea we get drunk that night at my place.[Yes, that’s true – she also does drugs, weed and cigs etc which I asked her to get away with].
We get drunk that night, were pretty intimate, cuddling and caressing each other and finally end up of having sex. When i asked her about protection she did not mind doing without it but asked me to be careful and withdraw in time to avoid pregnancy. Totally consensual, absolutely no resistance, with she taking the lead in many positions (I was a virgin, she wasn't). After having sex she felt like throwing up probably because of the street-food that we had that evening which might have got mixed with the drinks. I assist her to the wash room where she pukes and I help her in cleaning up. Then, we sleep together; I wake up early as she had to catch her train to Aberdeen (her city) back. I try waking her up and she’s too tired because of her travel the previous night and all the roaming and the day-out yesterday. She tells she wants to sleep for some more time, miss the train, spend another day with me and then leave the next day. However, I tell she go as she had her accountancy exams soon and also a pre booked, non cancellable ticket to Aberdeen and that we can meet soon again for her brother’s birthday in a couple of days or after she is done with her exams. After she is convinced, she reluctantly gets up and starts to get ready to leave. Everything was fine.
She confirms from me whether I had been careful to avoid pregnancy, I tell her, “I had taken care of, however, I am not too sure”.[Although I am very confident she would not have got pregnant as we hardly had penetrative sex]. Then she tells me she was in one of her most fertile periods and since I wasn’t too sure she said she would have to take precautionary pills before evening. She also tells me she is exactly in a similar state in which she was in before when she had sex with other partners (referring to my friend(X) and her previous boyfriend) where her partner was not sure if he had taken care to withdraw in time to avoid pregnancy.
Although she was not too worried about it as a pill by the evening would take care of everything.
We head to the train station and there when the train was just about to depart she hugs me and smooches me very passionately in front of everybody. We text each other and everything was fine for a day or two. After which she stops talking to me suddenly for no reason. I was a bit disturbed emotionally as she stopped talking to me but recovered from it. She was fine and continued talking well with her other friends including my friend(X). I asked updates from my friend(X) about her for a few days and then later stopped bothering. When she wasn’t interested in me even I am not interested in her is what I thought. However, I believed things would get normal with time.
I later get to know that my friend(X) and she were in a committed relation ship and nearly two and a half months later of that incident out of guilt or for being truthful in that relationship or whatever tells him that we had a sexual encounter, she did not consent, I got her drunk and had sex with her. She was obviously lying probably because she regretted our sexual encounter, for cheating on him or to cover up our consensual encounter. For the two months she would have been in a dilemma and finally decides to tell him before he comes to know of it from me as we were good friends. I did not tell him about our sexual encounter or the gift I gave her (instead told him I gifted her some perfume which both of us had mutually agreed upon to tell him in case he asks what I had gifted her on our first meeting) and hence he might have felt betrayed. Had I distanced myself from him after our encounter probably this would have never come to the fore. So, nearly three months after that incident one day my friend(X) confronts me in a fit of anger saying how I could do that to his girlfriend and what I had done amounts to RAPE!!!. He refuses to believe it happened in the heat of the moment keeping in mind the gift and her story that i got her drunk. All hell broke loose and I really began wondering if what I had done was rape. I know for sure that it was very consensual sex that we did.
He demanded an apology to her and that I never be seen to them again. Threatens to file charges but doesn’t and it’s highly unlikely they would now. However, I wish they file charges as I am quite confident that i can prove my innocence and come out clean. It’s been nearly a year and a half since then. Absolutely no contact with them. I have lost my self esteem and confidence. I am ruining my job, academics and personal life.
How do I deal with this situation? Help me get over this incident and move on in life.
I do not want to take the blame for something that I had not done.
I know the moral considerations of what I had done but, I had not committed any crime as she was also very willing and consenting and it happened in the heat of the moment. I wonder how she is bearing the guilt of falsely accusing a guy who she was such good friends with and having had such consensual sex with rape.
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