Falsely Accused of Rape

[Zed]

Hello

I was recently falsely accused of raping my wife and also accused of assaulting my two beautiful children (the information was given to a third party by my wife & it was they who reported this to the police & I was arrested).

The charge of assaulting my children was bought up at the interview - not when I was arrested. I had a duty solicitor present at the interview.

As far as I can re-collect from the interview, no statement has been made by my wife & she is not willing to give one either....???

Since the accusation and night in a police cell, I have been released on bail. Trying to get my bail conditions changed. Have tried contacting the police no luck there. Contacted the duty solicitor - he has not called back (he was an agent of another firm). The duty solicitor that was supposed to be there has text me to say he will call me tomorrow (will update).

For two weeks it was all a daze. Could not fathom out what the motive was. I thought I was happily married. Had the odd argument - nothing major.

Thanks to LS, Shattered Husband, The Advocate and Quinnb for all their advise and information, I have been able to at least focus on the future and consider my next steps.

[Verity]

I wonder if there will ever come a day when I am no longer flabbergasted as to the depths a woman will sink to in order to fulfil a vindictive agenda against a man.

I am so ashamed of my gender and on behalf of all falsely accused males I will help them to fight the canker that is womanhood.

This and so many other cases sicken me to my stomach.

Enough is really enough.

[worrieddaughter]

here here

I'm with you Verity, i never knew how common these cases were, its disgusting. not only do women lie to get the accuser arrested but they continue with the lies and the act of 'victim' and watch innocent men and their families suffer
absolutely disgraceful
sorry for your ordeal zed how old are your children?

[Zed]

This was the original thread with replies

Two weeks ago I was arrested by the police. My wife accused me of raping her and assaulting my beautiful two children (both accusation are not true). I spent a night in a cell and was interviewed. At the interview I denied all charges (the charge of assaulting my children was bought up at the interview - not when I was arrested). I had a solicitor present at the interview.

Since then I have been in a complete daze. I have had to leave my family home (living with my parents 50 miles away from my children), cannot contact my children.

I thought everything was fine - happily married and then this bombshell out of the blue.

I had only been to a police station once (when I gave a statement regarding a car accident). I have never seen a prison or police cell in my life & was in total shock having spent a night in the cold police cell.

I do not know which way to turn. I have bail restrictions since I have been released.

I have mentioned all this to my work and they have been supportive so far.

I have no idea what to do now. Do I contact a solicitor now or do I wait till I report back at the police station? I called the police because I wanted to see my children, but they have said I need to get my bail conditions changed - how long that does take & how do I go about doing that?

My life has been turned on its head. I just sit at home thinking why, why, why? I cannot piece anything - it is like a big jigsaw puzzle with millions of pieces that I cannot make out.

I really need help - please can someone advise me. I have read through the forums and to be honest, I just cannot concentrate and reading everything is confusing me (think that has more to with my state of mind at the moment).

I am writing this and my eyes are streaming. This is a plea for help - please can someone help me or advise me?

Kind regards


************************************************** ********
LS


I've edited your post, as the public don't need to know what town you're living in. Be careful what you post here.

As you haven't been charged as yet - you're only on bail - a solicitor won't be of much help, due to little or no paperwork existing. Bail could go on for many many months, so be prepared. Certainly until you're charged a duty solicitor won't help, as they will not be funded, but nothing to stop you hiring one privately, though that's a choice only you can make.

You need to establish a motive for why she is doing this.

Unfortunately you are stuck in the loop many face, which is the waiting game for the charges to either be dropped (NFA - No Further Action) or to be charged.
You need to try to keep into a routine, talk to friends, anything to keep your mind off this. You're on a merry-go-round at the moment which you have no control over, so it's try to keep yourself together, essentially.


************************************************** *********

LS

To get your bail conditions changed, you need to enlist the help of a duty solicitor to apply to the Magistrates Court in your area, preferably the one in the area concerned.
However, do expect a rough ride. Sexual offences give the SS a chance to poke their noses in, and the best you may get are supervised visits.

************************************************** *******

QUINNB

Correct me if I am wrong but its the custody sergeant that sets and can change the bail conditions but you can only ask once. This is cuz u r on police bail not court bail. Have u any idea why she made allegations to establish her motive. And police least of your worrys long after they **** off you will have ss and cafcass involved and in their eyes u r guilty to proven innocent. My best advice is to keep your head down. Be whiter than white. Don't take drugs as u could be tested and stay off the radar. Think cand be prepared for the family court. It more than likely u will have to represent yourself unless u have several thousand pounds spare so start doing your research now..


************************************************** *****


THE ADVOCATE

As LS said, what is her motive for doing this? Are you going through / thinking of divorce at the moment? Have syou said anything to her about you getting cistody of the children? Is there another man involved? In short, it will really help you if you have a plausible explanation for her actions - it you don't have to prove it to be true, just plausible in the circumstances.

There is not a lot you can do until the police investigation is complete. However, and the police have to be seen to be fair, you may be able to get bail conditions changed by speaking to the investigating officer. How old are your children? If they are able to take care of themselves, ie 13 or 14 or older, there presumably shouldn't be an issue with them being by themselves with you, and the police may not have an objection to relaxing bail (especially if you see one or more together.) If they're 9 or 10, its more of an issue. Whilst the custody sergeant does set the bail conditions, if the investigating officer agrees to a relaxation, it's doubtful the custody sergeant will disagree. And don't pitch your demands too high!

Unfortunately, you are going to have to reconcile yourself to the fact that all agencies are going to err on the side of caution in letting you see the kids, even although its on no more 'evidence' than your wife's say so.

Also beware the civil actions. There are all sorts of orders she can apply for, which will probably be granted on the fact that you're on bail, and she says so.

And I'm sorry to be blunt. Your marriage is over. If you haven't seen a family lawyer for divorce to start, see one now. They will also be able to advise you on how to protect yourself from this onslaught, and how to protect yourself financially. Close all joint accounts immediately.

The waiting for the police to investigate is the worst part at the moment. You can however make yourself feel better by doing something, and being prepared on the civil law side. Fast forward to when the accusations are NFA'd. What do you want then? Where will your life be in a year's time, ideally? Concentrate on working towards that at the moment, and your screaming rage at not being able to do anything about the criminal allegations at the moment will be lessened.

Illegitimi non carborundum !!!


************************************************** ********

LS

I know the UK isn't like the US, where the police are happy to turn out to assist, but I can't believe they won't do so in this case.

It's hard enough as it is to get them away from their desks and doughnuts, but I would either get onto someone a bit more senior, and/or try to find a high street sol who would get this expedited via a magistrate if necessary.

************************************************** ********

SHATTERED HUSBAND

sorry I meant to reply to you yesterday but got delayed.

Your case is similar to mine in that we are both falsely accused of rape by my wife.

My arrest was in October and I remain on Police bail, so be prepared for a long slog.

the others are right the first task is working out why this has happened and it seems that you now have a possible motive.

I understand the mixed emotions related to this sort of allegation from a spouse. But you are right there can be no going back or the next allegation could be worse.

I got back home for 1 hour in the last five months to collect some things.

Again the police were not terribly keen to attend. Initially they said yes then no. They were worried that I might take things which my wife would then allege belonged to her.

Cannot see why a third party would be objected to. You could arrange for the wife to be out and one of her relatives to supervise the third party if she is concerned.

I will try to update again tomorrow as got to go.

Keep strong and you will get through this.

Best wishes
SH


************************************************** *********



THE ADVOCATE



Its good to see that you think that you've got a motive for her actions - don't worry about evidence for it. Some small part of her reasoning will make it entirely logical, but there will be a large gap in her reasoning which, if she'd thought about this, would have made her understand that she's now entered into a game with higher stakes than she could possibly have realised. In fact, someone has probably told her that her actions are a risk free gamble. This is totally wrong, as what she's done is akin to putting all her resources on one spin of the roulette wheel, which even if she wins this first spin, will tempt her to put it all on the one bet again. She only has to lose once to lose everything ....

You are now fighting on two fronts - the criminal law and the civil law. Your wife will have been advised by the criminal side - 'victim' support - as to how to to keep the pressure on you on the civil side. You have to be prepared, practically and psychologically for this.

Find out from friends, relatives etc who have been divorced who they recommend as a family law solicitor. Not just the ones who've acted for friends, but for the opoponents. My solicitor gets quite a number of recommendations from the side they've acted against. Its not just divorce you have to look at here- it's the money and the children, which are separate issues. In many ways the divorce part is an irrelevancy. So my recommendation is to get a list of 3 recommendations, see them all, and go with the one who you think is best. And I'd also recommend you do this as soon as possible - you lose nothing and gain vast amounts if she hits you with something suddenly.

You mention that you don't want to cause difficulties to her as it may affect the children. If you don't fight your corner, they'll grow up thinking that you're a rapist. She has already poisoned them by going to the police in the way that she did, and sadly the damage has already been done. How has she explained daddy's absence? It's far better that the truth comes out, and puts you in a position where you can support the children emotionally. First thing though, let them know that dad's alright, but just in the middle of a long argument with mum, which has nothing to do with both of your love for them. This can be greatly reassuring to them.

On the criminal side, what are your bail conditions? (and could someone knowledgeable please tell me if I'm not supposed to ask this - I appreciate anyone could be reading these forums.) I would imagine that one of them says something like "not to attend (your address) unless accompanied by a police officer". If not, put it on your list of bail conditions to change, by negotiation with the police. If another condition is "not to contact (your wife) in person or by telephone, email text or other means" you are quite at liberty to ask that she removes herself from the house before your visit. You can mention to the police that you're bringing a trusted third party with you, who will act as a witness to your behaviour.

And if you get a police officer who says the same as the one did to shattered husband, don't forget to mention in the nicest possible way that your wife has access to all your things, and you feel that there really is nothing stopping her from taking all your valuables and selling them for loose change. You may also wish to say that if she is prepared to pervert the course of justice (current tariff 3 years, 2 if she pleads guilty) you feel that she is quite prepared to to indulge in a little bit of theft, and could they please advise as to how you can prevent that?

And since Verity likes it, " Illegitimi non carborundum !!! "

[Zed]

Hi

Hello

Thank you for all your replies and comforting words.

My Kids are 7 and 9.

Just had the duty solicitor call me. He is going to get in contact with the police officer in charge and request a one off visit to the property in order for me to collect my stuff.

Things seem to be moving - ow ready to take one step at a time. Have spoke to some friends and they are shocked at the allegation yet very supportive. They have mentioned that my they can see from my upbringing that I would never commit a crime like this.

Thank you all for your support as well. This site is a god send.

Kind regards

[Zed]

Divorce

I really need to start thinking about divorce. I have done some research, and have found some information. Really need to get to grips with where i stand and what my rights are (if any)?

Anybody out there who has been through this and divorce, please could you educate me or at least inform me of some of the things I need to consider.

My case may not be straight forward & I could be hit by a tidal wave if I don't get things right.

Still waiting for my duty solicitor to get back to me regarding a one off visit to the property to get some stuff.

kind regards

[Shatteredhusband]

Zed, as you know I was falsely accused in October. Still on police bail. Bail date 8th April and been rebailed twice. I started the divorce ball rolling within one week of the false allegations. I have still not submitted the divorce petition as the solicitors suggested that I weigh up whether she try to add more allegations to muddy the water and whether it may be better to wait until the criminal investigation is concluded. So I have waited.

My wife is an alcoholic and has serious psychiatric problems.I have been through a real nightmare. SS have been difficult to handle. If you can get them on side it would help later on,but not entirely sure how the falsely accused likes can best overcome the prejudice we meet from them.

If my bail is extended again, I think that I will bite the bullet and go for the divorce, rather than wait any longer. I listed the false allegations in the divorce petition which has yet to be submitted. The advice is that during a finding of fact the judge will have to weigh the evidence as to whether any rape occurred. As this is a civil court the findings will be based upon balance of probability rather than beyond reasonable doubt. Take some advice on that one as there is a potential risk that the findings may be against you rather than in your favour. However my rationale was that if I did not introduce it, that she likely would.

I have three solicitors at the minute. It is up to you to consider whether you want a specialist in false allegations, if so you may wish to have a specialist in financial settlement and definitely one in family law. It would be simpler if these could be from the same firm but one of mine works for a different firm and I am happy with that, to get the right expertise.

Not sure what else to add but if you have Ny questions feel free to post them up and I am sure you will get some good advice. Someone else may be further along and provide more valuable insight into the timing and strategy for the divorce.

Keep strong, you will get through this. I thought my world had ended but I am now focused on getting through this and not allowing my wife to ruin my life and that of my son.

[Zed]

Hi shattered husband

Thanks for the advise - really appreciate it. I hope everything goes well for you - i really mean that.

I have been doing some research about solicitors, but it so hard to chose one or two. I need a solicitor who is experienced and won't cost me a fortune. Went to see a barrister and they said the family side of it will cost about £10,000.00 - I nearly fell of my chair. I am not rich and certainly cannot afford that amount.

The false accusation was bad enough, but the aftermath is a minefield.

Also, I have read that if I am NFA'd, she can make another false allegation whenever she wants - is that true? If that is the case, I am really worried.

I mean, If I do get access to my beautiful sons (who I miss loads), she can cause problems for me then as well as members of my immediate family. I get so depressed thinking about the kind of things she can falsely make up and get away with.

I thought I was getting better, but then thinking about these things I get all emotional and panic starts to set in.

I thought I would watch my kids grow up and I would be there for them at every step of their lives, never envisaged this. Would not wish this on my worst enemy.

I suffer, while she sits at home laughing and planning her next move - this is so unfair.

Sorry - I transgressed. I best stop writing - getting so tensed up at this.

Kind regards

Zed

[Shatteredhusband]

Zed,

yes you are right I shared some of thoughts over the months.

I too tell everyone that I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy.

Yes she can continue to make false allegations which is why I think that this needs to tested in a civil court if I am NFA'd. The finding of fact will say whether or not in the eyes of the law the false rape allegation has been shown to be false. I think this finding will not stop them investigating later allegations but may make them easier to deal with.

I believe that one day the truth will prevail and that I will obtain residency for my son. If you can turn this situation around in 6-12 months you may be able to show that she has lied and may be in a strong position to fight for your children. You are in the worst part right now. The aftershock from the arrest and false allegations. It seems so bleak but with time you will get some fighting spirit back in you and get strong and focused so that you can challenge what is happening to you.

Stay strong and keep in touch
SH

[the advocate]

Zed

There is absolutely no harm in assuming that she is going to make further false allegations. Your response to this, of course is “why didn’t she make them at the time she made the first set of allegations, if they were also as true as she alleges?” In your shoes, I wouldn’t worry about any more false allegations as rape of her and assault of your children mean that anything else is relatively minor, and when her initial allegations are NFA’d, it’s quite easy for you to tell all and sundry that anything else is just her further attempts to lie, as the previous lies were seen for what they were. In effect, she’s now done the worst she possibly can do to you, and nothing else can really matter. If she persists in maintaining the false allegations and anything else in front of social workers, CAFCASS etc, just maintain your stance that it’s all a load of lies and they will take this into account.

Shattered husband makes a valid point re findings of fact, and that it is on the balance of probabilities rather than proof beyond reasonable doubt, but this is something that you should assess with your solicitor in the light of what she has alleged to the police. If she does call for a finding of fact, your barrister does have the right to cross examine, which is a wonderful opportunity to prove what a load of old ******** she is coming up with. That no findings of fact were made in relation to her case is very strong proof that you are not guilty, because its on the balance of probabilities.

There are three parts to the civil side –the divorce itself, provisions for the children and provisions for the split of the matrimonial assets. In many ways the divorce is the easiest part, so I’ll mention this first.

Shattered husband has given very sensible advice about false allegations in the divorce petition. The other side of the coin to his view is that if you view the allegations as false, there is nothing to stop you putting these in the divorce petition (as any reasonable person would view false allegations of matrimonial rate as unreasonable behaviour!). You’ll also need a few other examples of unreasonable behaviour but your solicitor can give you the necessary guidance on this. Depending if you wish to gain the initiative against your wife, there is nothing to stop you submitting the petition before you are NFA’d, and it may even be a bit of a shock to her if you do this. The choice, as they say, is yours obviously having talked it over with your solicitor. By the way, it’s probably worthwhile getting a solicitor who specializes in family law to do the divorce, kids and money. How much your wife wants to fight will dictate the costs, and if she wants to fight you should regard £10,000 as exceedingly cheap. However, I’d also advise that you get control of all the matrimonial funds, as this will give you a bit of scope before there is any final decision on the money side.

The main driver which you have to decide about before really doing anything is what you want to happen to the kids. If you want custody of the kids, you should be prepared to make an application for of this at the same time as you submit the divorce papers. You will have to decide what you think the kids will want and also what you are capable of providing, and take it from there. The two extremes are that she has them fulltime and you see them occasionally, or you have them fulltime and she sees them occasionally, and there are vast possibilities in between. The courts will decide on custody on what is in the best interests of the children, with the interests of the parents, quite rightly, being ignored. If cost is an issue, you can be a litigant in person, and the organisation “families need fathers” can help in providing experienced but unqualified help in preparing and arguing your case in court. FNF can also provide moral and emotional support for you during the ordeal of children act proceedings.

Money will then be sorted once an agreement is reached (or an order made, if no agreement can be reached) on the children. Be aware that there are various factors such as length of marriage and ages of the children which come into play, but the whole principle is on “no fault” and the interests of the children again are paramount. If there is a custody battle and a money battle, it could take up to 18 months to get sorted out. Unfortunately there’s no easy answer. What actually will happen with the money depends entirely on the facts of each case, but your solicitor can guide you when you disclose about house, mortgages, etc and yours and her income.

[Shatteredhusband]

Excellent explanation and advice from the Advocate.

Hope you are coping Ok at the minute Zed.

[Zed]

Hello

Thanks Advocate for the excellent advise - it has really helped - thank you.

Spoke to my duty solicitor on Friday (he eventually called me back). He is going to ask the investigating officer for a one off visit to the property in order for me to gather some belongings.

Not heard back yet - will give him till Wednesday & chase this up.

Your right I need to get a solicitor and see what happens. There are a few things I need to clarify, not sure if I can post on the forum - will see if I can find anything on the internet.

At this moment in time I have no finances what so ever. Therefore, it is difficult for me to pay for solicitors etc etc. Will contact FNF & see what advise I can get from them.

Shatteredhusband, I doing okay - thanks for asking. How are you?

The emotional roller coaster I knew would come, but never expected the emotions to change several times during the day..........Trying to keep myself busy at work, but sometimes just forget what I am saying half way through a sentence & start thinking of this issue.

Thank you all for your advise and support.

kind regards

[Shatteredhusband]

Zed, I know where you are emotionally and unfortunately you will probably take some time for things to stabilise, but I know that you will get there.

Thanks for asking how I am doing. I am definitely a lot better now than I was a few months ago.

[the advocate]

Zed

One other thing I should mention, especially with family law on the civil side, is that its very compartmentalised. By this I mean that if you raise an action (or an action is raised against you) for one specific point, it might not cover other areas you think it would, and you either have to get the other point included in that action, or raise a separate action alongside.

So if, for example, you raise a residence order for your kids to live with you, and they are currently living in the old matrimonial home. You win the residence order, but this doesn't give you the right to move back in to the old home, as you have to raise a separate occupation order in order to move back in with them.

I know it sounds stupid but its worthwhile being prepared, and explaining all your plans to your solicitor.

All the best to you and to Shatteredhusband !

[Zed]

Thanks for the advise Advocate.

Advocate, hope you don't mind me asking? Were you accused as well and are you in the legal profession?


One thing I remember (things are coming back slowly). At the interview the officer stated the date the alleged offense occurred. On that date, i was not at the matrimonial property where the alleged offense took place and mentioned this in the interview.

The police officer called my witness who confirmed that i was with him and another friend on that day.

I have read on the internet that the police can change dates if they want to i.e. say that the offense occurred around about that date or change the dates completely. Is this true?

Also, as the offense was reported by a third person, I was told at the interview that at the time my wife had not made a statement & was not willing to get involved (am I allowed to mention this on here)?

The duty solicitor stated after the interview that it looks like the offense will be dropped...............not so sure about this. Why is it taking so long for the police to make a decision? Surely, they must have some sort of idea?

Today was not so bad - kept myself busy at work. Not told my parents or other members of the family yet - they will be devastated when they find out. A few friends know and have been supportive, but they don't know much about the legal system.

It's good to come here and read through the forums, it gives me a good overview of things to come and also the support here is brilliant. I applaud you all.

kind regards