Charged with rape but innocent - please help with any advice you can give

[Rights Fighter]

I remember the judge using this direction in our case because R initially denied any direct contact with his accuser, and later changed his statement to say that he had touched her genitals. x

The Lucas direction should not be given when it relates to lies told to the wife or others outside of the police. Think about it- lots of women have genuinely been raped by married men or men who are in relationships. It would not expedite justice for real victims for a judge to direct the jury in such matters.

[Joan1978]

Saffron feel free to hijack away, its horrid for you and wish you wheren't on here but its nice to know i'm not alone..

I'm just going to have to deal with the questions and prepare myself for the worst least it wont be a shock then. I just know they will jump on the fact hes lied to me but i know why and its exactly like you say, they havent done anything so why would they think they would be charged and have to tell us??! Just thank god he was honest with the police, least thats something !!

RF thank you for the harsh questions you placed below, gives me an idea of what ill be faced with !! Frightening but hey ho its going to happen so no point hiding from it. My partner saw one solicitor you suggested yesterday and im sure he has a meeting tomorrow with chris saltrese, is he the one you work for???

x

[Rights Fighter]

I work for Chris yes.

The questions are not meant to be harsh - they are real and they are awkward questions that you must find answers for.

I cannot help you with those answers because I don't know them. Only you do.

You can only answer them honestly because, believe me, you will be put under the microscope and it really is not worth trying to lie. The truth does not change. Lies do. So do not try to cover for your husband - just tell the truth exactly as it is.

[Joan1978]

There is no other answer than the honest ones, i wouldn't lie for him especially in court.. If i thought for a second he may be capable of this i wouldn't stand by him but i dont, all i can do is tell the truth and answer all questions as honestly as possible. It doesn't look good he lied to me up to now but as someone said before innocent people do lie doesn't make them a rapist !!

The questions you gave though where useful as it gives me an idea of what i will be asked..

x

[Joan1978]

1st court appearance tomorrow urghhhh

Not been on for a few days as been trying to forget, clearly thats never going to happen !!! Had a hard time with emotions been all over the place, its a real roller coaster, one minute your up and the next your down and its so hard to get yourself back up to some normality isnt it..

Not really sure why im on hear as i have nothing useful to say to anyone and i'm rambling, just felt lost and didnt know what to do thought if i just sat feeling sorry for myself id make myself worse so came on here.

Hes got his first court appearance tomorrow at magistrates which i believe is really just a formality, im not going with him been told its best to keep it minimum so not to draw attention to it plus id probably make him feel worse been a dithering mess haha

Sorry for moaning, theres people in worse positions than me on here and my heart goes out to anyone who is going through this xx

[largactyl1]

Good luck for tomorrow. Don't ever think you are in the wrong place for talking about your worries and fears AND about how you are feeling. That's why we are here.

Kind regards
Jen

[LS]

That's what we're here for. No such thing as rambling.....

[Joan1978]

Thanks Jen and LS. Just so confused by eveyrthing, as a girl I just cannot fathom why you would put a man through a lie like accusing some1 of rape!!! Why goes on in there heads at all, wish they could come on here and see the pain and stress it causes x

[fighter]

Joan, thats a good idea not to come with him. Inside the court it will be very fast, maybe 5 minutes just confirming his identity. It is hard to be in the court also; I usually feel sad after it.

However, i do keep my partner company on the drive to the court; even looking for parking sometimes become a struggle like it should be stressed about some sort of absent mindedness. It helps also that he has company while waiting and I got to see his solicitor too. But really we are not needed there :-)

The court thing signals that this is happening to us so sending you lots of strength and courage for tomorrow. Be strong! lots of hugs to you.

[LS]

Yes, magistrates court hearings are usually lots of waiting and a 5 minute hearing. Not to be alarmist, but if he smokes don't hang around the entrance. Local journalists may try to get his pic if it's likely to be big news.

[Joan1978]

Thanks fighter, I was thinking I'd just get in the way so could wait in car just some company as I can't imagine its going to be much fun!!

Just think it will hit him tomorrow its actually happening and as I've said before he's had his head buried for so long,n only past few weeks he's started dealing with it all and he hasn't been doing well.

Having a very bad negative day, i can't wait for tomorrow and today will be over and I can start afresh and positive!!! X

[Joan1978]

LS that is very good advice, he does smoke but not normally a lot got a feeling that will be different tomorrow though!! Don't think it would be big news but you just never know so will tell him!! Thanks x

[RFLH]

I hope it goes quickly and smoothly for you.

[fighter]

Hi Joan, hopefully the solicitor will ask you to spend a day (it took us 8 hours) with him/her and go through the statements and explain the process to you and your husband. I remember we met our solicitor in between the magistrate and crown court hearing dates. So we feel much better going to the crown.

My partner also gave his statement against every statement and we gave other documents that would help establish his character as well as names of witnesses/character reference and we felt much better after doing this.

[Faith]

Joan, you are probably right that it will hit your husband tomorrow that this is truly happen but it could be in a positive way. It might well stir up some fight in him.
Standing up in any ind of court setting and hear charges put to you or even confirm your name, is intimidating, so he may need some TLC when he gets back.
It is just a formality at this stage but it's the first step of a daunting process, so your feelings are more than normal and definitely understanding.
Your hiatus from the forum is not a bad idea, sometimes a few days out to try and get on with life (as much as is humanely possible...which isn't much with this hanging over you admittedly) is very healthy but you are welcome back any day to whinge, moan, ramble or whatever.
We have all been there and many of us will continue to be there in similar situations. We are all going through something rotten but there is no league table of severity. Being hit by something lie this is a diabolical experience and a huge trauma. Don't think your situation is trivial because others are going through 'worse'

Take care tomorrow, you might have to play the strong one for hubby as he may well be shell shocked. That should wear off in a day or two and, like fighter says, the fighting spirit should come with a good meeting with your defence. This is fightable and you will surprise yourself with your strength.

Come on anytime...there'll always be someone to 'hear' you. Your husband is lucky to have someone so supportive by his side...you are a credit to the human race...and a nice reminder to those of us who were losing faith in humanity...particularly the female breed